More....

March 14th
Hi, my name is Karin and I am 34 years old. I am 17 weeks pregnant with my second child. I have a wonderful little boy by the name of Kaleb who is 2 years old. He has been a tremendous blessing to our lives, more than I could ever imagine, and he has definitely made us want more! With him we fell pregnant within a week, our second one it took 15 months. That was a long, testing time. And the tests aren't over. Unfortunately I have been bleeding for 5 weeks. The doctors don't know what is wrong, but are keeping a good eye on me. At least I hope they are... We just pray and hope that God will keep this baby safe to the end and that we will end up with another healthy little blessing.

Check out our family photos: http://community.webshots.com/user/roosa_1

March 21st
I am still bleeding mildly (6 weeks) but saw a doctor yesterday who really helped me relax about it. The doctor I saw a couple of weeks ago put a lot of fear in me as she said it could be an issue with the placenta (abruption or previa). Afterwards I did a lot of research online. I think it is good to have doctors and hopefully in general we can trust them, but I think we are also partly responsible for gaining knowledge ourselves... But all the research I did, just didn't match up with what my doctor had said. The doctor I saw yesterday basically confirmed that the first doctor was wrong. She said it can not be abruption because I have no pain, and it can't be previa because my ultrasound from a couple of weeks ago showed the placenta in a perfect spot. She is convinced the mild bleeding is caused by either a polyp or by hormonal changes causing changes in the lining of my uterus. The only concern she had is that I and the baby get enough nutrition in spite of the bleeding and that is a concern fairly easy to fix. Absolutely nothing compared to the concern of problems with the placenta. I now feel confident (as I did before seeing the previous doctor) that everything will be fine with the baby. I can now be excited about this baby and that is so wonderful. We have a big ultrasound on March 31st and hope to find out the sex. I have been feeling this baby on and off since 15 weeks but now feel it daily and I love it. The sign of life!

March 28th
I had been bleeding for 7 weeks but it still came as a complete shock when I at 1 am woke up because my water had broken. The contractions started right away, about a min apart. Kathleen Rebecca was born at 2.59 am March 27th at 19 weeks. She was a perfectly little baby, just born way too early, too early for anyone to try and save her. We got to hold her for 1 1/2 hour before her little heart gave up. At this point we still don't know what went wrong, why I was bleeding, but the doctors will try and find the cause so maybe we can prevent the same from happening with the next pregnancy which we pray and hope for. The doctors do believe though that the continious bleeding irritated the membrame which made it rupture and my water broke and labour started. I had never been warned that this could happen, so please if you are bleeding, get as much medical help and advise as you can. Right now we are going through all the emotions possible, but we are grateful to know that our little girl is with our heavenly father and one day we will join her. My heart goes out to anyone going through this experience for which I know there are no words.

Please, if anyone is going through a similar experience and they want someone to talk to and share with, I am most willing and open. And if anyone has any further questions about what happened during my pregnancy and afterwards, please don't hesitate to ask. If my experience can help in any way, that is what I want.

April 3rd
Today we burried our little baby Kathleen. It has been a very hard and long day. Nothing I would ever wish for anyone to go through. It was very beautiful though. We sang, we lit candles, we released butterflies... Our pastor is fortunately also a funeral director so he was the one who spoke at the service. He read a letter from us to Kathleen that I want to share here.

Dear Kathleen
We miss you so much and although we know you are in a better place we wish you were still here with us, that we had gotten to know you and you had gotten to know your parents and your big brother. We can’t help but imagine what you would have looked like, what you would have been like, how your life would have unfolded and how you would have impacted the world. You were our little dream girl. We were so looking forward to having you in our family. Your grandma was coming to see you and we were going to take you overseas to see the rest of your family. We were looking forward to taking you and your big brother to the beach this summer. The time we held you in our arms was very precious and you were so beautiful. We know that someday we will see you in heaven but until then you will be greatly missed and you will always have a special place in our heart.
We love you very, very much.
Mom & Dad


May 9th
Today we had our first follow up appointment after our loss 6 weeks ago. I was so nervous about whether or not there would be results from all the testing and what they would be. Well, they have no answers. Kathleen was examined both externally and internally and all looked fine plus her chromosome testing came back normal. That result meant the world to me and I thank God! My little girl was as perfect as she looked!!! The placenta looked fine too and they found no infections. I had hoped for answers, something that would be easy and fixable for the sanity of my next pregnancy. I asked about my next pregnancy (if there is one...) and the doctor said that I would probably be in high risk (again) and be seen by consultants (last time was registers/trainees) but otherwise there is not much they can do... The doctor I saw today and the doctor I saw after delivery have both said that it is very unlikely it will happen again, so I am trying to hold onto that.

I am now changing my status to Trying To Conceive. Please friends, pray for me that it will happen quickly and be without complications. It took us 15 months to get pregnant with Kathleen, and I really dread trying for that long again... We dream of having 3-4 children and time is starting to work against us.

I thank God! He does not give us more than we can bear - not with His strenght! This means He believes in me. He believes I can bear this suffering, even if sometimes I don't think I can - if only I look to Him. Knowing He has faith in me gives me strength.