SHE"S HERE!!!!!

BIrth Story

Not much of a story really, I was hospitalised 3 weeks before my due date with diabetes related problems, after a week in there the Dr decided it was time to get bubba out, as my sugar levels were skyrocketing, so a day was decided on for a c-section.
Day of c-section was weird, surreal even i woke up pregnant but would go to sleep a mother, weird..lol
Anyway, it was booked in for 2pm on the tuesday, the day went pretty slow, my nan,pop and fiona was there, at around 12pm they done the catheter, omg!!!! never again!!!!, hurt so much, then a stupid nurse pulled on it OMG!!!!!!!!!! i hadnt even had epidural yet..lol..3pm came around and finally got the call to go to the operating room, nerves set in, started crying, well i`d been a crying mess for days, overwhelmed i guess, butthe nervous crying didnt start until they started pushing the bed towards the operating room, my nan and fiona stayed in the maternity ward.my pop came with me.
Being wheeled into the room was scary, it was so cold, sterile, and anesthetic smelling, lots of people in blue gowns running around, waited for around 10 mins then went in, had the canula put in, but my vein was hiding, then the epidural , OMG!!!! that was an experience, here i was thinking it wouldnt hurt, HA!!! it doesnt hurt once its been done, it took 5 goes to get it in, so 10 mins of me bawling like a uncontrollable freak, felt a sharp zap feeling down my right leg, must of hit the spot, few mins later wow, no feeling, this is weird...lol..they were moving my legs as if they werent attached..lol..ok time to go.
Wheeled into the actual room, my anethiest was my camerman..lol..and he liked taking pics of everyone, even me, not at my best mind you, both arms strapped down out to the sides, on a really awkward angle on the bed, to push the uterus forward, no feeling in my legs, i wanna move them, but cant, that scared me a bit. They put the sheets up so i couldnt see anything, my pop came in all dressed in scrubs, i swear i nearly broke his hand the whole time.
Nurses were talking to me, asking if i knew the sex, said nup but my gut says boy, so was going thru boys names..lol..then one says how do you feel, i said fine, she said good they started about 4 mins ago!!!!...omg!!! u serious???...my nerves went into over drive an shaking started, nurses were talking, but all i could hear was sounds from, beyond the sheet in front of my face.
After around 15mins the nurse says your going to hear some gushing and sucking sounds, yeah charming, then you`ll feel a fair bit of pressure up top of your tummy, ok i can handle that, waited.....the gushing / sucking started, felt my heart go even faster, breathing faster, shaking like a rattle snake, an squeezing the life out of my pops hand.
Nurse says, smt about the name i chose for a boy, then says` oh wow we have lots of hair and a ear`..lol..i was thinking 1 ear, where`s the other, head is spinning, the nurse looks down at me and smiles and says, what i`ll never forget, ` so did you have a girls name as a backup?` my reaction` what! are you serious` she laughs and says, yep its a girl, then the crying cuts into my thoughts, wasnt my crying though was the baby, my head rip to the side she was on, and it was the most surreal experience i`ve ever had, she was there, wriggling around, crying, screaming, long black hair, covered in blood and muck, but she was there.
I expected to be in tears, but nothing came, i was still in shock, A GIRL??? but i was sure it was a boy...lol..i asked again were they sure it was a girl..lol..they held her up and sure enuff, it was a girl, a big girl at that, she was a little buddah..lol
My pop couldnt stop smiling that was the sweetest thing, my shaking was worse then ever so they gave me smt, then brought her over and laid right in front of my face, she was there right in front of me, face to face, nose to nose, she gave me a great view of the inside of her mouth..lol..the anethiest took pics of her with me, then they took her back to the maternity ward, they had to check her blood sugar levels, which i learned later were really low, so they had to feed her there.
My nan and fiona saw her when they went back and took pics of her getting cleaned up, 1 pic looks just like reagan ouit of the exorcist...lol..meanwhile i was being sewn up, in complete disbelief, after they finished i was in pain, so morphine saved me..lol
After 35mins i was allowed to go back, the look on nan and fionas face was classic, they were ecstatic but trying to be subtle..lol
They brought baby in and sat me up a bit, i was still numb so didnt mind..lol
My first real impression, wow, she really does have a lot of hair, and my mouth, my nan says she has my eyes too,but the mouth is identical to mine..lol
Still in shock they asked me what her name was, i didnt have one, i mean i had ideas but nothing solid, it took 3 days to name her, i finially decided on what i had been sitting on most of the pregnancy, but a different second name. Charlize Keta.
The days after were really hard emotion wise i felt like i was having a meltdown,crying nonstop, i couldnt breast feed which made me really sad, but luckily a nice nurse told me i could express and still give her breastmilk, that helped, so thats how she eats, bottles with my milk.
Its been a week and 2 days now since she arrived, and it has been a rollercoaster of emotions, being stuck in the hospital for so long wasnt helping so i came home after 6 days, that helped.
She is a night owl like me and is just as stubborn, you cant change her before she eats, its impossible..lol..she is bad at bringin up wind. But we`re getting there.
I still feel a bit detached from her, but hopefully over the nxt few weeks things will improve.
Would i do it all again? yes, i felt so empty after she was born, which made me realise just how much i liked being pregnant..lol

The Start of it all..........

So here I am, am 11 weeks 5 days pregnant now, this will be my first.

Not been easy so far, pregnancy wasnt planned by any means, the father walked out and havent heard from him since about week 4, I was on a high dose of anti-depressants, which I have to come off, as they are dangerous for the baby, have developed insulin based gestational diabetes, am very overweight, which doesnt help.

I had a lapband proceedure done in June 2006 for my weight lost about 20kgs from it, was mainly focusing on that when found out was pregnant, and was in the middle of a nasty 3 way breakup, would be the easiest way to describe it, I have a girlfriend, Fiona, who I have been with for 4 yrs now, we broke up for 2 months at the start of the year, hence when pregnancy occured, the day I told her i said she would be better off to find someone else, but to my surprise she was actually really happy about the whole thing, was weird i was crying and she was excited.

I admit this pregnancy was a mistake, I wasnt ready for it, i.e health wise, I live with my grandparents, they are both more worried then anything about the whole thing atm, the antidepressants mainly I had been on them for close to 10yrs, the sudden drop is really really hard to deal with, but am trying for everyone's sake, as you can probably tell i havent vented to anyone about anything as i dont want them to worry.

Am I excited about the prospect of being a mother, Im not sure, scared more then anything else, and worried i will make the same mistakes that were made b4 me.

But as for the baby, had first ultrasound at 7 weeks 1 day, she/he had a heart rate of 154, which was good and a total length of 11.1mm which kind of blew me away, how tiny, having a scan on this coming Monday to check for down syndrome in the baby, hope it goes well, am still nervous, but my nan will go with me as my other half decided would be fun to get a cold. hence she aint coming anywhere near me..lol.

At this point i think it might be a boy....possibly
Fiona thinks it'll be a girl.
Nan thinks it'll be a baby.

26/May/2007--- Just adding some stats for my own memory.

Found out was pregnant on 7th April 2007
First Dr's appt for it on 29th April
First U/S on 30th April - was 7 weeks 1 day gestation
First Diabete Educator appt on 1st May---- have had to many since to remember
First placed on Insulin 1st May
Decreased meds for depression 1 week after i found out was pregnant, still have another decrease due in a week or so.
Sore breats and seriously sore nipples from about week 7 through to week 11 --- they vanished yay!!
Morning sickness from week 7 to week 12 --- has dramatically improved in the last week.
Second ultrasound on 28th May --- coming monday to check for Down Syndrome.
First OB appt was on 24th May--- said he couldnt do much til was 20 weeks.
First Pyschiatrist visit for coming off meds is 7th June.....not impressed with having to see yet another 1.
First appt with Diabetes Specialist/ Endo 30th May
Have craved nothing but oranges and cheese for 4 weeks now, so since week 8.
Feet getting increasingly cold thru out the day.
Second ultrasound was on 29th May to check for down syndrome, came up low risk.
Third ultrasound on 6th july, regular check, all is well
Craving red meat, and having really bad mood swings all july.
felt first kicks at 22weeks 6 days
watched tummy jump on at 25weeks 6 days
ultrasound done for 25 weeks on 23/8/07
craving peanut butter and honey on buns, mmmmm yum and salady stuff.
Started pre natal parenting classes 2/10/2007, goes for 7 weeks.
Hospitalised on 24/10/2007 - 1/11/2007 for diabetes.
ultrasound on 25/11/2007, 34wks.
Have to see OB every week now.
Depression playing havic on me last few weeks.
CTG every 2nd day from 3/11/2007 until birth.
Ultrasound 12/11/2007, 36wks 4days.
Last pre natal parenting class 13/11/2007, lasted 7 weeks.

All i can think of atm, tho last 12 weeks have crawled i dont think i have ever been so bored in my life..lol
I hope it will seem a bit faster for the next trimester.

Hope all the new mums and mums to be r doing well, i love seeing ur pages it all really helps, so thank u!!!!

....I still think its a boy....

Pregnancy Survey
About You
Name?:	Sakura
Age?:	22
Height?:	5'7
Pre-pregnancy weight?:	too much
About The Second Mum
Name?:	Fiona
Age?:	33
Height?:	5'1
Are you still together?:	For now
About Your Pregnancy
Is this your first pregnancy?:	yeah
When did you find out you were pregnant?:	April 7, 2007
Was it planned?:	Not at all.
What was your first reaction?:	I cried for close to 2 hrs.
Who was with you when you found out?:	Fiona
Who was the first person you told?:	My nan.
How did your parents react?:	A mixture of unhappy and worried.
How far along are you?:	11 weeks 5 days
What was your first symptom?:	extremely sore nipples and breasts.
What is your due date?:	December 6, 2007
Do you know the sex of the baby?:	Nope
If so, what is it?:
Have you picked out names?:	Sort of.
If so, what are they?:	Boy-Corbin Jesse, Girl- Kaydin Jessie
How much weight have you gained?:	Not alot..
Do you have stretch marks?:	Yeah but from being fat not pregnant.
Have you felt the baby move?:	Not yet.
Have you heard the heartbeat?:	Yes, was 154bpm
About the birth
Will you keep the baby?:	I'd like too.
Home or hospital birth?:	Hospital
Natural or medicated birth?:	Will probably have a C-section.
Who will be in the delivery room with you?:	Fiona, my Nan and my Pop.
Will you breastfeed?:	Hopefully.
Do you think you'll need a c-section?:	Yes.
Will you cry when you hold the baby for the first time?:	Not sure.
What's the first thing you might say to him/her?:	thank god ur out.
Would you let someone videotape the birth?:	Maybe.
Are you excited about the birth, or scared? Scared.: Corbin Peter Charlize Kayden	. for a boy for a girl

..............12 weeks 4 days ultrasound CUTENESS!!

7/6/07

Ok so week 14 begins, nothing really exciting happening, actually i think im in that *am i really pregnant at all* stage, my morning sickness stopped in a matter of a day, no cravings, not even running to the loo, i was convinced i wasnt even carrying i took a home pregnancy test again, it said positive, but still am a bit dumbfounded, i thought by this stage i would have at least felt it or smt, but not yet, maybe its just lazy an doesnt like moving much....yet, knowing my luck it will make up for it later on.

Gawd its *father* contacted me few days back, in a classic conversation thru sms...cuz i guess talking is to much effort or smt, this was his line of thought over around an hr:

~so ur pregnant,whose the dad?....ummm like duh
~well i want a dna test done, but u can pay for it!.....sorry i aint the 1 doubting anything
~I'm going to get custody of it.....thought u didnt think it was urs?...
~If u stay with fee ( gf ) u can tell her she can be the father....no probs
~I'll take the responsibility of being a father....but u said fee was?...

So in a matter of an hr i was seeing smt similar to a tennis match in his responses on my phone...he is...he isnt...he will....he wont...men.
Though i can laugh at it now, at the time was more annoying and frustrating, being taken off my meds is hard, been on them like 10 yrs, in ways its easier then i thought would be, but at nite crying happens alot for no real reason, am due to drop them again soon, should be interesting.

So its 2am here, im lucky enuff to have a cold....thanks to my brother,so cant really sleep, am munching on cherries.
Did anyone else go thru a weird *am i still pregnant stage* where it felt like everything disappeared?

14/6/07

Week 15....i've known for 8 weeks now, and i swear 8 weeks have never gone by so slow....but the start of this week was a little different, which in a way was a nice, but scary change.

So on Wednesday morning here, well afternoon when i decided to wake up felt sick in the stomache, i figured morning sickness was back...yay...but had a sore ab area, which hadnt happened before, went to the loo...i know u wanted to know that.....and found was bleeding quite heavily, and freaked a bit, so rang the Dr, she said bleeding can be normal and not to really worry, but if it gets worse go to the hospital.
By about 2pm that day was in chronic pain and was going thru pads like no tomorrow, 6 in an hr...and it was bright red....i know that may seem a bit gross sorry.

So rang for the ambulance at 2.10pm and was told both were on call outs and would be around 25mins before 1 would be available, so just got Fee to come get me, got to emergency said wat was happening, was told to wait in waiting room, as the E.R was totally full, small town i expected it, took about 20mins and was called in, they done the usual obs and took blood, urine sample, bp was 210/198, a tad high for sure, and was put on 10 min obs.

After 20mins or so the Dr on duty came to see me, took details and such, said only 1 obstetrician (spelling) was on call atm, they said he'd been paged, they used a doppler machine thing....i'd heard of them but never seen 1 before...to see if there was a heart beat, they picked 1 up said it was around 132bpm and sounded good, after they said that my bp dropped slowly after like 15mins.

The obstetrician came in asked same questions the Dr did, and said an ultrasound would be a good idea, so went in for 1, after looking around for a good 5 mins he said it all looked fine, the baby was stable, good heart rate, moving good, no excess fluid in or around the uterous.....was cool to see the baby again, and a relief.
So after near on 4hrs the Dr said the blood tests came back clear and that i just seem to have an infection, but he couldnt explain the bleeding, so i was kept in overnight, the bleeding subsided in the early hrs of the morning but i still have the cramps.

Was hell scary and painful, i was beyond positive i was losing the baby, but i didnt, am due to see the Dr again on monday for a checkup, then 2 weeks after have my 18week ultrasound and maybe find out what sex it is.....i'd like to know but have decided if they cant see it then i'll just wait for the scan at 24weeks, then if i still dont know i wasnt meant too, so will wait it out, but im still sure it is a boy, a few others reckon its a girl, im not putting money on either cuz knowing my luckit'll be the oppisite of what i pick..lol

Apart from that hiccup all is ok, apart from boredom, i have never felt so bored in my life....im too impatient, i just wanna know what it is and what it out NOW!!!.....i need to learn how to be patient before its born..lol

2/July/2007

been a fair while since i wrote, but hasnt been anything to write about really, am 17 weeks, havent felt the baby move yet, due for next ultrasound in around 2 weeks, should be interesting, been quiet last month or so, so i thought would show off my other kids who make my daily existence more interesting, enjoy!

R.I.P my beautiful girl we lost her to an enlarged heart on August 15th 2007, she'll always be with me

This is my oldest cat, Little Shit, or just shit, she is 10 this year, and i came by her when i was working in the rspca shelter, she was hurt pretty bad and it was 3 month before i could take her home, her original name was Sugar, but it just didnt suit her as well as her name now :)

This my anti social little man, Jaffa, he is 8 this year, he is a light ginger colour and camera shy, will try and get a better pic of him :)

This is Jaffa's best friend, Cefa...yep C fa cat..lol..he is about 6 months younger then Jaffa and a complete extravert, i've never seen a cat who wants, or demands so much attention....altho he looks stoned in this pic, it makes me laugh..lol

This is the baby of the household, Dippy, he was mine until my Nan claimed him, now he is her constant shadow, and a complete sook! He is best friends with Cefa.

So those are my cats at my Nans house...yes there is more...at my gf's house Muahaha, and they are as follows :P

Fee's house!

This handsome little chap is my boy, George, he is 3-ish, he is now the oldest of the house as we just lost the oldest boy, Arnie. George is daddy to 1 of my cats coming up, and husband to her mum..lol

This pretty girl is, Baby, she is married to, George..lol..she is about 2 months younger then George, and they loved eachother since day 1, she had 2 litters in total, with 5 kittens all up, I kept 1 of the kittens, which is george and baby's Daughter..lol

I love this pic..lol..This fluffball is, Kitty, original but it stuck from when she was a baby..lol..she is the daughter of baby and george, george loves her and licks her head, while baby bitchslaps her...lol..happy happy families, she will be 1 in november this year, and is desexed, so no kitties for her.

This innocent little thing is really the devil incarnate!!!, this is the baby of the group, Miyu, she is a bit younger then kitty, i got her from a pet shop because she looked so lonely, yes im a sucka for the sad eye look, but now she is a cat who thinks she is a dog and a male 1 at that, she enjoys such hobbies as, jumping from high things swinging on the curtains, attacking you when you come out of the loo, and being really noisey when she wakes up..lol

Thats the cats at Fee's house, i spose i should post her pic so you know who has to suffer with them all when i come home, (nans). So this next pic is of her and her dog, who loves Miyu, Bicky.

Bicky looks scared..lol.. This is Fiona, she is the 1 i bombarded all these cats on, well 4 of anyway, she is too nice to tell me no..lol..she has been a real support thru this pregnancy, and is going thru a rape case of her own, which is hell hard atm, so she's a trooper thats for sure, we been together for 4 yrs, but after the rape happened, things got really hard and she needed space, not that she'd admit it mind you, thats when i screwed up, literally and got pregnant, it really was the last thing she needed, but for some reason it seemed to help, she said it gave her something positive to look forwards too, i really hadnt thought of it that way before, her mother got really mad at me saying i did it just to make her feel obligated to stay with me, which is such shit i told her to find someone else before i even told her i was pregnant, it isnt ur typical family i guess, but for me it is as good as it gets, and i know this baby will be adored by her, regardless, i wish some people who are against same sex relationships could understand that aslong as there is love, support, respect, that there is nothing wrong with it, it hurts alot to hear people say, " oh the poor kid will have 2 mothers, it'll be queer for sure" or " you should be ashamed bringing a child into that environment". I know people arent going to change their beliefs to accpet it, which i wouldnt even ask, but how can so many expect us to break up the first good stable thing we've had just to fit their beliefs, im ranting i know, im not a feminist by any means and neither is Fee, just wish people could see as long as their is happiness there isnt anything bad about it, but i know in reality it is never smt that will be fully accepted, i just dont understand how someone who doesnt even know us, feels our relationship is affecting them and making them do smt wrong? Makes me worry what this baby will go thru in life because of some peoples beliefs, is it unfair to bring it into that....i dunno. I just know i'd rather have my baby in a kind, loving and caring environment with another women then with a man who would have beaten us both, my ex, not the babies father, an i will just deal with what people have to say i suppose, i hope this baby is strong and we can teach it to respect everyone, regardless of, race, religion, sexual orientation, an show that the world can be a nice place, thats not just filled with hate as it seems to be now...ok ramble over..lol