niknak's profile

niknak
niknak has 91 days to go and is now in week 27
	Age: 33 Country: US Province/region: Washington City: Seattle Partner: Tyler Children: Pregnant: Yes Due date: 08 Oct ,2008 Occupation: LIVING
	Online: 2 days ago. Last updated: 44 days ago. Member since: 100 days
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WELCOME TO NIKNAK'S PAGE!!

I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder two years ago. While trying to get my medications just right for me, I began using drugs and a lot of alcohol...self medicating. Well, I've been clean and sober since December of 2007, thanks to drug and alcohol treatment, Alcoholics Annonymous, and Al-Anon. Not to mention the close support I've gotten from people I've met in my programs. My pregnancy has been one of the worst experiences of my life. I do not care about hearing my baby's heart beat or seeing an ultrasound. I am able to take a few of my bipolar meds, but not enough to really help. I see my psychiatrist once a week and run the risk of having post partum psychosis. I have a lot of anger and rage that I control by isolating myself. My emotions have put a huge strain on mine and my boyfriend's relationship. I try my best to not look pregnant so people don't ask me my due date, or even worse, touch my belly. I love kids and babies and I have always dreamed of being pregnant and being a mom, but dealing with bipolar along with that is overwhelming. I am a spiritual person and pray that God will help me. I'm still alive so he's doing something. I don't know what the hell stickydust is, but if anyone could fax me some, that would be great. I'm not looking for pitty, but if anyone can relate to any of my mess of a life, don't be afraid to leave a comment. Or even just to tell me I just depressed the hell out of you! Good luck to all! Thanks for reading.

IT'S A GIRL!!!

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soon2be momma d - 14.6 hours ago
Hey there! I just wanted to check in with you and see how you and your little girl doing!? Have you picked out any names? Hope all is well - keep me posted! ;)

judi - 31.7 hours ago
Hey there! Nice to hear from you again. How are you feeling about your little one? It can be hard to connect, but it's starting to seem a lot more real now that she's moving more.

judi - Saturday, 5 July
G'day. I asked Jason if anything was bothering him, without actually mentioning what I'd seen on the wall, and he said he's okay. I said he seemed a little "down" the other evening, and he said it was just a mood, on account of what he'd been doing in his game (World of Warcraft). He really needs to not let things get to him like that, but maybe it's a teenage thing! I think he's okay. Still keeping an eye on him, but it seems to have passed. He's happy now that he and his mate have "levelled" their character and can do what they want to do in the game. I asked if he'd like to go somewhere while we're on Winter holidays, and he said he'd rather just play his game on the computer. It's his 17th birthday this coming Friday. Thanks for your concern.

How've you been, hon? Is everything okay physically, with the pregnancy?

lizzie61804 - Sunday, 29 June
hey there, i was doing some search on post partum and i found your name and did some rading on what your wrote i had post partum very bad during my 1st pregnancy and when she came out i was just as bad i wanted to hide under the covers.. and pretend it all went away i could actaully say when i gave her a bath i could see my self just letting her go and then it would all go away and then i seeked help because i could not stop crying.. so do my depression being so bad i ended going into preerm labor and having her my 1st at 35 weeks she was healthy and she is 4 now and i have someone how survived with my meds and then ended up pregnant with my hubby again thought tthis time it was a thought out prenancya nd i did the reseacch and new i would have to get off my meds .. and i did and for the whole 36 weeks i was pregnant i was a fish out of water the only thing i could take was my cloanzapam it def helped even me out in my pregnancy .. my dco ( prenatal speacialst is really awesome)
so the moral to the story is i had my 2nd daughter on friday june 20th she is 7 days old today and it been up and down but i have baby blues nad i just waiting for the post partum but i dont know it weird i have good days and bad days depending on the moment. i have to say i breast fed this one and it really has helped it a good way to help you relax.. well please keep in touch with me and if you ever need to talk just let me know i know where you been but i not in your mind so i dint know what your truly thinking ...

crystalmooon - Tuesday, 24 June
Hey, Glad to hear from ya - I had seen that you weren't on the site for like 4 or 5 days and I was a bit worried. You take care! xo

judi - Tuesday, 24 June
There's no family history that I know of on either side, but my twin sister's 21 year-old daughter is clinically depressed and on disability pension and some kinda prescription "happy pills".

Sure, I'll make sure I talk to Jay one-on-one after school this afternoon. Bit hard in a small house with 7 people in it, but I'll corner him somewhere private for a few minutes.

Thanks!

bnlmusicfan2 - Tuesday, 24 June
Hi I seen you have bi-polar disorder. I myself suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder, OCD, and severe anxiety. I can relate to alot of what you said. I am a recovering alcoholic myself, I became sober about 4 months before I got pregnant. I am frustrated as well that I can not take all the medications I probably should while pregnant. But, for me to be even diagnosed with this I was in the "nut" hut 7 times in the past year. So it has been hard on my little girls and my boyfriend of 41/2 years. It is hard to explain all the emotions that you are going through if they can't experience them with you, or through explaining them. So most of my problem is with lashing out my frustrations on my boyfriend, and lately having a short fuse with my girls; yelling at them. I suppose the hormones don't help either. My motto is live second to second, minute to minute, etc.... It works particually well for my severe painic attacks. Take care. Keep in touch.
Brittany

judi - Tuesday, 24 June
Thanks so much for getting back to me regarding Jason - it's such a worry, because I know that pushing or being too nosy could be very counter-productive, as could over-reacting and rushing him off to a psychiatrist. I like what you suggest, though. I'll talk to him and just ask if everything's okay. Most of the time he certainly seems quite happy, and yeah, I don't know if it's a fake happy for our benefit or maybe it's genuine and the "blue funk" was just stressed or overtired or something that particular night. Oh, teenagers!! What joy!!

Regarding pregnancy, I'm getting plenty of backaches, but otherwise feeling pretty good. I really feel bad for you as being pregnant makes anyone kinda bipolar, and to have that underlying as well, you really must be climbing the walls at times. Hope your meds can keep you sane and calm for now at least.

Really appreciate the advice, and hope you're having a good day.

momof3blondies - Thursday, 19 June
Glad to hear that you are home, even if your meds aren't quite right yet. If you ever need anyone to talk to about anything please don't hesitate to drop a line. Hopefully things will start to look up for you very soon, and you can get excited about the baby. I hope you get to feeling 100% really soon. If you need anything please don't hesitate to ask, and I will help you in any way that I can.

crystalmooon - Thursday, 19 June
Glad to hear there's been a change - even if you are still feeling depressed and rageful (is that even a real word?), at least you can in the comfort of your own place, right? And there has probably been an improvement since when you went into the hospital. If you need to vent or be angry or bitch or cry, just holler in this direction (I have msn messenger too if you want). Take care of yourself, and keep in touch! xo

judi - Thursday, 19 June
Yay for kitties! I just put mine down, and had so much cat fur on my big belly!! Must be lovely to be home again. Good that the meds are an improvement, too, even if not quite right. How are you feeling otherwise? Backaches, cramps and reflux seem to be the norm nowadays - welcome to 25 weeks, I guess!

I'm gonna ask you for some advice. My eldest boy, Jay, is 16 and I guess it's fairly normal for teens to have emotional highs and lows. He seems like a happy-go-lucky kid, although he calls his World of Warcraft character "ReaperBob" and his email is DeathSpirit or some such thing. Anyway, about a year ago, he got depressed about a girl. He soon dumped her, and then seemed okay. But last night I saw that he'd written on the glass shower recess in soap, "I just wanna die". He seems okay during the day, but I'm worried. Should I confront him about it? Refer him to the school counselor? What do you think?

Hope you're having a good day. Take care. * hug *

jessla - Wednesday, 18 June
It can be really hard to get excited about something when you are not in control of your mind. I was very depressed at the beginning of this pregnancy and I felt pretty much miserable. Just remember that you are going to have valley's and peaks in your life. The Bible says, yeah though I WALK through the valley of the shadow of death. Meaning, when you are in one of those low point (the valley) you should continue to walk through. I hope that this child can bring you peace and joy.

crystalmooon - Wednesday, 18 June
Hey, just checkin to see how you're doin. Doc's given you any word on when you might be getting out of there? Take care! xo

judi - Wednesday, 18 June
Hey there, hon. All is well with me. Little Penny is kicking like a champion, which is uncomfortable but very reassuring. Kinda nice. My legs have been cramping more these last few days, but it's nothing serious.

Hope your doctors get your meds straight. "Mixed bipolar state" - sounds like you don't know if your coming or going! But hopefully it's not all bad.

I'm sure you'll be happy to get home to your lovely cats, anyway. They might be more therapeutic than the medicines the doctors give you!

Take care, and keep in touch. * HUGS *

heatmacd - Tuesday, 17 June
Hang in there!! its very tough being isolated in hospital for such a long time. A huge drag it takes a couple of weeks to regulate your meds! Keep in mind you are in the best place right now for you and your baby. (Im sure you are tired of hearing that) i truly believe that God doesnt dish us out more than we can handle! God Bless

judi - Saturday, 14 June
Hello,
How you doing today? Still bored and pacing in circles? I feel for you - just hate hospitals, but they'll look after you, hey. Hope you have a nice weekend. Our weather here is sunny and warm and nice. I was just out doing some gardening, and it's lovely in the sunshine. Weekends are good because my girls play with little Tycho and it gives me time to myself a bit through the day.

Hope you're feeling a little better. Take care