proudmommyof2's profile

proudmommyof2
	Age: 27 Country: Private Province/region: Private City: Private Partner: David ( baby Daddy ) not together anymore Children: Yes, 2 Pregnant: No Occupation: Homemaker
	Online: More than 3 months ago Last updated: 138 days ago. Member since: 155 days
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Hey Everyone !

Im new to this page and thought its time to put a little something something up here ! Im 27 and a mother of 2 pretty girls ( 8yrs and 1yr old ) ! I am a single mom since about 8 month and having a hard time dealing with it ! My boyfriend of almost 3 yrs broke up with me telling me that to much happened over the past and that we would have no trust in our relationship ! I must admit the trust is long gone since he has lied and cheated on me so many times that I cant even count them !
He is a great guy - he can be very loving and caring and is taking care of the kids -he has bipolar disorder and a couple of other mental problems - so its a full blown affect when he gets manic !
He went to Iraq 8 month ago to take care of this family and his children ! We talked every day and I missed him very much !
He was supposed to be home on February 4th and still yet there is no sign of him - he doesnt contact me at all for 3 weeks ( up until 2 days ago - telling me that he loves me and that he will be home soon that he needs to straighten out his mind ) and I have no idea where he could be or what is going on !
My daughter was so excited that he will be home and she is so disappointed that he is a no show after all !
I have no idea what to do or how to deal with this anymore - I have been faithful and I do love him very much but the things he said and did hurt so much !
He cut me off any acces to money knowing that out lil baby girl needs stuff ! He keeps saying that he will be home but he just doesnt show up ! His leave is only till the 23rd and now its the 11th already ! Its just not fair to me and the kids to do this !
I want to move on so bad and get over this but its just to hard if you have no idea why he does what he does or why he just doesnt show up !

I was disappointed by guys all my life - they pretend to love and care for you and then drop you because of the next best thing that crosses their way !
Am I asking for to much when all I want is a normal relationship with trust ?
Is it really so hard to be happy ?
Maybe its me and I am the one that messes up things by being way to nice and naive !

Well thats all for now - I will try to update my page every now and then !!

February 12th 2008

Well it has been 3 days since the last time that I have heard from him .......... again no answer to my Emails no calls no nothing .................. I wonder if there is a time frame to "soon " or if he is just saying this to shut me up !
This is killing me - I was on my way to get over this and move on and then BAM he writes a Email telling me that he loves me ( more then I would know ) and that he would be home soon - that he just needs to clear his mind !
His leave will be over in a week and a half and we havent seen him in 8 month ! Its so unbelievable F**ed up that I have a really hard time not cussing him or anyone else out !
Me and his mom got into it already ( saying all I would want from him is money because in those emails I have forwarded to her was nothing that showed love or that I care for him ) ha are you kidding me ?? I tell him that I love and miss him and get no response at all for weeks and now I should kiss his ass and run behind him and tell him "oh no honey you dont need to support your daughter I got it - you just go and f*** some chicks where ever you are and whenever you are done come home "?????????? where do we live and why in the world is it that guys can put kids into this world and then think they dont have to be responsible for them ?? How would they act if we would just up and leave them with the babys and not tell them where we are or who we are with and all we give them is babe I be home soon ?
I am so maaaaaadddd and pissed of ................................

February 15th 2008

well well well he came home on the 13th - acting like nothing ever happened - it was strange to see him again - I was mad and excited and sad and pissed off - it was so weird ! He got mad at me for not sleeping in the same bed as him and accused me of cheating on him ( ha what a joke ) and wanted to break up with me ( again I guess since he broke up 3 weeks ago ?????? weird forgot to remember that we got back together ????? must loose my mind !!! ) and left to get his things ! He came back the same day which surprised me very much so - he rented a car and bought me flowers and wanted to go out for dinner - Im confused and scared and so cautious that Im going crazy when he is acting just a bit weird around me ! Today we spend all day together and he was so loving to his daughters ! We had fun even tho I was watching his reactions as well as mine to certain situations ! Now it was about 7.45pm as my ex husband called and he answered the phone - as soon as he heard a male voice he got mad and handed me the phone telling me that he is going to the movie place to get a movie - he came back about 5 minutes later asking me if I am done with the phone - I have no idea what his issue is - and he left again after he told me that he will be bitchy but ok - its 8.37pm now and the movie place is only about 5 minutes from here - I dont trust him and I dont feel comfortable when he leaves the house alone - I never know if he will come back or where he went - all the trust I had in him is gone - it sux so bad and I am still not sure what kind of game he is playing with me here - we used to be engaged - he broke that off and telling me he would consider proposing when he gets here - consider ??????? Who am I and who does he think he is to even talk to me like that ! Almost like I would have to beg for him to pop the question ????? After all this BS that he pulled off I doubt that I even would want him to consider taking the breath to ask me !
I do love him - sorry for being stupid - but the way things go right now is just not healthy anymore !
You can only take so much and forget so many times until you hit the point hwere you just dont want this anymore !
He changed so much since he has left to go to iraq and is just not himself anymore ! The guy I used to be with was loving and caring and always had something to say - now he is just cold and mean and super jelious fo no reason at all !
I dont know guys this is killing me and I have no clue how to get through all of this and keep sanity !

February 16th 2008

I think I am losing my mind ! I feel like I am about to explode and nothing can stop me !
He came back last night at around 11.30pm telling me that he was so pissed off that my ex has called me that he needed to breathe and calm down ! He over reacts to things like crazy - this is not the guy I have known and fell in love with ! He is so cold and distant !
He said that he was in this bar in Frankfurt talking to some guy ! That guy told him that he can tell that he ( David ) would love me and that he has feelings for me cause if he wouldnt he wouldnt talk about it or come back home ! He said that he wanted to get drunk and that he realized that he would just do this to forget things and that this wouldnt help at all !
So he came back to talk to me ( excuse me and my language but what a crock of shit ) ......... my ex and I were married for 7 yrs we have a kid together that he pays child support for and called me to check on the kid !
He freaked out on me telling me I would need to choose whos money I would want his or my ex's ( Wtf ???????????????????????? ) and that this bothered him because my ex would have said who is this Ni*** that answered my phone ( what a complete joke ....... a) why would he even say something like that and b) he was on the phone for 2 secs .......................... after that he said that I should take a nap and that we wont argue in the morning !
He is demanding and controlling and out of his mind with his jeliousy !

Today our day was actually fun ......... we went bowling and took the kids shopping .......... after that we went home and started watching a movie !
Out of nowhere he told me that he would need to go and replace the key on his keyboad from his computer and that he would be back in a lil while - yes I was mad because he just up and leaves how ever he pleases !
He kept saying stop bugging I will be back and I told you last night I would be back and came back ( yeah 6 hrs after he has left ) !
So he left and I was cleaning the bathroom - our lil one started messing with his stuff and pulled out all kinds of things ........... anyways - she had a red folder in her hands and I took it from her - some papers fell out and one of them was his flight information - for 2 !!!!!! - him and a girl flying from where to where I dont know - behind that paper there was a another paper - dinner reservation for 2 on the 14th - so I went outside and saw that he was still in the car and asked him if he could come upstairs because I would like to show him something !
He acted like I caught him ....................... upstairs I asked him who he flew with and he said y and I told him that Brianna went in his bag and pulled out that paper - he freaked out taking his stuff and clothe and putting them in his bag telling me I would have invated his privacy and that I overstepped my boundaries in so many ways ( huh ?????????????? ) and that he would take his shit to his hotel room and he would be back this evening .....he even kissed me ............. he didnt even explain anything he just took his shit and left - he said that there wasnt anything going on and that this lady he flew with was from itt as well ( my ass she was polish ) and that the dinner reservations were ment to be for us on the 14th but e had no baby sitter !!!!!
Ever since he got home he does not mention his job or what is going on with him - he drinks at least once a day and he acts like someone I have never met in my life before ! He doesnt act like someone that was gone for 8 month and who was missing his family !
There is no warmth there is no excitement there is no feeling of being comfortable around him !
He says that he is acting this strange because he would not be used to ppl asking him questions about where he went or what he does and that he is sorry for acting strange !
This has nothing to do with acting strange - this is trying so hard to cover up dirt that he is not willing to admit to at all ! I am not stupid I know when he lies or when he is trying to pull my leg !
What I dont get is why does he go through all of this when all he needs to do is cut his losses and move on - a simple and clean cut and things are done but this back and forth and blaming me for his actions is killing me !
He takes out the babys carseat when he leaves - he doesnt ask me if I would want to come along - he leaves every day ever since he got here .................................. its always for hrs and when he gets back he has some sort of story for me about where he was or where he went and why it took so long for him to come back !
He is jelous beyond all means and he acts strange - this is not the guy I love - his is not the guy I know ......................... he yelled at me telling me that he just wants some time alone and that I could go and have my own time whenever I want and please ( yeah uh huh with 2 kids sure all the time - not having free time is unheard of here - N***a please ) and then he yells saying fine I take the kids go wherever the F*** you want ......................... after 8 month he does not even try to be close to me - he wants sex but thats it - no nice words over the day - he tells me I love you every now and then and that is it - or give me a kiss - other than that he does not reach for my hand - he does not hug me he doesn not even try to be nice to me - he asks me whats would be wrong with me when I seem down but that is it !
Have you eve felt like you being abused - mentally ???? I feel so tiny and worthless around him .............. I feel like a slave for him ............... I feel like he is pushing me down further and further and I cant breathe anymore .............. you try and try to get some sort of emotions from him and everytime you think he is turning into the guy you love he is playing Mr Jackel and Mr Hide ........................ this is not him !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He told me this morning that he would extend his leave to the 4rth of march .......... why would he do this ??
I know he does NOT have a hotel room ( I just called the hotel he stayed at - I might be withe but you aint fucking with me MR !! - I aint stupid lol ) so where does he take his clothe to or where does he stay at at night ???
Its not funny anymore - matter of fact it never was - I am not sure why he acts the way he does - his clothe dont smell like female - he doesnt smell like female and there are no clues other then what I just saw as my baby played with his papers ........................ is this what Iraq does to you ? If so then how come thousands of familys dont go through this ???
He claims that he cant talk about his job - he claims that he took a course in spain as he was supposed to come home ......................... he lies and knows I know .................. this is stupid and what does he think he gets out of all of this ?????
I feel stupid for crying in front of him - I feel stupid for begging him not to go - I feel so low for even going through all of this for a guy that has nothing to offer to me - he might make money but that doesnt make me happy or gives me hugs or is there when I need him !

Why would he stay here - why would he spend all this time going through drama when all he needs is to just end it - why does he extend his leave ( if he even still has his job or has to extend it ?? ) - why would he come home at all ???

I had enough - if he should come back tonight like he said I will tell him that he needs to come clean or leave - if he cant talk then we cant continue - if he doesnt show up again then it might be hard but better then to continue to go through this over and over again !

So Im going to cut my fucking losses and move on - I might be down but I dont deserve this !

February 17th 2008

He did not return last night ( woohooo what a surprise !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ) !!!!!
He logged on last night at 5.47pm again pretending he was no there until I hit him with me message ............ what waste of time and air ......................... I just have 2 words for him DEAD BEAT and that is all !!!!!!

Time to move on and take care of me and mine ....................... peace out my friend !

February 17th 2008 ( 1.31pm - yup again )

I cleaned my house and moved his stuff to one side of the bedroom - that way all he has to do is pick it up and leave ................ I know that he will show up again and I know that he will try to play it down !
I cant do this any more - I am breaking on this and so are my kids - the little one is looking for him ever since she got up and Kayla is sitting in her room with the door closed watching TV ! She almost cried this morning - its not fair that he treats us like that !
I cant understand why he acts the way he does - this is not him - he never talked to me like this and he never made me feel this worthless - he messed up so many times but he never acted like he is acting now !
Im not pissed that he has someone else - I am pissed that he does not end us before he goes out and does his thing - why pretend that we are doing fine - why plan things for the future - why say things like I love you and I missed you and dont let go of me when he hugs me - why freak out when he thinks I could have been with another guy ( which is suc h a joke to me boy oh boy ) - why kiss me or get close to me when all he wants is go out and do his thing with this other girl ?
I feel like I cant breathe - I have to tell myself to calm down and not to worry that he will show up eventually ..................... WHY ?????

February ------ ah who gives a shit !

Found out that he was cheating and having a new girl - or at least he pretends to them that they are so special to him .............. he came home and thought it was ok to play family with me until he left again and never came up up to today - I talked to him last night - and his polish chick - and his chick from berlin and he got pissed that we all know from each other ........... who cares he is history he played the game before and now he got burned - he must feel incredible knowing this is his second family he is loosing due to cheating and lying - lets all see how many more kids he will put into this world and then leave .............. low life for life I guess !

NEXT !!!!!! Chapter closed and not worth my time or the air my kids need to breathe !

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vonvonsmama07 - Tuesday, 10 June
Hey girl how are things going??? I hope all is well.

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