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My name is Irena. I am 44 and have 3 childen, 23, 18, and 5.5. I am going to celebrate 25 years anniversary on Feb. 19. I can't believe it is going to be a quarter of century soon! My last baby girl was born on April, 10, 2002, 3 days before my husband's birthday. The baby I am carrying right now will be born (I am afraid to think so far in the future, afraid to jinx it) is due July 6, a week before my 45th burthday. This pregnancy was a surprise for for both my husband and for me. Actually, it will be a surprise for my husband when I tell him, right now he is still in a happy bliss of not knowing. I try to spare his feeling as long as I can, because I am very, very sure he will not be happy and it is a very mild way to put it.

I think there is something spiritual in my conceiving this child. We have not been using birth control for over a year now, somehow I was sure I could not concieve any longer. My mother told me she had early menopause and since my periods decreased to 1.5 days, I thought I was immune too. But something happened - first, very very sad: my co-worker, a briliant, vibrant, always happy and charming girl 36 years old died suddenly while working out in her GYM. She had an artificial heart valve that was due to be replaced, but she was putting it off. She left so many things and projects unfinished (she was a clinical nurse specialist, very involved in many projects in my hospital). She also left 2 small children and a devastated husband. Her wake and funeral was on Oct. 5th; after which I came home and I told my husband that we have to have sex every day, while we are still young, healthy, and alive, because nobody knows what happend to us tomorrow. Well, we did not last more than 2-3 times of every day, but I missed my next period. When I discovered my positive pregnancy test, I suddenly heard her name like somebody said it in my mind. I am not very religious person, but in this case I felt something misterious. The door of this lady's office is still the way she left it, with all the paers for her to sign and a big paper rapping the door has all the wishes and thoughts that people felt and wanted her to hear after her death.

So, if this baby will be born, I decided to name it in her honor, and, even though I am worry every day and every second about this baby's health and life, I feel that if She and G-d wanted it to happen, they will lead us to a happy end.