niknak's profile

niknak
	Age: 33 Country: US Province/region: Washington City: Seattle Partner: Tyler Children: Pregnant: Yes Due date: 08 Oct ,2008 Occupation: LIVING
	Online: 58 days ago. Last updated: 181 days ago. Member since: 238 days
\| Profile \| Photos (19) \| Children (0) \| Blog (5) \| Polls (1) \| Agenda (0) \| Comments added (33) \| Notepad

Members

WELCOME TO NIKNAK'S PAGE!!

I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder two years ago. While trying to get my medications just right for me, I began using drugs and a lot of alcohol...self medicating. Well, I've been clean and sober since December of 2007, thanks to drug and alcohol treatment, Alcoholics Annonymous, and Al-Anon. Not to mention the close support I've gotten from people I've met in my programs. My pregnancy has been one of the worst experiences of my life. I do not care about hearing my baby's heart beat or seeing an ultrasound. I am able to take a few of my bipolar meds, but not enough to really help. I see my psychiatrist once a week and run the risk of having post partum psychosis. I have a lot of anger and rage that I control by isolating myself. My emotions have put a huge strain on mine and my boyfriend's relationship. I try my best to not look pregnant so people don't ask me my due date, or even worse, touch my belly. I love kids and babies and I have always dreamed of being pregnant and being a mom, but dealing with bipolar along with that is overwhelming. I am a spiritual person and pray that God will help me. I'm still alive so he's doing something. I don't know what the hell stickydust is, but if anyone could fax me some, that would be great. I'm not looking for pitty, but if anyone can relate to any of my mess of a life, don't be afraid to leave a comment. Or even just to tell me I just depressed the hell out of you! Good luck to all! Thanks for reading.

IT'S A GIRL!!!

Comments on niknak`s Profile
Leave a message for niknak in the right column where it reads `Add comment`

Comments 151-175 to niknak
Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 Next

~*courtney*~ - Tuesday, 29 April
awwwww that's so sad... how could anyone be so cruel????? He's sooo cute still!!!!! Luckily you're his angel!!!!

catherynh - Monday, 28 April
Haha.. oh my gosh! That's really scary because Im getting to the point where I feel like I cant hold my pee when I laugh!! Haha... at least Im not in the wedding!!! Thank you so much for the sweet comments too!!!

BabyGonzales - Saturday, 26 April
Okay I just didnt know if you were gonna get offended me asking questions. Getting on this website has helped me alot through this pregnancy. I love chatting with the women on here and it feels good to know Im not the only one going through certain things. Have you tried getting on the welfare system to help out with food and money?

wilsonwilson - Saturday, 26 April
Hi, thank you for your message and I am so pleased all is well with the meds and that you have someone to talk about things to, I wish I had my DH jokes a lot but he is always there for me and sometimes it is hard to get a serious convo out of him lol.

I think getting your rage out on the public is great and I think that is what I will be doing when I get out of my car lol. It has already started with my bloody family if you would like to read my blog 4 and 5 you will see why. Life will get less stressful I promise you, have a good weekend and hope you are well and doing good xox

~*courtney*~ - Saturday, 26 April

how come your bird has no feathers? He's still very cute. I want one!!!

Natalies Roti Baby - Saturday, 26 April
Hello
I am manic/depressive and I have been off meds like 2 months before I got pregnant I felt like I was poluting myself. Now that I am I refuse to take any meds at all. I have alot more manic times now where I talk and talk and pretty much bounce off the walls. My house is a mess because I cant stay on one thing for more than 20 mintes. When Im down im in bed ALL day sleeping or jusy letting the tv play in the background. Dont let anyone make you feel bad for what you are feeling because that is out of your control. Im always happy to have made it thur another day when the sun goes down. Supports here if you need it.

aanaka - Saturday, 26 April

I love the cockatoo! I used to have an african grey and I loved him so very much. I had to get rid of him and I have regretted it ever ever since!!! I mourn his absence still and its been 6 years!

BabyGonzales - Saturday, 26 April
Just read your journal and just wanted to say that have faith in god that he will get you through this. I cant say that I know what you are going through but I have been depressed before and it sux. Pregnancy doesnt make it any better. It made me so sad to read that you dont care to hear a heartbeat or see an u/s but you have your reasons. What does your bf think about the whole situation? Sorry if Im being to nosey.. Im just curious. If you ever want to chat just hit me up. Take care mama!

Courtney H.ItaliaBrit - Saturday, 26 April

aww

Courtney H.ItaliaBrit - Saturday, 26 April

haha nice

BabyGonzales - Friday, 25 April
Hey there congrats on your pregnancy. How is it going so far?

mamamanda - Friday, 25 April
sticky dust is just a cute way of saying good luck with ure pregnancy from what ive heard. hope this helps!

surprsdmomi - Friday, 25 April
sticky dust is so that the baby sticks and there is no miscarriage. Hope that helps.

melissa-s - Friday, 25 April
thanks. I talked to him last night and he just gets mad and makes excuses and stuff because he works constantly, and he says when he tries to sit with me on the coiuch or something that I just get up... not true. I am not used to the attention anymore because I never get it like I used to. but I know I have been awedul bitchy this pregnancy, but I do need him and he should act like he cares. allright. ttyl. ty for everything

april mcspadden - Friday, 25 April
I agre with you , I dont have a problem talking about my situation to anyone, if I can help someone else not to go through what I did...
My sis is on the same meds you are, but she is not pregnant. shes fixed, thank god inhre situation. *whew*
She has threatned to kill her children numerous times, and that scares the shit out of me.thats great you only take it when you need it, Ive been having anxiety/panic attacks now for a couple years, not sure why yet, but I havent talked to my doc yet about it. I commend you for being open and honest and asking for the help. oh~ and your recovery, I know how hard it is, I worked for about 4 years in a drug treatment min. security prison. thats really great that you dont want to take anything to hurt the baby... that shows you must have some kind of connection. was termination or adoption not an option for you? Just out of curiosty, I can almost garentee that once you feel that baby move inside of you, you will feel more bonded with it, its such an amazing feeling. It truley is a mirical....and Im not overly regilous, but....I DO believe God WILL NOT give you more than you can handle... and has a plan for you and your baby. You are growing a human being inside of you for a reason. He knows you will be a good mom.
I cant believe your getting such a hard problem getting help....thats just really stupid. Keep trying, you will get it! OH~ My ppd... I didnt get any at all with my last child... and we are incredibly bonded....I still struggle to bond with my 5 yr old because we never had it to begin with and took such a long time to remotly bond....I think were getting better though...I stayed on the zoloft and I wouldnt dream of getting off of it! Im afraid Id go complelty nuts! instead of just a little nuts.... lol...
Do you know what your having yet???

april mcspadden - Friday, 25 April
ok.. no wI read what on your page, my sister did have
post partum psychosis and I was boderline. is there anything your doc can do for you?

melissa-s - Friday, 25 April
I have been pretty much on very limited activity through my whole pregnancy. I was on bed rest the 1st trimester and it has just been rough. but I need him more than ever, and it seems like he is always too busy for any time with me other than sex.

gfunk - Friday, 25 April
p.s i have a close friend who also suffers from bipolar disorder and found pregnancy really horrible. i think your really brave for speaking so honestly about your experience. my friend was not as open and after a long silent battle she attempted suicide. by the grace of god she is still with us today and doing really well. she has 2 daughters now! if you ever want to chat just msg me on my page.

gfunk - Friday, 25 April
Hi. im 16 weeks pregnant and have had days where i dont want to be anymore. but some days im really excited. i think its normal to feel up and down, but if your feeling more down then up maybe you should speak to someone. my sister-in-law had ante-natal depression and described alot of what your feeling. i hope this helps and you dont think im being rude or judgemental. because i feel the same way sometimes too! im sure you'll feel better soon!

caseylynn2 - Friday, 25 April
I think the turning point was in one of the first ultrasounds. At first it didnt seem real to me, just a burden that was making me grow and become very hormonal. I would read/hear about pregnant women being "in love" with their 9 week fetus and I just didnt understand. My pregnancy was an accident so it was not expected. But I handled getting to know my baby in my own way. It took time. I think that is how we are, my baby and I. She developed a personality in there around 18 weeks. I could feel her kicking me and when in ultrasound I could relate to her being "stubborn" for the ultrasound tech, (just like me!) so that developed our relationship. Pregnancy is a huge change with your body and mind. I hope it changes you for the better. I know that my hormones get out of control and I do sometimes FEEL bipolar, but it is very normal to have doubts, and to be upset at times. I hope you can get through the tough times of pregnancy, usually it plateaus around 20-25 weeks where you will feel normal again. Good luck, let me know how everything goes!