Hello people my name is Alecia and I am a 24 y/o soldier with a husband and 3 children and I am currently pregnant again with child number 4!!

Ok so people today is Feb 15th and I am STILL OVERSEAS. I am so ready to go home and enjoy my pregnancy but I just cant go yet. Oh well. I for some reason do not feel sick at all. I am wondering if this is a boy because I only got sick with my daughter the boys were ok. Terez really wants a boy but I kind of wanted a girl since Chenese (my daughter) is the youngest she would want to have a sister to play with. Oh well I guess as long as he/she is healthy thats all that matters but I still can have hope right? :-)

Ok I am writing this for the SECOND TIME. I am overseas with the military but I can not go home until I am 7 months which is ok but I am pregnant and I am miserable. I am taking it out on my husband. I call him every morning as soon as I wake up just to make him upset. Its like I hear him all happy and fine while I am miserable over here and I call him just to say the most eveil things I can think of and it makes my day to make him upset. I DONT KNOW WHY!! I just do.He really is a good person and even though I am clearly the reason we argue he still blames it on himself and tells me how much he loves me even though I say teh most awful things. I am just so MAD that I HAVE TO BE PREGNANT AND SICK over here while he is home. Granted he is taking care of the other three kids but I am still MAD! I cant help it! WHat is wrong with me?

Ok so here I am again. I am very mad because my senior supervisor has forced me to come into work on Sunday even though it is actually his job since his other supervisor is gone but he tells me he does not want to come in on Sunday (my off day) so I have to. I am the only female who works here and there about 25 males and he refused to tell ANY of them to do it just me and he knows I am pregnant and extremely tired but instead of asking any of the males to come in he says "Well Alecia you are the next supervisor after Marvin, Terry, Rich, Harry, and myself so you need to come in". He could have asked any of those guys who are NOT pregnant but NOOOO he asks me. I am already working 60 hour weeks! WDF! He also expects me to come in tomorrow with NO days off this week or last week but if he thinks I am then he is mistaken. I am tired and need rest! Why do some men have to be such A**Holes? I am so tired. I need a break. Oh well better days later

Today is Feb 20th 2008 and I feel like crap. I am starting to get depressed . I am so sick to my stomach and my head is hurting. My boss came in and gave me a headache right off the back trying to find something, anything to nag about. He couldnt find anything so he complains that I LOOK TO TIRED. How can you look to tired and what business is it of his? I want some sour punches. Hubby is ok but he thinks just because I dont want tot talk to him right now I am interested in someone else and that is not the case. I mean he is my baby its just that he does not understand that I need help. I need help paying the bills and I can not continue to do it by myself and I am getting frustrated trying to show him. I love him to death and he is a good man but he just needs some drive in his life. He acts like he does not wnat to work but he is to old for that nonsense. I am giving him until March 15th to get a job or he has to go. I love him but I cant keep doing it by myself especially being pregnant. Maybe I am wrong I mean he is so good at taking care of the kids and cooking and cleaning but to me thats not enough because he is teh man of the house and he should act like it. Oh well hopefully it will get better later.

Feb 21st 2008- I cant go to the doctor until I get home which wont be until May. I am so pissed off. I have to have Terez got to Walgreens at home and mail me some prenatal vitamins. THANK GOD I am not new at this whole pregnancy thing or I would be so hurt worrying and wondering. Lets see today was pretty uneventful I went and bought tylenol for these head aches I keep getting which I dont know if they are because of the baby or because I hate seeing my supervisor lol. He aint that bad sometimes just so damn irritating. Terez and I FINALLY had a really good talk and everything seems to be going much better. He apologized for always thinking stuff he just explained he is overprotective of me and does not want me to leave him. HA Like thats gonna happen. 4 kids?! I aint going anywhere! HE ALSO HAS A JOB HE STARTS MONDAY!!! YAAAAAYYYYYYYYY FINALLYYYYYYYYYY!!!!! I am so glad I could just scream. I think I will have to reward myself for being so understanding with him by eating a huge bowl of cookies n cream ice cream. Well maybe not reward myself but thats still a good excuse for eating whatever I want. I know sometimes he says I dont do anything but bitch but thru it all I still love him. Sometimes I just wish everybody would stay out of our business though. MY WHOLE FAMILY is so freaking NOSY. They have an opinion about EVERYTHING. Today I had this really good philly cheese steak sandwich and got sick about 4 minutes after I ate it all. I know I am carrying a boy though because I would be WAY more sick than I am now. Oh well time to get off work oh yea TODAY I BOUGHT A LAPTOP With a webcamera so that I can see my kids and Terez at home! I will feel like Im at home now. It will be about 2 weeks before it gets here though. I also gotta coem out of 1800 for my freaking car. Apparently you have to get a tune up more than once every 2 years. Who would have though?

Today is just one of those days AGAIN where I just stress stress stress. I am so scared of being a mother of 4 at the age of 25. I never thought I would have 4 kids and def not at 25. I will be 25 in August and baby number 4 is due in October. I was supposed to be living in my beautiful one bedroom apartment alone in LA at this time! LOL I love my kids to death though I am just scared of being one of those moms that live life thru her kids. I want to have myown life. I see my oldest everyday egtting bigger and becoming more and more independent and starting to break away from me and I HATE IT!! I dont want him to break away. I wonder what will people say when they look at me with 4 kids? Will they look at me and say "WOW SHE HAS A LOTTA KIDS!" I went 4 years with just one child but then when I started having them again the last three have just been back to back. I have not even told my mother yet and I probably wont until I am in the hospital! LOL I mean it doesnt really matter right I am the one raising them not her. I wonder will my kids look at me as a OLD HAG?? Well by the time I am 35 mo oldest son will be an 18 and the others will be 14, 12 and 11. Iwonder what they will say.Will they look at me liek I look at my mom like "Why is she trying to be hip"??

There is no such thing as "enjoying pregnancy". I have finally come to see that. I just feel like crawilng into a hole to die. I took off work early yesterday because I was tired of my supervisor and he is off on saturdays so Im like good he wont be here tomorrow. WHY HAS HE SHOWED UP AT WORK!!??? I am so pissed I could just go throw myself off the nearest bridge! Who does he think he is? Showing up on his day off? Soon as he comes in he starts talking to me about some BS and I hear noothing he says. Even right now I have no clue what he was talking about earlier because the WHOLE TIME he was talking I was turning green in the face you know like they do in the cartoons when they are getting sick! IM LIKE PLEASE SHUT THE HELL UP STOP TALKING TO ME!! I am sick, tired and just feel like Im not gonna make it another day without seriously hurting either myself or someone else. I just want to feel like the ladies I see on tv who are just happy and glamorous ALL day long and have no morning sickness.....just then when I put that .... I started to dry heave at work in fron of my employees. What a mess I am in. Its becoming more and more apparent that I can not work. Every minute feels like I am falling apart at work between being sick, stress and being tired I dont think I can survive much longer. I just wanna cry cry cry and lay around in my bed. What am I gonna do??

Okay today not that good I am tired and sick and irritated. Terez has a job and I am so happy but I am still depressed just because I am tired of not eating much. Hot chocolate ALWAYS makes me feel good but today I just could not keep it down. I am stranded because my truck is being serviced. I am to tired to even write so I guess tomorrow will be better