01 MAY 2008: OFFICIALLY NOT TTC ANYMORE! here is my story...

02 June 2007 - trying to conceive our first baby!

Trying for number one!!!

Mommy to be!
Name:	Nikki
Age:	26
Daddy to be!
Name:	Jeremy
Age:	28
Baby to be!
What do u want?	A healthy happy baby!
What does daddy want?	A healthy happy baby!
Birthing plans!
Who will be holding your hand?	My husband Jeremy!
Natural? Medicated?	Ooh, most probably medicated!
Any thoughts on labour?	Petrified!
Names!!
Have you chosen a name?	Yes, after much debate!
Girl names:	Jade, Emma-Leigh, Raylee
Boy names:	Justin, Jaydin
Are you using family names?	Definitely not!

2007-10-02 Hi girls! My name is Nikki, I am 26 and my husband is Jeremy, he is 28. We are from South Africa and have been TCC for our first baby now for 4 months. We have a time limit in which to fall pregnant as we are relocating next year and I cannot be pregnant when I leave. And if I dont fall pregnant we dont know when we will get the next chance to TCC as we are expecting quite a stressfull ride next year! ( I have to be pregnant by end of December 2007...NO PRESSURE THERE!!). The first month of TCC was so nerve-racking. I was silly enough to think it wont be a problem falling pg as both my sisters have not have problems. well...BFN (I took about four HPT's to make sure) and I was devastated. So month two, I downloaded an ovulation calendar and BD'd according to what it said and...BFN again (another few HPT's). Month three: I did the whole 'trying not to try' thing. I actually thought it would work this time round. I tried so hard not to go out and buy a HPT to see what the outcome would be. (but I failed and bought one last week...need I say BFN??) I was supposed to be testing this weekend as my AF would be due on the the 4th October. Well, a had rediculous cramping on Monday and then yesterday I started spotting, and now today big ugly AF has shown up again. I was upset. But I pulled myself together and now I am ready to try the next thing on my list: I am going to buy a clear blue OPK. So here goes...day one...again.

STICKY BABY DUST TO ALL TCC XXXXXX

2007-10-12 Ok. So I said I was taking a break from the site to get myself in the right frame of mind. So this is just a quick update. I have decided that if I do not fall pregnant this month I am going to stop TCC. I know its only been 4 months but I have only two months left to try fall pg (see my story on VIP page) If it doesnt happen now then I am going to take it as its not meant to be right now. I also think that maybe its a blessing in disguise as we need the money for something else so if I was not to fall pregnant then it I cant even fall pregnant. I am going through such a stressful time in my life right now that this week Ive practically spent two days crying...and now I have lost all hope in everything I have wanted to do. I know there are people far off worse than me right now but I guess I have to find a way to deal with lifes pressures and get through it in one piece. You know what they say...when life throws you lemons bring out the tequilla! so thats it...I'll prepare myself now would actually help alot! It breaks my heart to see both my sisters with their kids and for the dissappointment to come at the end of the month and then I will move on. I cant do this anymore.

2007-10-15 Last Thrusday was day 10 of my cycle. I took the first OP test...negative. tested again on saterday...negative. Im supposed to be ovulating on the 16th (tomorrow), took a test this morning...negative. What now?

2007-10-16 I dont believe it...its happening again. I was supposed to ovulate today, i am on day 15 of my cycle and it looks as if AF is knocking on the door to visit. I had one patch of small spotting yesterday but now I had cramps this morning, and now when i wipe Ive got bright alomst pink-orange spotting. I am worrying now. This happened for the first time in the first week of september and before that it has never happened before. I think i am putting too much strain on myslef which is causing an upset in my cycles. but i am scared now that i cant conceive. i dont actually know what to think anymore!

2007-10-25 Well, another month has gone by and still nothing. Again my AF has come two weks early and i have been spotting and bleeing for 8 days now. I dont think this is normal...we have stopped tcc now but we still wont be using protection until december which is the very lst monthi can fall pg. i am not saying i hope it works out as i have lost all excitement and hopes of falling pg. in fact i dont want ot even think of it at all!! I wonder when ill be updating this page, and also i wonder if its going to be at the end of december...or sooner with something positive!!

2007-11-08 spotting again...i know i gave up a long time ago so this is actually becoming to frustrating for me. im on day 24 of my cycle and we only BD'd on the 4th November, which was the one and only time we BD'd this cycle. maybe its just me...but i have a feeling this is mother nature telling me its not the right time. hard to listen when we both want it so badly...

2007-11-15 ok, quick update. I am worrying my weight is causing problems with tcc. so i have joined a ladies gym and i start tommorrow! i am really hoping that this is going to help me conceive. although wee officially stop tcc next month, we wont go back to birth control or protection, and if it happen it happens. it will just cause us to postpone our plans a bit. but i dont mind...i want to be a mommy so badly now!!! i hate walking past the baby clothes section in the shops as i thought i would be buying some by now. here's wishing for a BFP this month!!! i am refreshed and positive now and am hoping for the best!!! PLEASE IM PRAYING FOR A BFP!!!

2007-11-23 CD16...spotting bright pink...panick stations on red alert...SAY NO TO AF! SAY NO TO AF!

2007-11-27 Playing to waiting game...testing on the 8th December...THINK BFP THINK BFP!!!!!

2007-12-03 CD26 and 11DPO. AF due on Wednesday. I am feeling nothing...not even pms. i usually have sore bb's by now. but also, i dont feel pregnant. tested this morning and it was BFN! wil this or will it not be my month...will have to wait and see!

2007-12-13 So, again its not our month. how can you not feel disheartened about this. six months, who would've known it would take longer than this. AF 7 days late today and still not here but i can feel she is trying to make an appearance. so here we are, december, our last month to try. i dont even know if i should bother as it will be in the back of my mind so obviously it wont happen.

2007-12-15 AF here...8 days late!

2008-01-15 I've done such a good job not thinking about ttc that i didnt realize until checking my vip page that af was due yesterday. so she not here yet, i wonder what she will do this month...praying she doesnt come. we both want this os bad we are trying until end feb. if i can keep inthis frame of mind it might work! i must just forget about ttc all over again!

2008-01-25 CD42...no posiive test result yet, tested on the 22nd midday so i am not sure if i should rely on that. i have no symptoms...just extremely bloated! hope i have some news soon or af soon so i can carry on trying if i have to...this is doing my head in!!!

2008-01-27 After a long and recently emotional 43 day cycle AF finally arrived this morning. So we now moving onto our 8th month TTC.

2008-02-08 CD12...spotting started in the morning, then just after 8pm AF arrived...obviously I did not expect this being day 12...i was expecting to be approaching my ovulation days...

2008-02-11 still flowing...

2008-02-12 so af cleared up yesterday. BD last night. now spotting again this morning bright red. i can see the towel being thrown in on ttc...

2008-02-15 i woke up this morning with an overwealming feeling of positiveness that my time is coming soon. i dont know why all of a sudden i feel this way...could it be the great BD last night? all i know is its quite refreshing feeling like this seeing as i have been so nagative and depressed about this. i hope its a good sign.

2008-02-25 well, ovulation weekend has now passed and i am so hoping that with all the crazy BD thats been going on that something happens this month! i have waited long enough now for this!!!!! i felt a slight cramp on saterday mornign and then again this morning which was followed by a slight bit of spotting, not so much that you would notice it clearly though...i wonder if this is ovulation spotting! i hope it means something good coz i should have millions of potential babies in there waiting for a home to start growing lol! So, should i be right about where i am in my cycle...lets begin the 2ww! PLEASE OH PLEASE LET THIS BE IT!

2008-02-26 Im 27 today!!!!!

2008-03-01 cd23, af arrived early morning very unexpectantly.

2008-03-03 we would have been going into our 9th month of ttc this month, funny to think that 9 months ago i thought we would be having our first baby! so, 9 long months have gone by and its now time to close the ttc chapter of our lives for now. its obviously not meant to be right now and i need to come to terms with it and move on. we have run out of time and all i need to focus on is enjoying the rest of this year in my home country before the big move! it will probably be a lot easier now without worrying about bd and temps and CM and all that goes with ttc...its been an emotional ride and i can actually say i enjoyed it! i certainly learnt alot about my body and cycles and all that stuff! this time next year we should be settled in our new country and ready to take on ttc again...wow...a year until we ttc again, i am sure it will go by quite fast tho! so finaly to all you girls who have helped me in the past months and helped me with my questions and queries, sometimes very silly questions too lol, i just want to say thank you! this is such a wonderful site and the support and comfort you find here is truly amazing! the freindships made here will be treasured! i wish all those still ttc the best of luck and i hope you get your BFP very soon! i will still be visiting this site everynow and then as i want to keep track of my very unorganized AF on my vip and hopefully it will improve and become normal by the time we are ready to ttc again!! thanks again girls!!! xxx and bye for now!

2008-03-28 ok. so the first month of not trying and not thinking about ANYTHING to do with ttc and what do u know, AF is a full proper 28 days! yay, so it looks like my cycle is pretty much normal, it just shows what the stress of ttc does to ones body and mind. she hasnt come in full force yet but spotting is getting more and more. so by tomorrow she should be here. what a relief! i was afraid i would be struggling to get my cycle on track!

2008-03-28 ok. so last month was great...finally a normal cycle. well, scrap that. just had a 12 day cycle again. Af came 08 April, finished up yesterday, 11th. oh well... 28 April...af. ended 03 May. length of cycle: 26 days.

2008-05-01 no more ttc...

2008-05-13 so, although we stopped ttc officially i was stupid and thought i actually got it right and knew i was ovulating. so i thought "just one more month". i am so sure i was! but now, TYPICAL, as usual, when i was so sure, i got a mid-cycle AF, but not heavy, just spotting. but alot of spotting. iv had enough. fate is telling me not to have a baby now. urg i could just pull my hair out! AAAAAAAAAAAH! iv had enough. FOR ONCE AND FOR ALL! damnit im so cross.

2008-06-03 AF...

A poem, by me...

How exciting it was meant to be, nevermind the happiness and fun

We had taken that decision in life-I was to try to become a Mum!

So ther we started, one month...two months...three

but negative tests and that damn AF was all i got to see

Then it came to a time where enough of this i had

because all that was happening was that month after month i was sad

Now a year has gone by and all i know

is that this world has decided that im not yet to be so

So here we wait for the right time to come

So that we may try again for me to become a Mum!

written out of bordom ... lol 2008-06-03

2008-07-08 so im not pregnant. peed on the stick and when i lifted it up i saw spots of AF SORRY FOR TMI!... so it looks like she is on her way. its condoms all the way now till early 2009 when we will ttc again!i cant believe i fooled myself into thinking we actually got it right thismonth... i feel so stupid! when we stopped ttc we should have just stopped!!!!