More....

December 7, 2006

As of today, I am 13wks/4dys. I found out when I was barely 4 weeks on Nov. 6, 2007. The dad was suppose to be sterile due to heavy chemo and radiation he had gone through the year before and I was on the pill but also on antibiotics for bronchitis. Come to find out, he's NOT sterile and the pill really isn't effective when taking certain antibiotics. So along came baby and shocked the hell out of both of us. We are not a couple and never have been. We were always just really good friends. We live in two seperate states. Me in CA and he in MN.

Not sure what I'm having yet but I have a U/S scheduled for 2/14 to find out. Since the baby is the love of my life, I couldn't imagine a better day to find out the sex. But if I can't wait that long, I'm going to get a 4D u/s done at 18 weeks. I think they are amazing. At 10 weeks, the baby's heartbeat was at 170! I was so excited because at 6 weeks the heartbeat was only at 87 which I understand isn't so good. I also found out that I have a large fibroid (9x7) at the top of my uterus. I thought for sure that I was going to miscarry. I had a little bit of bleeding at 10 weeks after using the restroom and went to the ER and they did a U/S and I saw him/her bouncing and launching itself EVERYWHERE it could! It was so amazing and I think that's when it hit me that this little guy/girl was gonna be just fine. My cervex was closed and the heartbeat was perfect. They dont' know why I bled. They say they don't feel the fibroid will affect my pregnancy except a possible c-section (due to baby not being able to turn) or delivery as early as 36 weeks. Very slim chance of labor way earlier but it is possible. I'm not nervous about that though. I will see my high risk doctor every month so that will make me feel better too. I had a regular appt a couple of days later with the dad (he flew in the day before for a few days) and he got to see it to. He/she wasn't as active but he did kick out a couple of times and we saw it's heart beating away. The neck and gut measured perfectly. I really believe this child is my miracle child and it was completely determined to have Dave and I as it's parents for some very odd reason! ha ha.

The baby's dad and I aren't together and not exactly on the best of terms at the moment. I thought at times that it was my fault that I was always angry and depressed about him, but have come to terms that he has made me angry and depressed by things he has said to me (i.e. telling me that another woman is in the picture). Granted we were never a couple, and met in an unusual circumstance about 6 months ago and created this miracle mid October. He decided to tell me there was 'someone else' when I was 10 weeks. It has completely thrown me into a deep depression. I know that expecting us to end up together is not very realistic but I at least wanted to try and he said he wanted to try also when he moves out here. But unfortunately, I think to much damage has been done. I feel like he has completely abandon me. Last night I told him that I think what he told was so cruel and unnecessary beings that we are in two totally different states (he told me about this other girl when he came out to see me 4 weeks ago). I told him that he made me feel unattractive. I told him that if I could take back anything, it would be the weekend he came out here and told me all that stuff. I told him that he kicked me down and knocked the wind out of me. What kind of man would do that?? An insensitive one. After I said all of that, all he said was 'Well, I'm glad you called to tell me how you feel.'. And that was it!! I said 'Yep' and hung up on him. I have had it with him. I have done so much to show that I care about him but he hasn't shown me one jesture to show he cares about me. But my doctor has prescribed me Prozac (not to keen on taking it, but at this point, I won't be picky) and I'm scheduled to see my therapist on the 16th of this month to help me cope with this life change that is happening and that is getting ready to happen. I seriously need him to be non existant to me for the next couple of months. I need to get my head on straight again and be happy for the baby. I'm usually such a happy and upbeat person and I have lost that person somewhere in the middle of all this. I don't see him calling me anytime soon. I just need some peace of mind and to be alone and deal with it on my own (with my family and friends) because all he does is bring me down.

However, the baby's dad will be an awesome father and I pray all the time that he will always be there for our child. The relationship he will have with our child is obviously completely seperate than mine and his.

I'll write more later when I have some more news.

January 10, 2007

I'm officially in my 2nd trimester today! Baby seems to be good and happy. I swear I think my tummy gets bigger everyday. Either that or it hits me more and more everyday that I am showing. I haven't felt any flutters yet but I'm ready for them! I can't wait for the 25th to hear the little heart again. Sometimes I'm sitting at my desk at work and my lower left uterus area starts hurting (like a dull pain but doesn't actually hurt) and then it travels down to my um....lower area. So strange to know that your body is stretching for the baby to grow and getting ready to deliver.

Wow, I really needed to vent when I wrote the stuff above...ha ha. Last night Dave and I talked. We discussed our little angel and names but decided to wait until we know what it is before we talk any further about it. He's getting excited to move out here and be a dad. I think as long as we just talk about the baby and that's about it for the time being, we should be ok. Once I get this depression under control and stop taking everything he says out of context, things should be okay again. The post above said that I feel like he hasn't done anything to show he cares. The truth is, he does care. He asks me daily how I am and that he wishes he could make things better. He know's I'm emotional right now and he feels helpless. But who knows, tomorrow I may not like him again. Poor guy.

January 23, 2008

So on Friday I go to my hi-risk pregnancy doctor. I have a large fibroid (9 x 7 as of 10 weeks) and something called Sjogren's disease. Most people have never heard of Sjogren's disease. It's an auto-immune disease where my antibodies attack my glands for some odd reason. It causes dry eyes and dry mouth and if it gets really bad, it can cause Fybermyalsia to flare up. I've been in remission from that for about 1 year now and had my blood checked when I was 6 weeks and I was still in remission. I will be going back to my rheumatologist every 4 mos so they can check it. But due to the Sjogren's, the baby has an extremely rare chance of getting 'heart block' which is somewhat curable while the baby is in the womb depending on the stage it's in. I'd rather be safe than sorry and have his/her little heart checked out every week until delivery. Makes mommy feel better too! I would have never thought that a dumb little disease would carry such a horrible antibody for a baby. I'm not that worried about the fibroid. I hear that it can be alittle uncomfortable for me but that the baby should be just fine because the fibroid is in a very ideal place at the top of my uterus. As long as baby is ok, I will deal with the pain. Because he/she is my little miracle. So as I was saying, I go to my hi-risk dr's appt on Friday to do an extensive U/S. I'm crossing my fingers that the doctor will tell me what it is. I haven't been to this hi risk doctor yet....so hopefully he or she is a nice person and will tell!!

And in regards to the baby's daddy, he called me the other morning while I was at work telling me that he doesn't know what to do about moving and that he's nervous (which is understandable). I told him that if he stays in his state, the baby will never know him. He understands that. Before I was on anti-depressants (thank God for those things during pregnancy...oh my gosh!!) I would have obsessed and stressed about that conversation. But you know what? I actually wrote him a really nice letter and told him that I understood how he feels because I would be nervous to, to move to an entire new state without any friends or family. I told him he didn't need to do it now but in 3-4 mos, he seriously needs to get going. Then today.....I thought......ugh....I don't care what he does anymore. I don't need his stress and worries on top of my own. I need to worry about myself and the baby. Baby is my number one priority and I need to stay healthy, happy and strong for baby. He will not bring me down. I'm glad he feels like he can talk to me but that crap needs to be discussed with his family and friends. He can let me know when he's coming out and then I'll be there to listen but until then.......no way. No more.

16 weeks tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

January 28, 2008

On Friday the 25th I went to the high risk doctor and had the most amazing U/S! Found out that I'm having a little girl!! I saw my little angel waving constantly. Just letting me know she was there and was so active. She would suck her thumb and then flip around. At first we didn't know if we would be able to find out the sex because she kept crossing her legs. But finally, she gave in and let us take a look. My mom and sister went with me and it was a very emotional experience. Dave wasn't in town for it but I did call him immediately afterwards and let him know. He was so excited and he told me later that night that he was secretly hoping it was a girl and now that he knew it was a girl, he didn't feel guilty for saying it out loud. ha ha. I really didn't care what it was but I would have bet money it was a boy. I have no idea why I thought that. But I wasn't disappointed at all. I was 50/50 on it and just feel blessed that she's healthy.

February 12, 2008

Today was the 4D ultrasound. I really wish I had one of those machines at my house! But I'd probably lose my job because I'd want to watch baby so much. ha ha. She was extremely active and the tech couldn't get her to sit still long enough to get one strip of the heartbeat for the DVD they were making. But finally, she stayed still for about 5 seconds and then she took off again. She yawned, swallowed, waved, did sumersaults and even started moving her legs like she was pedaling a bike! ha ha. But my favorite thing that she did was she looked right at the 'camera' and stuck her tongue out and then smiled. It was perfect!!!

March 6, 2008

I had another Ultrasound (a regular one) today and I must say....I am completely spoiled! Every Wednesday I go to the Echo dr so he can check her heart......which is perfect and I always get to see her. But today I had a regular 6 week check up at the high risk doctor and he was so quick about everything. I never got to see her profile or anything =( But I did get to see her open and close her fist a bunch of times. It looks like they may let me choose when I have her. They will let me get induced at 38 weeks......yay! But they also feel they won't need to because she will find her way out around that time anyways due to the fibroid. I have no complaints...which is nice.

March 30, 2008

I know it's been a while since I've updated. My little girl is soooooo active ALL the time. I contantly feel her squirming around and giving me little tickles or kicks/punches. She even started to play a little game with me, when I push on my tummy, she would push back no matter where I push. I feel her readjust herself just to push back where my hand is. But this week, I think she's gotten a little tighter in there because she doesn't just 'flip' over to do it. I think now, it's a little harder. She put on a little show for my mom finally last night. My mom's been so patient with her and my little girl kept being shy...but last night she kicked and punched and it made my moms night. She now has a nickname of 'wiggle worm' because that's what she is.....my little wiggle worm.

As for me.......I've been getting Pelvic Girdle Pain. Very similiar to the Sciatic pain. The doctor has me going to physical therapy which really helped and I'll be going a couple of times a week until I have her. I'd really like to avoid anti-inflammotories if possible.

Dave is doing good......just very anxious to get out here. I can honostly say that things are really good between us now. We had a lot to talk about, I had some hormones to work out and now we are communicating as we should be.......and it's great.

April 8, 2008

I went to my regular monthly dr's visit today and she is still perfect. I told my doctor that the hi-risk dr suggested I get induced at 38 weeks just to be safe. He agreed. And then he actually told me when it will be. June 24th...start the inducing procedure....June 25th...baby comes. He says my body may not be ready and if my body doesn't respond to the inducing, they will have to do a c-section......which I want believe it or not. But because I want that......I'll have it the 'ol natural way. ha ha. But either way, I've gotten myself pumped to do it the 'natural' way. I just want her to be healthy and for me to be healthy too. And ugh.....I don't want the gas that comes with the c-secion! no!!!!! ha ha. Small things like that make me change my mind cause I've been lucky during this prenancy that I haven't been gassy...thank God. Hmm....was that TMI?????

May 20, 2008

I haven't updated this in forever! Not to much has changed. I'm still delivering on June 25th.........scarey! The baby's dad should be here around June 16th and plans on staying for a month or so. He will be staying with me and hopefully we get along wonderfully. But you never know. We'll either love eachother or hate eachother by the time he leaves.

Jaiden is really really busy all the time. Always moving and squirming around. Her foot measured at 2 1/2 inches long about 2 weeks ago! wow! She's going to be a tall little thing....just like her daddy.

I get to begin my leave from work on the 30th......YAY!!!!! I can't wait. My body is so swollen. I even had to wear houseshoes to work today because I didn't feel like squishing my feet in to my shoes. ha ha. Thankfully my boss is understanding and he even suggested the houseshoes. These guys spoil me right now at work...which is nice.

June 30, 2008

Well, on June 10th, Jaiden arrived at 2:06 p.m. Due to the pre-eclampsia (I was diagnosed with it only a week and half earlier), they decided to induce me at 35 weeks 4 days. I went to L&D on June 9th at 5:00p.m. At first they put a little strip thing inside me at about 7:00 p.m. to get the cervix softened and told me that it would take about 12 hours for it to be in full affect. It actually took only about an hour before the contractions started. They were back to back and Jaiden wasn't handling them very well. Her heartrate kept dropping between 50-70. They had to give me oxygen and lay me on my left side to help her out. Nothing worked. They ended up taking out the gel strip after only 3 hours and I was only 1 cm dialated. Not good. So the next morning at about 7 a.m. they gave me picadin (??), that really didn't do anything for a few hours. Then about 11 a.m. the contractions started and they were back to back again and I was only 1cm dialated still. When I say the contractions were back to back, I mean, they would start and before it would end, it would begin again. Jaiden still couldn't handle it. The nurses kept having to run in to put oxygen on me and move me to where Jaiden wouldn't get so distressed. Finally, they came in and turned off my IV and said that the doctor wanted to perform a c-section because my little Jaiden was in distress. My c-section was to happen at 1:30 p.m. Dave got into town just 4 days prior because the doctors advised me to have him come out because we were 'buying' time. So luckily, he was able to be there for the birth of our daughter. When she was taken out, she breathed in some fluids so she was in NICU for 7 days receiving antibiotics for a possible infection from the fluids. She had a touch of jaundice (but not enought to be put under a light) but has since gone away and she was a really lazy eater. She would fall asleep during her feedings so they ended up having to put a tube in her nose to help her finish. After a week of being in the NICU, she was sent home with us. An infection was never found, her jaudice went away and she eats really really good now! She does have reflux however but other than that, she's great. It's so crazy to look at her and think, she really should still be in my tummy for another 2 weeks. She's so tiny...but not as tiny as some premies. She was born at 5lbs 4oz. She will be 3 weeks tomorrow and she weighs 6 1/2 lbs now! She's so beautiful and I can't believe she's mine. She's my work of art =)

And in regards to the c-section, I got really lucky with that. I was up and walking that night. I never got the gas pains everyone talks about and I only needed a pain killer the first night. Other than that, it was 800 mg Motrin. This pregnancy was really hard on me physically and emotionally so I'm happy I caught a break with that. The pre-eclampsia made me gain so much water. 10 days after I had Jaiden, I went to the doctors for a checkup and I had lost 31 lbs! I only have 14 to go. Hopefully it won't be to hard to shed those last few pounds. I tried putting my jeans on today and they went on so easy until I tried to button them. UGH! ha ha. But at least I can see the light. I'm hoping that by the time I go back to work in August, I will be fitting into them again. One can hope right??

Oh...and the fibroid.....it was so HUGE!! I saw pictures of it. Unfortunately they had to put it back because I could hemmorage if they removed it. My doctor said that he expects it to go down to the size of a plum (it was the size of gravel when I got pregnancy...didn't know I had it) but they will do an U/S in 2-3 mos to see where it is. If it doesn't go down, they will have to go in and remove it so I don't look like I'm a few mos pregnant. I'm hoping it will shrink away to nothing again. And when I say HUGE.......I'm talking like the size of my shoe! It was long and wide. I can't believe I wasn't in any pain with it. It was on the upper part of my uterus (towards my lung) so it wasn't in the way.

Well, there's my birth story of me, Dave, my baby Jaiden and her scarey looking fibroid twin =)