niknak's profile

niknak
niknak is 6 days overdue and is now in week 40
	Age: 33 Country: US Province/region: Washington City: Seattle Partner: Tyler Children: Pregnant: Yes Due date: 08 Oct ,2008 Occupation: LIVING
	Online: 17 days ago. Last updated: 141 days ago. Member since: 197 days
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WELCOME TO NIKNAK'S PAGE!!

I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder two years ago. While trying to get my medications just right for me, I began using drugs and a lot of alcohol...self medicating. Well, I've been clean and sober since December of 2007, thanks to drug and alcohol treatment, Alcoholics Annonymous, and Al-Anon. Not to mention the close support I've gotten from people I've met in my programs. My pregnancy has been one of the worst experiences of my life. I do not care about hearing my baby's heart beat or seeing an ultrasound. I am able to take a few of my bipolar meds, but not enough to really help. I see my psychiatrist once a week and run the risk of having post partum psychosis. I have a lot of anger and rage that I control by isolating myself. My emotions have put a huge strain on mine and my boyfriend's relationship. I try my best to not look pregnant so people don't ask me my due date, or even worse, touch my belly. I love kids and babies and I have always dreamed of being pregnant and being a mom, but dealing with bipolar along with that is overwhelming. I am a spiritual person and pray that God will help me. I'm still alive so he's doing something. I don't know what the hell stickydust is, but if anyone could fax me some, that would be great. I'm not looking for pitty, but if anyone can relate to any of my mess of a life, don't be afraid to leave a comment. Or even just to tell me I just depressed the hell out of you! Good luck to all! Thanks for reading.

IT'S A GIRL!!!

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Comments 26-50 to niknak
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soon2be momma d - Monday, 21 July
Hey! Sorry it took me awhile to respond, but I left town on the 11th and just got home last night. I read your reply and my God that sounds awful! I can't imagine having to deal with that when I'm somewhat stable in a non-pregnant state, but throw the emotions and hormones of pregnancy into the mix and YUCK, plus bi-polar. I wish I could help somehow, you are probably doing the best thing by trying to stay busy. Do you know when your b/f gets out? I hope that situation gets resolved and fixed with minimal stress to you and baby Piper. I am so glad she is active and doing well, are you feeling more connected to her? I'll send up some prayers and know that I am always here to listen if you need it!! Good luck and I'll pray for some sunshine in your cloud. ;)

Natalies Roti Baby - Thursday, 17 July
How are you doing?

jenadamandbaby - Wednesday, 16 July

awww! now i want to draw on MY belly!!!!!! :) how have you been doing?

sharra - Sunday, 13 July
Hey there, how are you doing? I am doing well. I haven't heard from you in awhile and I thought I would just say hi. How is your summer doing? Are you staying cool? I see you put some belly pics up- very nice. I still have to get the nerve to do it. I really am not a prude, but I have to find the right angle on my belly!
I am feeling very big and getting ready by nesting and just prepairing my mind. Let me know how you are doing. Take care.

judi - Saturday, 12 July
Well, please feel free to talk here whenever you feel like you need to. I'm very happy to receive any messages, and especially if I can help just by listening. It's good.

I can understand you hesitating to share that particular news with your family - I know I wouldn't be telling mine, either, that's for sure!! So yeah, I'm kinda far away, but as close as your computer.

judi - Saturday, 12 July
Well, just hang in there, honey. Hopefully the b/f thing will be resolved without too much stress. * hugs *

judi - Saturday, 12 July
Oh man, that's tough about your boyfriend. When will he be out?

Nice that your little Piper is moving a lot and that you're feeling more connected to her. My little Penny moves a lot too, and my daughter Becki just loves to watch my belly bouncing around, although I don't much like her (or anyone) touching me there.

I've now gained about 34 lbs, and although I don't feel THAT huge, I must say I get a fright whenever I catch sight of myself in a mirror or store-front window!

Love78 - Friday, 11 July

Cute pic! I love birds. I grew up with an Orange Wing Amazon Parrot. I'll probably inherit him someday from my parents.

soon2be momma d - Tuesday, 8 July
Hey there! I just wanted to check in with you and see how you and your little girl doing!? Have you picked out any names? Hope all is well - keep me posted! ;)

judi - Tuesday, 8 July
Hey there! Nice to hear from you again. How are you feeling about your little one? It can be hard to connect, but it's starting to seem a lot more real now that she's moving more.

judi - Saturday, 5 July
G'day. I asked Jason if anything was bothering him, without actually mentioning what I'd seen on the wall, and he said he's okay. I said he seemed a little "down" the other evening, and he said it was just a mood, on account of what he'd been doing in his game (World of Warcraft). He really needs to not let things get to him like that, but maybe it's a teenage thing! I think he's okay. Still keeping an eye on him, but it seems to have passed. He's happy now that he and his mate have "levelled" their character and can do what they want to do in the game. I asked if he'd like to go somewhere while we're on Winter holidays, and he said he'd rather just play his game on the computer. It's his 17th birthday this coming Friday. Thanks for your concern.

How've you been, hon? Is everything okay physically, with the pregnancy?

lizzie61804 - Sunday, 29 June
hey there, i was doing some search on post partum and i found your name and did some rading on what your wrote i had post partum very bad during my 1st pregnancy and when she came out i was just as bad i wanted to hide under the covers.. and pretend it all went away i could actaully say when i gave her a bath i could see my self just letting her go and then it would all go away and then i seeked help because i could not stop crying.. so do my depression being so bad i ended going into preerm labor and having her my 1st at 35 weeks she was healthy and she is 4 now and i have someone how survived with my meds and then ended up pregnant with my hubby again thought tthis time it was a thought out prenancya nd i did the reseacch and new i would have to get off my meds .. and i did and for the whole 36 weeks i was pregnant i was a fish out of water the only thing i could take was my cloanzapam it def helped even me out in my pregnancy .. my dco ( prenatal speacialst is really awesome)
so the moral to the story is i had my 2nd daughter on friday june 20th she is 7 days old today and it been up and down but i have baby blues nad i just waiting for the post partum but i dont know it weird i have good days and bad days depending on the moment. i have to say i breast fed this one and it really has helped it a good way to help you relax.. well please keep in touch with me and if you ever need to talk just let me know i know where you been but i not in your mind so i dint know what your truly thinking ...