Greetings, Ladies! My story goes like this.....

I always knew that I wanted to have kids. There were times in my life when I felt differently, but for the most part I eventually saw myself being a mom. I met my husband when I was in the Army and instantly fell in love with him. He is a wonderful man and I am very lucky to have him as my partner for life. I decided to get out of the Army because after I spent a year in Iraq, I kept saying to myself "I want children and I never want to ever leave them". So I got married and tried to have children 9 months later (Sep 05), on our honeymoon.

I felt that I was going to be able to get pregnant right away. I had never had any major female troubles, so I never had reason to believe that I couldn't conceive. But a year later (Sep 06), we were still trying. My husband got checked out and he had flying numbers, which only discouraged me more because then I knew that it was "me". I was the "reason" we weren't pregnant.

I began seeing the gynecologists and they started me on Clomid. I had to be tested the first month, so I was on 100 mg...then 50, 100, and 150mgs consecutively. After the first month, I had an HSG (hysterosalpingiogram-Oct 06) where they injected dye into my uterus to check for any blocks in the tubes. It was confirmed: my right tube was blocked. My doc was extremely reassuring that I should be able to conceive on the "left side" every other month and he encouraged me from day 1. In the meantime, I had to be referred to a specialist. While I waited over 6 months for that appointment, I continued to take Clomid for 2 more months of 150mg. Talk about some hot flashes!

My first appointment with my specialist (Apr 07) was very reassuring. Not only had I heard from other ladies in my area that he was well-known and extremely successful, but he also reassured me that our chances of having a baby looked good. The only thing was that he wouldn't know about the circumstances until I had surgery and it was either going to be good (that he could repair) or bad (that there wasn't anything he could do). I was scared, worried, and excited all at the same time.

A month later, I had laproscopy/hysteroscopy (May 07) and the good news is that he was able to open up my right tube. The chances of us being able to conceive were better than ever. After recovering, we were told specific instructions to BD on certain days. The office also said that many couples were able to conceive the first month after such a procedure. But for John and I, it didn't work.

Back into the Drs. office....Day 4 of the next cycle (Jul 07), I was there having an u/s to verify that I didn't have cycts. (Often, when women have cycts, fertility drugs can complicate them and cause problems) Luckily, I didn't have any, so I was put on Femara to help make my endometrium thicker. It made the hot flashes worse, though! Day 11, we were instructed to have a BD in the morning and show up at the office hours later. They did an U/S and found 1 mature egg on each side--yeaa!! They also did what is called a PCT (post-coital test) to check my CM and make sure that live sperm are present (as they should be). Nope. Not a single one. Dr said that our only options were IUI or IVF. He suggested an IUI in 2 days...WOW! I was in shock--not knowing what could have caused this to happen or why I couldn't change it...I was confused. In the midst of this, DH had to give me an HCG shot (for timed ovulation) the following evening. Needless to say, the day after that, we went in for our first IUI and waited 2 weeks to take a PG test. Results: BFN.

Next month, Day 3 of cycle (Aug 07), U/S to confirm no cysts. 10 pills of Femara that evening and 2 days later, 5 days of Follistim shots in the belly--OUCH! (These were to assist with additional follicles becoming mature--and continued the hot flashes!). Day 12, another U/S and confirmed 3 mature eggs on the right side--yeaa!! Another HCG shot the next evening and the day afterwards, the 2nd IUI procedure. We were instructed to take another PG test in exactly 2 weeks. Results: BFN.

By now, you can guess that I was pretty depressed. Frustration, uncertainty, and the consistant disappointment were really beginning to bother me. Not to mention, my poor husband didn't know what to do. He was far more accepting the reality of the situation and being much more patient with the timing for our future. In addition to this, my drs results frustrated me even more because he confirmed that everything was operating perfectly. My endometrium was nice and thick, I had no cycts, my uterus was a good size, my mature follicles looked fabulous, and the U/S tech constantly told me that my insides were beautiful--perfect in every way for conception to occur. Fortunately for me, at this time, I began feeling more comfortalbe to discuss my situation with other ladies (not just a small chosen few) and my faith really took a step forward. I began to truly accept that I may not be able to ever have children. And then I realized that I had a choice to make: continue making myself (and my DH) miserable...or accept the good that I have in my life and move forward. It was at this time that my DH and I decided to do 1 more try with IUI (1-in-5 chance of conceiving) and then do IVF (60% success rate). So, that was our plan.

Following month, Day 4 of cycle (Sep 07) U/S to confirm no cysts. Nope, so 10 pills of Femara that night. 2 days later, 5 consecutive days of Follistim shots (DOUBLE OUCHIE!!). Day 11, U/S to confirm 2 mature eggs on each side--YEAAAA!!! DH gave me my HCG shot the following evening and the next morning, we did our last IUI in hopes for IVF as soon as possible after that. 2 weeks later, PG test. Results........BFP!!!!!

I figured there was something wrong with the test. Seriously!! I had cramps and felt that my period was going to start--without a doubt. And besides, the 2nd line (the pregnancy one) wasn't that dark...so it must have been wrong. Since I was going out of town for the weekend to visit a friend, I told my DH and his parents at lunch that day that the IUI didn't work and that my test was negative. I was not about to get anyone excited, particularly myself. I did tell a few friends, who all insisted that I take another test right away. I said no, and waited 2 more days....

OCTOBER 6, 2007: Want to take another test to prove that I am not pregnant. Woke up at 5:00 a.m and my friend (excited) jumps up from bed and says "What are you doing?" I told her to go back to bed and proceed into the bathroom for Test #2. My heart is beating while I watch the clock...the harder and louder it gets, I feel like it's going to rip out of my chest. I tell myself to relax because I refuse to put myself through another month of disappointment and sadness. I figure it's been long enough, so I look......a BFP. The 2nd line wasn't that dark again, but sure enough--it was there. I opened up the bathroom door and my friend was already on her way into the bathroom. She looks at the test and then looks up at me with tears in her eyes and says "You're pregnant, baby!"--I just shook my head, hugged her and let the tears roll.

5:15 a.m. or not--I cannot go back to bed. I just lie in bed and say it over to myself, "I'm pregnant". Oh my...how do I tell John? I can't tell him over the phone. No way...not after trying for 2 years!! This is too miraculous--and wonderful of news! But I wasn't going home until Tues...wow--I had to wait for 4 days to tell him.

Over the next few days, I decide to surprise him and get a few little goodies to do the job. During a conversation one night, he is mentioning the IVF and talking about how important it is and how he is looking forward to moving forward to a better solution to our baby. Meanwhile, when I talk to him, I am bursting with the anticipation of telling him right then-and-there! No--I must be patient and surprise him when I can.....(Breasts begin to hurt a little. I hope I don't give it away right when I get home!!)

OCTOBER 9, 2007: I am home and after some quiet time together, I bring him a present. It is wrapped in Harley Davidson paper. He's thinking I got him a gift from Harley! He opens it to find baby boy and baby girl socks from Harley and a package each of boy and girl onesies. He looks at me and asks, "What is this?" I just sit quietly and take pictures of him with my camera phone...his facial expressions are priceless. I tell him, "I'm pregnant"....and his jaw drops. Then he smiles. Then he wipes his eyes. We go out to lunch and he begins making "the calls" to family. He is so proud and so adorable. I phone my Dr. and get instructions for blood work (to check hormone levels) and an appointment.

OCTOBER 22, 2007: Dr. appointment to have u/s to confirm there is one baby (not 4!!), that it is not ectopic, and that there is a heartbeat. At 6 weeks, everything looks good and we even get to take a picture home with us! Everyone in the office is so pleased and excited for John and I...that is the last time we saw our specialist.

NOVEMBER 13, 2007: Dr. appointment with my original OB Dr. (the encouraging one) to have a routine exam. He wants to see for himself, so I have a 9 week ultrasound and he is pleased with the looks of everything. I see the little one and begin to giggle. I am in such shock and the difference in the growth is astounding. He tells me to hold my breath so that he can take a picture, but it still ends up blurry. Also get to hear the hearbeat and call my DH (who was with his family this week), so he can hear the little one's beating heart. We are so excited! I've gained 4 lbs. and have been a little nauseous in the mornings. Nothing that a little saltine cracker or ginger ale can't help, though....BB are very sore.

NOVEMBER 15, 2007: I have a cold. I am coughing so hard that I actually vomited my "snack" of kraft mac-n-cheese. Am pretty sure it's because of the illness, and not the baby.

NOVEMBER 23, 2007: Visiting DH's family and they are all making jokes about which meal I am eating for that day (4th meal?, 6th meal?) thanks to John! If I didn't eat such small meals, I wouldn't know that I am pregnant. When I am hungry, I need to eat. But then I get full. Didn't get to eat that much for this Thanksgiving, but I'll make up for it next year! Fortunately, I've only gained about 6-7 lbs so far. In addition, my boobs are getting bigger. A few weeks ago, my DH said in the shower to me..."WOW" and then followed it with "PADOW!" This is his way of seeming funny to...himself. I remember another day he looked at my chest and said "Oompa-loompa". I was in awe and said, "No, you did NOT just say that to your pregnant wife!!" He gives me laughs, I give him bigger BB!

DECEMBER 5, 2007: Dr. appointment with the Chief of OB/GYN, a surgeon. Highly recommended fella (my girlfriend had a c-section by him 3 months ago) and my dr. wasn't available for an appt. After waiting for over an hour, my husband had to go back to work, so he missed it. Luckily, he didn't miss too much. I did lose a few lbs, which was encouraging, but Dr. said that I need to weigh "no more" than a total of 25 lbs. gained from pre-pg weight (because I am already a little overweight). He also checked out the hearbeat, which sounded great. I grin real big when I hear it! He game me Entex (expectorant/sudafed mix) pills for my cold that is still hanging around (over 3 weeks!) He also told me to get my flu shot.

DECEMBER 13, 2007: What an amazing night! My DH found this website for me! He was browsing and was reading about week 14 and was surprised that it said that the emotional roller coasters should be decreasing by now. For me, that hasn't been the case. I think my body has come off of all of the fertility drugs and is leveling out to "normal" pregnancy hormone levels. I mean, what does he think I am--psycho? Haha! I have just found myself a lot more self-conscious and I feel less attractive in some ways. Unfortunately, he just doesn't get it...so he encourages me to become a VIP (thus the username "padow") and converse with other ladies that have a clue. How incredible that has been for me, to have found all of YOU!

DECEMBER 22, 2007: Went to a going-away party and don't really look pg. I think that's starting to get to me, but at the same time, I realize that my weight is doing good, so then I relax. We had a pretty good time, talking with others about the pregnancy and a little about the history it took us to get here. It's amazing to watch people's faces when you tell them really what we needed to go through. Makes me laugh. The other night, my DH and I were lying in bed and he asked if I could see the TV over my BB. Ha-ha, honey!! It was kinda funny, though.

DECEMBER 24, 2007: I get dressed in the a.m. and ask my mother (who is visiting from out-of-town) if I look fat. She starts smiling hysterically and shrieks, "No, you look pregant!" (No, I just look chubby!) She tells me that I should wear my maternity clothes for comfort and so that others will "know" that I am pregnant. I agree, but am hesitant. Why do I feel that way? I am pregnant!!

DECEMBER 26, 2007: My mother and I went through all of the maternity clothes I've been given/loaned. Some were stained too bad, others were too small, some were just too outdated. I have decided to pack up the rest of my regular clothes because we will be moving within 2 months after the baby is born. It's kinda exciting to have a new wardrobe! Yet, my belly is not rounded. Nor am I filling out, except in the BB department. Whenever someone hugs me real hard, I say "Stop--those need to feed my child one day!" I especially love saying that to John!

JANUARY 1, 2008: Happy New Year! I'm having a baby this year. Just wanted to type it to help it feel real.

January 4, 2008: Another cold. Not sleeping well. More emotional than usual. I absolutely love conversing with all of you and sending/reading msgs. I really wish I had been a part of this site when I was TTC. It would have really made a difference for me to have the support. I am happy to have it now, though.

January 15, 2008: Dr. appointment. He did a courtesy u/s for us but the little miracle did not want to cooperate. I even made sure to drink some caffeine (to help?)! It's legs were crossed and a comment was made about it being modest. But wait--this is John's baby (so that can't be)! Size and everything look good. Heatbeat was 150...my big u/s is Feb. 6th so I will be patient until then. I am really curious about it and am thinking about it way too much!

January 20, 2008: First recognized (and noted!) movement. Was standing in the kitchen and all of a sudden felt little fingertip taps right below my belly button. It happened twice and then again this afternoon, especially after I ate tonight. I can't tell if it's doing gymnastics in there or if my tummy is producing some grand entrance for later! I am excited, though! Thinking a lot about the gender, and when I think I want a boy, I get a little sad about not having a girl. This is astonishing because I have always wanted a boy first.....I guess I'm confused. But happy, nonetheless.

January 22, 2008: Another cold?! This is #3. I think it's because of being pg and having a weaker immune system. John says I should stop hanging out with other people. Great.....

February 6, 2008: We had the big u/s today and found out that it is a GIRL! WOW! What a shocker, because I always thought I would have a boy first. According to John, that's what I get for assuming! I got some great pictures of her and everything looks great. We are soo excited in soo many different ways. We are going to name her Norah Marie.

February 21, 2008: Dr. appointment and everything looks good. Based on my u/s, I am in the 10-15th percentile, which is good. I gained a few lbs, which is still right on target. Friend of mine (she's 34 weeks) gave me some adorable onesies today and we hung out and talked babies. I was able to start a registry earlier this week and am getting my guest list together for my showers. I had my first dream about Norah...she slept alot and I changed her poops and for some reason, I think she was dressed as a little boy...silly! I feel her often and John has felt her twice. I am soo blessed to have my little princess! The Lord is good!

March 25, 2008: Dr. appointment went very well. The GTT results are fine and the blood pressure and everything look great. I've gained about 17 lbs total and have grown 6 cm in 4 weeks...Wow. She is truly "sprouting out"! Feeling pretty good and am really enjoying this wonderful opportunity to have a child and start our family. I am trying very hard not to be hard on myself, but it is sometimes difficult because I have never done this before. I am sure a lot of it is hormones, too. Norah is moving around a lot and it is soo exciting! My next appointment isn't until 34 weeks, then I will have another at 36, then every week after that. Just 2 and 1/2 more months and she will be here...