1st Pregnancy story/Miscarriage (Tested positive August the 8th 2007 PG)

I got married to my long suffering partner of 7 years (childhood sweethearts haha sort of...) on the 30th June 2007. I discovered i was pregnant on the 8th of August and LMP was 5th July so i guess it put me at 5 weeks in.

This is my first pregnancy and my main issue at the moment is that i have so many friends that have miscarried and have heard so many horror storys that i am developing an obsession with the idea i might yet lose this baby.

I am open to hearing any tips or just to chat about symptoms and aches and pains from other more experienced mothers. I wish everyone luck with their pregnancys and even more luck for when their babys come. xxx

August 20th

Calmed down a little now its been over week. I have some excellent friends who have put me at ease. I am taking pre-natal vitamins and folic acid. My husband thinks the whole situation is a little bit weird but is taking it in his stride. We never planned this baby so just taking a day at a time. Can't stop thinking that even at 23 i will still be a little too young for motherhood. Oh well we will see...

August 28th

Edited 21st Nov 2007 (because i never really explained the reason why i mentioned the threatened miscarriage) - I had a big heavy bleed while on holiday in the peak district on an easy going walking holiday. Had to drive home at 11pm at night sitting on hand towels to stop the blood. Was in awful pain as well. I passed something purple looking was only 2cm in diameter but was roundish. Thought i was definitley losing the baby. Little did i know that i was doomed from now on in..... or maybe it was twins. Who knows?

OMG. Thank god i was wrong. It was a threatened miscarriage. The docs gave me a scan and i am actually 7 weeks not 8 which works out fine as i didn't think it was entirely correct as i had quite a long period for me as my cycle is normally 25-26 days and didn'nt BD for a week after and also must have ovulated late. There is a strong heartbeat and strangely no sign of damage or bleed. so they don't think it was a serious threat to the foetus. I am off work for a week to take it easy. Wish me luck!

October 2nd (updated on the 4th Oct)

On October the 2nd 2007 i had a D & C, on this day exactley i was supposed to be 13 weeks pregnant. A week before i had been diagnosed as having missed-miscarriage. The fetus had stopped growing at 8 weeks 2 days and i didn't even know. I had my suspicions though two weeks ago when i had some brown spotting and sharp pains low down in my abdomen. When i went to my docs he wouldn't refer me for a scan because he said it was very normal to have brown spotting and some pain while things are growing and changing. However i was not happy with this explaination as i had already had a threatened miscarriage at 7 weeks, which i am now guessing is when my pregnancy should have naturally ended. I think my baby would have been a fighter as it hung on in there for another week which i am somewhat grateful for. I had a private scan (cost just £50.00 for peace of mind) last thursday which confirmed the worst. I then decided it was for the best to book my D and C for Oct 2nd and it has now been 2 days since the operation. It was truly undignified and very distressing. I had pessarys to dilatte me in a busy ward full of women with different problems not all gynae related!! I had to ask to go to the toilet. i was asked numerous amounts of questions about how i was feeling down below and I had a supository for pain relief placed you know where!!! which let me just say was uncomfortable to pass and neon yellow. I lost quite a bit of blood and the general anesthetic made me feel woosy and sick. I remember my jaw didn't stop juttering for 5 minutes after the op when i was trying to come round. My hubby was in stitches laughing later as he told me what i looked like in the car. As it has now been 2 days since the operation i feel a little better but my mother topped it off last night by telling me to "get on with it and move on its not exactly a funeral is it". She kept telling me how i should feel and that dwelling in my own self pity is not going to help. I understand that i am certainly not the last and not the first woman to experience this heartache and there are also many many worse things that can happen durig pregnancy and i should be grateful it ended when it did and not further down the line i.e. 20 weeks plus. One thing i do know is how i feel about the loss of my potential child, the child that never will be and i will never know. As soon as something has a heartbeat i see it as potential human life a possible person to change the world as i know it. I am very sad and to be quite honest finding it hard to verbally talk to anyone other than my husband and on my computer. Some of my friends never even knew i was pregnant. So any way this story and chapter in my life must come to an end soon but as long as i still have feelings about it i will continue to write my feelings down.

Take care of your bundles of joy and your little pieces of hope inside of you. My time as a potential mother has ended but i will try again when i am ready. xxx

After Pregnancy no.1 (TTC)

2nd October - 16th October

Random bleeding, unexplainable thoughts of suicide (quite unreasonable). Misery, pains, Lost some extra product but the bleeding never got extreme and the pieces of "sac" or whatever where small no more than 2cm long. A lot of spotting in between bleeds and some unexplained discharge. Took 7 days worth of anti- biotics to ward of infection. Bit of a blurr to be honest.

3rd November 2007

First A/F since the d and c. Happened right in the middle of my best friends house warming party. Darn, none the less i was happy to finally see it!!

Due to my cycle length being quite shortish i think i will ovulate somewhere around the 14th/15th ish.

November 15th

I B/D on 12th, 13th and 14th but later regretted when i woke up on the 15th with a burning sensation. The golden rule is always pee within the first hour after intercourse to kill of bacteria. Oh deary me!! Just didn't to go!! Haha. Went to Docs with suspected UTI due to painful abdomen and burning when i pee. He then promptly scared the hell out me talking about product remaining inside of me after the d and c causing pelvic infection and soreness when urinating. Then he mentioned endometriosis which apparently can occur or show itself after operations of this kind. Personally i have had loads of UTI's in the past (i am sooo susceptible to them!!) i know what they feel like and told him i was pretty darn sure thats what it is!!. AFter 10 minutes of scaring the hell of me and reducing me to tears yes i cried at my doctor, he prescribed anti-biotics, a pregnancy test to check for raised hcg levels due to leftover "product" (they call it product where crazy ladies like me call it baby) and also swab tests of my discharge which will be done on the 22nd Nov by the Nurse. Well thats enough ramble for one day

20th November 2007

My pregnancy test came back negative which for some reason made me sooo happy. It means that i should be pretty much sorted in the baby making department. Just waiting to see the nurse on Thursday 22nd Nov and to get my urine analysis back which i could place a bet on it being a UTI.

21st November - This is when i decided to update my page!! lol

You are about to hear some of my craziest feelings due to miscarriage. I am in a sort of bubble locked into my own thoughts and feelings of loss, the thoughts of what could have been and what will never be. You only have the uncertain future to look forward to filled with doubt and suspician that you will ever get to have and hold one of your own. Pregnancy no longer becomes a happy accident its an obbsession, something you must have to stop your self from sinking into a blackhole of selfish and destructive deppression. I am not an overally religious person and sometimes struggle to have faith etc. I am realistic and understand that these things are sent to try us and make us stronger. I know now that by dwelling on my thoughts i am prolonging my own agony. Especially when many many worse things can happen during pregnancy and birth even in life.Up until my first a/f i was binge drinking too much and smoking again. All my friends wanted to take me out and get me pissed they thought quite naively that it would make me feel better. Instead it had a negative affect. I realised i can't get pregnant again while i was drinking like that and the booze was making me tired and ill. I hope these feelings get better overtime but for now though i still feel i need a pregnancy to keep from self-destructing. It is like my cure thats the way i see it.

22nd November

It wasn't a UTI the Urine analysis came back negative for infection. So its more likely an infection related to the OP. The swab and cervical swabs were annoying and they use plastic type thingys now instead of metal ones to keep you open. I didn't like them they pinched me and felt hot and horrible whereas the metal ones are cooling and smooth. way too much TMI. Waiting for results now.

27th November

Got the results today. No STI's clear on vaginal but borderline abnormal on the cervical swab for infection. So i guess the antibiotics must have been working by the time i had the swab. Alls well and have started my a/f again. A bit early as this month has only been a 24 day cycle. Oh well.

Moving on- my head is full of the above mess. Generally i don't seem to be affected at least in my daily life, my friends are great, works okay, i am functioning on a very social level and i want to have another baby. I just feel bunged up with loads or rambling thoughts like what i wrote above. Just weird?? Please let me know what you think. xxxxx Take care and Baby Dust to all!!

7th December 2007

Its my Birthday!! Everything seems to be going right apart from my damn discharge. I got my a/f on 27/28th November which lasted till the 3rd Decemberish. But now i cannot shake off my Brown discharge which is old blood. I had this discharge for two weeks before my period on the 27th Nov and still now. What on earth is going on?/ Does anyone have any ideas?

Pregnancy Story No. 2 (Tested faint positive on 23rd Dec 2007)

25th December (Christmas Day)

I am Pregnant again!!.

Have been very crampy and achey like a/f was going to show up but i guess i was wrong. I have immediatly been scared to death over the thought of another miscarriage. I simply do not remember being in this much discomfort and having bad cramps. Oh well. If anyone has been in my boat i need reassurance or something. xxx

26th December 2007 - 1st Jan 2008

Okay i have known i am pregnant for 3-4 weeks now. I do no feel pregnant at all now. The first week i found out it was easy to tell. I was knackered and felt like i had been hit by a bus. I had to take a nap for an hour at my in-laws on boxing day at lunch time. i was cramping and had back ache. I had mild nausea, boobs were sore to lie on and i just knew i am pregnant. Basically slept all week.

2 week - 2nd - 9th Jan

I went back to work after the xmas break, felt real crampy and achey. Couldn't face work and was absolutley knackered. I felt like i had flu. Sore boobs. My nose was stuffy all week and felt really pregnant. Stomach was gassy and bloated.

3 week- Now 16th Jan

I do not feel pregnant at all. Maybe i am not??? Did i imagine it??? Going to the docs on friday to see if he will get me an early scan. Not tired any more like i was. No nausea and the cramps have subsided. Just really moody and cried all evening. Lost my appetite today as well. I am soo worried.

The one good thing that could come out of repeat m/c is that the doctors might actually do something to help me and hopefully i will have a successful pg oneday.

Last note-

Its not over until its over. I must try to be positive and stay healthy. I have decaf everything, i am not drinking anything with caffeine! i only have one glass of fizzy drink a week. No alcohol and no junk foods. I am taking pre-natal vitamins inc folic acid and i have increased my water intake. There is no more i can do to make this pregnancy work. I will leave it in gods hands to decide. Fingers crossed i will be fine. xxx

28th January 2008

I had my first scan today!! I am 9 weeks pregnant which is 1-2 days ahead of my LMP date so i must have ovulated a little earlier than my opk suggested. Doh! Oh well. My new due date is Sept 1st 2008 so i might get some summer maternity leave in. Yay. I know i am not quite out of the woods but i am feeling soo positive right now. The little heart was pulsating and it was magical. Neil (my husband) was thrilled he had to go straight to work afterwards but he came in with a big bunch of flowers which was soo lovely. If anything goes wrong now i will be a wreck. But for now i am thrilled and can't wait to meet my baby. xxx Next step- Midwife appt on 8th February. TTFN. xxx

20th March 2008

I had my second midwife appointment today. I got to HEAR the heartbeat for the first time. It was absolutley amazing. I was soo happy. I had seen it in my 9 and 13 week scan but not heard it. I have had a bit of achey time with this pregnancy. Loads of weird pains, stretching, pulling and crampy. Also my discharge feels like i have wet myself sometimes a bit like a leaky tap. Gross. Liveable though and a prefectly normal colour and smell so i just get on with it now. I have heard a white, creamy off white colour and thin, sometimes mucousy and thick discharge is normal as long as it does not smell, become discoloured or irritate.

Not long now until the 15th April and i get to see my little one again at 20 weeks. i am so excited to be 17 weeks pregnant. I haven't felt too much yet, just little things that might be baby but can't be 100% sure. Midwife reckons about 20 weeks and i should know for sure that my baby is moving about it will be easier to tell it apart from gas. lol xxx Take care and keep well. xxx

8th April 2008

This was the due date for my first pregnancy. I didn't forget and i was very sad and withdrawn all day but still at the same time very happy for my new baby. I am sure one day the sadness will end for my first baby but i still think about the baby i lost. Take care in heaven my little one. Rest easy as your little bro/sis is doing just fine in my tummy!! xx love mum. xx

15th April 2008

I had my 20 week scan today. Everything was as it should be. Absolutely perfect!! I was beaming (still am) from ear to ear with happiness. I got some great pics of baby posing and sucking its thumb. Very cute. This is such a far cry from my first pregnancy experience its brilliant. No abnormalitys found.

I didn't ask for the sex of the baby i am going to wait for the suprise as it will make it a little more exciting. I can't wait. Was also bumped up a couple of days because baby is growing nearly 5 days ahead but she brought me forward 2 days as a new approx del date. Now August 30th instead of Sept 1st. yay. Have started feeling baby jiggle about inside. I can't feel it on the outside yet but i know it won't be long now. At the minute it feels like flicks, pokes and my tummy rumbling. Its soooo cool. Next appt is 1st May with the Midwife.