Nov 17

Today is another day another lonley day. My babys dad tried to collect call me from jail, but I have permanetely blocked him out. There is nothing he can say to me. When he was out all he did was cheat, so now that he is locked up he has a change of heart. Yeah right! I don't buy it. Where is all the hoes at now? (Gone), he gave up a good woman and now he has lost everything, his wife, his kids and his stability. Anyway all I did was register for school and make phone calls to find my son a babysitter.When school starts I wil have something to take my mind away from all the lonliness. I had one close friend that I called my brother and I have known since we were kids. I trusted him and told him everything even let him lay in the bed with me and talk, like brother and sister. I let him come over to my house and help me about a week ago. Do you know what he did? He told me that he looked at me as a girlfriend. I feel disgusted and violated almost as if I have been raped. I don't know if you can understnd this, but I looked at and called him my brother and if I would have known that he had these sexual thoughts torward me I would have not let him come over my house and I would definetely not have let him lay in the bed with me talking about my ex and my problems. He wouldn't have been around me period. I just feel like I have been violated and used. I don't know, so now with my so called brother out of my life I am completeley alone.

Nov 19

To day wrote my babys dad a good bye letter and let him know that I have no intentions of conversating or communicating with him anymore. I also took the libery to buy my self a new living room coffee table, end table and a new rug. I think I have been doing this stuff 2 make myself feel better and not go crazy. My house is getting redecorated at least once every 6 weeks. Weird though I haven't started on the baby's room and I don't know why. I need to focus on that.
Edit

Nov 20

Today was another boring day, last night I tried to take my son to the movies, but when I got there I didn't see anything interesting to see. I was hoping Alien vs Preadator was still around, but it wasn't and that scary movie about a cell phone call just seems plain dumb. So, I came home and got on the computer and then I talked to an old friend of mine for 3 hours on the phone. I am a talker and always have been. She told me she is doing better, but it still seems like she's doing bad to me. I wish I could help her, but I have always been the type to be concerned about other people first instaed of myself. Now it's time to put me and my kids first. So after I finish law school and buy up some investment properties real estate and some kind of prosperous business then I will be back to help, but right now I have to put it down for me and mines FIRST.

Nov 24

I am now finally starting to focus on getting the baby stuff. I have been getting her stuff online, which is a great help to me financially. I got bags of clothes for like 20 bucks. Diaper genies and diapers for like 15 bucks etc. So far I have spent 100 which is not bad. I am going to get a travel system, (stroller, carseat, carrier in one) that looks brand new for 60 bucks this weekend and a few other things. I am glad Im starting to get stuff done. The things that are going to cost me the most is her crib etc. It's times like these when I wish I had a man to help me out. I got really sad today, looking at the different couples when my son and I went out to eat. Some times I think my heart is going to completely break. I try not to cry because they say the baby can feel your emotions and I don't want her stressed out. SIGH --