May 9th Time sure goes by quickly...It's been almost a month since I wrote on here. Well, the quitting smoking isn't exactly going well...I haven't bought any, but my husband got weak 3 days after the first try and he has been smoking...and it's hard not to smoke when he's smoking. I have a few when he gets home from work...It's better than before, it's like I only smoke around him, so I've cut back a lot...But, he said that he's gonna be trying to quit again this weekend, which means that I will be too. Hopefully we'll manage more than 3 days.

What else? I failed my 1 hour glucose tolerance test, but I passed the second one. I only gained 1.5 lbs in the past 2 weeks, which is good, cuz my doctor said I was a fat ass. Well, he said that I was gaining too much weight. I still have gotten NOTHING for the baby's room, though my mother in law bought 2 little outfits for the baby. Cute! And my brother's girlfriend made a cute quilt for the baby too. And my husband told me when my baby shower is, even though it's supposed to be a surprise. But, I figured I would have to book the day off work, cuz I usually work weekends. It's not till June 8th, which is worrying me, just because I wanted to wait until after my shower to buy stuff, and that'll only give me a month...I know, a month is probably plenty of time, but considering the fact that I have all of nothing right now, I'm just stressing over what we need to get. :P

My heartburn has been terrible. It's been waking me up at night. I have been trying propping myself up in bed to a reclining position, but that doesn't work either. I got heartburn before pregnancy, but never enough to complain about. But this is bad. I think I might try that Zantac or Pepcid stuff.

The baby's not moving as much as she used to. It worries me sometimes, but she's still moving enough that I shouldn't have to be worried. It just makes me feel better when she kicks a lot, I know she's active and healthy. The doctor told me that she was head-down this week, and her heartbeat is still good, and everything's looking fine. He also said I don't get anymore ultrasounds...I only got 1. I'd like to see her in there again, but they don't give em unless there're complications or if they're unsure of the baby's position after 35 weeks. Ah well. As long as she keeps on kicking!

April 14 So...I'm trying to quit smoking. I have been "trying" this entire pregnancy, but it hasn't been working out very well. My husband is one of the problems...If I was going to quit, then WE were gonna quit. I couldn't do it without him doing it. So, we decided that this weekend would be it. That would be the end. Yesterday was my first smoke-free day since I was 14 years old. A day and a half may not seem like much, but you shoulda seen me yesterday. I was a blubbering mess every 2 hours, yelling at my husband, blaming him for everything...And, of course, it wasn't easy for him either, he had to deal with it too, plus take my shit. At one point he started mocking me and my crying, and I was seriously going to stab him, so I just left the house. I was gonna go to my dad's, but everyone there smokes. Then I thought about going to my best friend's...but her boyfriend smokes. My sister...no she smokes. I ended up going to Wal-Mart. I spent about two and a half hours there, just looking around. I was in the curtain section, trying to find sheers for the nursery, and I started crying. I was a mess... I bought a new pillow for Mike cuz he's always complaining about his. I bought a bracelet too. I don't know why, I don't even wear bracelets.

So, I left WalMart and got in the car, and there were like 5 missed calls and a text message from my hubby...Saying I should come home, and he missed me, and he was sorry and he hoped I was OK. Then I started crying in the car again, just for a few minutes, and once I got control of myself again I did go home. I've only been driving since October, I'm not very comfortable with it.

When I got home, I SOOO wanted him to have gone out and picked up a pack of smokes....but he hadn't. But then, he hoped I had... It's good that neither of us got any, though. I think the first 24 hours are the hardest--they seem to be a particularly difficult mental hurdle for me. I was never able to get past those first 24. I always thought, "If I can make it one day..." but I never did before. Oh, I'm still having cravings right now, but I don't want to KILL anyone. Hopefully I can do this. It really is for the best.

April 12 Mleh. When I got married my ring size was 4 1/4. It's really not anymore. I took my engagement and wedding rings off last night. I had to soak my hand in ice water to reduce the swelling, then I had to use some cooking oil. The engagement ring came off fairly easily, but it made my finger swell up with all the twisting and pulling, and when I tried to get the wedding ring off...it wasn't as easy. My finger is still bruised and swollen more than 24 hours later. My friends were telling me that if you go to the hospital and end up having to have a c-section, that they'll make you take off all your jewellery to ensure a sterile environment, and if you can't get the rings off, they'll cut em off. I'm not sure if that's true, but I figured that the rings were gonna start cutting off the circulation and make my finger go purple, so I thought it was for the best that I try to take the rings off. I honestly didn't think they'd come off! About a year ago I was working a job in a pharmaceutical place where jewellery wasn't allowed, and when I took those rings off that day, it was a trial. I had to use a whole lot of soap, and I think I cut the skin. I have gained...oh...prolly 35-40 lbs since then, so it's amazing that I did it. I don't know why this is bothering me so much though. They are just rings...sure, they're the most expensive jewellery I own, but still...

Holy crap heartburn

I have my GTT on Tuesday. My hubby got the day off work so he's coming with me, and I just KNOW we'll have a blast. Yeah. I've been eating sugar non-stop for the past four weeks or so, perhaps to balance out my crazy need for vegetables before then. I'm assuming my body is all right with all the sugar I'm eating, but I guess we'll see when I drink the Ol' super sweetened orange drink. Who knows, really? Whatever happens happens, and I'll deal with it as it comes.

April 6 My husband and I went to register for the baby today. It was fun! It was much more fun than registering for our wedding, which was a trying ordeal. We spent like half an hour trying to figure out how to use the stroller-carseat combo...But, we finally got it and scanned in the one we liked. We also got a whole lot of bedding and bath stuff and whatnot on the list. The hubby was actually into it - no complaining, no watch-checking, no arguing. It was great! I can't wait to see what I get!

The baby had one super-active day about 3 days ago, she was just kicking the crap outta me, high, low and in between. It was non-stop too, from about 9 in the morning til 4 in the afternoon. It was kinda cool, but since then there hasn't been as much activity. Still enough that I'm not worried, but never as much as that day. My good little baby. :)

I was thinking about cloth diapering, looking up info and prices on th internet...Getting started is pretty expensive. Then I found a site where they offer patterns where you can make your own cloth diapers, and I thought that might be a good idea. Turns out that's just what my mother in law did for her daughter, and she still had a couple that she gave me for use as a guide. Pretty cool. She said it was a good option for girls, but she doubted it would be as good for boys, because of the misdirection. So, I'll give it a try for my little girl. I plan to have some disposibles for back-up, in case things get too hairy, but I can't not give it a try. Disposible diapers are just about the worst things you can put in the landfills, what with the plastic and chemicals and potentially biohazardous waste...Ugh. I'm not a mad-environmentalist, but I kinda get depressed when I think about what we do to this world, and now that I have a child on the way, who's gonna inherit this planet...our kids are gonna have to clean up after our mistakes. I guess cloth diapering isn't going to contribute THAT much to a cleaner world tomorrow, but, hey, I do what I can right?

April 2 Several months ago, my mother in law took me out shopping for maternity clothes. I felt a little awkward at the time, I mean, I aman adult, I can purchase my own clothes. But, she insisted, and I let her buy me a bunch of stuff. The total bill came to over $300...and she actually told my husband that she had expected to buy a lot more.

Now, I wish I had let her buy a lot more. $300 doesn't get you much in the good ol' maternity store. Four pairs of pants and four or five tops...I should have gone CRAZY!! Hell, she was WILLING! But I had to hold back...Sigh. Now that I seriously can't wear normal sizes, four pants and five tops doesn't seem like very much. I guess I'll have to go out myself and grab a few more articles, but money's getting tight. I mean, seriously, it CANNOT cost $425 a MONTH for electricity in a 2 bedroom apartment!!! A used crib for $278? Yeah right. And don't get me started on area rugs...5X8 for $300??!! I don't care how cute the Damn Thing IS!!!!

Well, I have to go to work...Whut up wit the save button? Looks like some nordic language...

March 30th My baby girl's room is all yellow now. It's a pretty yellow, nice and pale with a buttery sort of tone...Maybe a slight lemon undertone...Lemon butter would be a good name for it. But Benjamin Moore decided to name it an artsy and fanciful "Light Yellow." I'm so excited. I've got the room painted and I have a little glider and ottoman in there. It's getting closer to a nursery! Baby steps. LOL. Now I need to make a list of the crap I need for the nursery...and the stuff I WANT. Should a little toy box be on the want or need list? I wonder.

Today we're getting furniture for my big boy, Mike. We're gonna give his dresser to the baby, and go out and buy him a big dresser. He's had his since he was born, and right now his pants are in several stack on the closet for lack of space elsewhere...All he can fit of his in that tiny dresser is socks and boxers. But his is a nice dresser, good quality, and if it worked for him it'll work for baby.

MARCH 26th I just came back from the ob-gyn appointment. I have gained 8 lbs in the past 5 weeks. He said a pound a week was ideal...so I guess I'm getting fat. LOL. My baby's heartbeat was 155, and she gave a little kick when he put the mic against my belly. Cute. He also said I have to go in to the hospital and get a glucose test and a RhoGam shot cuz I'm O-neg. I have another appt in 4 weeks, and after that he wants to see me every 2 weeks! Crazy. It's hard to believe how close it's getting. In 4 weeks, I'll be 29 weeks along...wow. I forgot to ask about the trimester thing. Oh well. He said I'm 25 weeks and 1 day today, even though this site says its 25 weeks right on. I guess I'll trust the doctor about it, though. :) So, I was 158 lbs at 8 weeks, and now I'm an immense 171 lbs...That's 13 lbs. That's not too bad. My belly's big. There's a little baby in my belly. Hee hee. I feel like such a dork all the time. I can't wait for my baby. She's gonna be so cute. I'm scared too. I have to raise another human being...how am I gonna do that? I hope she doesn't grow up resenting me. I still want to paint her room yellow, even though I read it's too stimulating. I wonder if she'll care what colour it is. I doubt it. She's gonna be a good, healthy baby, though. I just know it.

My hubby and his dad put up primer in the baby's room. I didn't help at all. :D I was the one who filled in all the holes and sanded and everything, so I feel justified in not helping prime the walls. Mike wants to paint the room pink now. My reason for wanting yellow is more practical than anything - it's an apartment, and if we go anywhere away from neutral, we'll have to repaint before we move out. It's a pale buttery yellow, and I think it will work very well with pink accessories. I mean, pink is one of my favourite colours, but I don't want a crazy pink overkill with pink walls and bedding and curtains and lamps and everything. But maybe lavender is a better accent colour...

MARCH 25th Well, the roids seemed to have calmed down. What a horrible thing! And I had no idea what the hell was going on for the first 2 days! All I knew was that my butt was in so much pain I couldn't do anything! I even had to call in sick to work--which sucks on the holiday weekend cuz now I won't get the stat pay for Friday and Sunday....sigh. Oh well.

25 weeks tomorrow. Get my monthly weigh-in at the doc's. Judging by the way things fit, I've probably gained about 7-10 lbs this month...It's hard to tell without a scale though. I just wanna hear the heartbeat and have him say everything looks great! But...I guess I'll prolly have my glucose test set up...and when do I get another U/S? Do I? I have a book that has been my bible for this pregnancy...and it says that Week 25 starts your third trimester. This website says it's week 27. I'm gonna ask my doctor, see what he says. Not that it really matters, I spose they're arbitrary anyway...Baby's gonna grow the same way whether 3rd trimester starts now or in 2 weeks.

Well, I'm gonna go get me a drink of water.

MARCH 20th So, I have my next dr's appt next week. I have to wonder if it's horrible that I have no idea how much weight I've gained, because the only time I get weighed is when I go to the dr. I haven't had too many complaints so far, except the depression thing, which has been hitting me really bad. I'm sure it'll get better, but I don't want it to affect the health of my little girl. But the only physical complaints I have is heartburn and the odd twinge here and there that I can't really call to mind when asked... My husband can be pretty annoying sometimes though.

They really don't do much at my appts, though. I pee in a cup and the receptionist sticks something in it then it goes down the drain. Then she weighs me, then I wait for the dr. Then the dr measures my belly with a measuring tape, then he finds the heartbeat with the doppler, then it's pretty much done, and I make my next appt. Sounds fun, CAN'T WAIT!!! I love to hear the heartbeat, though, bumpbumpbumpbump....awww baby.

I met my hubby Mike in 2000. He was a friend of my friend Amanda, and she was looking to set him up with my friend Lisa, so they all planned to meet at this club. Amanda and Lisa asked if I wanted to come along, because my mom had just passed away a few weeks before, and they thought I could use some cheering up, or distraction or something. So, I went along, and met these friends of hers...It's funny, but this club was all-ages with a wristband bar upstairs. I was 19, Amanda had just turned 19, her friends were over 19, but Lisa was still 18, so whenever we went to grab a drink, Lisa couldn't come, which meant less time for her to spend with this new guy. I certainly didn't mean to move in on her territory or anything, but things just seemed to work out that way, and Mike and I ended up exchanging numbers and making a date.

I have to say, our first date was pretty awful. He picked me up and made me sit in the back seat with some other girl, a friend of his, while his buddy had the front seat. We went to this cruddy bar that was just filled to the brim with cigarette smoke and we watched Wrestlemania on the big screen TV. Oh Yay. He sat across from me at this table that was full of his friends, people I didn't know, and barely spoke to me. I was not super impressed. So, I went outside the bar to use my inhaler, and also to collect myself because I was still feeling pretty emotional over my mom's death, and feeling a little confused and rejected by this guy's behaviour. He came out to see how I was, so I took the opportunity to ask him WTF, was I a date or a bar buddy, and he apologized and we went back in and played some pool and he drove me home without his dumb friends in the car and we sat in the car talking for a few hours...so it ended well. We spoke on the phone some more, and we ended up seeing each other again that week-alone this time, and we hit it off pretty well.

Mike's a great guy, though. He's very calm and laid-back, he's very family-oriented, and he's so cute and thoughtful most of the time. I've always been very emotional and prone to insane mood-swings, and he's always been able to take me in stride. He is clueless sometimes, but I notice that most men are. He asked me to marry him in 2005, on our 5th anniversary, which we spent in Niagara Falls, and it was lovely the way he asked...He seemed to uncertain, so worried, as though I'd say no after spending 5 years with him. But, we were married the next year, in June. It was perfect.

I hope our baby gets more of Mike's personality traits than mine. Mike's so much more optimistic, so much more charming, so much more personable. I'm terribly pessimistic and sarcastic, I try to avoid people I dont know and if I had emotional mood-swings before I got pregnant, you should see me now! I hope the baby picks up the positive aspects of each of us, and that I can somehow control or suppress my negativity around her so that she won't think that's the way to be. :P

Well, it's still a while away. I'm still terribly nervous. I lost my first pregnancy at 10 weeks, and found myself pregnant a month later. This one is obvious going well, and looks normal, but I am still frightened. She's my little baby now, I don't want anything to happen to her.