orion-utopia's profile

orion-utopia
orion-utopia has 75 days to go and is now in week 29
	Age: 20 Country: Private Province/region: Private City: Private Partner: kojima Children: Pregnant: Yes Due date: 22 Sep ,2008 Occupation:
	Online: 13 hours ago. Last updated: 110 days ago. Member since: 147 days
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Thursday, 14 Feb

Hi everybody! My name is joy and im half english, half japanese. About a month ago i found out i was pregnant. Though im excited about it, i cant help wondering if im doing the right thing in deciding to have the baby as i realize im off to a really bad start this time around. Last time was also totally unexpected...i mean who expects to get pregnant when theyre 17?! But ignorance is truly bliss and i went blissfully along for the ride. If only i had know ahead of time about the every-minute-of-the-day sickness, the fatigue, and the horrible 51 hour labour that ended up with me in the ICU for two days after giving birth. Oh, not to mention those 25 kilos i gained. Of course i was happy to have my baby, but i learned something important: i never, EVER wanted to go through pregnancy and childbirth again. Even before the stitches healed, my childhood dream of raising a family of six had been forgotten.Not long after the pregnancy fat melted away, I got divorced and my ex kept our son. I decided to become a hosstess. For those of you who are unfamiliar of what this entails here in japan, here is a rough idea. Work starts around 8pm and sometimes goes on until 4am. You wear gorgeous evening dresses (i had 15 altogether, ranging from $100 to $800) and sit with the customers. All you have to do is entertain them with witty conversation while you both drink as much as possible to rack up a huge bill. In case youre wondering there is totally nothing sexual about the job and if the customers try to touch you the male staff will come right away. Your salary is decided by how much you make for the shop. As the #1 i went between $6000 to $15000 a month, depending on how hard i worked.And into this glittery, high-paced nightlife filled with smoke and alcohol, false laughter, empty flattery, and expensive presents came the most precious, albeit unexpected gift of all: The gift of child. Here is the problem: since i only discovered i was pregnant two weeks after my period was due im very worried about the large amounts of consumed alcohol and the smoke the baby was exposed to. I have since stopped working and am trying to eat healthy. My friends tell me that its already too late, that the baby is ruined and that im stupid to stop working. If anyone has any advice im happy to hear it...

Sunday, 16 Mar

Okay, this is really frustrating! So I moved in with my boyfriend about a month ago when I stopped working. Its been great and all...except Im always hungry. Always, always hungry. We go out to eat sometimes, but lately its only been like once a week since hes been working late. We also go grocery shoping once a week and heres what we usually buy: a carton of milk, a few bags of bread, a bag of apples and some cookies or crackers! And today when we went shopping we skipped the fruit altogether!! Then I feel dizzy and cant do anything but lie in bed. When my boyfriend comes home he gets angry at me for crying and saying I feel sick! How unfair is that? What do I do?! How should I educate my boyfriend on proper grocery shopping and the babys nutritional needs?

Sunday, 16 Mar

Ive been thinking it over a bit more. This is totally unfair but I cant help comparing this pregnancy to my first one. My ex husband was super excited about the baby, talked to him all the time. The best part was the fridge was always full of cherries, grapes, figs, strawberries and melons. Plus yogrut and everything needed to make a quick sandwich. My ex would go as far as cooking the beef or chicken before he went to work. And every single day he would go out to buy whatever I wanted to eat. We didnt do any weekly shopping for the first few months since my cravings were always changing. But he would go out in the dead of the night just because I suddenly wanted a jar of pickles or an ice cream. I know its wrong to compare but I cant help but wish my boyfriend would be a little more understanding and helpful.

Friday, 21 Mar

Im turing into one of those emotional, weepy creatures--again! The other day I was watching this story on TV about a hostess in Tokyo. Her dream was to have her own shop so she worked for five years saving up. Then one day she found out she was pregnant. She found out after she parted ways with the father and said she had no idea he had left such a wonderful present behind. After she had her daughter she went back to work while the baby stayed at one of those 24 hour daycare places. It showed a scene of the hostess drinking with her customer and then cut to her baby crying `mama ` in this dark room. Then the grandmother comes to visit and before she gets on the train home the hostess tells her shes going to quit working at night and asks if she can come home. Her mother says she will be very happy. The hostess says shes giving up her dream of having her own shop because she has a new dream: she wants her daughter to be secure in the knowledge that she will always be there in the middle of the night. I was in crying my eyes out by the time it ended. I guess it just hit a little too close to home. But then today I was watching a Pro Active commercial with Jessica Simpson and that also had me teary eyed. This happened during my last pregnancy too and I really dont understand any of it. I guess its all part of the wonders of creation...

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emma.m. - Monday, 23 June
yeah i got the contract before I came.... and No i didnt meet my husband in the club, i met him in a nightclub, he is very much into surfing and hanging out with the boys, so me doing hostessing was kinda embarassing for him, but he got over it and married me.lol....So U said U wher half british, is your mother or father from the UK.... U must of been very young when U got married?..... do you go to any jidoukan, that would get you out of the house, plus great for your other child.

softerxsin - Saturday, 21 June
yeah i have but my mom told me they were a waste and i dont have enough time because me and my fiance own a clothing store so we spend most of our time there. but japan is werid, the father cant even watch his child be brought into the world? thats not cool. oh and yeah i plan on having my mom and fiance with me.

emma.m. - Saturday, 21 June
I loved the work when i first started, but when i met my husband, i hated it, i never paid any attention to the customers so eventually i got fired, but as i was on a contract from england they had to send me to another club, i left and then became a dance teacher for kids which was great!! .......They say your having UR second child is alot easier than the first, (if that helps) but yeah if you are used to the night life, you must be bored out of your mind hanging around the house, Do you have friends or family for help and support??

softerxsin - Friday, 20 June
awh thanks, and congrats on yours! yeah i think that afterwards i will turn and tell my fiance i want another one, i geuss its just the thought of having to get ready for something like that.

shannon-marie16 - Friday, 20 June
:) heyaaa THank alot babee:) x

emma.m. - Friday, 20 June
Yeah ive always been in Tokyo, it�fs been 10 years now, wow time just flies by!!! so i was a hostess when i first came here all those many years ago, but in roppongi & shinjuku area there loads of Gaigin hostesses, though i think mostly now they are Russian.
I gave birth in a private clinic, and they did have the option of a epidural, it took a while to find of a clinic that did it but, they are out there, anyway i ended not having it, but just before they sliced me from hole to hole (yuck...lol) they gave me this gas that made me pass out for 5 mins, so i didn�ft feel the cutting, oh and the final push before noa popped out i was kinda high!! BUT i still have nightmares about the birth...lol..

emma.m. - Thursday, 19 June
oh and by the way im in tokyo, "kameido" what about you??

emma.m. - Thursday, 19 June
Hello there, thankyou for the comment about my lilman, congratulations to yourself for your first and one on the way, read your diary about the hostessing, gosh that brings back some memories for me to! congrats again and ganbatte!!

nancy26 - Wednesday, 18 June
No worries hon! Will keep you posted - hope to have good news soon! I'm so pleased to hear things are going well with your bf and that he's finally come around :) Thinking of you and looking forward to hearing how you decide to handle the situation! XXX

nancy26 - Wednesday, 18 June
WOW hon, congrats on your engagement! that's come a long way from the last time I spoke to you! I'm thrilled!

Look, it sounds like you have a lot in your corner when it comes to fighting for your son... seriously I'd speak to an attorney and get it sorted out as soon as possible, also while he's this young, so that it's not TOO much of an impact on him later in life... As long as you're provided for and are able to provide for your son (as far as I'm concerned your impending marriage would count in that direction~ again, speak to an attorney).... Good luck, and please let me know what you decide to do!

I'm feeling alright... but no, I don't think this baby wants to come... 2 days to our due date and not even a twinge yet... I think we will be overdue. I am a little nervous of labour, but not frightened. Right now I'm so ready to have this baby I could cry. I'm not kidding myself, I'm doing what I can to educate myself and watching all sorts of birthing vids etc. I know it's not going to be a walk in the park, but I think it is well worth it. I think a lot of my nerves are set off by the fact that we are allowed pain relief here - I can only imagine how nervous you are in Japan! Truth be told though, I do think they have the right idea there... pain relief can be hard on the babies, but by the same token I'm so glad we have the option here, but I am going to TRY to go without... :)

nancy26 - Sunday, 15 June
hi honey - thanks for your message! I'm really trying to be good, but it's not working very well at all at the moment... yesterday I smoked almost a whole pack :( Fair enough it's light cigarettes, but smoking is smoking - I can only hope my little one will come out ok... I just know I'm going to look at him and feel so guilty, even if he does come out absolutely perfectly healthy...

As far as the situation with your ex-husband and your son goes... I'm not able to advise, really, as I am not familiar with Japanese law. Your best bet would be to consult an attorney... Common sense and legal experience tells me that your best way of resolving this would be through the courts, especially where your ex is not even willing to discuss returning custody of your son to you. If you don't mind me asking, how old is your son now? If he's spent a substantial amount of time away from you and with your ex-husband, you may want to consider as to whether this is in his best interests. I understand your agreement, and your instinct to have your son, but if it means taking him from the only home he's known (depending on his age of course), this could be greatly unfair to him. Remember that the court's role is as the upper guardian of children, and that they will rule based on the best interests of the child. Having agreed to surrender custody to your ex husband without having had it reduced to writing between you, the court may well find in your ex's favour. The other question being that if you are not working now (and the courts will ask this), how will you support yourself and your children?

I am not sure as to the enforceability of an oral agreement in Japan, especially where he has suddenly "forgotten"... did you have any witnesses to this arrangement?

I am really sorry to sound so harsh, but I feel as a friend (and advisor) that it's my place to be honest with you and tell you that in my experience, even though a court would generally always award custody to the mother of a young child (with visitation rights to the father), it may count against you that you surrendered custody in the first place, and you may in for an uphill battle to get your son back on a full custody basis. I would strongly suggest that you seek the advices of a local family law attorney in order to determine your rights and the likelihood of success. I feel you should fight in any event... this is your son, after all, but do weigh up and discuss with your attorney what you will need to do in order to portray your case in a positive light...

I really hope this helps hon - I'm sorry I couldn't be of more help, Joy, truly.

nancy26 - Saturday, 7 June
Hi Joy! Yeah they changed a whole lot about the site - I'm not sure how it's affected the ability to update from a phone, but I know another woman who complains of the same thing!

as far as smoking goes - I see you, like me, were a heavy smoker! I used to smoke up to 2 packs a day of the strongest I could find :P Anyway, I now smoke between 5 & 8 a day (10 on a really bad day) of the lightest cigarette they have (0.1 nicotine, 1.0 tar), which is a far cry from before...

Anyway I hope you're doing alright! Thinking of you! How are you feeling? I hope it's a wonderful, uneventful pregnancy! XXX

nancy26 - Wednesday, 4 June
Hey hon! so good to hear from you! The name will only be decided once he's born I'm afraid :) I've left it to J, and he has a few names in mind, but has this theory that he doesn't want to name someone he hasn't met yet, which I guess makes good sense! I'd like to squeeze Jared in there somewhere as a middle name... guess I'd best let J know :)

I don't see a problem with Ryan as a middle name or something... but your eldest has such a beautiful name... totally poetic... I think it would only be fair to show the same creativity with your second son?

Just for the record, I don't think you're stupid at all for having this baby. Accidents happen, whatever your circumstances were at the time doesn't matter. The only thing which matters is that you took responsibility for your actions and decided to have this baby. I would have done the same thing in your shoes.

I too am still smoking, I managed to quit for a short time but couldn't keep it up :( so far I'm just happy that it hasn't affected his growth or development so far, and that he is still a really good weight. My problem too, is that J still smokes. He "tries" to quit, but never for more than half a day... I don't blame him or judge him for it though, and I keep mine to the minimum, so I try not to beat myself up about it!

Anyway I hope all is okay with you and hope to catch up soon!

nancy26 - Tuesday, 3 June
good grief, Joy! It's so good to have you back! How are you? Been thinking of you so often, thought you'd just given up on the site lol.

Week 24 eh? Not long to go now... although I must say I feel like these last few weeks are DRAGGING, but that just because I'm sitting at home like a lady of leisure now lol.

I'm hopelessly in love with my little man now, and can't wait to meet him, but I'm going to miss him SO much when he's out... I love feeling his little foot rolling across my belly :) Already started his photo album with his scan pics ;)

More importantly though, how are you?? I've missed you! Are things sorted out with your baby's dad? I hope things have improved since we last talked... Anyway, thinking of you, and hope to hear from you soon! XXX

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