Sex of the baby!
What do you want? whatever as long as its healthy.
What does the daddy want? boy
What do you think you are having?a boy i dream about a boy.

Names!!
Do you have a name picked out?: i think
Girl names Jaden Ann Turner
Boy names Jayden Frederick Turner
Is your baby going to be named after someone?:no

Other random questions!!
Where was your baby conceived?: at home
Have you felt the baby move?: yes,all thetime

Do you have stretch marks?: nope
What was your first symptom?: tender breasts
Are you ready to be a mommy?: Yes!!!!

May 12, 20.6 wks

Yesterday was Mothers Day.... It was great!!! I got a MILLION calls and text messages from friends and family wishing me a happy mothers day... everyone that is except my childs father of course.... i was a little hurt but its okay.... anyway me my mom and my 5 sisters...alll went out to church as usual and then went out to eat....my childs fathers mother went with us too... it was really nice... afterwards we just hung around my older sisters house and talked and laughed...Im at work right now EXHAUSTED!!!!!.... im getting bigger everyday and one of the little boys in my class came up to me Friday and said..."Ms Tamara is that a basketball in your tummy?" i laughed SO HARD.. then i told him to remember i said that ms. tamara explained to everyone that she was going to have a baby and that is what was in my tummy.... he was still so confused it was cute!!! he was like... Y cant u hold ur baby? Then ALL the children had questions so we spent the rest of the hour talking about babies!!! LOL playtime was a life saver!!! some of the questions those kids asked me were CRAZY!!! LOL I LOVE MY JOB!!!!! ive been having a lot of backpain..and headaches too... my appetitie is ENORMOUS but im just sticking to my schedule and if i get hungry i just snack on some grapes or fruit.... i dnt want to gain a bunch of excess weight....

MAY 20

Saw my childs father yesterday for the first time in god only knows how long..... he is such an asshole and everytime im around him he reminds me just how big an ass he is!!!! first of all... he wanted us to have lunch and talk... i agreed and met him for lunch.... he didnt want to discuss the baby or anything like that... the only thing he kept talking about was SEX!!!! i was fuckin disgusted.... excuse my language but he really grossed me out... i dont know what made him lose his rabbit ass mind and think that after all this time and all the things he has put me thru that i would still have sex with him!! NEVER AGAIN.... he doesnt even call to see how me and his son are doing but he expects me to drop my panties for him... that fool is sick!!! I politely paid for my meal, and left his ass sitting in that restaurant and went back to work....... what he doesnt realize is that im a lot stronger now than i was when he first left.... then i felt like i needed him, now i know that i dont!!!! ... he made some kind of comment about our son living with him when he is born for 6months and with me for 6 months.... i damn near tore the parking lot up i drove off on his ass so fast!!!! he needs to get his mind right cause if he thinks for one second he is getting anything beside VISITATION he is outta his damn mind!!!!!! ON A BETTER NOTE!!!... im still feeling jayden kick all the time... he moves and flops and flips and i love every minute of it!!!! i about to start on the nursery... i was thinking forest green, bluue, and cream.... not sure tho...found some really cute stuff online...

May 25th 22.5 wks pregnant

Everything has been going good... no problems with the pregnancy... just patiently waiting for him to come.....i just cant wait to see him. Work is good... the lady in the class next to me gets on my fucking nerves and i want to slap her nosey ass sometimes ( mood swings) but other than that ... still love the job... me and my childs father are doing okay..we just dont talk mostly... he doesnt call and i dont call him.... i miss him sometimes.. but when i think of all the bullshit he has put me thru i just want to rip his fucking face off!!!! SO... ive decided that if we cant get along we need to just leave each other alone.. at least until jayden gets here... when he noticed that i wasnt callling or accepting his calls again... he popped up at my house.... i really cant stand his ass sometimes.... he told me yesterday that i should go by his dads house because his daughter was over there and she said she wanted to see me... i was like WHY? he said she wanted to see how big i had gotten... i didnt go... i told him that i didnt feel like it and he said that was cool..... i dont trust his daughters intentions ... she is sneaky like her momma.... maybe im just paranoid.. i dont know

June 2, 23 wks

OH MY GOD!!!! my life is a fuckin soap opera!!!! .... hadnt heard from the babys father at all... then out the blue last nite he calls me like 2 in the morning asking me could he stop by??? i figured it was strange but thought something was wrong so i said yea.. he wanted to stay the nite i told him no... so he opted to go to his moms instead... STRANGE RIGHT... well then today he was supposed to give me money to buy some things for the baby... when he came over to bring the money... i jumped in his truck.... ALL HIS CLOTHES WERE IN HIS TRUCK.... SHE MUST"VE PUT HIM OUT!!!! LOL..... i was like Fred, why are all your things in your truck... he was like ... thats not important... LMAO!!! he wont come right out and say that they had a fight but i know something is up... he was looking all stressed out and wrinkled and i was looking fly as hell!!!!!! ITS FUNNY HOW THE TABLES TURN!!!! he mentioned that he might come over tonight and i told him no... im gonna be busy... let him go beg her ass back or he can go to his moms or his dads .. FRANKLY MY DEAR.... I DONT GIVE A DAMN!!!!! now he will see that its just like i told him it would be... she didnt want his ass in the first place... she just didnt want MEto have him. but he obviously wanted her because he left.. so he better make it work cause as much as this shit hurts and as much as i love him... we are done.

June 4th... 24 wks

I went to the doctor today everything was fine... afterwards met up with the baby daddy to go pick out crib and other things.... see yesterday i went to do this and when i got to the store i was really sad because i was doing it alone.... i went home called him and went BALLISTIC on his ass....i feel like , i didnt make this baby by myself so i shouldnt have to make all the decisions alone... he felt like since he was paying for everything ( i had his c.c) i didnt need him to be there... i asked him where he was and he told me he was out of town... but then i heard his mom in the background.. next thing i know, the phone hung up... ALL I SAW WAS RED!!! I was furious... i grabbed my keys and went to his moms house... when i got there him and his cousins were all sitting on the porch!! you should have seen the looks on there faces when they saw me pull up! There eyes got so big.... BUT since i have nothing but the upmost respect for his mom ... i decided NOT to act a fool at her house.... i walked up to him, told him to get his ass in his truck and follow me... he did... from the look on my face, he knew it would be hell to pay if he didnt... we pulled up in front of my apartment , got out the car went inside, and cursed his ass out!!! i told him everything i had been feeling and then slapped the shit out of him... ( i felt so much better)....he has never seen me angry like that before.. so he didnt even know how to react!!! usually i just act nonchalant like it doesnt phase me then when he leaves i cry.. NOT THIS TIME AND NOT EVER AGAIN!!!! im done crying over him.... i told him that he better have his ass at my house bright and early so that we could go get OUR sons bed!!!! he came, the sad part about it is he wasnt happy about it... i mean ... this is something he should WANT to be a part of... i shouldnt have to force him.... anyway when it was all said and done i got the PERFECT CRIB, CHANGING TABLE AND ROCKING CHAIR!!!! it will all be delivered tommorrow... i cant wait!!!!

June 10th 24.7 wks

YESTERDAY WAS MY BDAY!!!! me and a few of my sorority sisters went out to eat and had a blast... the baby was bouncing around like crazy!!! i guess from all of our excitement... later my childs father called and wanted to come by to bring me a gift!!...( hes been around a lot lately since him and ole girl are having problems) i of course agreed that he could... we talked and he started telling me how he is soo sorry for all the things hes done... that him and her arent working out because of "unresolved issues" and that he hopes that i dont hate him... i asked him where he had been staying because OBVIOUSLY she must have put him out... he said that she didnt, they " agreed" that it was best if he left... (LOL what a load of bull)....he told me he had been staying at his moms or his dads just until he gets his own place... i told him thats good cause no harm intended but he definitly could NOT come back and live with me... hes been all in my ass lately tho.... i knew this would happen... i knew she would leave his ass high and dry and he would come running back to me... i just hoped that i would have the strength to not give in to him.. and he has.... even tho its just mostly anger that is fueling my fire... i realize now that i dont need him as much as i thought... as long as he is there for jayden that is all that matters to me .. and he is, he will be a wonderful father.. so thats that!!!!

June 13th 25 wks

JAYDEN IS KICKIN UP A STORM!!!! this boy is hitting rib cages... my back...sometimes it feels like he's kickin me in the butt... im finding it hard to sleep lately because i cant get comfortable...plus when i lay down thats when he goes to auditioning for " So you think you can dance" last night he was crump dancing in stomach!!!! I CANT WAIT TILL SEPTEMBER!!!! on a more sour note( depending on how you look at it) my childs father is in the hospital.... he got bit by a spider and its bad!!!!! he waited too long to go to the hospital and it got really infected and they are talking about doing some sort of surgery..... his mom came and told me he was there this morning... i knew he had been in pain from it but i didnt know to what extent.... im debating weather i shoud go see him and check on him or not.... i called him twice already to see how he was doing... thats more than i get when im in the hospital.... so i might just say fuck him and let 'her" deal with him.... i do hope he is okay tho... CHECK THIS OUT... the spider bite is right beside his SCROTUM!!!! LOL.... i died laughing when i heard that.... i told him that he was gonna reap what he sowed and that nothing good was gonna happen to him until he got his shit together and he sees now that im not lying... his life is hell right now... he has got no "home" no " girlfriend" both his baby mommas are pissed with him and to top it all off he has a giant spider bite on his nut sack!!! LMAO!!!... if thats not karma i dont know what is !!!!!!!!!!

June 15th 25 wks...5 days

FATHERS DAY!!!... i bought my childs father some Lacoste cologne( i love that smell) he came over this morning to get it... we have been getting along good lately... ( he's not with ole gril anymore so hes not being such an ass) he's calling and asking about the baby...he comes by more often and usually makes an attempt to stay the nite ( NOT HAPPENING) but we are getting along better and that make me feel good. i just want him to be a good father... i want him to be there. i called my dad to wish him a happy fathers day..( my dad is my stepfather) he was excited to hear from me.. he asked me about the baby and about the situation with fred... i dont tell him much about it because he gets sooo dissapointed.. i explained to him that i never intendede to be an unwed mother... i thought my relationship was going to work, and though i know he wants so much more for me... ive always only had small dreams, the kind that should come true.... a good husband, a job that pays the bills, a couple of healthy kids...a nice home... it didnt seem like to much to ask. He told me that hes not dissapointed in me, he just wants me to be happy.... i cried.... i love my dad... he's sick, he has an oral cancer ( he used to chew tabacco) and i dont know how long he will be here, but i never wanted to dissapoint him and i thought that this pregnancy and my failed relationship had... he told me to stop avoiding him bc its ok..... he will never know how much of a relief that was for me... he actually gave me the fathers day gift!!!

JUNE 18th 26 wks

MY BREASTS ARE HUGE!!!!! i know that might be a bit of an overshare but they are... i can t get over it...non of my bra's fit and when i went to go buy another one i am in a D!!!!! i was a small C..not now i have D-CUP breasts!! NOW normally i would be happy about this but... i am so afraid that they will droop after i have him...i always had really nice boobs and i dont want them to be all droopy and stretch marked!!!! ANY WAY... enuff of my foolish vanity.... HERE GOES THE D-R-A M-A AGAIN!!!!!! yesterday i called my bd because i had to ask him something... he answered tha phone but was talking about some stuff that i had NO idea what it was... then i realized.... HE WAS PRETENDING THAT I WAS SOMEONE ELSE!!!!!! one of his brothers!!!! before i could curse his ass out.. the phone hung up!!!!! I WAS BOILING MAD!!!!!.... i tried to call him back and give him a piece of my mind but his phone was off by then... i sent a text message to his phone telling him that i did NOT appreciate him disrespecting me ONCE AGAIN and that i was so sick of his bull that i couldnt see straight.... he called back a few hours later trying to apologize and i cursed his ass out... He was like " im sorry...i just overreacted because she was right there and i didnt know what else to do" i told him that he was a stupid ass... he agreed. I have been really doing some soul searching because a big part of me wonders why i even bother with him at all.... i mean he makes it incredibly clear that she is more important to him than me and my child...( he would NEVER say that but actions speak louder than words) he is always talking about how he is trying to get himself together so that he can be a good father for Jayden but i live in Missouri.. the SHOW-ME STATE!!!! he is gonna have to do a lot more than all this damn talking to convince me that he is trying to be an active part of Jaydens life or else he runs the risk of not being a part of his life at all... some people may think that i am wrong for feeling this way but i dont want him to end up being one dissapointment after another to my son.... i will do whatever it takes to protect him from that ,

JUNE 19th...26 wks

Last nite my childs father came by and was talking to me... we have been getting along pretty good... except for the little thing with the phone that day... i brought it up and he told me that at that time they were having a serious conversation.... i was like about what.. and that is when he dropped the bomb on me.... SHE IS PREGNANT!!!! i wanted to kill his ass!!!! i was jus sooo stunned .... i asked him if they were gonna get back together and he said he didnt know... i cant believe this!!!! i dont know why im so shocked...i dont even know why it bothers me so badly...im just so full of resentment towards him that it is ridiculous!!! i all but hate him at this point.... im tired of being stressed out.. he has done nothing but stress me the fuck out this entire pregnancy... and now he just pops up and tells me that the SLUT he left me for 3 months ago is now pregnant with his child!!!! ERRRRRR!!!!! im just running out of patience with everything and as much as i hate to admit it... this situation has really been getting to me... i have just been praying and sometimes i feel like even that is in vain....running low on faith i guess...

June 21 26.6 wks

ok..so things have been going really good with me and my childs father... despite him dropping tha bomb on me about ole girl...he has been there for me more than he has ever been since he left... he has done his best to calm my fears about the pregnancy and is just being really wonderful... its kinda scary....i am trying not to be negative and give him the benefit of the doubt and just believe that he is truly trying to change and be there for me and jayden... i dont want to set myself up to be let down tho....its soooo cute when he talks to my belly and kisses it... last nite he was rubbing my back and the baby was kicking so hard..he could feel it in my back!!!LOL he was soooo amazed... i was like "if you knew what it felt like you wouldnt be so giddy!" im jus glad things are good right now... i miss u being like this...

JUNE26 th...27 wks

I went to the doctor a couple of days ago for my glucose test... the results came back high!!!! my doctor called me and told me that i would have to come back in and do a 4 hr test!!!! YUCK!!!! i barely made it thru the first one!!!! It kinda has me spooked because diabetes does run in my family..... my grandfather got his leg cut off from it and my great uncle died from it.... so i am just hoping and praying that everything works out ok....i wonder can it hurt jayden??? i asked my mom and she said no... all my sisters said no too... so i am gonna stay as calm as possible until i do the other test and get my results.

June 30th 27.6 wks

I AM SOOO MISERABLE.... i cant sleep at night because im soo fat and when i lay down he goes to kickin and ballin up, im ALWAYS HUNGRY!!!!, Im n the bathroom every 5 minutes, im emotional and needy(i was never like this before i got pregnant) and i hate it!!!!!!!! i know its winding down but i wish like hell it was August... Me and Fred are still getting along ok... his other baby momma really is pregnant again,,,, and i dont like that ONE BIT!!!! but i am not gonna worry about her....i cant cry over spilled milk ...its done..... the carnival was in town this weekend and me and my sisters all went ... we had a good time... everyone was rubbing the belly...lol... tha bitch was there... i gave her my best FUCK YOU SMILE.. and kept it movin...i dont have time to act stupid with her!!!! anyway FRED of course played neutral ground and didnt go to the fair with either of us....he was there tho with his daughter.... we saw each other and walked around a sec but i was hot tired and hungry( and funnel cakes and corndogs wasnt getting it) so i left and went home.... still waiting to retake the glucose test.... i hope it goes well...stil nervous abt that.

July 1st 28 wks

was talking to my child father today about " the other baby" and i just found out that this bitch has the same doctor as me!!!!... that means that i could walk into a doctors appointment one day and potentially see this bitch there.... i am living in a fuckin nightmare.... pregnancy is not supposed to be like this... im supposed to be happy and im not... i mean im happy about my baby but everything else...(with the exception of my job) is all FUCKED UP!!!!! i would go crazy if i wasnt working... and his ass wants me to take my maternity leave early!!! yeah right...im so sick and tired of him and his shit i dont know what to do!!!!!! i hung up on him and he popped up at my house... we sat down and talked but its pointless now...we talk and talk and nothing happens!!! WE ACCOMPLISH NOTHING!! i might take my maternity leave early and go on a vacation... i need some rest and relaxation... and i need to get away from this DRAMA!!!!!!!

July 7...28.6 wks

I am having a lot of pain in my lower pelvic area... its tight and sharp and infrequent... my friends and family keep saying that it is just braxton hick contractions... i hope they are right.... i dnt want to go into premature labor... i have been doing a lot lately...a lot of swimming, walking, cleaning... maybe i just need to slow down.

August 8th, 33 wks

I know i havent been on in a while but things have been really hectic... everything went from bad to worse.. hit like a fuckin freight train and havent been getting any better... the one good thing is that the d-day is getting closer and closer.... anyway... let me try to start from where i left off....... well.... baby daddy is still a major asshole.... he came by a lot... so we were starting to try to work on " US" but one day out the blue "she" calls me and we had a nice long conversation.. he was at HER house at the time of the conversatuion... i came to find out that everything that he has been telling me... he was telling her... ( i wasnt suprised).... he then totally flipped the script on me ... told me i was a " STUPID IGNORANT BITCH " and told her ( i heard him in the background) that i was lying about everything i was saying and then he tells her" SHE KNOWS THAT I DO NOT WANT HER I WANT YOU!" i was in shock... i didnt know whether to be mad, hurt, or crazy.... but i told her AND him what i had to say, ended the call and took a shower... next thing i know about 20 min later... he is beating at my front door.... i didnt answer... then i hear a banging at the back door like it was being kicked.... HE WAS TRYING TO KICK IN MY BACK DOOR!!!! i told him id call the cops if he didnt leave so he left... the next day.... i start getting these private calls from some woman on my cell phone... she was leaving voice messages saying that im a " dumb bitch" or that i need to eat because im so thin that i look like im dying.... just all types of stuff... i didnt have any idea who it was... it wasnt his other baby momma tho... so when i asked him who he had callling playing on my phone he said no one and that he wouldnt do that... whoever it was doesnt have a life.. because i was getting private calls back to back all day everyday for like 3 days... i eventually had to get my number changed.... the harrasment was so bad and annoying.... he was apologizing like crazy.... for what he said that one night and i told him that i would NEVER FORGIVE HIM... he was like you have to because we have a son together and you will always have to deal with me.. FOREVER.... i think i sank into a depression at the realization of what he was saying... im tired... i have been dealing with bullshit this entire pregnancy and im tired!!!! IM A GOOD PERSON!!! he has sent me thru hell and back and his family is just as bad as he is... they think i dnt know how FAKE they are but i do!!!!.... i just need some peace!!!! so i disconnected for a while... took my maternity leave early... changed my number and went out of town.... i recently got back because my SORORS were throwing my baby shower... it turned out great....

August 15, 2008 34 wks

Went to the doctor today and everything was fine... im seeing the doctor weekly now since the time is drawing near... im really anxious for him to get here.... on top of being anxious im scared... to be honest...IM SCARED AS HELL.... the thought of doing it all by myself is scaring the crap out of me.... drive home from hospital... late nights... feedings..... changings.... its scary.... i obviously cannot depend on my childs father to be there for me and MY family lives in Arkansas... i live in Missouri so its not like my mom is around the corner... My childs father mother lives here and so does alot of his family but its not the same as having MY big sisters or MY mom.. ya know.... i keep telling him that he is going to miss so much and he keeps insisting that he wont... that he'll be there, and that he will help me but im like " asshole.... u havent done any of that while i ve been pregnant so why should i believe u" he tells me things will be different once the baby gets here... i told him.. they better be or else imma give him HELL!!!! he has another baby on the way too... and like i told him 2 infants are a lot of work... 2 infants with 2 different mother...is gonna be a helluva lotta work!!!! AND IF FOR ANY REASON I FEEL LIKE MY CHILD IS BEING NEGLECTED BY HIM.... I WILL SNAP OUT!!!! ive been calm during my pregnancy and all this bullshit but when my son gets here he will see a side of me he hasnt seen before if he tries anything!!!!!

August 16, 2008

went to the headstart today to visit the kids.... i miss them so much when im not working... one little girl in my class came up to me and said " MISS TAMARA , YOU STILL HAVE A BIG BELLY????" i cracked up laughing.... the other teachers told the children that when i returned i wouldnt have a big belly anymore and that i would have a little baby... when i came up there still sporting a belly.. she was confused.... IT WAS SOOOOO CUTE!!!! anyway im feeling pretty good today... jayden is kicking and moving all the time as usual but im enjoying it for now...pretty soon it will be diaper changes and sore nipples so im trying to relax and not rush it.. but im exhausted and SOOOOO tired of being pregnant!!!! i go into his room sometimes and get anxious... it amazes me that in about a month there will be a baby in my home ... MY BABY!!!!!

August 19, 2008

Havent heard from the bd in like 2 days....probably for the best tho since i get worked up everytime talk to him...he frustrates me to no end.... but still he could at least call to see how im doing... he knows that my due date is getting close...anything could happen... hell I LIVE ALONE!!!! The last time we talked he was having a bbq at the park and he called me to (in so many words) tell me that i wasnt invited!!! LOL he was like... " yea we havn a lil get together at the park.(uncomfortable pause) U WANT ME TO BRING YOU A PLATE??" i was like ..NO THANK YOU!!! i guess im not invited since you other baby momma gon be there huh???... he couldnt even say anything!!! i just hung up on his ass.... he called later that night trying to tell me it wasnt like that but by then i was pissed and didnt care to hear shit he was saying....so he tries to use jayden to his advantage asking about him ...i answered, told him i was tired and i'd talk to him later... the hung up on his ass again... ( AT LEAST I SAID BYE THAT TIME?!?) maybe he hasnt called cause he's tired of mr. dial tone... but if so fuck it!!! im tired of his bs...SO WERE EVEN!!!

August 23,2008 35.3 wks

IM EXHAUSTED!!!!!.... my feet and ankles are swollen, my stomach is so itchy i want to pry it off, my back hurts, and i cant find a comfortable sleeping position to save my life!!!! ALL A PART OF PREGNANCY HUH???? thats what everyone keeps telling me... i tell them to go to hell.... YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IM GOING THRU!!! LOL...( mother had 8 kids and i said this to her as well!!! LOL) ive been trying to be civil with bd....we've had some decent conversations over the last few days and i think that he is finally realizing how close it is coming to being time for the baby to get here.... but then he goes to being an ASSHOLE...like last night when i called him...I can always tell when he is around his other baby momma because he start talking about shit that i have NO idea what the fuck he is talking about... plus he uses a different tone...starts talking to me like im one of his boys....LOL... he is to old for this shit!!! i wish i could delete him from my life alltogether but i know thats not possible considering the fact that he is jaydens father and is determined to be a part of his life ...(for better or worse) .... he keeps bringing up tha other baby and talking about his other baby mommas pregnancy to me and i just had to tell him straight up....LOOK, i dont give a damn about her pregnancy, im barely making it thru my own... and as for the baby we will just have to cross that bridge when it comes because im not comfortable talking about or dealing with that situation right now.... he told me i was being unfair and immature .... i told him he could kiss my ass if he didnt like it.... because i dont owe him, her or that baby SHIT!!!.... i do realize that the other baby has nothing to do with this twisted ass situation the three of us have found ourselves in but i just dont want anything to do it right now.... is that wrong? should i feel like a bad person because its hard for me to accept the fact that he left me, went and made a baby, tried to come back and was still lying and playing games, now not only is there one innocent child caught up in this bullshit but TWO!!!!! AAAAAAUUUUUUGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...... ok im better.... just needed to get that one outta my system!!!

Aug 28th... 36 wks

Things are going good... Jayden is still constantly moving....i think he isjust as anxious to come out as i am for him to come...me and the bd are getting along ok for now.... i havent been worried about him or what he is or isnt doing lately.... There seems to be a sense of calm that has washed over me.... im not sure why maybe it means the time is getting close... i hope so because i am MISERABLE!!!!!.... i never knew i could have so many aches,pains, and emotions..... i know that in just a few weeks it will all have been worth it... but im getting impatient....