Hot Myspace Comments / Myspace Graphics Well, this is my second pregnancy. Unfortunatly with my 1st, i had a miscarriage at about 4 months along. Ive had to have a colposcopy and a leep done to remove abnormal cells from my cervix in the past and i believe that was the reason for my miscarriage, since it would have made my cervix weak. I was carrying twins. Of course I am still devastated that happened, wouldnt wish it on my worst enemy but it was in the past with someone other than the love of my life now, and i believe that everything happens for a reason. Ive healed my wounds from the previous loss, but it does make me super paranoid in this pregnancy. As of now, I am considered a 'high-risk' pregnancy, but everything seems to be going just great! So.... movin on to happier things... I am so happy to be becoming a mommy!!! I am 23 years old and am originally from Rockford, Illinois. I now live in Vegas, big difference from the mid-west. I came on this site looking for other moms thoughts & feelings who are also pregnant, someplace to put my mind at ease when no one else understands what im goin through, and some good laughs (ive only been a member for 3 days, and ive already gotten alot :)). Looking forward to sharing our experience!.....

More to our story.......

So I moved out here about 5 1/2 years ago? And met my boyfriend aka future husband, baby daddy...through one of his family members. When i saw that he was in the military and after hanging out and clicking with eachother so perfectly, i knew I had to have him all to myself. Ever since we started dating weve been inseperable. Its been a tough road at times (but who hasnt went down those paths) and through everything weve experienced we have come so close, not even rice can come between us (hehe, phillippino inside joke i guess :) ). Anyhow, since he's phillippino and im white (ebony & ivory) our families and childhoods were soooo different, weve just taught eachother so much, and we complete eachother. Everything Im not he is, vice versa All my mom ever talks about is how she cant wait to have a little hawaiian granbaby. (His family is also from Hawaii).I cant wait either!!! I cannot wait to see what our little baby boy looks like! We werent planning to become pregnant, but its the best thing that could have ever happened. And he truly is our little miracle. A part of me was very afraid i might not ever be able to have kids. But here we are, a little nervous, but very very excited!!! Since finding out the baby was a boy, we first decided on the name Alekzander, Zander for short, but recently changed it for good to Jayden. Zander is cute, but it wasnt 'The One'. We LOVE Jayden!!!! Thanks for the laughs and support in advance from everyone and good luck! :)


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December 5th

my hunny is in the Phillippines right now. Unfortunatly one of his relatives passed away from cancer. I am very depressed. I was supposed to meet her, and i was supposed to go to P.I. with the family and since im pregnant i cant go! Well i could, but it would be very dumb and selfish to put my pregnancy at risk being that it is very easy to get violently ill in another country. They just had a hurricane there too, so it would be a very bad idea. Im used to having my hunny be gone since he's in the military, once a year he has annual training for 2-3 weeks. But this time is so different, b/c usually his family is here, but now theyre ALL gone! And plus i dont have my family here, add some hormones to that. Im so lonely and depressed. :( He'll be gone for 2 weeks, andt his family for3. they are coming back right b4 Christmas. At least i have the baby. He moves all the time now, it puts me at easea little. And i have my cat Roxy to keep me company. Well, wish me luck! :(

December 28th

My hunny and his family are home. They got home before Christmas, thank God. I feel much better. It was very humbling to see all the pictures and videos from the P.I. There are SO many kids out there, and they all just love theyre big cousin Direck so much. He didnt get to catch his breath while he was there, but didnt mind. And even though i wasnt there, all the kids called me Ateh Jessica, which meant alot to me b/c in philippino tradition they call their elders Ateh, like auntie, out of respect. And they all wrote letters for me and had gifts for me when Direck arrived home. I thought that was very, very sweet considering they havent met me yet, and they also dont have much money there. We are expected to go to the p.i. when the baby is 2 or 3 years old and the whole family is anxious and excited for their new family members arrival. Anyhow, everything is going good, it was very, very hard being home alone but im ok now. I had a doctors appoint. recently and they dont seem concerned about my cervix at all now which is great. They did say my placenta is still low, but im gonna stay positive since it still has plenty of time to move up. The baby moves all the time now, and has a somewhat regular sleep schedule. And the day after daddy came home, he finally got to feel the baby move from outside my belly. He was SO excited cuz hes been feeling a little left out. Its absolutely amazing b/c when i put my hand on my belly the baby doesnt move too much, i think hes just so used to feeling my hands there. But when daddy puts his hand there its like an instant response, even if the baby is sleeping he'll instantly move like a magnet towards his hand and start kicking, and rolling. And we've done a couple of tests where i have him move his hand farther up my belly or to the opposite side and the baby follows his hand! Its SO cute, and just amazes me every time that he knows its his hand. I just cant comprehend how the baby knows, but he definatly does and we both love it!!!

January 11, 2008 Friday

Ok, So, alot has happened since the last time i wrote. On Friday, January 4th I was in a pretty lazy mood all day. I couldnt sleep well the night before b/c my legs and ankles were hurting. So i woke up at like 11am, ate an unusually large amount of breakfast, for me. I had 2 pastry struedle things, a huge bowl of cereal, and a bowl of oatmeal. And then i felt really tired still, so i went back to sleep until like 2pm. My boyfriend came home and then we decided to have a nice night together and go out for dinner and a movie which we havent done in quite some time. We were having a great dinner, and we talked about the baby and our future plans the whole meal, it was so nice. When we got up to pay the bill as i was in front of the cashier i felt this sudden huge gush of fluids come out of me and down my leg. I just like gasped really loud, i knew it wasnt normal, i reached down and touched my pants and saw blood on my fingers. It was like i just had a huge water balloon full of water popped in my pants. I freaked out and had to run to the bathroom with my khakis soaked in blood in front of everyone. I was so scared i wasnt even embarrassed at the moment. When i went to the bathroom it continued to come out. My boyfriend and I rushed to the hospital. When we got there, they immediatly got me on an i.v. and were asking me all these questions. I was SO freaking out, i really though that i was losing the baby, crying my eyes out the whole time. I know my boyfriend must have been freaking out as much as me, but he stayed very strong and calm, and was just trying to keep me calm and comfort me. I was hysterical until as i was laying on the hospital bed i started to feel Jayden move, and i told the nurse. They checked his heartrate and it was normal. I almost instantly felt better, just to know that he was ok. They transferred us to a labor and delivery room just in case anything were to happen, and did an ultrasound. The baby looked fine. The doctor told me the I have partial-placenta previa, and that my placenta is too low and that it is touching my cervix and thats what caused the bleeding. My cervix also seems to be short again. I am very thankful that we got to the hospital as soon as we did, because any time you start bleeding like that, theres a chance that you could lose the baby. So, i just got done spending a week in the hospital, on an i.v. and constant monitoring to make sure i wasnt bleeding anymore. Im home now, and the doctor put me on strict bed-rest. I can only get out of bed to use the bathroom, shower, and grab something real fast, but i cant go downstairs and I cannot be sitting straight up and down, only laying down with pillows propping me up, or at an angle. I guess anytime i stand up, i could start bleeding at anytime, so i really have to limit my time out of bed. Its been a very stressful, worrysome couple of weeks. Im tryin to adjust to this major change, bein stuck in bed. They have me on a med every 6 hours to stop contractions, i guess placenta previa can cause you to go into preterm labor, which i definatly dont want! Im terrified of that! I am grateful that i only have 'partial' placenta previa. Theres still a little chance that my placenta may move up, but the more i get out of bed, the less likely that will happen. If i bleed again, or develop full placenta previa, where my placenta is covering my whole cervixi may end up hospitalized for my remaining pregnancy. Ive been having troubles focusing on the positive, ive just been thinking about all the things i 'cant' do now, and all the things that 'could' happen. Im goin to try and stay positive, and just be grateful and remind myself that this is whats best for the baby. At least ive got my boyfriend here to take care of me and all his and our families love and support. We'll make it through this, i just gotta keep baby Jayden INSIDE ME! We dont want him comin out early, we want him to grow big and strong!

january 14th, 2008

I felt the baby havin the hiccups last night, it was so cute! He just had em today too.I think ive felt em before but i didnt realize it cuz its really soft, just like a little tapping feeling. Im feeling ok today, i got some unfinished things done today, and i got to see the crib that my dad and stepmom are sending us from Illinois, which i am SO excited about! Im really, really bummed that I dont get to help decorate the nursery. But i guess i can watch, and 'supervise' while my boyfriend does it! I picked out all the decorations i want and the color of the paint and everything, and Direcks gonna paint the nursery and put everything up. I feel bad for him cuz now he has to install the babys crib and armoire all by himself, and gets a little frustrated doin that stuff. He'll be alright though, he'll get used to it cuz theres many,many more things he'll be putting together besides that in the coming years!

January 20th, 2008 Sunday

So, the other day I had to go get my glucose test done. I was a little concerned before the appoint. b/c the baby didnt seem to be moving as much or as hard as he normally does, for about 2 days. And it really got me worried. So I called the doc and the nurse told me that he should start moving after the glucose test, but if he still didnt and i was still worried that i could go to the hospital where they could do a non-stress test to check on the baby. Well i went and took the test and he still wasnt movin much so i figured we should just go to the hospital to be safe. Better safe than sorry, i dont feel bad about bein extra cautious since i am a high-risk pregnancy. So we went and they hooked me up to the fetal heart rate monitor for an hour, basically what they were doin twice a day when i was hospitalized. And he was just fine, as a matter of fact from about a 1/2 hour through the monitoring, and then after we got home, all night, and allllll day the next day he was kickin n movin like never before. i was relieved, but a little irritated. Im like man, i got a lil punk in there, hes tryna let me know he aint gonna be easy. Im like, what did i get myself into? He just wants to keep mommy on her toes i guess, lil brat. Anyhow, so we had our appoint. at the high-risk doc the next day and things went great! The doc said baby is doin great, we got to see his cute lil pudgy face on the 3D ultrasound, which i posted pics of those if you wanna see. As far as my placenta previa, he said it looks like me placenta moved up!!!! Yaaaaay! Only a matter of millimeters, but still, thats progress cuz it could of stayed the same or worse, moved even farther down. So, im not outta the woods yet, it hasnt moved enough to get me out yet, but its not 'touching' my cervix, so that lessens my chances of bleeding easily again. They said only a contraction could cause bleeding now, but im on procardia, a med used to stop contractions, so im sure ill be fine. I know nothings guaranteed yet, but i have a chance!! Im just so happy bcuz i really wanna have a natural delivery, i do not want a c-section so bad! I really didnt think my placenta was gonna move up, so i guess i should stay 'positive' huh? The doc said im still on bed rest, but i have a little more leeway. I can sit up now, i dont have to be laying down or propped on pillows all the time. And i can walk a little more, he just doesnt really want me walking or standing for too long. And absolutely no s-e-x!!! He doesnt have to worry about that though, i would not take that chance. But i gotta say, for awhile i havent even had any interest in sex, despite all the crazy sexual dreams i was havin, but now, its like, mannnnn. I cant stop havin intimate dreams about me n my man, and its drivin me crazy now. I dont know if its cuz im in the 3rd trimester but i am DYING!!!! Its so hard, and i cant even have an orgasm, bcuz that could cause contractions as well. Sorry if TMI. But it just sux. Its not fair. Im like man, i dont ever wanna hear any complaining or attitude from our child when hes a teenager, DO YOU KNOW WHAT I WENT THROUGH FOR YOU!!!!!!! How many of us have heard that from mom? :) But really, months of bedrest, no sex, and labor!!!! And evrything else im have in store for me. Its ok though, i love this baby sooooooooo much, i would do whatever it takes to make sure hes healthy and ok, its allll worth it, no matter how much its sucks for the moment.

Feb. 3rd, 2008 sunday

Sooo, we got the nursery set up for the most part,painted, set up the crib and armoire, and hung up some of babys clothes. I really like the color we painted the nursery. We are just waiting on gettin the rocker/glider chair, which i cant wait for! I have this urge to just sit and rock! And we still gotta put up the wallpaper, buy the crib bedding set, and get some decorations for the walls and a lamp. But its almost there, we still have time!

Ive been feeling ok i guess, just a little blah. Its like i have nothing to really do all day, and im bored but yet i dont feel like talking on the phone with anyone. People call its just i dont feel like talking when im gonna be all blah sounding on the phone, who wants to talk to someone like that, ya know? i dont know whats wrong with me, ive always had mood swings, but lately theyre just really there, im pretty sure its just the pregnancy. Im getting more and more excited though as each week goes by, and so is daddy. Its like we cant wait for the baby to be here, but were also kinda scared, like are we really this far? I cant believe its almost gonna be time!! We just cant wait to see who he's gonna look like. Having a baby is like waiting for christmas, except 9 months. I cant stand the anticipation! And i really cant wait for my baby shower!! Its still one month away, but it gives me something to look forward to and plan. Since ive been outta work now for a month and itll be 2 by my shower, it will be nice to see all my co-workers and friends. Even though i feel really gross, and not very pretty. I mean i feel beautiful carrying a life inside me but ive just put on alot of prego weight, not more than the average, but it really shows in my face, and i dont feel very pretty or confident ya know? No ones gonna care though, they all understand. The only sucky part is that since all my family is in Illinois, they wont be here for the shower. That really bumms me out, i havent seen them in over a year, and it sucks that they wont be an active part in Jaydens growing up, he'll know who they are though, i will def. make sure of it. I am grateful at least that Direcks family is here, they are my family also, and it would really suck if they werent here either since he has a really big family! Talking about baby, he's really starting to move around alot in there, kickin my ribs and givin me extreme indigestion!! He's almost always on the right side and i can pretty much tell whats what now as far as where his legs and feet and everything are. Its getting pretty hard to find comfortable sleeping positions now, but its alright. None of the symptoms are too bad, just a little uncomfortable. Poeple say im small for 7 1/2 months, probly cuz im tall and have wide hips. I cant imagine how much more uncomfy its gonna get as i get bigger and baby has less room to grow! We'll see!

Feb. 8th, 2008 Fri.

So, we had 2 doc. appoint. today, one for my regular obgyn visit, and one for the high-risk doc. Everything looks good, Jaydens growth and weight are right on target, he's 3 1/2 pounds which is normal. My cervix looks great. Ive gained about 30-35 lbs so far, wow! Surprisingly neither doc said anything, the ultrasound tech. said shes surprised i havent gained alot more weight since im on bedrest, maybe thats why the docs didnt say anything. I dont really look fat, but i do feel like it. Oh well, im sure i cant put on too much more weight in 2 months time. The only crappy news is my placenta is still the same, it hasnt moved up anymore. Theyre not really super concerned since itsnot touching the cervix anymore, but its still too close to it to be ok, so, still on bedrest of course. The doc said after this week he's really not too concerned about the babys health b/c if he were to be born early everythings developed and he wouldnt have problems surviving or any health issues really. Jayden is head up again which explains alot. Cuz i had a feeling he had turned, he's been kicking me really hard in the cervix and bladder! And its been seriously hurting and uncomfortable, and i was like there is no way those can be punches, its just too hard, unless he's judo chopping! Plus i figured that hard bulge by my ribs was too hard to be his booty, and ive noticed alot of the pressure and sharp pains i was having in the back area of my ribcage had let up. Im pretty sure when he was head down he had his foot crammed back there. Once again, the ultrasound tech was amazed at how big our boys peepee was. It never fails, every doc and u/s tech. have the same reaction. lol. And it really is big, she was joking about it the whole time and took pics of his little, or as she said huge! balls. wow. I think my boyfriend felt violated for him. It was funny tho. We'll have funny stories for when he grows up. Usually Jayden always wants to show off the goods, like he opens his legs like its a free show, but as soon as she was tryin to take a picture he cupped his hand over it! I wasnt surprized, we can already tell he's a little punk, he likes messin with us, like everytime we try to get a good 3d image he'll cover his face or turn the other way. He's just a little butthead, hes lettin us know what he has in store for us. He may be a little booger when he comes out, but thats ok, ill love him too much to care, plus im no pushover, moms a punk too. Ill be putting the new ultrasound pics on here soon, but ive gotta get to a scanner first. thats all for now!

March 9th, 2008 Sunday

So..... alot has happened since the last time i wrote! I had a doc appoint. with my highrisk doc on Friday and GREAT NEWS!!! My placenta has fully moved up on its own much to my surprise b/c i really didnt think it would. Its completely outta the way, so i can have a natural delivery now! :D I am SO happy! It truly is a miracle. The doc said im good to go off bedrest, and.... i can have sex! Sorry if tmi, but that is great news considering its been like 4 months, and my hunny is super excited also, but he's actually more happy that we dont have to worry about our baby Jayden anymore as far the placenta goes. Its so nice to know i dont have to worry about bleeding or going into preterm labor just b/c of the placenta now. And its a whole new freedom to be able to walk and run and jump if i want to, which i probly wont wanna, but at least i can if i wanna. lol. Im mostly happy that hes just gonna be ok and that i dont gotta have a c-section, cuz i really really didnt want that. A c-section is just not how i pictured giving birth in my mind. I realize anything could still happen, you never know, something could go off plan at the hospital and i may still have to have one but ill remain positive. I asked the doc if i could go back to work then, and he said, well, if you want to but not for another week just cuz he doesnt want me to do anything to bring on labor at least til im 36 weeks. Everyone thinks i should just stay home, but we are really REALLY struggling. Long story short, i thought that i was getting approved for my short-term disability through work for the past 2 months ive been off work, b/c the stupid ass company had me under the wrong impression and no one cared enough to actually listen to the words that were coming outta my mouth for the 2 months ive been dealing with them, and no one realized that i wasnt even eligible for the disability b/c i didnt sign up for it before i was pregnant, which i did mention to them i was pregnant when signing up for it. So basically ive been thinking that i was going to receive a check for 60% of my pay in back-pay for 2 months, only to find out that im NOT, and im not getting shit. I am so depressed about this i just wanna die, if only someone wouldve been more helpful i couldve had my boyfriend get a 2nd job 2 months ago and now we cant even pay our bills. I dont know what were gonna do. He told me not to worry, that he'll do whatever it takes. He works construction and just changed job sites, and his job has been talking about giving alot of OT, so were crossing our fingers that he does b/c then we would be ok. None of my family thinks i should go back to work, but its hard knowing that i have the option to go and make the $ that we so desperately need. After thinking about it we decided im just gonna stay home. I work at the front desk checking in guests all day long, and my work is seriously not supportive of pregnant woman, were more of a burden, so they wont let me sit on a stool or put me on light duty like answering phones, so basically id have to stand all day which i dont know if i could handle after 2 months of bedrest and inactivity and now this constant pressure and pain in my vagina! I figured i could try to go back to work and if i couldnt handle it just come back home, but its almost pointless being that i only have a month left til my due date, and by the time i get the ok papers from the doc sent to my work and all that technical stuff taken care of id have to be off work again soon anyways. So, i guess im just gonna stay home. I just hope Jayden decides to come out on time and not late. It would be cool if he could come out at like 38 weeks, i wish (is that selfish?). Well, so anyways, on Friday Jayden weighed 5.6 lbs, so right on target, and everything looked good!.

I had my baby shower on March 1st. It was a bittersweet day kinda. The day didnt start off exactly as i had planned. My bf and i ordered the baby shower cake at the Air Force Base, which normally has great service being that its government run. We spent about 20 minutes ordering the damn thing and confirmed with the lady that it would be ready by 11am the next day, the day of the shower. We showed up the next day at noon, the shower started at 2pm, to pick up the cake. Well, there was NO cake and NO ORDER!!! You should already know how this went, a pregnant woman full of hormones, doin her own shower that starts in a matter of hours, whose cake is not just not ready, but they dont even have the order for it! I dont even wanna tell the whole story b/c its just irritating. But after alot of bitching and being extremely pissed, and being told id have to come back and get my cake in an hour, they gave me a $50 store credit to pay for the cake and what i had in my cart, which believe me, i deserved, especially after the attitude i was given when they were in the wrong. They werent even gonna do anything at first and basically told me i was s.o.l. and im like, um, NO. Im NOT paying for a cake that i have to come back and p/u in the middle of my shower that shoulda already been done and its not even what i ordered. Thats ridiculous. Luckily i work in customer service and know how to get what i deserve. i was NOT gonna pay for the cake. I really wanted a nice cake since it was also my b-day the day before, but i knew it wasnt gonna look the way i wanted. They didnt even have the theme i had picked out previously which was cute little lambs, and i didnt want flowers on the cake so i told them to do cute pastel puffy balloons in icing, and i specifically said I DONT WANT IT TO LOOK LIKE A BIRTHDAY CAKE! its for a baby shower. The cake looked so much worse than i couldve even expected, i wish i woulda took a pic of it. I was just So plain and ugly and didnt even look like a baby shower cake, let alone a bday cake. It was wacked, my family was like, WOW. i was just like wtf ever, just give me the f'n cake. The other disappointing part of the day was that i invited about 70 people from work, knowing they wouldnt all show up, but expecting more than 4 to come. I was so pissed. Alot of people told me on numerous occasions they were coming, and some people even told me they better get an invite, and then the day comes, and no one even called. I was really pissed, it was more b/c my feelings were a little hurt. After months on bedrest and not seeing people and being extremely bored i was really looking forward to seeing my supposed friends. You would think they would at least call (if not to say sorry i cant make it, but to at least ask how im doin), there were about 5 other people that i really expected to be there and the people that came were the people i least expected to come but was very happy to see them. About 8 friends came between friends at work and outside work. It also pissed me off that i spent ALOT of time and energy on planning the shower and making the invitations which took months. But whatever, i guess i just really learned who my real friends are and how fake some people can be. I had the flu as well that whole week and really felt like shit that day, so i dont know if i coulda really handled more people (there was still alot of people there, but mostly family), but still, its just the point. So, despite all that, I actually did enjoy our shower very much, it still turned out to be really nice. My sister was in town with her bf, and alot more of my bf's family showed up than i thought would. We had alot of fun games, and i had a raffle for everyone who brought diapers or wipes, and gave away 3 prizes for that. There was tons of good food and it was just really nice. We got the remaining items that we really needed, that we were concerned about being able to afford,being that ive been off work. Direcks mom and dad got us the travel system stroller, and his uncle got us the pack n play with the bassinet which were the two things that we still really needed, that are also expensive! We got a swing, 2 bath tubs, tons of clothes ranging through 1 year old (which is good), a bouncer, diaper bag, 2 breast pumps, a bottle warmer, and a huge box of diapers and wipes to last a month or 2. So we were very, very blessed. We might not have got as much as a lot of other people get on their showers, but really,we got what we needed and i am very thankful of that. Some people dont even get showers, or dont even have family to come to theirs, so i am so grateful for my real friends and my bf's family. It was hard not having all my family here, but they called and some of them sent some stuff for the baby as well. At the end of the day, i was a lil sad about the co-worker thing and think ill be quite grudgeful for awhile (which im not usually that way), but i was very happy to see how many people DO care about us and the baby and the day was great. I was SO ready to go to bed at the end of the day though. I really didnt think id get overwhelmed at the shower but i actually was, i think i was up and about a lil more than i shoulda been! My bf had to get up really early the next day, but when we got home, hes like, theres no way ima be able to fall asleep without going through and looking at everything. And then he HAD to put the stroller together, it was SO sute! :) The only things i wanna get now are my glider/ottoman chair set, a breast feeding pillow, a wipe warmer, and better diaper bag for Direck, and maybe a few more blankets for the baby. But luckily none of that is absolutely essential, it would just be nice to have. Im gonna post some pics of the stuff we got in a few days. I feel bad complaining so much in this journal entry, i just needed to vent. But i really do feel extremely grateful and blessed for cards we have recently been dealt . What more could we ask for, our baby is ok now,we can have natural child birth (which now im kinda scared! :P ), and we got everything we needed without having to buy anything! Thankyou God, i love you!!!

March 25th, 2008 Tuesday

Soooooo.... whats happened lately? So, im done going to my high risk doctor since evrything cleared up, which im kinda sad cuz ill miss my high risk doc, doctor Huang. He was very nice! But ive had a few obgyn appoint., which one was a little crazy. I went in for my 36th week appoint., and had asked the nurse if they were gonna do an internal since it was the beginning of my weekly appointments and i heard they start doin em then, and shes like 'no, since you already had one on the 28th when you had your Group B strep test'.Im like, uh, i did not have that done yet (which i hadnt asked about yet cuz i wasnt particularly lookin forward to it, and i figured they were waiting til the 37 week appoint to do it). Shes like, yeah you did. Im like NO, i think i would remember if i had my ASS SWABBED!!! I hadnt had an internal exam since my very first appoint. She was all confused, b/c she had the results for the test and everything.(i later found out that they had confused my Group B test with a Strep culture i had done on my throat when i was sick). Im like damn dude, isnt that kind of a big mistake to make?? wtf? so anyways, she told me to go ahead and get undressed and the doc performed the group b test (which turned out negetive on my next appoint., Yaaay!) which actually wasnt bad, i thought they were gonna stick the q-tip in my ass, they just swipe around it. When he did the internal exam it was really uncomfy and HURT!!! I was like damn! Is it sposed to be hurting this much?! He said yeah, but after he left and i was getting dressed i was bleeding a little bit.I wasnt concerned cuz i heard its normal to spot after, my bf was like,no call him back in just to be safe, which im glad he did cuz the doc was actually a lil concerned. He said it was probly bleeding cuz the cervix is so engorged with blood and all the pressure from the baby and pressure he was applying can actually cause a little tear, which is no concern but he wanted to be sure. It stopped bleeding, which he had to keep swabbing with q-tips til it did. He said if i was still bleeding after getting home to go to L&D right away, but luckily it stopped. I had initially wanted to know if id dropped cuz some of my family said it looked like i did but i couldnt tell. I asked him how would i know, and he said the only way was by an internal exam, which after he did mine he said i hadnt dropped, and wasnt dilated or anything but the head was low, so i was bummed that no progress! I had another appoint last fri. with my other doc who i like much more. I told him i wanted to double check i wasnt leaking amniotic fluid cuz my discharge seemed to be really flowing out. I figured it was probly just discharge, but we both agreed we should double check just to be sure, dont wanna get an infection!!! So he did another internal exam and confirmed it was not fluid, but i am 1/2 a centimeter dilated, 50% effaced, and Jaydens head is very low. Not much progress, but at least some! Yaaaay!!! I told him i was ready for baby to come out and he said me and my man better get to it then! If you know what i mean, lol. I been walkin my dogs every day, which he said should help a little, but sex is our best bet. Ironically enough, now that we can have sex, i dont even really want to! I cant seem to get mine, and its actually kinda weird and uncomfy? Which i didnt think id feel that way, but its just weird and awkward havin a big belly in the way, haha. But we still have been tryin a little here and there, i want things to hurry up and progress!!!! lol. So yesterday i cleaned all day, and when i went to the bathroom i finally lost some of my mucous plug! yaaaaayyy!!so that must mean things are happening in there. I cant wait! I havent been able to sleep for crap the past week, i wake up like 6-7 times throughout the night to pee (barely anything), SO annoying, and for some reason im just not sleeping good. Even though we have as pillowtop mattress, i feel like im sleeping on the floor? And my vagina has been extremely sore, like it hurts to turnover in bed, feels like my bones are spreading apart, ouch! Also, ive been getting these shock-like jolts down there like someone is blasting my with a tazer gun! It was only when i was walking before, but now its even when im sitting! I finally got my glider/ottoman which i just determined right now when i went to walmart and tracked the order. Im a little bit pissed cuz it says clearly on the initial email confirming my order, to WAIT FOR AN EMAIL TELLING YOU YOUR ORDER IS READY FOR PICKUP between 7-10 day.I never got an email. Well, the first time i tracked it, it said your order will arrive by the 26th which was like 2 weeks, not 7-10 days, i was like wtf? Ive been SOOOO incredibly anxious to get the damn chair that ive been checking my email every damn day, only to find no email still. So when i finally tracked the order for the 2nd time today, its says my chair has been at the store ready for pickup since the 18th. That really pisses me off dude! Im really gonna bitch, cuz thats irritating! If the company says theyre gonna email me they better damn well do it!!!! what if i didnt check on it? I wouldve never known it was there b/c they didnt contact me like they said they would, and it woulda got sent back to the warehouse!!!!! Wow. Maybe my hormones are making me over react a little bit, but thats bullshit. Whatever, im just gonna try n be happy that its ready to be picked up at least i guess. Well, ill post more soon if i have any more progress! Hopefully soon, im really gonna miss bein preggers n dont look forward to goin back to work, but im so ready to see my little baby monk monk!!! COME OUT little man!!!! :)

March 29th, 2008 Saturday

So we had another one of my weekly appointments yesterday. I was really wanting to have another internal exam done (well not really, cuz they really hurt!)to see if i made any progress, luckily the doc said sure we can check! So upon our exam doc saw that i am now 1 centimeter dilated, 70% effaced! Yaaaay! So we have even more progress! I asked him if the baby dropped yet, and he said yeah a little, but not as much as he would like. But he wasnt discouraged by that b/c he said there was def. progress. He pushed kinda hard during the exam, i even had a lil tear roll out of my eye! Im such a pansy! But after we went into his office he mentioned he was trying to get things rolling by putting a little bit of pressureon my cervix. Ill def. take a couple seconds of pain if thatll speed up the progress! The doc is like when are you gonna have this kid! lol. Were like, yeah, we know, right? I asked him if he thought there was any chance we might go after the due date, and he said we might. grrr. Basically, he could come tomorrow, or he could come in 2 weeks! Theres no telling! -sigh- I wish there was! The doc did tell my bf that i look great! Most of his patients in their 38th week are strangling him, telling him get this baby outta me already! Im like, well thankyou! I noticed the same thing, that most woman at my same week of preg. are SO extremely uncomfortable and miserable and just so sick of being pregnant! I feel kinda blessed in that way cuz im really not at the point of feeling miserable. I feel pretty good and normal for the most part. I mean, i have my days. I hate peeing 8 times a night, having heartburn, those shocking pains in my vagina, the back pain.... but i can handle it. I think id even be ok at 41 weeks.....NOT jinxing myself and def. not saying i wanna go that far, just sayin, its bearable! And as much as i do also want it to be over, i really am gonna miss havin him rolling around in my belly, just that closeness. Even though ill have him in my arms, i can already sense ill probly feel a little depressed about not bein prego anymore.But ill get over it! But good for me for i guess havin it somewhat easier than other pregos comfortwise! I am so sorry to all those moms who are at their breaking points! Just hang it there! I just cant stand the anticipation! And id really like to be able to fit back into my old clothes. Slowly by slowly my undies and tanktops are getting too small! And i dont wanna go out and buy more! So hurry up baby and get here so mommy can get skinny again!! :)

April 7th, 2008 MONDAY

Man, my pregnancy outlook has changed just a little since last week, lol. Well, its still not that bad, but def. getting unbearable! Im just So ready for this little booger to get out! Im still gettin around ok, just waddling around, and i find it really hard to drive! Its just not comfortable, i feel like i have no room in my belly to like, sit up? And the getting up to pee literally 8 times a night is getting pretty frustrating for me and my poor bf. Its seriously hard to roll outta bed, cuz its like, once ive been laying down for a long time and i go to get up, its hurts my vagina and pelvic area really bad! Im still begging God to please not let me wake up with stretchmarks on my belly at the last moment, being thats the only square inch of my body not covered in them. And my mood over the past week has been SO ugly and moody and grumpy for no reason, and im not fun to be around. Luckily today im in a lazy, but good mood. So, we had a doc appoint on friday, just a little more progress than last week, BLAH. I am now 1 1/2 cent. dilated, and 70-80% effaced. When doin my internal exam the doc didnt tell me he what he was necessarily doing, he just said he was trying to stretch my cervix and try to get things moving along and that id have some spotting after the appoint., but im pretty sure what he was doing was stripping my membranes. I dont know why i didnt ask, but im pretty sure thats what he did. It hurt ALOT! SO uncomfortable, the whole time we were waiting for him to come in the room for the exam i was anxious for the internal cuz i know it can help labor progress, but i was dreading it cuz theyve been doing these exams now the past couple visits and i knew what to expect, they hurt! Im not good with pain and discomfort. Im like dude, if i cant even deal with this, how the hell am i going to deal with labor!? Im terrified! AHHHHH! So anyways, the doc said well, we'll see what happens. He's not going to induce me til a week after my due date if baby doesnt decide to come this week, which sucks. But, lets just stay positive and hope he does come by his due date, or not more than 2 days after. Yesterday me and my bf went to the outlet mall again and got a good 2 hours of walking in. When we got home i was SO tired and my vagina bones were so sore! lol. And then last night for the first time i started getting contractions. I havent had any BH the whole pregnancy, and i dont know if theres a difference between BH and Pre-Labor contractions. But i think what i was having was the Pre-Labor contractions. I started to notice cramping, which mind you, ive been trying to be really in tune with my body and notice ANY slight changes since im SO impatient for progress, and i def. havent had any cramping up til now. So, i noticed a dull backache, and then proceeding, a little cramping in my abdomen, and my whole belly got really tight. So, i busted out the prego books and started reading up, and my symptoms met the prelabor contr. to aT. I was always pushing the bottom part of my belly to see if it was hard to try and tell if i was having a contraction, but i guess your actually sposed to be pressing the top of your placenta up by your ribcage and if its soft like the tip of your nose, your not having a contr., but if its hard like your forehead you are. So i was like, oh! Im having one right now! I timed them for like 2 hours and they were consistantly 10 minutes apart, and not painful. So i was like yaaaaay! Progress! Im so excited! I dont know if its from the Raspberry Leaf tea ive been drinking, the stripping of my membranes, or the walking, but somethin different is happening for the first time in what seems like forever. And i think ive lost most my mucous plug, but still was having kind of greeny mucous discharge last night and today. I think ive been having contractions all day today actually, but ive been sitting up so i cant really tell. Its easier to tell when laying down. AHHH! so exciting! My body is getting ready for the BIG moment! :D Well, my next appoint is this wed., so we'll see if theres any progress. I have a feeling I will be more dilated (dontchya like my positivity for once? :) ) b/c when you have contractions that means your body is stretching, dilating, preparing for the baby, so we WILL see! Wish me luck! Im ready for you baby!! Not quite so ready for labor though! eeek! lol. FOUR more days!!! (hopefully!)

April 10th, 2008 Thursday

So we had what was supposed to be our last appoint. yesterday. We didnt have much progress, well any really. Last Friday we were 1 1/2 centimeters dilated, and yesterday we still werent even at 2 cent. I didnt take into account that it hadnt necessarily been a week since our last appoint., so technically we still would have had 2 more days,until friday to make a little more progress. and i feel like maybe if our appoint was on friday like usual i wouldve made it to at least 2 cent., but its still pretty discouraging cuz ive been doing everything to encourage my cervix to dilate more, walking, drinking the raspberry leaf tea, having sex, dr. Rhee even kinda ruptured my membranes. And after all that, on sunday night i started having pre-labor contractions at 10 and 6 minutes apart and ive been having them ever since, so i really thought we would have some more progress! Its just really aggravating when i have nothing to do but sit around the house all week doin nothin but anticipating my next appoint to see what progress ive made and when we finally have the appoint, i havent made much progress!!!! grrrrr! The most disappointing part of the appoint yesterday is that Dr. Rhee was like ok, lets schedule you for an induction next week for the 18th. I was like, ughh! cant we do it sooner! But he said that he wasnt on call for any days earlier in the week, so im like ok, well i guess we can wait. But then Direck was checking his schedule and realized that the HUGE very important test at school he has is the next day!!! So im like fuck. How is that gonna work?! If they induce me on friday morning, im almost positive i would deliver saturday morning at which time he would be at school. And i am NOT gonna have him miss his sons birth! And i certainly am not gonna go through labor without him by my side, there is noone that can comfort me the way ima need him to. He cant miss the test, he almost got fired before for missing school, and he just cant fail the test. Dr. Rhee said he was gonna try to see if there was any other doctors that would be able to deliver me earlier in the week. He was like, unless you want me to induce you tommorrow which he didnt really wanna do b/c he felt it was too early. Im like as much as i would love that, i dont wanna take the chance of having a c-section, cuz we havent given my body enough time on its own to try n go into labor. And what could happen is since my cervix hasnt really dilated enough yet, theres a chance the pitocin wouldnt work, id go through labor and all the pain to ultimately have it end in a c-section cuz my body just wasnt ready. the chances of that happening are pretty high since its still early. So im like, no, i dont wanna do that. We'll just leave it at friday for now i guess and try to see if theres anything else we can do. Dr. Rhee was like, well, im not gonna have him miss the birth, so if we can get any other day we'll make SURE you deliver friday night, probly meaning by csection. On the way home i started thinkin, and i like dude there is no way we are doin it Friday. Im not gonna have a c-section voluntarily just b/c of his stupid test. If i were to get a csection, the next time i get pregnant, b/c of the placenta problem i had, if that were to happen again, the placenta could attatch itself to the previous csection scar and then when i deliver they would have to do a hysterectomy! And i AM NOT doin that!? So i was crying on the way home, im just like dude this is so gay, why of ALL weekends does this stupid test have to be that weekend?? Its not Direcks fault, and he really cant miss that test. so im like, you know what, we cannot be induced friday, its gonna have to be earlier than that. It sucks that Dr. Rhee wont be able to deliver our baby, but at this point, thats not as important as other things. I have another appoint set up with him on Tuesday and in the meantime he was gonna try to see what other options we had. But thats just too far away, so i called my nurse today and told her to tell him that Tuesday night, or Wed. or Thurs. morning would be the best days and to please tell him to try and find a doctor. I know im like stressing out, but this is very important. I just wish Jayden would come on his own before then and make all this go away. :( But i just dont have that motherly gut instinct feeling that anything is gonna be happening anytime soon. God work us a miracle here!! Gosh im like seriously venting right now. Im already feeling anxious enough knowing that everything is gonna be happening really soon. I just hope everything works.

Ok, so now, heres another damn dilemma i gotta deal with. So, i just started thinking about the fact that when i was hospitalized earlier in the pregnancy, the medical forms the doctor filled out were only filled out to excuse me from work until my due date april 11th, bcuz the doctors couldnt give any exact date, theyjust put excuse until 6 weeks after due date, my work is stupid so theyre like well your just gonna have to put until april 11th for now. Which basically means at the last minute, i have to wait until its almost damn time to deliver and then have the doc fax over a form excusing me longer. Well i only have until like June 2nd til i have to be back to work, so i call my work and im like well what do i need to do to get excused until june 2nd? I basically need my doc to fax over medical cert. form. The bitch at my work that ive been dealing with in Employee Relations has a serious attitude problem, and shes been like that since day one, im really ready to call human resources b/c ever since my pregnancy began ive had problems with her damn attitude. The bitch is seriously pissing me off. Im like can you please make sure you fax the forms that need to be filled out to my doc today, b/c they close soon and id really like to get this taken care of asap. And shes like, well if i have time, i have someone in front on me right now and if you wouldve called earlier, blah blah blah. wow. Im like seriously stressing. its their damn fault that im only excused til tommorrow and have to deal with this now!!! And you wanna give ME attitude?! i dont need that. I simply just wanna get this done before the weekend, b/c everythingis just starting to become too much! What if i deliver this weekend or monday?! And now not only do i worry about this, scheduling an induction date, now, i have to frickin worry about calling into work every damn day until this shit gets sorted out.I still need my work to fax the forms, the hospital to fill them out, fax them back, then for my work to take care of it, and they probly wont call me back to let me know its been taken care of, so ill have to worry about calling them back. This is just too much right now. im seriously having a hormone/stress overload right now.

April 15, 2008

Gosh, i seriously cannot take this anymore!!!! AHHHHHHH! I am gonna lose my frickin mind! SO. I was sposed to have a doc appoint today at 10:30am. Around 3 am i was dead asleep and felt a sudden gush of fluid come out of me and jumped up and ran to the bathroom. It was probly about 1/4 a cup. I didnt know for sure if it was fluid but i thought maybe it was since it woke me up out my sleep and it seemed to be quite alot of fluid. I know its possible for the amniotic fluid to just slowly trickle out instead of just being a bt ig gush, and the color of it had a light pink tinge to it. So im like, ok, if its fluid, then i should start having contractions. So i left the bathroom light on and went and laid down to see if anything would happen. I didnt wake Direck cuz i didnt even know if anything was goin on. Well, needless to say,i started having contractions, that actually hurt! They were not consistent though, just kinda all over the place. I was awake on and off all morning until i finally just got up at 7am.I told Direck to just go to work.So i called the doc and asked if i should come to my appoint and they said no, to go to L&D. Im like man, i really didnt drive all the way to the hospital if its not something ya know? But i thought it had to be cuz why would i start having painful contractions if it wasnt.The fluid gushed outta me a couple more times. So i showered and got my bags ready and had direcks mom and dad drive me to the hospital. We got there and they put me in the triage and monitered the babys heart rate and my contractions. The nurse determined that it was NOT amniotic fluid, mustve just been really watery discharge. What?! I read that the fluid would keep steadily comin out,which mine didnt, but i wanted to be sure. The nurse said it was not wrong of me to come in, that it was good to be safe and that if i had doubts again she would want me to do the same thing. Oh, AND im only 2 cent. dilated STILL. wow, i was so disappointed. I really thought something was happening. I was really hoping that they would just keep me there and induce me, but no, not the case. They sent me home. Some other GREAT news. My due date is not even april11th, its the 10th. So im actually FIVE days over due. I talked to Dr. Rhee over the phone to see about the induction date. And he determined they werent able to get me in any earlier than friday, but that he felt pretty confident that i would deliver that day and not saturday which i am SO scared of happening. Of course i know he cant predict the future, but i really hope he is right. Direck missing any part of this is really almost the worst thing that could happen. The doctor was saying something about wed., but he strongly suggestsed. I asked the hospital when should i come in cuz i DO ed that i just wait until friday. Im just like, well, you know better than i do whats the best thing to do, and if you feel thats better than i guess thats just what we'll have to do. So, im scheduled for an induction at 6am on Friday. I am praying to you my Lord, PLEASE please please let me deliver on friday. I am just so extremely frustrated and i know theres nothing i can do about it, and its not my babys fault. But i just really am hating the fact that i am so frickin overdue, and that i had to be sent home. I do not wanna be sent home again. The only thing thats keeping me positive right now is that fact that i might actually go into labor on my own before friday being that im actually having real contractions now, that must mean SOMETHING is happening, right? I can say i now know that the contractions i was having last week were NOT real contractions. THESE ARE, they hurt like a bitch and have really became WAY more painful now than they were this morning. they are also a little more consistent now, 10 minutes apart, where earlier there was no pattern. I am realllllllly keeping my fingers crossed.I DONOT wanna get sent home again. They said when the contractions are 5 minutes apart or the pain is unbearable to come in. So we'll see what happens. i hope something happens tonight or tommorrow so bad. These contractions are REALLY starting to hurt.

MY BABY PIC & JAYDENS ULTRASOUND

DIRECKS BABY PIC & JAYDENS ULTRASOUND

About You

Name?:
Jessica


Age?:
23

Height?:
5'9

Pre-pregnancy weight?:
145-150

About The Father

Name?:
Direck

Age?:
23

Height?:
5'9

Occupation?:
construction, army

Are you still together?:
Of course!

About Your Pregnancy

Is this your first pregnancy?:
nope. 2nd. Lost the 1st

When did you find out you were pregnant?:
hmmmm, august? I woke up to use the bathroom, still 1/2 asleep. My period wasnt very late, only a day or 2, but i was expecting blood to be there when i wiped. When t