7/4/08

As tired as I am, my behind needs to be sleeping!

Anyways...Mati is doing well. She is a preemie so she has to eat about every 3 hrs-even if I have to wake her. She is about 6lbs now at three and a half weeks and such a blessing. All she really does is eat, sleep, and poop. All I really do is hold her, clean her, and feed her. The doc said we should stay away from big parties and such for about 12wks (i think b/c she is a preemie), so I am not going to the July 4th celebrations her in Philly. It's a shame because the one thing Philly does right is 4th of July. Anyway, things are pretty quite, someone will bring me a plate from their BBQ celebration and my hubby is at work. Life is good...God is great. Hope you all are doing well. XOXO Tami

6/16/2008-- 0 wks, 0 days til delivery

NO LONGER PREGNANT! Delivered Matison on 6/11.

I have to start off by saying God has been so good to me and my family.

On 6/9 I went to see my fetal specialist and it was determined that the baby had not grown since last month. My doctor ordered two days hospitalization and delivery on 6/11.

I couldn't help but think the worst in the two days prior to delivery. I have had so many complications 1)bleeding from week 8-17, 2)preterm contractions at 22wks, 3)positive quad screen for Trisomy 18, 4)bedrest from 23wks, 5) 13cm fibroid....Whew...

Anyways...the biggest issue of them all was the size of the firbroid and the positive quad screen. The fibroid had the potential to make the "environment" difficult for the fetus to compete for nutrients. The Trisomy was the more serious of the two, in that Trisomy 18 is a fatal chromosonal defect.

Fast forward to delivery...I was induced on 6/11 (not gonna comment on how that felt), and six hours later Matison was delivered via emergency C-section. Long story short-it was not Trisomy that had stunted her growth in the 3rd trimester, it was that 2 huge fibroids and a short umbililical cord. Also the umbilical cord was split and implanted in two, so that robbed the LO of some good nutrients to grow.

Anyways-she is tiny, but so cute. She is in good health, but had to stay in the NICU (still there), until she regulates her body temperature better. She has very little "brown fat". That's that fat that makes babies chubby. She is doing well and hopefully will be home by week's end (say a prayer).

This was a stressful pregnancy and I cried many buckets of tears. I just wanted my baby and I prayed and prayed... I have to thank God for just keeping me sane and faithful.

I also would like to thank all you I-am-pregant gals ESPECIALLY FABFORTY for her kindness and positivity. You ladies are awesome and certainly heaven sent!

What a testimony to the goodness of God! THank you and God Bless you and your babies....


Tami

June 9, 2008 (35wks, 4 days)

Went to my montly ultrasound appointment today, and got some news.

The good news. Looks like baby is coming early...THIS WED. My impatience has finally paid off...LOL

The not so good news...the baby hasn't grown much since last month (only 4lbs, 9 oz). This could be a result of Trisomy 18--which we never confirmed via amnio. They doctor is not sure what could be causing this delay in growth since the placenta looks wonderful. Could it be the fibroid?...Not sure...that's why it's time for baby to come on out.

It's so stressful and I am scared to death. Either way...we'll know what God's plan is by Wed. I am currently hospitalized and they are inducing labor for Wed. Now's the time to stand on faith, prayer, and trust in God.

I have considered the worst and in some ways I am at peace. It would suck and I am not sure what drug they will have to give me (or INVENT) to peel me off of the floor if my baby is diagnosed as terminal, but I do know it's out my hands. It's the most powerless I have ever felt. In another way, it's kinda of a relief. I don't have to do anything and none of this is my fault. It just is what it is...

I know that this kid is awesome and a trooper, so I've just got to hold on. I am counting on a glorious testimony about the goodness, grace, and mercy of God in the days to come.

For now take care of you and baby. Please remember our babies in your prayers and I hope to update ya with some great news in the next 48-72hrs!

God Bless and thanks for all the support...Tami

PS this poor woman next door has been in agonizing labor for hours. I just heard her give a last push and I just heard the baby crying. See... God just made a miracle happen a second ago, hopefully he's got one on tap for me! xoxox

June 2, 2008 (34wks, 4days)

Hallelujah...Almost 35 weeks! There was a time when I wasn't sure if I'd make it to 24 wks. I am so thankful. So far baby is good. S/he keeps failing the non-stress test, but seems to always pass the follow up biophysical ultrasound test. I can't figure this kid out, but I vowed to stop worrying. The devil is a liar and my faith will not be shaken.

I am so excited, but I HAVE to STOP wishing the baby comes early. I know that's not what I really want--I am just to psyched to meet my baby. It's a test of patience, so I am going to try to enjoy these last few weeks of "freedom". I think I am gonna schedule a mani and pedi for this week to relax. At some point I will stop talking about packing my hospital bag and actually DO IT! I also wanted to write my husband a letter and hide it in the house for him to retrieve while I am hospitalized. Not even sure what I want the letter to say yet, but I think it will be kinda cool to send him on this treasure hunt to find this "hidden letter" while me and baby are in hospital. We'll see... Once again, that's providing I actually get off my rusty dusty and make it happen. Oh well...got another nonstress test tomorrow...we'll see if baby is feeling cooperative or not. We'll see...

May 13, 2008 (31wks, 5 days)

Praise the Lord! My appointment went very well. So far, there is no need for a planned C-section. the Perinatalist said that the baby is a little small (3lbs, 10oz), but there's no need to be alarmed. I start my non-stress test this Friday. I need to call my OB and find out why she suggested this. The Perinatalist, didn't seem to think it was really necessary, but scheduled me for these once a week for the rest of the pregnancy. So looks like baby will be here in a max of 8 weeks. That's kinda cool. We talked about the Trisomy 18 again, and the doc stressed the fact that I had only a 2% risk and there were no indications that this baby had the "physical" traits at this point. We just gotta keep prayin. God is good!

Mother's Day was great. It was cool being a Mom(to-be) for the first time. Hope your Mother's Day went well too!

May 5, 2008--30wks, 4days

Happy Cinco de Mayo! Hubby and I usually celebrate Cinco de Mayo at our favorite Mexican restaurant. Not this year-he's at work and I am 30 wks preggers. Well if there was ever a reason to miss cinco de Mayo-- awaiting my "little blessing" is the GREATEST reason of all!

I am getting so bored with this bedrest. The worst is the farther along I get, the more I really need to stay still. My belly is so heavy and I can feel the fibroid pain when I move. It is what it is. Just a small sacrafice for a HUGE reward.Just can't wait for my LO to arrive healthy and happy (by the Grace of God). My next ultrasound is May 12...praying for all GOOD news and smooth sailing. My prepared childbirth class is this weekend. It should be interesting. Take care and Blessing to all.

April 29, 2008--29wk, 5 days

Shower was this weekend...everything was great. Lots of people and gifts. I am so thankful and continue to be prayerful for the LO inside me. A friend on another message board just received amino confirmation that her baby DOES have Trisomy 18. Please pray her her and her baby. And if you've got an extra moment pray for your baby and mine. Thanks for the love. Here are some shower pics...(It was a surprise shower)

April 23,2008--28 wks,6days

Ok...I finally got tired of posting from the bottom. Now it'll be easier to read updates at the top the page. Anyway,I am so thankful for my baby. I thank God for the blessing of motherhood. I never knew how great it would be to carry a child, but I am so proud. Today I realized that my baby shower might be this weekend. I went out and bought some "thank you gifts" for my close friends and family that have helped me out while on bed rest.I bought crystal baby shoes(www.cruisenfavors.com) and I went by the Lenox Warehouse and bought my sister, mom/dad and in laws, beautiful figurines. I am so excited. God please keep my baby safe and healthy. I can't wait to meet him/her.Here a few of the things I bought...So much fun.

Crystal Baby shoes ( www.cruisenfavors.com)

Nov, 2007

I am currently 7 weeks preggers and could not feel more blessed. I had my first doctor's visit a few weeks ago and found out I had a 10cm fibroid (now its 13 cm). I am staying prayerful...doc scared me a little when he mentioned preterm labor and pain from the fibroid. My earliest scare was around 5 weeks. I had an u/s and they saw nothing, but a sac and a huge fibroid. I was scared to death, but I was delighted a week later when I went and saw that wonderful little flicker on the u/s last Monday.

12/12/2007- 8 weeks, 6 days

Had quite a scare last night 12/11. I went to Barnes and Noble and noticed I had to go to the bathroom, but something was off. I almost fell over when I discovered that the "wetness" I felt was actually blood. I managed to get myself together enough to leave the store without being totally hysterical. By the time I got to my car I was blathering with tears and trying to call my husband... All I could say when he answered was "I think I lost it".

I drove to the ER and sat at the reception desk in tears, trying to explain what had happened. The ER was packed for some odd reason and the demand for ultrasounds was overwhelming, so I was not seen for about 5 hrs. Finally they took me back to a bed and the u/s tech saw me around midnight. I couldn't even look at the screen...It wasn't until my husband started smiling that I took my first real breathe. The tech saw the fetus and said the heart was beating at about 180 bpm. I thanked God a billion times!

I can only equate the feeling I had to what it must be like for a mother to not know where her child is. You've heard the stories where a kid has wandered off at an amusement park and the mother is hysterical because she doesn't know where her child is, if they are ok, and if they'll ever see one another. That's what I felt in the ER....waiting...not knowing. It was the worst feeling.

THankfully, this had a happy ending. The docs believe it could have been my fibroid. I think it STRESS. I am just praying for the safety of this pregnancy, delivery and baby.

12/16/2007--9wks, 3 days

Last night was a nightmare--AGAIN! Well it was around 12am when I noticed a familar feeling of "wetness". I checked and again I was bleeding. I called my doc and was told to go to the ER again because it was a Saturday and would be torture to wait until Monday. The bloodwork was done and the u/s showed baby kicking away and the heartbeat pounding. I was pleased and thankful, but very concerned. I was told that I had a implantation hemmorage that was causing the bleeding. They said it could be aggrevated by my fibroid and my level of stress (I know stress is a big factor because my husband is being ultra selfish and inconsiderate...oddly enough I started bleeding about 20 mins after a stupid argument with him--much like the first time I went to the ER). They also said it should seal itself off and I should take it easy in the meanwhile. We finally left the ER around 6am...

Today I am feeling rather icky. Mostly because I am concerned and really want this pregnancy to be successful. I am still very pissy at my husband and the thought of work next week is numbing. I wish I could just take it easy. I wish that this pregnancy was smooth and easy. I will continue to count my blessings. The Lord has been good to me and this child. I am so proud to carry new life and pray that it is His will for this to continue successfully, without any real complications, and with the birth of a happy and healthy child. On a side note, I'm changing my OB ASAP. I do not care for the inconsistency in repsonses. I STILL have this 2 month cold, baterial infection, or whatever it is and they have not given me a consistent response as to how it is best to handle this. Also, it was a doc on call who told me about the hemmorage, my reg doc never mentioned it. It's just way too unprofessional for my tastes...We'll see.

December 17, 2007 9 w, 4 days

Okay--I went to see the OB today. I had a list of questions that she answered to my satisifaction. My next appointment with her is on Jan 10th. In the meantime, I am checking out a new OB and that appointment is Jan 14th. I feel pretty good about the way things went today, but I still think it might be helpful to see another doctor for my own peace of mind. My current doctor's bedside manner is okay, but I want to feel really comfortable if possible. We'll just have to wait and see.

She said my bleeding is subchorionic bleeding and is quite common (let me know if you've ever experienced this). It may repair itself and stop, or I could be one of the "lucky ones" (insert sarcasim here) that bleeds the entire time. I am praying for the former, rather than the latter. My fibroid is still around 13 cm and causing me a little mental angst, but I have to stop this mess and have faith. The devil is busy and always wants to pour negativity into your life. I am so happy about this baby, but plagued with worry. That's not right...God's will is set. I have got to start thinking positive even in the presence of "real or imagined" adversity.

God forbid I m/c, it will be HIS plan. And my God doesn't make any mistakes. I don't believe that will be the case. I will continue to pray for my pregnancy, marriage, and birth of this first child. I want to thank all you awesome ladies who have been sooooo supportive. I promise to stay positive and hope that I can one day put a smile on your face, like you have put one on mine. Thank God for my baby and YOURS!

December 19, 2007 9w, 6days

I had a heavier bleeding episode yesterday at work and I freaked out. I called the doc ofc and spoke with one of the partners. This doc told me to "take it easy"...no exercise, intercourse, or heavy lifting. This was interesting because my doc had told me LESS than 24hrs before that exercise and intercourse were just fine and there was no need for me to consider bed rest . I was so annoyed...I hate the inconsistency at that ofc. I really can't wait to change my doctor.

I came home talked to my DH and he called the OB ofc to find out if bed rest was a good idea. The doc said it would be a good idea for me to take a few days off. So there it was...bed rest. I don't mind. I hate this bleeding and he said that the bleeding may stop in a few days. I am hoping this helps. I just thank God for my little blessing and pray that everything is okay. Week 10 here we come, baby!!!!!!!!

December 27, 2007 --11weeks, 0 days

Hey all. Hope you all had a fantastic holiday. It's been relatively quite around here. I still have some light spotting, but nothing like the bleeding that sent me running to the ER. I am really excited to be 11 weeks today. I am just trying to stay positive and prayerful. I have been experiencing a little pain. I really think it's the pressure of the fibroid. I just keep thinking...God is more powerful than this fibroid. If it's between God and the fibroid...I know that's an EASY WIN for God. Hoping your New Year bring's you beautiful babies and NOTHING but smooth sailing. My next OB appointment will be on 1/10...I hope they order an u/s, but if they don't I will request it because of the pain I sometimes experience. My first appointment with my new OB is on 1/14. It'll be a little uncomfortable because the Ob's are out of the same hospital. We'll see...but on good things from here on out. Blessing to all!!!!!

12/31/2007 11 weeks, 4 days

Let's give ya the short version....Back in ER as of 12/29...very heavy bleeding and pain. Doc said that bedrest was only option until my Ob sees me. My OB ofc is closed until Jan 3rd. Baby still wonderful (praise the Lord), grew so much since last u/s/ Heartbeat was great. ER doc seemed like he was concerned about what my OB was or was not telling me about potential risks and concerns. I told him I was equally concerned and had decided to switch docs as a result.

So at home on bed rest. Somewhat hard, but doable. I am leaving for church (New Years Eve service) in a few minutes. I have been on an emotional roller coaster. I passed a small clot today. I didn't even bother with the ER again. It's in God's hands. I have to practice my faith. I know this pregnancy and baby will be healthy and normal. The devil is a liar. I started bleeding pretty heavy again right when I was getting ready for chruch. I know it's Satan who wants me to fail in my faith.I will not let him ruin my faith. I thank God for every cramp, clot, visit to the ER, tears, and stress. He will have the victory. So I guess in my last post for 2007 all I have to say is, " Satan...get behind me...The Lord has been good to me and my family...praise HIM".

For all of you lovely ladies out there...I send my blessing for you, your families, and of course all of our babies. Thank you all for your love and support. Nothing but the blood of Jesus can unite so many strangers across the world and provide the kind of love that you all have demonstrated. Thank you and God Bless.

HAPPY NEW YEAR....It's gonna be GREAT IN 08!!!

xoxoxo Tami and baby

1/16/2008 13w, 6days

Well...I went to see my new doc on Monday and it was great. She is easy to talk to and even without my records she was able to give me info about my "situation". She had a light, but professional demeanor and didn't as if every question I asked was a waste of her time. She seemed very candid as well. She wants me to follow up with the high risk docs so they can watch the growth of the fetus with serial ultrasounds. SHE believes I may have to go on bedrest, but will come up with a reccommendation based on the high risk report. It's funny because the experience with her was totally different that at my other doctor's ofc. She spent about 15 mins trying to get the heartbeat on the dopplar (vs the 3-4 mins my other doc tried). She also said she wants to see me every two weeks, not once every 5 weeks as my other doc wanted. She joked that she could tell that I was trouble and wanted to keep a close eye on me. She was really nice and made me feel the best I have felt since going to see the OB. I am actually looking forward to seeing her again. I prayed before switching docs and it's just proof--"God hears all prayers". I actually have only had light bleeding/spotting since going to see the new doc. I am praying that that episode is over and its just me, baby and fibroid. The high risk group cannot see me until 2/18 which seem like a long time for me. I will call my doc ofc tomorrow to see if that date is okay. She seemed like she wanted me to be seen in the next two weeks or so.

So for right now...things are good. Thank God. I am tired and my tummy is chunky as ever, but I think I see the light at the end of the tunnel. Did I mention God is good. Hope you all are doing well too!

1/18/08 (new EDD 7/10/08) 15wks, 1 day

UPDATE: Spoke with new doc yesterday and my due date is moved up about a week. So right now I am at about 15 weeks and 1 day. It's a rough estimate, but kinda cool to jump ahead.

Fun Birthday Facts

Your baby's birthstone will be Ruby (Contentment) Your baby's Astrological Sign will be Cancer Your baby's Flower is Larkspur or Water_Lily (Green, Russet and Red ) Your baby will be born in the Chinese Year of The Rat This time next year your baby will be 28 Weeks Old! Your baby will start kindergarten in 2013, be old enough to drive a car in 2024, finish high school in 2026, and will graduate from college with the class of 2030, give or take a year. Can you imagine? The Cancer Baby June 22 - July 22 Planet - Moon Element - Water Provided by Astrology.com As a Water sign, the Cancer baby is likely to be more emotional than most. In a word: tears! This baby will probably cry a fair bit, so holding and touching are of paramount importance -- really anything to achieve comfort. Along these lines, this is a baby who needs to feel secure and will easily pick up any bad vibes in the household. Therefore, arguing in the presence of this child should be kept to a minimum. Family is very important to the Cancer baby, as is nurturing. As Cancer is the sign of the Mother, the elements of nurturing, family, and mood swings (think sensitivity and emotions) are highlighted. Also, because Cancer is the sign of Memory, the Cancer baby will retain memories from the past, both good and bad. This is a child who could get lost in the supermarket for two minutes and forever remember it as a sign of rejection from the mother! For this reason and others, this tot needs to be made to feel secure, especially within the family unit (family will always be more important to the Cancer baby than friends). The somewhat reticent Cancer baby will nonetheless surprise Mom and Dad by being fussy about food, so be sure to please that palate! To sum up, the Cancer baby is familial, must feel protected, and with any kind of luck, will learn to swim like a fish!

1/20/08 15w, 3days

I just have to say. I was reading over a comment left by "thankspapi" and I just could not help to become humbled by the presence of God from all of YOU wonderful women on this board. Do you realize how much we really care about each other's situations and we are pretty much complete strangers? If that ain't that power of the Lord than I don't know what else to say.

You all are a true blessing. I have had the opportunity to share my experience with complete strangers and the words of encouragement and prayers are humbling. I have never cared so much, prayed so much, or worried so much for a group of people that I barely knew. It is amazing how God can bring people into our lives, if only for a season, for us to bless and to bless us. The complications that I am having have been a blessing in that, it has brought me even closer to HIM and allowed me to identify with so many strangers that I otherwise would have little or nothing in common with. That's what it's all about isn't it? Being a blessing in someone life...not expecting a pat on the back, but genuinely caring for God's children? Thank you so much for the support and caring. I had another rough Saturday with the "gushing bleeding". But I will not doubt God's power and strength. I belive, I just need to keep praying that God will help my "unbelief".Back to bed for now...

2/1/2008 17w, 2days

I need to ask for prayers for my little one...

The short version--My quad screen test detected a positive for Trisomy 18. Apparently this is some sort of chromosomal defect that happens sometimes. The jist of it is that the I will probably need an amniocentesis to confirm if my child does or does not have this defect. Unfortunately, it is mostly a fatal defect. The risks include stillbirth, infant fatality within the first week, or year after birth.

The doctor said statistically my child rated at a 1/48 chance of having this defect and further ultrasounds and an amnio needed to be done to confirm. I think I felt my heartbreak...

I am religious, I know that God is in control from beginning to end and will accept HIS Will, but any prayers that you can send for little Matison or Byron III, would be a HUGE blessing. After such a trying experience with my large fibroid and bleeding--this was heartbreaking news, but I will remain prayerful and faithful for my little one.

Thanks in advance...
Tami

2/22/2008 20wks, 1 day

OMG---I can't believe I am at 20 weeks. God is sooooo good! I have been away for a while which I think is a good thing. My stress levels have started to mellow and I am so glad.

My husband and I decided that the amnio was not needed since we have no intention of termination. We went for our level 2 ultrasound around 17 wks and it was a little too early for the perinatalist to see all the markers for Trisomy 18 in the baby's anatomy, but from what they could see--baby looked perfectly fine. We spoke with a genetic counselor that explained what it was and its dire outcomes--all of which end up in fetal/ or infant death. The counselor said that the only sure way to know if the baby had this defect was to do an amnio. We are leaving it in God's hands. If he decides that now is not the time for this life than HE will terminate the life of our child. We are unwilling and unable to make a choice like that. I pray that is not the case, but I will submit to his will. I will say that mother's intution tells me that there is NOTHING WRONG WITH MY BABY. The level II ultrasound showed my angel bouncing around, playing with h/her toes, and playing with the thumb. I just felt so comforted in seeing the baby--a sense of complete calm came over me. I believe that was God's way of signaling that everything was fine. The doctor also suggested that we get a fetal echo of the baby's heart. I went to that appointment this past Monday. This was a 45 min ultrasound of just the baby's heart and arteries. Apparently, babies that have Trisomy 18 have a greater risk for heart disease. The results were glowing. The specialist saw nothing of concern and reminded us that the only way to KNOW for sure was to have an amnio.

So where do we stand? There is a 2% chance, based on the QUAD screening, that our baby will have a deadly defect. But the statistic I HAVE to focus on is that there is a 98% chance that my little angel is just fine! Like I said before, it's not up to me...and I hope that that is not the case, but it's in God's hands. I just prya that we (me and GOD) want the same thing. I will remain faithful and prayerful. That's all that any of us can do. Because in my opinion the only 100% way of knowing if our baby is fine is if its God will. Please continue to pray, but thank you already for the wonderful prayers and kind words that have been sent.

3/5/2008 21 wks, 6 days

It's me again. Things have been a rollercoaster for the past two weeks. I guess I should give the short version. I was hospitalized at the end of Jan (overnight), due to contractions and bleeding. My doctor put me on bed rest for the balance of the pregnancy. I was kinda worried at first-financially and mentally, but after two days...I am feeling pretty good about it. I feel so much better. I still have the fibroid pain when I try to move around my house or am on my feet too long, but I just lay down and it's all better. This is a blessing. I love not getting up at 5:30 am and going to work. The stress of dealing with the kids (I am a high school teacher) and life in general was really taking a toll.

It's such a relief to actually focus on the baby and my health. I am so greatful. Fincially we will be okay. We just have to plan and budget wisely. I was hoping to stay out of work until Jan 2009 (July-Jan), but that may no longer be the case. We'll see...God will provide everything we need, so I may still go for it (much to hubby's dismay :-)

I have my next ultrasound on March 17th...they will look again for Trisomy 18 "signs". I pray all's well. I pray that baby is perfectly healthy and happy in there. I am a little worried, because I still haven't felt the baby move. I do have the large firbroid that might restrict movement. The movement I thought I was feeling was actually contractions, so now I don't know what to think. Hopefully, I will get some substantiated movement in the days/wks to come. Hope all is well with you and yours!