oldie44's profile

oldie44
oldie44 has 51 days to go and is now in week 32
	Age: 44 Country: Private Province/region: Private City: Private Partner: husband of 25 years Children: Pregnant: Yes Due date: 07 Jul ,2008 Occupation: RN
	Online: 22 hours ago. Last updated: 85 days ago. Member since: 144 days
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My name is Irena. I am 44 and have 3 childen, 23, 18, and 5.5. I am going to celebrate 25 years anniversary on Feb. 19. I can't believe it is going to be a quarter of century soon! My last baby girl was born on April, 10, 2002, 3 days before my husband's birthday. The baby I am carrying right now will be born (I am afraid to think so far in the future, afraid to jinx it) is due July 6, a week before my 45th burthday. This pregnancy was a surprise for for both my husband and for me. Actually, it will be a surprise for my husband when I tell him, right now he is still in a happy bliss of not knowing. I try to spare his feeling as long as I can, because I am very, very sure he will not be happy and it is a very mild way to put it.

I think there is something spiritual in my conceiving this child. We have not been using birth control for over a year now, somehow I was sure I could not concieve any longer. My mother told me she had early menopause and since my periods decreased to 1.5 days, I thought I was immune too. But something happened - first, very very sad: my co-worker, a briliant, vibrant, always happy and charming girl 36 years old died suddenly while working out in her GYM. She had an artificial heart valve that was due to be replaced, but she was putting it off. She left so many things and projects unfinished (she was a clinical nurse specialist, very involved in many projects in my hospital). She also left 2 small children and a devastated husband. Her wake and funeral was on Oct. 5th; after which I came home and I told my husband that we have to have sex every day, while we are still young, healthy, and alive, because nobody knows what happend to us tomorrow. Well, we did not last more than 2-3 times of every day, but I missed my next period. When I discovered my positive pregnancy test, I suddenly heard her name like somebody said it in my mind. I am not very religious person, but in this case I felt something misterious. The door of this lady's office is still the way she left it, with all the paers for her to sign and a big paper rapping the door has all the wishes and thoughts that people felt and wanted her to hear after her death.

So, if this baby will be born, I decided to name it in her honor, and, even though I am worry every day and every second about this baby's health and life, I feel that if She and G-d wanted it to happen, they will lead us to a happy end.

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mama40 - Friday, 8 Feb
Hi, Irena, I am probably your opposite as a parent. You clearly do for your family a lot and make a lot of sacrifices. Working two jobs, 12 hour shift! Wow! This way my mother was. She had no choice. You remember what life was in USSR. And she was divorced, alone in Moscow (she is from Saratov), 'mladshyi nauchnyi sotrudnik' with miserable salary etc. There was some 'diadia Zhenia' living with us who had three his own kids in two places whom he supported. So not much support from him. But plenty of cooking and laundry. So first, I never had any attention (certainly no reading 50 books - I read myself, starting very early), and I saw my mother always either coming late with heavy bags of grocery, or in the kitchen, or doing laundry (no washing mashine), ironing, fixing holes in clothes. She never bought herself new clothes - I remember her wearing old, ugly clothes, always tired, never any makeup. So I remember I didn't percept her as a person. Took for granted all what she did. But then when I was teen, she kicked 'diadia' out, remarried to a nice guy, started buying herself new clothes, using makeup, going to the movies, reading books.. And I suddenly discovered she is a good-looking, smart, fun to talk with, well educated woman. So I was always so afraid I will be for my own kids such 'mom in the kitchen', whom they wouldn't value, and I vowed to allow myself to be a bit selfish and never forget myself and never allow my family treat me as a 'house servant'. But I have more opportunity here of course for this. Of course, I don't mean having fun at the expence of my kids, but I remain selfish parent. I have here for example marine aquarium that takes lots of work and I enjoy it. I have a dog (I bought it for me, not kids, although they love him too now). Every wednesday is my evening - I go to tai-chi (Chinese martial art based excercise)lessons. I read a lot. With my husband, we spent lots of money here on scuba diving (expensive equipment). I don't work too hard either. I do some writing job from home and have part time job outside the home. But as soon I learned I'm pregnant, I started to take less hours on this job. Well, as I said, I have this opportunity, since my husband has a good job here. But the real reason why I feel it is right to indulge myself, the image of my mom and the feelings that I had (or rather didn't have for her). It hounts me. I don't know what will happen when kids grow up (they 16). But now they respect me and my wishes. They certainly never would ask why I read a book instead of cleaning the house or cooking. The same way with my husband. I opposed all his attemts to turn me into house cleaning and always cooking wife. But we have lots of fun together - I have energy for this. Well, the way your daughter treats you is very unfair. After all you done for her and your family. It is my opinion (maybe harsh) that you fulfilled all your obligation toward her and owe her nothing now. At this age, she should have her own life and you have right to have any number of other children, and as long as she doesn't have to pay for their support, it is not her right to express her opinion in any way. Especially if she still lives in your house being full grown adult. I'm so sorry you have this problem on top of your job and pregnancy. Take care. And, well, maybe try to indulge yourself more? Be a little more selfish? Show her you are a person too, not just her mom.

deerwendy - Friday, 8 Feb
Wow! I couldn't believe how your daughter feels toward you right now. That is really sad especially since you have helped her so much and continue to do so. It is not like you were out running around town and got 'caught'; this is her father and this baby will be her 100% sibling. I am graduating this summer with my BA in psychology and I don't see anything wrong with having a baby at 44! I think your daughter is resentful and hurt as several first born children are because they are the ones who parents are harder on and most are made to be more responsible. Same is true at my house. Yet, she is taking it a bit too far by treating you so disrespectfully, you are her mom no matter what and she is living in your house (that you pay for). I am not sure if she is helping with the financial responsibilities, but it is hard to live on your own at that age, as you know, and she should be a little nicer. I usually would never say anything about someone else's life or business, but it made me very sad to read your post and imagine a daughter being so cold to her mother. I am sorry if I sound harsh or offending, I don't mean too. I hope things work out for you guys soon so you feel better. We are always here as support so lean this way!!

firsttimemommysf - Friday, 8 Feb
Thanks for asking about the amnio. It was actually harder than I thought it would be. I cramped up around the needle and had a contraction during the procedure. We also found out that we are having a baby boy-- which we are now excited about, but began slightly disappointed as we were really keeping our fingers crossed for a girl. 5 more months to get our heads around the idea of a boy. Glad the process is over and we can call the baby 'him' instead of 'it'. ;-)

Tess42 - Friday, 8 Feb
Hi Irena! It sounds like you had a couple of bad days, and it sounds like your oldest is scared (and unfairly taking it out on you!). As if you don't already have enough on your mind, eh? Is it possible that she is maybe upset that she herself is not married and becoming a mother? That maybe this baby you're having will stealing the thunder/dividing your attention to possible babies she'll have in the future? I don't know, it's just a thought.

fabforty - Friday, 8 Feb
Hi Oldie44 -You are due on my birthday as well as my mother in-laws birthday. She passed away before I met my husband but we definitely believe she had a hand in bringing us together. So that is a great day :-) I'm forty and have a 16 year old son from a previous marriage who is excited to finally be a brother. I got married last Feb and got pregnant in Oct. I'm excited and so is my husband as he had no children other than our son. I'm sure once your husband get's used to the idea he will be overjoyed by this blessing. Funny, when I was younger I never imagined getting pregnant at 40, but I guess it was all apart of the master plan!

happyheidi - Thursday, 7 Feb
Got my amnio results today...I'm so glad I did it. My baby is just fine and I can stop worrying!

mama40 - Tuesday, 5 Feb
I am doing my 2nd level u/s in the same perinatologist place where I did my CVS. It is in the big hospital and they deal with high risk pregnancies there. I am scared of course. It have all been so good so far that I am afraid something will surface when I am not expecting any trouble. Your daughter's negaive reaction must add to your worried state of mind. And of course all those horrible stories which is better not to read, but sometimes they hard to avoid. Positive, positive! We need to stay positive!

teenMOMMIE - Tuesday, 5 Feb
that works. its close. not much is close to sheeba.

mama40 - Tuesday, 5 Feb
MY second level u/s is on feb 15. It will be 22 weeks and 5 days. My doctor reminded me about scheduling it and also asked to set up the appointment with the certain radiologist, which he said is very good. After this, I will have appointment with my doctor and we will dicuss the results.

mama40 - Tuesday, 5 Feb
About movements. Do you know where your placenta is? because mine is up front (they did my CVS through my abdomen because of this) and it makes it harder to feel first movements. It is like kicking a pillow. This is another reason why I don't expect to feel much until baby is bigger.

teenMOMMIE - Tuesday, 5 Feb
the story of your friend is so touching. do you know what youre having yet?

mama40 - Tuesday, 5 Feb
Irena, when I was telling the news to my daughters I was afraid they too will have negative reaction. Like - mom, are you crazy, you are so old? But they seem to be excited.. probably from ignorance. Their life if course will change a lot. But I plan to pay them for babysitting (not market rate of course:). I already do this for walking the dog (who is my baby for now). They walk the dog when I am working and receive small sum of money every weekend. With my husband I try to keep sex going. In first trimester it was not easy, since I was always sick and tired, but I know that it is very important for a man and don't want him to feel that his intimate life suffers because of the baby. Don't want any negative assotiated with the baby now - I know the first months after baby is born will put enough pressure. But luckily, he is not very demanding in this area- if he were some sort of Casanova, I wouldn't able to provide him this now:)
With fetal movement it is funny what is going on on this forum. Some people insist they feel movement at 14 or even 10 weeks. Then other start to worry why they still haven't feel anything. Then someone says that at 20 weeks everybody should start to count kicks, and everybody again worry when there is no movement for a while. The truth is that at early stage it is almost impossible to distinguish baby from other internal sounds, like gas or blood pulsating or intestines contracting etc. And then for a while we feel only the strongest kicks. My perception of movements is still not consistent. But I know that in couple of weeks they should become stronger and more regular. So why worry now. I feel the baby more often, almost every day, but still it is irregular and not very strong. But at least there are definite baby movement and I am content with this:))

cheshcat82 - Monday, 4 Feb
I agree. I feel truly awful for those people who have had to deal with tragedies like stillbirths. However, pregnant women have a enough to worry about as it is. I think it is contraindicated to post these stories that cause everyone to worry over things we can't even control!

araya-sunshine - Monday, 4 Feb
Your right about the HR not really having anything to do with gender but those old wives tales sure are fun!

mama40 - Monday, 4 Feb
Irena (i'm Anna by the way), of course I am not offended. For me it was hard to get used to American ways - not to give any opinions or advice. Sometimes we really need one. Yeaah, in Russia they didn't bother to cover any part of me and luckily I was beyond all thoughts of modesty to feel any shame, because I dimly remember there was some number of people, I'am afraid even some students. Brr. I think I will ask about this tour of delivery rooms. I will also be giving birth in a major hospital - the best in our area. My husband has good insurance. How is your husband? Got used to the thought of having another child? My husband couldn't decide if he wanted to have his own kid for a long time. We started unprotected sex only this spring. And we are married for over 6 years already. But now he seems to be glad, although a bit nervous:)

babybennett - Sunday, 3 Feb
I posted more on the 17 week page, but after reading your story I have to add a little. As I said, my mom was 47 when I was born and didn't think it could happen anymore. My natural brother and sister are 21 & 24 years older than me, and my nieces and nephews are about the same age as me. It's an unusual situation to say the least, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. I wish you the best of luck with your pregnancy. :)

mama40 - Sunday, 3 Feb
Well, now after reading your opinion, I'm thinking maybe I will have my husband in the delivery room at least the beginnning and ask to leave if I start to feel uncomfortable about this. I don't know. May be you are right, I still have in mind this awful birthing experience in Russia. I was alone on a narrow cot in this big hospital room all the night (they were coming from time to time to check on me or give me shots or something, but other then that I was alone). No TV. no music, no book, nothing to do, but suffer. By the morning I was barely human. I don't think I would want anybody to see me then. I don't remember much of the birthing process as such. I certainly felt no joy, I just was all pain. This is kind of thing one must suffer alone and not even tell anybody, but 'strangers on a train':) Certainly I wouldn't want any video of this. Just try to forget as a nIghtmare. Maybe here it will be different.
By the way, this is indeed a mysterious story about your coworker death and your pregnancy coming so inexpectedly. I think it is a right decision to give a baby second name in remembrance of this woman.

buninoven - Saturday, 2 Feb
Thank you so, so, so much!! I am feeling really good about doing this. I read about the numbers and risks but it is so much better to talk to someone who has had it, and know what to expect. I just can't thank you enough! Best wishes and good luck!!

mama40 - Friday, 1 Feb
I also glad to have another Russian here:) Especially in my age group:) Immediate question - does your husband go into delivery room? To me it seem so weird to have my husband witness such intimate moment. I prefer to face it alone .. with doctors of course. Also, my ObGyn is a man, so I am not sure it will please my husband to see another man dealing with my intimate area. To know - one thing, to see - quite another. Men can be touchy about this:) I don't know why Americans even do this. What do you think? I intend to give birth without my husband - let him wait at home and get ready for the arrival. And yes, in our country, having kids after 30, even at 30, not mentioning at 40 or older, was highly inusual. I would never dare to do this at home. But US is a country of new opportunities:) So I decided why not. Another question. Will you give the baby middle name in Russian fashion (like ivanovich), or just use American style middle name (just two regular names)? I cannot decide what to do. We are not intend to return, so is there sense to give Russian style middle name - otchestvo?

buninoven - Friday, 1 Feb
WoW!! That was really helpful info!! Thanks for all the detail. The place where I was going to have it done is an hour and a half away from home. I was considering getting a hotel room for the night there. Do you think you would have been able to tolerate that long of a drive right after? I feel much better about it after your info, thanks bunches!!

mama40 - Friday, 1 Feb
Hi, Are you or your husband Russian? We both Russian with my husband, but live in the US for over 6 years (he longer in fact). We also have this problem with the name that should sound good in Russia and in the U.S. too. Still discussing this:) But Anthony is a good one. Anton. We thought also about Theodor (Fedor), Nikolai (nikolas) and others. I like Alexander, but I already have daughter Alexandra. Congratulation on the good result of testing. It is huge relief.

buninoven - Thursday, 31 Jan
Hi! I am looking into the amnio and I was wondering did you have any fuid leaking, if so how long. How long until you felt normal again? I hear you get cramps after? When do you know the hole has healed? Can it leak at any time or is there ever a time you are 'out of the woods' Thanks!!

teresa08 - Thursday, 31 Jan
Congrats on your amnio results. Glad the procedure went well for you. Boys can be kind and affectionate. My son was as a little boy and now I have a grandson who is so kind and affectionate. I'm haing a boy also. Good Luck

happyheidi - Thursday, 31 Jan
Congrats...glad everything went well. We had a moment of disappointment because we were hoping for a boy. But I'm thrilled just to have a healthy baby. Not all boys are bad. This one could be a gem for you!!!

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