July 10th Well, it's now after my due date. One hour and 16 minutes after, but who's counting? :P I doubted my baby would come today, but I hoped that she would. She's still moving a whole lot. She went all day yesterday until after dinner with barely a movement, and it seems like since then, she's barely stopped! She's rolling around and kicking and head-butting me lol. She's cute. I just wish she'd head-butt her way outta there.

I guess I'm to the point now that I just want the pregnancy to be over and to hold my baby in my arms. I'm extremely uncomfortable, I don't sleep right, my heartburn is crazy, my belly is so itchy but when I scratch it I can't feel anything, like it's numb. I have a horrible toothache which has nothing to do with the pregnancy, but on top of everything it really sucks. Moving around is more and more difficult and I am always tired. I know that the whole pregnancy hasn't been like this, but right now it feels like its been this way forever. And everything's ready for her out here. She should come out to see it all! Her Grandma even got her the mobile I wanted, and it looks so cute! Her daddy just keeps saying, "She'll come out when she's ready." She should be ready by now! She's too comfy in there, I guess. I just wanna meet her. I also want my body back.

Like, right at midnight, I started crying because I was officially late. I don't know why I started crying, it was sort of obvious that she wasn't coming today. Maybe I was just hoping there would be some sign that she was getting ready to come out. There has been none. She's gonna stay there till she's good and ready, just like Mike says.

I'm not scared to have her anymore. I'm just impatient. And tired. And eager. I just hope that she comes before I have to be induced. I want her to come when she's ready. I just hope she's ready soon.

July 3rd It's now less than a week till my due date! I just realized that I'm terrified! What am I gonna do with a little baby? How do I take care of her? How do I get her out of me? I like feeling her in my tummy. I've been complaining this whole pregnancy to my husband about how uncomfortable I am - and I am, there are a lot of bad things about being pregnant - but once she's out of me, everything's gonna change. EVERYTHING. I don't know ow I'm gonna handle it! I think I'm plenty old enough and mature enough for a baby, but I've been used to my life as it is, without another person completely relying on me for everything. I don't know how I'm gonna manage, and I'm worried I won't be able to figure it out, and I'll totally ruin my baby's life...

Well, I guess it's too late for worrying about it now. I'll take it as it comes, I guess. That's usually how I deal. I do want to meet my little girl, and see what kind of person she is... I want to have a little more feeling of control over my body, maybe get into my pre-pregnancy clothes sometime before the summer ends. If my feet swell any more, then I don't know how the skin's gonna hold it in...lol. She's moving around right now. I like to feel that. She gets hiccups and I can feel them right in my pelvis. I know she's pretty low, and sometimes it feels like she's pushing down right against my cervix, which is a little painful and scary, cuz I'm just thinking, "Is she coming now?" But no, it's just something she likes to do to bug me. :) The little cutie.

I haven't had any contractions. Not real ones, anyway. I've been having quite a few Braxton Hicks contractions for the past week and a half or so. There was one night a few days ago when they were actually keeping me up and making me feel a little nauseous, which is weird, but nothing really came of it. I was out shopping with dad on Monday, and I got a horrible pain in the right side of my belly, which was kind of scary and worrying. It felt like the cramps I used to get before I got pregnant, just from walking, but it was so painful, and seemed to cover a larger area. I assume it was just from the walking, cuz again, nothing came of it.

Yeah. The Dr's never checked me for dilation or effacement or anything. The only time I had my pants off in his office was when he did the GBS swab - and I keep forgetting to ask how that turned out. LOL I have no idea if it was positive or negative. I guess I'll ask him on Friday. Friday is my last appt with him. He's going on vacation after that. :P Nice guy. I was talking to Rae and we figure that he'll refer me to another OBGYN affiliated with Markham-Stouffville. Either that, or schedule an induction date. I don't want to be induced, cuz I keep reading that it can lead to a more painful labour, and also to an increased risk of C-section. I'd really prefer to avoid a c-section if at all possible. I guess certain methods of induction might be all right. Like, the Cervadil just helps you soften and dilate, I think. And stripping the membranes...I'm not even sure what that does exactly. I hear it hurts though. It's the methods like the pitocin - which alters your contractions - and breaking your water - which locks you into a time limit - that I'm really concerned about. I just hope everything happens normally and naturally for me. I mean, I may be getting impatient, but my due date hasn't even arrived yet, so I can manage for another week or so.

Besides, I still don't have a pail for the diapers. I think that's the last thing I need...No, I lie, I need other stuff. I need a thermometer, a suction bulb thingy, little baby nail clippers, more diapers I'm sure, I only have 2 packages and one's going with me to the hospital. Ooh, I really should make a list and get all that shit. I mean, I'm due in less than a week for crying out loud! lol.

June 23rd Well today is our 2nd wedding anniversary. It's been 2 years since I walked down the aisle and said I would spend the rest of my life with Mike. It was a good day. Outdoor wedding, in a little valley with ponds and white bridges, underneath a nice white...Shit, what are those things called? Ah well, it was pretty. The only funny part was the walk to the aisle over the slat-wood bridges...I think me and every one of my bridemaids got their heel caught in the little gaps between the wood. LOL. Oh, and that a low-flying plane went overhead right when Mike was saying his vows, so nobody except me actually heard them. Poor guy. He actually memorized his - I didn't. But then, I planned the whole wedding, I had other things to do.

We got married between the 2nd and 3rd years of my college career. It was a little stressful, cuz I only had 2 months when I didn't have to worry about school before the wedding. It turned out wonderful, though. Well, I thought I almost failed stats - I have no idea how I came outta that with a 67...I had no idea what was going on in that class! And I completely missed a computers class which I had to make up last spring - right before I found out I was pregnant. :) We didn't plan on having a baby so soon after I was done school. I've probably said before that we'd been going on 7 years together with little to no birth control and no pregnancy scares - we sort of assumed we were gonna have problems conceiving when the time came. When we lost the first baby and got pregnant immdeiately afterward, it just seemed like it was meant to be, that this was our time for it. So, we'll be married for 2 years when the baby comes. Soon. I hope. :)

We don't have much money. I didn't have the time or chance to find a job in my field after college, since I was pregnant and we moved and everything. I ended up getting a part-time job at Sears, which pays a little more than minimum wage, but not much. Mike has a decent job, but our rent is absurd ($1200 + utilities - and in the winter electricity was $850 for 2 months!) and we have a fair amount of debt (mostly the $30 grand I owe for school) so we're just getting by. Therefore, I didn't end up getting Mike too much for an anniversary gift. It's the 'cotton' anniversary, and Mike is completely obsessed with his socks, they have to be just so. A while ago he got a pair that he loves, and he always says he wishes he got more of them, so I tracked them down and bought him five more pairs. And I got him some underwear too. Men's clothing is a lot more expensive than women's...Cuz they don't buy it as much maybe? Ah well. I wapped them up all nice so at least it's something to open. He'll probably grab some roses at the grocery store on the way home for me. I would like it if he got me an actual present, but he probably won't. That's all right, I do love roses. :)

That reminds me, I was gonna see if I could fix his necklace as part of the present. It's gold and I don't want to damage it, but I can try. I have a bit of experience with these things. I was gonna take it to a jeweller, but I just don't wanna spend that much money. I know we're gonna need it for when the baby gets here, and it seems like every other day we're shelling out another fifty bucks for some necessity or another. :P It never freaking ends. And don't get me started about the gas prices! Forty-five bucks to fill up my car! Good thing I don't drive that often, cuz it's a fifteen year old 8 cylinder, and it ain't so good with the fuel. And I have to make the hour trek out to my sister's house some time this week to pick up some baby clothes. :P Ah well. I should go do my dishes.

June 16th I forgot to write about my baby shower last weekend! Silly. I had fun! I don't really like to be the centre of attention, and several people asked if there was only 1 in there lol. One of my aunts and one of my cousins came...I have quite a few aunts and cousins, and its funny that Aunt Kelly and Sandra came cuz they live, like, the farthest away. They must have had a 3 or four hour drive. My aunt who lives in the same town was actually off in Ottawa that weekend helping my cousin pack up to come home, so you can't really blame her for that. :) My hubby has a small family. His mother, sister, 3 aunts and Grandma came, and that's pretty much the entire family, cuz 2 of the aunts have no kids, and the other aunt has 3 boys. But, my sister Rae was there (it was at her house) and my other sister Lil, and my brother's girlfriend Chantelle, and my other brother's fiancee Tara, and Pat, who's a long-time family friend, and Lisa and Amanda who are my best friends, and Linda and Sara, who I didn't expect to be there and I haven't seen them in months! And Lisa Attree-Rodmell...I'm just writing down her last name cuz she's been married for 2 years and I still cannot remember her new last name lol. And Lisa's sister Erin, which was nice cuz I don't even know them really THAT well, they were more Amanda's friends, but they're great people and I like to see them. I think that was all who were there, but it sure felt like a full house! My mom's cousin Karen sent a gift over, but she couldn't make it to the actual shower, and another family friend, Jan, sent a gift too. So nice!

We played the game where people guessed a length of ribbon that would fit around my belly, and everyone was off by a good foot. Too long. Everyone thinks I'm bigger than I actually am. I blame my height. My sister Rae got it right on, and she said its cuz I'm the same size she was. LOL. There was also baby food tasting and guessing, and they took snapshots of everyone's face as they did it. It was hilarious. Only Mike's aunt Dale and his sister Karen would do it out of his family. :P Mike's mom doesn't like having pictures taken of her. Mike's Grandma is diabetic, and Mike's aunt Thea is allergic to pretty much everything. I think aunt Dale got 3 right, and Karen got 1. She tied with Linda for worst. LOL. My cousin Sandra was the only one who got all 5 of them right. They didn't make me do it, though.

Then we played a game where we passed a bag around and when the music stopped, whoever was holding the bag was "out." There were 2 bags actually, so it went fairly quickly. My aunt Kelly and I ended up being the last 2 "in" and we had to open the bag and wear whatever we found inside. There were little baby hats and bibs and pacifiers and everything. Hee hee hee. It was funny. After that I opened presents, which took about an hour! Mike's mom got a huge bag and just filled it up with everything, individually wrapped of course, and just opening her gift took half an hour in itself. I got a lot of really nice things for the baby, though. Lots of clothes. Lots of crib sheets. Lots of blankets. Awww. So cute! Can't wait to see baby with them!

They got me a cute cake too! It said "Goodbye Tummy, Hello Mommy!" on it. I ate too much. It was a nice shower, really well done. Lisa, Amanda and Rae put it together, so I gave them a big hug for it. The only thing that went awry about the day involved my husband, and he's still pissed about it. Not pissed at me, pissed at his friends. Steve - who by the way, Mike is being the Best Man for at his wedding - agreed that he and Mike would hang out after Mike dropped me off at my sister's house, cuz he lives just a few streets away. Anyway, we're on our way there, like, 3 minutes away, and Mike gets a text from Steve saying he has to cancel. Mike was not impressed, but Mike knows Steve. Steve is predictably unreliable, and so Mike had planned for just such an occasion. He had gone to the bar with Brandon the night before. Brandon - who was Mike's best man at his wedding, and vice versa - told Mike the previous night that if plans with Steve did fall through, then he should come over to his house. Well, I don't know if Brandon offered, or Mike asked, I wasn't there, but it was something that was agreed on. So, Mike gives Brandon a call and says that Steve bailed, can he drop by for a while. Brandon's like "No....I got stuff to do..." Mike's like, "Come on, man, I just need a place to pass the time for a few hours." Brandon's like, "No, I gotta watch Justine (his daughter) and start the deck..." Mike said he could help, especially with the deck. Always nice to have an extra hand. And Brandon still refused. So, poor Mike was left to just drive around town for four hours. He said he read the newspaper at Wimpy's for an hour and a half, and then he went to Future Shop and bought Rock Band (Just the game, not the entire set, or I would have killed him) I felt really bad when I found this out. I felt even worse when I found out that Rae's husband, Paul, had been down in the unrented basement apartment for the entire party drinking beer and playing warcraft, which is also my husband's favourite passtime, and the poor man could have just stayed there! It was just upsetting, because Mike finds it very difficult to see and deal with his friends, and they never seem to want to be there for him when he needs them. Mike still hasn't spoken to Brandon again. It's been over a week. I don't know if he'll say anything when they do talk again, though, cuz these guys aren't really the kind who talk about their feelings - especially a 'you hurt my feelings' scenario.

Oh well. My party was good, and my friends are nice. I guess Mike has to learn to deal with is. :P

June 15th I had an U/S on Friday to check the baby's presentation and growth. The Dr told me previously I probably wouldn't need one, but at the last appt he said he wanted to make sure she was head-down so that there were no surprises at delivery. And, she is! Yay! The tech said she weighed around 6.4 lbs and that she was measuring good for her gestational age. She said the only thing not measuring at 36 weeks was the femur length, but since I'm short, it could just be that the baby's gonna be a little squirt too. :)

Right after my Dr's appt, the baby dropped. Tuesday afternoon I guess. I didn't think she'd drop like that, I thought it would be a slow process that I wouldn't really notice. But, I sure did feel it, and it only took a few hours before she was quite a bit lower than before. It felt like contractions were moving her down, and it sort of freaked me out. And now there's a lot of pressure in my pelvis, and if I sit the wrong way, it sort of hurts. :P And bending over is even more of a pain, and I've had more back pain too. Just like everything I read said I would. Though, it also said I'd get less heartburn, and that really hasn't happened yet. :( It also said I would go to the bathroom more, and really, there hasn't been THAT much of an increase, so I guess everyone's different. It was funny, though, because the first thing the ladies at work said to me was that the baby was lower, that she'd dropped. My husband couldn't tell, but they could. lol. Maybe women notice such things more than men do.

And today, for the first time, something came out of my boobs. That was weird. I got out of the shower, and there was something on my nipple, and I just gave it a little squeeze to dislodge it, and some yellowy stuff came out. I assume its colostrum. Then I let out a yelp cuz it surprised me. hee hee hee. I suppose it had to happen eventually. At least I know they're working. lol.

My tummy is so itchy. I asked on the stretch mark forum if anyone else had itchy stretch marks, and someone referred me to the PUPPP forum, which is a type of rash pregnant women get that seems to match the description of my problem here. :P My stretch marks just got puffy and horribly itchy, and this sweaty weather is soo not helping... The PUPPP rash apparently isn't harmful, just super duper annoying, and luckily I only have it right in the stretch marks - apparently it can spread to the skin and on your legs and butt and everything. I really hope that does not happen. The only thing is I've been scratching so much I'm, like, breaking the skin so I'll have to find some kind of topical treatment to reduce the itch or else I'm gonna have itchy AND painful stretch marks, which won't be fun at all.

Little Jocelyn is moving around. The U/S also confirmed that she's a girl - YAY! The tech said, "Yeah, there's the hamburger bun." You'd think it'd be more like a hot dog bun... Oh well. lol. She gets the hiccups at least once a day, which has felt even funnier since she dropped. I can feel em right in my butt when I'm sitting down. :S. She's still rolling around in there a lot. She moves sometimes and I don't even feel her. The U/S tech said she was really active during the U/S, and I barely noticed any movement. Sometimes my hubby can feel her move and I don't feel it either. I wonder if that's strange at this point. I guess at this point, nothing is really that strange. Or maybe everything is. lol.

I completely forgot to ask the Dr what the results for the GBS culture were. Not that it totally matters until the actual birth, but it would be nice to know so that I am prepared for it. Mentally. I did ask him about the AB-O incompatibility that Mike's mom kept bugging me about. Apparently there's no way of knowing if it's gonna happen until after the baby's born and they know her blood type, so there's no point in worrying about it now. Therefore I won't. :)

That's about it for now. Hopefully everything's going fine. Tomorrow is Father's Day, so we're gonna go to Mike's parents for lunch and my dad's for dinner. Lil and Rae are getting KFC, and they made pies, so I don't have to do anything. Which is cool, cuz I just talked to Lil at, like, 8 or 9, so I prolly wouldn't have had time to bake or anything. At least I got dad a nice shirt. I had no idea what size he was though. I got a large, but I'm worried it'l be too big. He does have a bit of a gut still, but he's really not a big guy. lol. Anyway, later

June 8th. I wasn't feeling well today. It was the heat, I think, though it's the first time heat has made me vomit. I called in sick to my third-last shift at work...Not that I'm terribly worried about it, hopefully when I go back to work it will not be at Sears but at a real job so I won't feel that my four years of college and 30 grand debt are a waste. LOL. Man, I am so screwed. We wanna get a house, but that would require a mortgage, and we're already over $40,000 in debt! Well, we have a really gorgeous apartment right now, so I guess I shouldn't be stressing over things that may or may not happen. Ugh.

Baby's moving. She's been moving less lately, but she's still going. I still worry. She's gonna be fine, I know, but I still worry. She's my little cutey precious baby and I don't want anything to happen to her. I feel so big. There's not much longer to go, and not much more room she can take up. Feeling this huge is taking its toll though. Everything I do is a little extra effort. Standing up is even a chore, or getting my feet on the couch. LOL. And when you're pregnant, keeping the pots and pans in the bottom cupboard doesn't seem like a good idea anymore. Or the blender. I got the blender out, but a part of the lid fell off and rolled to the back of the cupboard in the corner. You shoulda seen my pregnant ass down on all fours with a wooden spoon trying to get the stupid thing. yeah.

My husband finally got his hair cut. I've been bugging him for weeks to do it. His hair looked exactly like that guy on the cover of the Knocked Up movie. Luckily for me, that's where the resemblance ends. He's a good guy, though, I love him a lot. I sure do get mad at him though. It's the hormones, I tells ya. Right now he's at the bar. Just him and his buddy. They played some NHL on the 360, then stumbled off to the local bar. I went there once before I got pregnant, it has a really nice patio area in the back. I kinda miss chilling on a bar patio with a few beers, but it's not as though it'll never happen again. I think I needed the hiatus that pregnancy provided me. I was becoming quite the alcoholic.

Baby shower's tomorrow. My best friend, Lisa, is planning it. It's at my sister's house. It's supposed to be a surprise. I had to know so I could book it off work, though. Unfortunately, I am not a person with very many friends, so I don't assume there will be a great deal of people there, and most of them will be family. I wonder if they invited my extended family. Never been too close with them, but I do like seeing them. Well, whatever the turnout, I'm sure it'll be great. I wonder if they invited my brother's girlfriend. She made me a quilt already, it's really cute. She does a lot of sewing and stuff like that. I think she's a costume designer when she gets work. Anyway...that's a bit off topic. I wonder if my other brother's fiancee is coming. I know one of my sisters is, since it's at her house, and I'd assume that the other one is coming... She's the manager of a chocolate store, Laura Secord. I think that's like her dream job, too. I made the mistake of telling her once how much I liked the fruit jellies they sell, and now every time I see her she's got another box for me. The hubby eats em all, though, so it's not too deadly. She also gives us the mint chocolate ones, cuz they're my hubby's favourite.

So off topic. Now, I know that of 45 items on my registry, there are 6 that have been purchased. Looking is NOT cheating, it's not as though I know who bought them! Hopefully I get some nice things for little Jocelyn. Just because people didn't buy crap from my registry doesn't mean they didn't get anything. And, really, they're judgement is probably better than mine anyway. LOL. I've never done this before, I have no idea what I'm doing. I guess I'll write more about it tomorrow.

June 5th. Man, I can't believe it's already the 9th month. I'm seeing my OBGYN every week now. I just got swabbed for Group B Strep, which is just a bacteria that can live in the lower region that can be bad for the baby during birth. I guess I find out next week if I have it. :)

I haven't been sleeping well. There's the hip-pain, which wakes me up the most, though it's the easiest to go back to sleep after. I just roll over. Then there's the bathroom trips, which have oddly gotten better lately...I seem to be able to hold more at night these days. That probably won't last too long. Then there's the heartburn. Heartburn is the worst. I'll take a Tums and go to sleep, only to be awakened an hour later by heartburn. It happens way too often, and it's so frustrating. Sigh. 1 more month with baby in me, and then I'll be complaining about OTHER reasons I can't sleep through the night, I suppose.

Mike helped me put up the curtains in the baby's room. They were cheap, but they're cute, they have bows on the top and everything. Not my dream baby-curtains, but shit, I don't have that kind of money. I haven't done too much more to the baby's room... I finally got that huge shelf up. Putting those anchors in the wall was a pain in the ass, and I'm not 100% confident that the shelf is not gonna fall down, but it's holding some weight right now, and I'll just be sure to keep the baby out from underneath it. Right now we have the stroller parked beneath it, but I don't know how long it'll be there. I DO NOT want to carry that mofo up and down 3 flights of stairs every time I take the baby for a walk. Option 1 is to keep it in the trunk of the car, and option 2 is to keep it in an unlocked storage room at the bottom of the stairs. I'm just not certain it'll fit in my trunk. We'll figure things out eventually. Hopefully we won't be in this apartment that much longer, but I don't know...It's absurd how we pay enough in rent and utilities to cover a mortgage, and yet we prolly couldn't get approved for one.

Baby's moving like Alien! There have been 2 times when she pushed my belly out so far I actually grabbed it like she might pop right outta there or something. LOL. She's so cute. She's definitely head-down, the Dr won't even bother with an u/s. Considering where her kicks are and where I feel her hiccups, I could have determined she was head-down myself. :) She's always sticking out the right side of my tummy. And I can feel her against my right hip bone. Her shoulder, maybe? I don't know. She doesn't kick my ribs, though. I guess I should count myself lucky. According to all the short ladies on my week, I should be getting some rib-kicks. But, her legs are all to the right, and she's not stretching them upwards. Aww, she's my little sweetheart. I can't wait to meet her.

May 23. So, to add insult to injury-or illness-I woke up with a painful toothache this morning. :( I haven't been to the dentist in about 3 years, and I knew my teeth weren't in the greatest shape, but we haven't had insurance for a while, and now that we do have some, I figured I'd wait till after baby to get all the work done that I need. But, it looks like I'm gonna have to go sooner than that. I have 2 wisdom teeth, just on the top, and the left one is not in good shape, I think that's what's aching now. I think it should be pulled. The last few times I went to the dentist, there was decay in it, but he just drilled it instead of pulling it. I thought wisdom teeth were traditionally pulled. I sort of wish it had been at this point.

I'm just worried about how dental work will affect the baby. I have bad anxiety anyway, but my dentist-anxiety has always been really strong. I don't know if that kind of stress is good for the baby. I don't even know if you CAN have a tooth pulled when you're 33 or 34 weeks pregnant. I hear you can have fillings put in...God knows I'll need a few of those... Hopefully I can just get the absolute necessities done now, and wait till after baby's here to get the rest of it done. I really don't know. I haven't even made an appointment yet. I'm gonna call tomorrow and see if they can see me next week or something.

Anyway, I never wrote about all the exciting stuff! We got our crib and dresser/change table last week! I like it, it's in a nice cherry wood finish, and my hubby put it all together without even injuring himself! He's cute, but he ain't handy. So, I now have all the big stuff, crib, dressers, stroller, car seat...I just have absolutely none of the little stuff. You know, essentials like clothing, blankets, diapers, the crib mattress... I guess we'll see how the baby shower goes, and then we'll get what we still need after. Plus, my sister has a baby girl who's 9 months now, so she says she's got a box or two of clothes that she can give me. Heh he he. Hopefully little Jocelyn will have everything she needs by the time she arrives.

The hubby and I also thought of a boy name. Just in case, you know. For some reason lately, we've both been slipping up and referring to the baby as "him," which is odd cuz for the past four months, we've been calling her Jocelyn and referring to the baby as 'her.' But, the U/S technician CAN be mistaken, so we thought we should have a boy name ready just in case. So, we went with Aiden Michael. It was weird choosing it, we were just sitting there saying we probably should have had a boy name. I said, "What do you like?" He said, "I don't know." I said, "How about Aiden?" He said, "I was thinking something with an A." And there you go. And, it's like a tradition in his family to have the baby's middle name the same as the father's first name. My family has no such traditions. Except all the men seem to be named Paul. We even gather Pauls. My sister married a Paul, and so did my dad's sister. My dad is Paul. He has 3 uncles named Paul. My brother's first name is Paul, though he's called by his middle name cuz people are so confused already. My cousin named his son Paul, and my nephew's middle name is Paul, so that's enough. I'm not even gonna touch it.

Yeah, that's about it. I told my boss I'm gonna stop working on June 13th. I kind of picked the day randomly. I also told her I'm not gonna work any more Sundays, and I'd prefer not to work more than 2 days a week. It's a part time job, and I don't usually get any more than 3 days a week anyway. It's just that standing for five hours is very wearing. And I assume that eventually my feet are gonna start swelling up-touch wood not soon-so my currently ill-fitting shoes are gonna get even worse. Not to mention I get mad wiped out by anything I do. I did a dozen loads of laundry-sounds like a lot, but the laundry room is right next to my bedroom-but I thought I was gonna drop dead by the time I was done. All that bending...sigh. I'm exhausted just thinking about it. But shit, do you think my husband could do his own laundry? NO. I swear, I don't know how he wears that many clothes! I can wash ALL of my clothes in 2 or 3 loads. His take 9 or 10. He has more white t-shirts that he calls undershirts than I have tops of any kind. Then he blames me, cuz I've been wearing his t-shirts to bed, but I just wear his cast-offs. They'd be going in the hamper whether I wore them to bed or not. Sigh. Enough of that. I'm just complaining.

I better stop writing. I get carried away. Plus, I should probably go to bed some time soon. I'm tired and it's after 1:00 am. Night night.

May 21. Man, if I thought I felt crappy last week...I was up all night last night vomiting. I hate vomiting. I never got morning sickness, so being pukey like that while pregnant is completely foreign and scary to me. I was puking on an empty stomach too, so it was just water and dry heaves, and now every muscle in my body is sore from it. Not to mention I still feel like shit. I'll eat tomorrow, but today all I've had is chicken soup and a peanut butter sandwich. I was at the OB GYN today, and the baby seems fine. Good growth, good heartbeat, and he's pretty sure that she's head-down still. He said that being sick like I am can be treated symtpomatically, and to take gravol and kaopectate and stay hydrated. I'm still worried though; worried that being sick is gonna hurt the baby somehow. She's still active, she's moving around right now even, but so many horrible scenarios run through your head when your pregnant...Like expecting the worst. I've been sleeping, like, all day, and now its 12:30 am, and I don't know if I wanna sleep. Sigh. I don't know if I should go back to the family doctor tomorrow...It might make me feel better.

May 16th Ugh. I'm having a great freaking time. I've had loose BMs for about 2 weeks now, and about 5 days ago, I started getting symptoms like coughing and chest congestion. I went to the doctor, and he sid it was probably a virus and that I should come back if I get a fever. :P A day after I went to the dr, the sickness moved up to my sinuses, and I've been runny and stuffy and sneezy on top of the loose BMs and coughing...Added to the heartburn and bathroom trips, I am DEFINITELY NOT sleeping well at night. And, as icing on the cake, I had my first experience with the leg muscle cramps that I've read so much about. I've never had a sudden, unexplained muscle cramp like that, but jeez. That was some excrutiating pain. It woke me right up, and I actually fell out of bed, and it hurt so much that I was crying before I even realized it. It took a moment, but I remembered reading that if you put your foot flat on the floor and put your weight on it, that was supposed to help, and it did, but still...I didn't like that very much. I went back to sleep for a few hours, but even now, I'm having a hard time walking on it. I know it just has to work itself out, but I don't like pain that seems so pointless. Labour pain; fine. Random leg pain in the middle of the night; STUPID!

May 9th Time sure goes by quickly...It's been almost a month since I wrote on here. Well, the quitting smoking isn't exactly going well...I haven't bought any, but my husband got weak 3 days after the first try and he has been smoking...and it's hard not to smoke when he's smoking. I have a few when he gets home from work...It's better than before, it's like I only smoke around him, so I've cut back a lot...But, he said that he's gonna be trying to quit again this weekend, which means that I will be too. Hopefully we'll manage more than 3 days.

What else? I failed my 1 hour glucose tolerance test, but I passed the second one. I only gained 1.5 lbs in the past 2 weeks, which is good, cuz my doctor said I was a fat ass. Well, he said that I was gaining too much weight. I still have gotten NOTHING for the baby's room, though my mother in law bought 2 little outfits for the baby. Cute! And my brother's girlfriend made a cute quilt for the baby too. And my husband told me when my baby shower is, even though it's supposed to be a surprise. But, I figured I would have to book the day off work, cuz I usually work weekends. It's not till June 8th, which is worrying me, just because I wanted to wait until after my shower to buy stuff, and that'll only give me a month...I know, a month is probably plenty of time, but considering the fact that I have all of nothing right now, I'm just stressing over what we need to get. :P

My heartburn has been terrible. It's been waking me up at night. I have been trying propping myself up in bed to a reclining position, but that doesn't work either. I got heartburn before pregnancy, but never enough to complain about. But this is bad. I think I might try that Zantac or Pepcid stuff.

The baby's not moving as much as she used to. It worries me sometimes, but she's still moving enough that I shouldn't have to be worried. It just makes me feel better when she kicks a lot, I know she's active and healthy. The doctor told me that she was head-down this week, and her heartbeat is still good, and everything's looking fine. He also said I don't get anymore ultrasounds...I only got 1. I'd like to see her in there again, but they don't give em unless there're complications or if they're unsure of the baby's position after 35 weeks. Ah well. As long as she keeps on kicking!

April 14 So...I'm trying to quit smoking. I have been "trying" this entire pregnancy, but it hasn't been working out very well. My husband is one of the problems...If I was going to quit, then WE were gonna quit. I couldn't do it without him doing it. So, we decided that this weekend would be it. That would be the end. Yesterday was my first smoke-free day since I was 14 years old. A day and a half may not seem like much, but you shoulda seen me yesterday. I was a blubbering mess every 2 hours, yelling at my husband, blaming him for everything...And, of course, it wasn't easy for him either, he had to deal with it too, plus take my shit. At one point he started mocking me and my crying, and I was seriously going to stab him, so I just left the house. I was gonna go to my dad's, but everyone there smokes. Then I thought about going to my best friend's...but her boyfriend smokes. My sister...no she smokes. I ended up going to Wal-Mart. I spent about two and a half hours there, just looking around. I was in the curtain section, trying to find sheers for the nursery, and I started crying. I was a mess... I bought a new pillow for Mike cuz he's always complaining about his. I bought a bracelet too. I don't know why, I don't even wear bracelets.

So, I left WalMart and got in the car, and there were like 5 missed calls and a text message from my hubby...Saying I should come home, and he missed me, and he was sorry and he hoped I was OK. Then I started crying in the car again, just for a few minutes, and once I got control of myself again I did go home. I've only been driving since October, I'm not very comfortable with it.

When I got home, I SOOO wanted him to have gone out and picked up a pack of smokes....but he hadn't. But then, he hoped I had... It's good that neither of us got any, though. I think the first 24 hours are the hardest--they seem to be a particularly difficult mental hurdle for me. I was never able to get past those first 24. I always thought, "If I can make it one day..." but I never did before. Oh, I'm still having cravings right now, but I don't want to KILL anyone. Hopefully I can do this. It really is for the best.

April 12 Mleh. When I got married my ring size was 4 1/4. It's really not anymore. I took my engagement and wedding rings off last night. I had to soak my hand in ice water to reduce the swelling, then I had to use some cooking oil. The engagement ring came off fairly easily, but it made my finger swell up with all the twisting and pulling, and when I tried to get the wedding ring off...it wasn't as easy. My finger is still bruised and swollen more than 24 hours later. My friends were telling me that if you go to the hospital and end up having to have a c-section, that they'll make you take off all your jewellery to ensure a sterile environment, and if you can't get the rings off, they'll cut em off. I'm not sure if that's true, but I figured that the rings were gonna start cutting off the circulation and make my finger go purple, so I thought it was for the best that I try to take the rings off. I honestly didn't think they'd come off! About a year ago I was working a job in a pharmaceutical place where jewellery wasn't allowed, and when I took those rings off that day, it was a trial. I had to use a whole lot of soap, and I think I cut the skin. I have gained...oh...prolly 35-40 lbs since then, so it's amazing that I did it. I don't know why this is bothering me so much though. They are just rings...sure, they're the most expensive jewellery I own, but still...

Holy crap heartburn

I have my GTT on Tuesday. My hubby got the day off work so he's coming with me, and I just KNOW we'll have a blast. Yeah. I've been eating sugar non-stop for the past four weeks or so, perhaps to balance out my crazy need for vegetables before then. I'm assuming my body is all right with all the sugar I'm eating, but I guess we'll see when I drink the Ol' super sweetened orange drink. Who knows, really? Whatever happens happens, and I'll deal with it as it comes.

April 6 My husband and I went to register for the baby today. It was fun! It was much more fun than registering for our wedding, which was a trying ordeal. We spent like half an hour trying to figure out how to use the stroller-carseat combo...But, we finally got it and scanned in the one we liked. We also got a whole lot of bedding and bath stuff and whatnot on the list. The hubby was actually into it - no complaining, no watch-checking, no arguing. It was great! I can't wait to see what I get!

The baby had one super-active day about 3 days ago, she was just kicking the crap outta me, high, low and in between. It was non-stop too, from about 9 in the morning til 4 in the afternoon. It was kinda cool, but since then there hasn't been as much activity. Still enough that I'm not worried, but never as much as that day. My good little baby. :)

I was thinking about cloth diapering, looking up info and prices on th internet...Getting started is pretty expensive. Then I found a site where they offer patterns where you can make your own cloth diapers, and I thought that might be a good idea. Turns out that's just what my mother in law did for her daughter, and she still had a couple that she gave me for use as a guide. Pretty cool. She said it was a good option for girls, but she doubted it would be as good for boys, because of the misdirection. So, I'll give it a try for my little girl. I plan to have some disposibles for back-up, in case things get too hairy, but I can't not give it a try. Disposible diapers are just about the worst things you can put in the landfills, what with the plastic and chemicals and potentially biohazardous waste...Ugh. I'm not a mad-environmentalist, but I kinda get depressed when I think about what we do to this world, and now that I have a child on the way, who's gonna inherit this planet...our kids are gonna have to clean up after our mistakes. I guess cloth diapering isn't going to contribute THAT much to a cleaner world tomorrow, but, hey, I do what I can right?

April 2 Several months ago, my mother in law took me out shopping for maternity clothes. I felt a little awkward at the time, I mean, I aman adult, I can purchase my own clothes. But, she insisted, and I let her buy me a bunch of stuff. The total bill came to over $300...and she actually told my husband that she had expected to buy a lot more.

Now, I wish I had let her buy a lot more. $300 doesn't get you much in the good ol' maternity store. Four pairs of pants and four or five tops...I should have gone CRAZY!! Hell, she was WILLING! But I had to hold back...Sigh. Now that I seriously can't wear normal sizes, four pants and five tops doesn't seem like very much. I guess I'll have to go out myself and grab a few more articles, but money's getting tight. I mean, seriously, it CANNOT cost $425 a MONTH for electricity in a 2 bedroom apartment!!! A used crib for $278? Yeah right. And don't get me started on area rugs...5X8 for $300??!! I don't care how cute the Damn Thing IS!!!!

Well, I have to go to work...Whut up wit the save button? Looks like some nordic language...

March 30th My baby girl's room is all yellow now. It's a pretty yellow, nice and pale with a buttery sort of tone...Maybe a slight lemon undertone...Lemon butter would be a good name for it. But Benjamin Moore decided to name it an artsy and fanciful "Light Yellow." I'm so excited. I've got the room painted and I have a little glider and ottoman in there. It's getting closer to a nursery! Baby steps. LOL. Now I need to make a list of the crap I need for the nursery...and the stuff I WANT. Should a little toy box be on the want or need list? I wonder.

Today we're getting furniture for my big boy, Mike. We're gonna give his dresser to the baby, and go out and buy him a big dresser. He's had his since he was born, and right now his pants are in several stack on the closet for lack of space elsewhere...All he can fit of his in that tiny dresser is socks and boxers. But his is a nice dresser, good quality, and if it worked for him it'll work for baby.

MARCH 26th I just came back from the ob-gyn appointment. I have gained 8 lbs in the past 5 weeks. He said a pound a week was ideal...so I guess I'm getting fat. LOL. My baby's heartbeat was 155, and she gave a little kick when he put the mic against my belly. Cute. He also said I have to go in to the hospital and get a glucose test and a RhoGam shot cuz I'm O-neg. I have another appt in 4 weeks, and after that he wants to see me every 2 weeks! Crazy. It's hard to believe how close it's getting. In 4 weeks, I'll be 29 weeks along...wow. I forgot to ask about the trimester thing. Oh well. He said I'm 25 weeks and 1 day today, even though this site says its 25 weeks right on. I guess I'll trust the doctor about it, though. :) So, I was 158 lbs at 8 weeks, and now I'm an immense 171 lbs...That's 13 lbs. That's not too bad. My belly's big. There's a little baby in my belly. Hee hee. I feel like such a dork all the time. I can't wait for my baby. She's gonna be so cute. I'm scared too. I have to raise another human being...how am I gonna do that? I hope she doesn't grow up resenting me. I still want to paint her room yellow, even though I read it's too stimulating. I wonder if she'll care what colour it is. I doubt it. She's gonna be a good, healthy baby, though. I just know it.

My hubby and his dad put up primer in the baby's room. I didn't help at all. :D I was the one who filled in all the holes and sanded and everything, so I feel justified in not helping prime the walls. Mike wants to paint the room pink now. My reason for wanting yellow is more practical than anything - it's an apartment, and if we go anywhere away from neutral, we'll have to repaint before we move out. It's a pale buttery yellow, and I think it will work very well with pink accessories. I mean, pink is one of my favourite colours, but I don't want a crazy pink overkill with pink walls and bedding and curtains and lamps and everything. But maybe lavender is a better accent colour...

MARCH 25th Well, the roids seemed to have calmed down. What a horrible thing! And I had no idea what the hell was going on for the first 2 days! All I knew was that my butt was in so much pain I couldn't do anything! I even had to call in sick to work--which sucks on the holiday weekend cuz now I won't get the stat pay for Friday and Sunday....sigh. Oh well.

25 weeks tomorrow. Get my monthly weigh-in at the doc's. Judging by the way things fit, I've probably gained about 7-10 lbs this month...It's hard to tell without a scale though. I just wanna hear the heartbeat and have him say everything looks great! But...I guess I'll prolly have my glucose test set up...and when do I get another U/S? Do I? I have a book that has been my bible for this pregnancy...and it says that Week 25 starts your third trimester. This website says it's week 27. I'm gonna ask my doctor, see what he says. Not that it really matters, I spose they're arbitrary anyway...Baby's gonna grow the same way whether 3rd trimester starts now or in 2 weeks.

Well, I'm gonna go get me a drink of water.

MARCH 20th So, I have my next dr's appt next week. I have to wonder if it's horrible that I have no idea how much weight I've gained, because the only time I get weighed is when I go to the dr. I haven't had too many complaints so far, except the depression thing, which has been hitting me really bad. I'm sure it'll get better, but I don't want it to affect the health of my little girl. But the only physical complaints I have is heartburn and the odd twinge here and there that I can't really call to mind when asked... My husband can be pretty annoying sometimes though.

They really don't do much at my appts, though. I pee in a cup and the receptionist sticks something in it then it goes down the drain. Then she weighs me, then I wait for the dr. Then the dr measures my belly with a measuring tape, then he finds the heartbeat with the doppler, then it's pretty much done, and I make my next appt. Sounds fun, CAN'T WAIT!!! I love to hear the heartbeat, though, bumpbumpbumpbump....awww baby.

I met my hubby Mike in 2000. He was a friend of my friend Amanda, and she was looking to set him up with my friend Lisa, so they all planned to meet at this club. Amanda and Lisa asked if I wanted to come along, because my mom had just passed away a few weeks before, and they thought I could use some cheering up, or distraction or something. So, I went along, and met these friends of hers...It's funny, but this club was all-ages with a wristband bar upstairs. I was 19, Amanda had just turned 19, her friends were over 19, but Lisa was still 18, so whenever we went to grab a drink, Lisa couldn't come, which meant less time for her to spend with this new guy. I certainly didn't mean to move in on her territory or anything, but things just seemed to work out that way, and Mike and I ended up exchanging numbers and making a date.

I have to say, our first date was pretty awful. He picked me up and made me sit in the back seat with some other girl, a friend of his, while his buddy had the front seat. We went to this cruddy bar that was just filled to the brim with cigarette smoke and we watched Wrestlemania on the big screen TV. Oh Yay. He sat across from me at this table that was full of his friends, people I didn't know, and barely spoke to me. I was not super impressed. So, I went outside the bar to use my inhaler, and also to collect myself because I was still feeling pretty emotional over my mom's death, and feeling a little confused and rejected by this guy's behaviour. He came out to see how I was, so I took the opportunity to ask him WTF, was I a date or a bar buddy, and he apologized and we went back in and played some pool and he drove me home without his dumb friends in the car and we sat in the car talking for a few hours...so it ended well. We spoke on the phone some more, and we ended up seeing each other again that week-alone this time, and we hit it off pretty well.

Mike's a great guy, though. He's very calm and laid-back, he's very family-oriented, and he's so cute and thoughtful most of the time. I've always been very emotional and prone to insane mood-swings, and he's always been able to take me in stride. He is clueless sometimes, but I notice that most men are. He asked me to marry him in 2005, on our 5th anniversary, which we spent in Niagara Falls, and it was lovely the way he asked...He seemed to uncertain, so worried, as though I'd say no after spending 5 years with him. But, we were married the next year, in June. It was perfect.

I hope our baby gets more of Mike's personality traits than mine. Mike's so much more optimistic, so much more charming, so much more personable. I'm terribly pessimistic and sarcastic, I try to avoid people I dont know and if I had emotional mood-swings before I got pregnant, you should see me now! I hope the baby picks up the positive aspects of each of us, and that I can somehow control or suppress my negativity around her so that she won't think that's the way to be. :P

Well, it's still a while away. I'm still terribly nervous. I lost my first pregnancy at 10 weeks, and found myself pregnant a month later. This one is obvious going well, and looks normal, but I am still frightened. She's my little baby now, I don't want anything to happen to her.