http://freemyspacegraphics.com/Myspace_Baby_Comments/images/expectingaboy.gifhttp://freemyspacegraphics.com/Myspace_Baby_Comments/images/expectingaboy.gif

This is my 4th pregnancy in total - I had termination as recommended by parents when I was 16, worst thing I ever did and regret it to this day. I had my daughter when I was 18, she is 13 now.. a little treasure but her attitude grows daily. I had a miscarriage in October 2007 at 8 weeks, it was awful.. not overly painful physically.. but mentally it is a potential killer. I found out on Jan 31st that I am pregnant again and due in October 2008. I really hope this little one sticks, but what is meant to be will be and I am prepared for all outcomes. I have been with my partner Christophe, a 27 year old African living in England for nearly 12 months, we were getting on really well... till I got pregnant this time round, now I am not so sure, but it could just be my hormones.. we will see!

Going to keep a little diary as I love reading other ladies pages and how they progress and feel over the weeks. Feel free to leave any comments or queries... good luck to all TTC and those already expecting.

31/1/08 - 4w 5d
Well, found out today that I am pregnant. I had some cheap pregnancy tests from ebay, it was a positive, but only faint so purchased a clear blue digital hpt and it came up PREGNANT. Not sure what to think... obviously I am going to think the worst is going to happen what with my last m/c... if it happens again then so be it, but I am going to enjoy my pregnancy while it lasts and hopefully I will have a baby in 8 months time. Only issue I have at the moment is my partner and I have fallen out and he is not talking to me. I am not going to tell him about the pregnancy until he makes a decision on what he wants to do with our relationship. Personally I am fine with raising the baby by myself, did it before and I am sure I can do it again. Just don't want the pregnancy to influence his decision.

3/2/08 - 5w 2d
Still pregnant, that's good. Still got sore boobs, huge hunger pangs and not touched a cigarette for quite a while now, I was planning on cutting down, but I just DON'T want to smoke, the thought of it makes me feel ill. So that is great news, hope it stays that way.

As for my partner, he wanted to talk about our problems today. I think it is my hormones playing up, but I don't want to be anywhere near him because I know I am going to bite his head off. He is a nice guy and I really care for him, but over the past couple of weeks I have realised that I don't think I can spend the rest of my life with him. He is African and his culture and upbringing is a huge issue. We have different views on everything.. and I mean everything. The best times we have are when we are sat watching TV, not talking.... it's lovely then, but can't live life like that, it's not realistic. So what do I do??? Finish with him completely.. have a clean break and don't tell him I am pregnant. Wait till I am 12 weeks pregnant and fairly certain I am going to carry the baby to term and tell him then, but say I don't want you? Or tell him I am pregnant, lets try and make a go of things?

It's all too confusing. Any advice would be welcome. I will have to talk to him this week sometime, I have told him I have flu at the minute and am in bed. It's wrong to tell lies but I want to buy some time. AAARRRGGGHHHH.

4/2/08 - 5w 3d
Started crying at work today, no idea why... just felt overwhelmed I guess. I told my boss about everything including being pregnant and Chris (bf) being an idiot. She said to relax and do what I thinks best. My mum rang tonight so I blabbed to her too that I was pregnant as she was asking if I was talking to Chris yet. Her words cut me deep... "Well, after losing the last one, I thought you would have come to your senses" Me being so diplomatic retorted "Don't worry Mum, I will probably lose this one too" I know she worries about me, but I have a gorgeous 13 year old who is perfect, she is well behaved, no problems at all (touch wood). When I had her at 18 my mum said that my life was over.. I proved her wrong, got educated and a good job, my home and car, I am doing well for myself. Having another baby is not going to change that... I am not going to start claiming welfare and having baby after baby. I think she is also concerened that I am going through all the nations. My 13 year old is mixed race, she is Pakistani/White. This baby will be African/White. I think in the future I will pay the man at the Chinese to go to her house for dinner with me, that will freak her out.

As for me, I am feeling really positive, especially about this pregnancy. I have been doing HPT's every day for the past week as I was concerned that the line was really faint... it has now turned into a lovely pink colour and gets stronger by the day. I seem to "feel" pregnant and ok. With my last pregnancy I was convinced something was wrong.. hopefully, this baby will stick and arrive when it should do.

Going to talk with Chris tomorrow... I think it's time. Wish me luck x

6/2/08 - 5w 5d
Well... I attempted to go and talk to Chris last night but he was out. I left a message on his answering machine asking him to call me, I heard nothing. So I sent a text message saying I hope he is ok and to contact me when he has time. He text me this morning to say he was working till late and won't be available until the weekend, he would like to talk then. Hmmmmmmm... Personally I think he is quite rude.. lol

10/2/08 - 6w 2d
Saw Chris today, I had told him about the baby by text yesterday as he was still working and I was sick of waiting for him to become available. He is really excited and happy. We talked about our issues and we are going to try and stay together but I have told him that no matter what happens between us, he is the daddy and will always be part of the babies life. I hope we can make it work, I don't know at this point... but God loves a trier.
By the way, my bb's are extremely sore today... loving it!!

19/2/08 - 7w 4d
I went away for the weekend with my mum, daughter and her friend Ceejay. Had a lovely and relaxing time, my mum enjoys window shopping... and took great pleasure in planning my maternity wardrobe, that's how quick she has come round to the idea.. I knew she would. I am still having mixed feelings about Chris. He is not doing anything horrible to me or treating me badly, but I just don't have patience or energy to be near him at the moment. I saw him on Valentines night and after 10 minutes I made an excuse to come home, I know I am being rude... but just prefer my own company at the moment. Is it my hormones or is this how I really feel at the moment... I am trying to work that one out at the minute. As for my little bump (Bob) it's doing ok. I still worry of course and probably will for a long time to come. I have not made an appointment yet with doctor, thought I would wait a couple more weeks. I lost my last baby at 8wks and 2days. If I can get to this Friday with no bleeding, then that will be a good start. Feeling positive but everytime I go to the toilet I panic a little. Keeping thinking though, what's meant to be will be!!! Just hope Bob is meant to be.

22/2/08 - 8w 0d
8 Weeks today... it's an achievement. I lost the last baby this week, so all being well I will reach 9 weeks.. I will be over the moon at that point.

25/2/08 - 8w 3d
Well, I am at the same point in this pregnancy that I lost my last baby in October. I have been worrying for a while and still am. Everyone says positive thinking and I have. Will still be happy when I get into my second trimester which according to my notepad up top is on 29th March - 4 weeks and 5 days to go!!

29/2/08 - 9 weeks today
I am really happy to be at 9 weeks. Nothing much happened really this past week. Feel more sick than ever, boobs are still a little tender and I am still doing pregnancy tests, they are still really dark. I have not booked into doctors yet. I think I will this week though, I have nothing to lose really and they will need to book me in for my 12 week scan. I hope I make it there. As for Chris, I have text him today and said that I don't think I should see him for a few weeks. Since I found out I was pregnant I have only had sex with him once, I think that is one of the main reasons I am avoiding him. I don't want to lose this baby and having sex could cause that, so would rather refrain. But I don't think I could if I saw him.. so would rather stay away completely. It's unfair on him, but hopefully he will understand.
We will see!

7/3/08 - 10 Weeks today
Nothing much has changed really this past week. I have not been to doctors yet to have pregnancy confirmed, not sure why really... well actually one reason is that you have to be at the surgery for 8am and I really can't be bothered getting up, you can't ring and make an appointment! I need my sleep too much. Before I was pregnant, I never went to bed before 1am... never! Now, I am tucked up in bed with a glass of juice at 10pm and loving it... not always sleeping, but I am relaxing. Chris came round last Friday night, he just wanted to see me even though I said about NO SEX... that lasted for about an hour.. I more or less pounced on him I was that desperate for it, he was worried about hurting the baby.. but he gave in, I think he could see the desperation in my eyes! Shocking behaviour on my part, I am not normally like that.
My stomach is starting to swell a little now, I think I can feel my uterus near my pubic bone. I don't look pregnant yet to the outside world, but there is nothing more comfier that my pyjama's at the moment... I put them on as soon as I get in from work. Might have to invest in some maternity clothes soon.. I have been leaving it as late as possible as I really thought I would miscarry again.. but as each week goes by, my worry subsides a little. If I am going to lose this baby.. I wish it would happen sooner rather than later as I am starting to get attached and planning ahead etc. We will see what happens.


14/3/08 - 11 Weeks today
Nothing really to report this week.. my boobs aren't as sore now, I think I can feel my uterus, not feeling as sick as I did but I still get starving hungry pangs. I am craving fruit which is good and have to have a drink near me at all times.

I have been to the doctors this week just to have my pregnancy confirmed. A midwife was supposed to ring me to arrange another appt to have tests etc done, but they haven't... will have to chase that up next week.

Me and Chris are getting on really well at the moment.. hope that lasts. We don't see each other that much as he works long hours.. I guess that helps. I has already asked if we can have another baby together as he want's 2 children.. ONE step at a time pal!!

If I didn't have my daughter already, I probably would have asked him to move in. Main reason being security, both personal and financial... obviously 2 wages in a household is better than 1, but Demi has made it quite clear she doesn't want him moving in. That's why we are taking things so slow... (she say's with a baby growing inside her).. Still plenty of time to sort things out.. got at least 29 weeks.. ha ha.

30/3/08 - 13 weeks 2 days
I would like to welcome heartburn this week, along with really itchy boobs and a sense of smell that would rival a super heroes. My tiredness has now gone which is rubbish as I love a lie in at the weekends. Apart from that, everything is good. At least all these symptoms means the baby is growing healthily inside... at least I hope it is. I have rented a doppler this week... so far, I have not been able to locate the baby's heartbeat, but I am not too concerned as I am on the chunky side. I have my appt with the midwife next Thursday 3rd April, so will see if she checks for heart beat and where she is doing it etc. Me and Chris are getting on really well, no problems, my earlier worries have gone now and I think he will make a great dad.

10/4/08 - 13 weeks 5 days
I have just come back from my appt at the hospital. I have had my first ultrasound and they have put me back 8 days, not due now until 11th October. I don't mind too much as I saw the little bubba and it is doing fine, waving at me and picking it's nose, just like it's sister really. Because I am overweight I have to see a consultant and also be tested for diabetes.. apparently you have to starve yourself for 12 hours... not sure if I can cope with that! Lol. They have made a few dates for me and I know that my 20 week scan is on the 31st May, I will take my partner Chris to this one. My daughter came with me today... thought it would help her to feel included but all she did was moan about how long we had been there for and how ugly the baby was because it has a big head... she is a little treacle! All in all everything is okay... heartburt has gone, no aches or pains.. feeling good.. trying to eat healthier. Still smoking 1 cigarette a day, but not always. Bring on the baby bump... I want a big belly and looking forward to the baby kicking me.



26/4/08 - 16 Weeks today!

What to report... I can feel the baby now inside my tummy.. had a couple of decent kicks but usually can just feel it roll around, especially at night when I am in bed resting. I am still going to bed early, about 9ish, but watching TV till early hours.. at least it is relaxing. Went shopping today with Demi, we bought our first baby purchases. Some bottles and the all important dummys. Want to try and get bits and bats as time goes on. Chris and I have very diplomatically decided to save £75 per month each... we think as there are 5 months left that should be enough to buy all the essentials and IF there is any left, we will put it in a savings account. Baby things are so expensive though and Demi is adamant that we have to buy brand new stuff as most of hers was second hand when she was born. Nothing wrong with that, but it would be quite nice to know it is especially for your baby. Will see how it goes, I find it hard to resist a bargain if I see one though. All is well!!

10/5/08 - 18 Weeks
Feeling well, still really tired all the time, but that could be just me. My boobs are leaking a bit of milk now, I tease Demi and say she can have some on her cornflakes if she wants but she refuses.. wonder why?

I see Chris on average once a week, he is not even staying over now. Last time he came to my home for half hour then went again. I am hard work to be with, but even so.... not the sign of good things to come. As he is African he would like to have his family name passed down, which is fine. So we decided that I can choose baby's first name and he can give it the middle name and we will double barrel the surname. I kind of kicked off with him because he said if we have a girl, the name could be CACA, which in England means sh1t, poo, excrement... I might have said the words, "it's my baby and we will not be calling it Caca.." He left shortly after that and we have not talked much since. Oooops, but I have discussed with several people and they agree with me and they probably would have done the same, so that's ok! Sure he does things sometimes just to wind me up... he likes to see me mad!


30/5/08 - 20w 6d



Found out today at my 20wk scan that I am having a baby boy. Initially I was absolutely gutted and cried because I was positive I was having a girl and had planned her coming home outfit and nursery and name and I was going to buy her a hairband. All of a sudden I am having a boy and there are no nice clothes really, boy's grow up to be Asbo Chav's and when they leave home they don't give a second thought for their mum.. this is what got to me. Chris was really good and so was my daughter, they made me realise how selfish and thoughtless I was and I should be happy that our baby is healthy and that we can have a baby quite easily when others struggle. Chris also pointed out that I already have a girl and it might be nice to have a boy. I am glad I found out though, I wouldn't have liked that shock on his Birth Day.

31/5/08 - 21 weeks

Feeling more positive today. Me and Demi went shopping at Mothercare and bought some nice things for our boy including a tee-shirt with Mummy's Handsome Boy on it... and I'm A Little Brother. They are cute. Got some other things too and talked about it more with Demi, Chris is working but he text to check everything was ok, think he is concerned I am not going to love the baby when he arrives... I can assure you, I will!! We are getting excited over names now.. want something different but not too Council Estatish! It's a challenge.


8/7/08 - 26 weeks 3 days

It's been quite a while since I wrote anything, I have tried but my computer crashed. Nothing to report really, pregnancy is going without any major glitches, I am feeling well and the baby is kicking away at intervals during the day. I love to lie on my bed and feel and watch my tummy move. I know I will miss the feeling when he is born. I am fine with having a boy now, I keep watching baby programmes and even feeling positive about the birth process... see how long that lasts when I am in labour. Can't believe it is not that long to go now.

My house really needs sorting. My mum has been over to help me with painting but left soon after... she thinks Chris should be helping me more but as he doesn't live with me and he works a lot I am not so sure. Would like to have it sorted though pretty soon.. I am getting bigger and bigger and it is going to be hard soon to be bending and stretching too much. Looking forward to the third trimester and I am on count down until I can finish work for maternity. Going to keep working until 2 weeks before.. that's 11 weeks on Friday.. yee haa!!!

16/9/08 - 36w 3days

Oh my god! I think it just hit me that I am having a baby and it could happen anytime... I am happy to keep cooking it as I don't think I am ready yet. I finish work on Friday for 22 weeks, it's going to be a struggle financially but I will cope... always do! Just had the kitchen sorted, just the bathroom and stairs and landing to be carpeted... a real good clean up all throughout and the house will be ready. My daughter is 14 in 2 days... that makes me sad. She has so many concerns of her own about the baby that I fear for her. I hope the baby coming doesn't turn her against me as she is such a good girl, no trouble apart from the occasional bit of lip she gives me. I am really proud of her and don't want her to go off the rails and feel unloved. But I am so conscious about, I may be going a little bit over the top with her, trying to include her in everything. Time will tell. But Demi has already told me what she will and won't do, be funny to see if she sticks to what she has said. She will not change his nappy until his belly button has fallen off, she will not even touch him until he has been bathed twice, she will not push him in his pram when we go for walks as everyone will think he is her child, she WILL get up with him once a week and let me have a lie in, she WILL choose his clothes to buy as I have poor taste apparently, She won't let him wear second hand clothes as it's rank! We will see... I just have to reminder from time to time that I am the boss of the house and what I say goes, but I sometimes wonder!



23/9/08 = 37 weeks 3 days