My profile

I am 36 years old and trying to have my first child. I didn't intend to wait so long for my family but it took me a long time to find the right guy, and i'm so lucky that I waited for the person I am with now because he's fantastic and I love him to bits.

We decided to try for a baby at the beginning of this year and were both so happy when after a few months I found out i was expecting. I couldn't believe it was true, so many of my friends have had so many problems just getting pregnant. However it was too good to be true and although everything looked like it was going normally at 10.5 weeks I had a tiny amount of blood. I would almost have ignored it as I had no cramps but went to get it checked out and there was no fetus and the sac had collapsed.

I had the D&C a few days later, which in itself went fine but i was heartbroken. I've told myself all the things you hear but still hurts. I've had a few moments when it seems everywhere I look is a pregnant woman and I feel so sad and that it isn't fair but as DH tells me, you don't know how hard it might have been for each of those women to get pregnant, and I really don't begrudge them their happiness.

Now waiting for AF to come so we can start all over again. i feel like I hit the snake at the top of the snakes and ladders game and I'm back on square one.