More....

I have always seen my self, or visualized my future, with children. I work with them anyway, but I mean, children of my own, although I only felt the URGE and crazyness to go for it when I met my current husband and fell in love with him. He is so sweet and funny and thoughtful, and yet brutally honest and excited about life and oh my god.. not to mention handsome-I-want-your-genes-for-my-children! However, many things were pending in our lives and we waited for 4 years before even trying to get pregnant.

We dreamed of it, we made plans and looked at calendars and decided that Sept/Oct 2007 was our month so that baby could be born sometime in the summer and I would have a full time husband (school calendar vacation, yai!) and baby will have full time mom and dad... and the most amazing thing was that IT WORKED! So my due date is June 19th, the same day I become 30... very exciting!

I started having symptoms just 1 week after conception... exciting at the beginning, sort of cute, but then it was like discovering a monster because morning sickness got so bad that I had to take 2 weeks off work and school and lost 9 pounds and my skin became green and so dry and argh! To me, the first trimester was horrible and non-poetic and stinky and I was hoping to be carryng twins just so I would never have to get pregnant again. The good side, I got to see another side of my partner, how loving and self-less and wonderful he is, much more that what I have seen before, so I am even more crazy about him and feel incredibly lucky.

I moved to this city 1.5 years ago (following the love of my life, of course) and I am rather lonely. I wish I could share the everydays of pregnancy with my friends and family. It's good to have this forum and know that even though it's not so obvious, there are A TON of women going through the same process, each one in her very own wonderful way. I wish you all the best!!!!!

DECEMBER 21ST
On the 18th we went to see the doctor again, she did an ultrasound, and oh my god, there was the baby, no loger a gummy bear, but a real mini-human. Legs, arms, bones everywhere, spine, jaws, amazing Nature, amazing little human. The most amazing thing is that the we saw the baby sucking his/her thumb. OH MY GOSH. It was crazy, so beautifull, so perfect. It's been three days and every time I think of it I still cry. It was a ral challenge to focus on finishing my last paper for school, who wants to think of anything else when there is a 14 week-old baby inside you sucking her thumb??!!!

JANUARY 2ND
I felt almost good for a few days, with energy and no nausea and happy. But now I am not, again. I have headaches every day since before Christmas, and I am kind of paranoid about medicines and I don't want to take the tylenol, my belly feels huge, I feel all clumsy and gassy and I burp all the time and then I wanted to get pregnant so badly and now I can't wait until it's over although emotionally I couldn't be happier about having my baby. I have never been a complainy person, it is NOT my style, or it wasn't, and now I miss my skinny body my muscle tone my wonderful digestion my endless energy and I feel so ungrateful and pesimistic, and stressed again because I am wondering if I am feeling so immature and uncapable to deal with the changes so far, what I am going to do for the third trimester, and for the birth, and what kind of person will I be as a mom? AAARGH!!! I am freaking out a little bit. Just a tiny bit. No wonder my head aches all the time. Snif.

FEBRUARY 3RD
WE ARE HAVING A BOOOOY!!!! The ultrasound also found out that the baby is perfectly healthy, and moving a lot. The technichian said that it was very hard to to measure him beacuse he was so active. Cutie boy. I was shocked at first about having a boy, but then I did my own therapy session and understood why I wanted to have a girl so badly and why is it better for me (and baby) to have a boy. As I picture my self with a boy I am more and more excited. I have started to look for nursery decorations and other stuff, it is soo cool!. Regarding pains, I have a strange pain in the left side of my ab, comes and goes, and lower back gets very tired. Other than that I feel good. I felt the first kick on the 19th, and sometimes he is so active that you can see the belly jumping, it's so funny and so beautiful. I went to see the Cirque du Soleil, baby was kicking all the time, maybe because the clowns made me laugh so hard... As far as cravings, I have healthy cravings: oranges, apples, bananas, mandarines, crazy about fruit, and lettuce and spinach and cherry tomatoes, and peaches. Which is good. I eat fruit like a starving monkey.