hi everyone,

I Decided to re-write this page after I realized that what I wrote before only focused on the hardships I'm going through instead of the wonderful joy a new baby brings.

I am pregnant with my first baby and his name is Emanuel, named after his father. I am on bedrest due to a cerclage but I know once he is born, my life will change forever and for the better. The docs said I probably wouldn't be able to have anymore so this will be my miracle baby that I will love and cherish forever.

My poor boyfriend has to put up with all my complaining. I have been nauseated for the past 5 months and it feels like this pregnancy will never end. Its especially hard being on bedrest since there's nothing really to distract me from feeling sick. OK, I don't really feel bad for my boyfriend. Afterall, I'M the one going through it. This pregnancy is one of the hardest things I have ever gone through. So I expect some empathy every once in a while.

My family still doesn't know I'm pregnant because I'm afraid of what they will do, or try to do.

Its amazing how very few parents know the meaning of unconditional love. I plan to right all my parents wrongs with my baby, to show him nothing but love

Sunday, March 9

I am on my 24th week about and still nauseous ALL the time. When will it end? I am still on bedrest although I don't really adhere to it. I had an emergency cerclage at 18 weeks so I feel a lot of pressure as the pregnancy progresses. Today is a beautiful day so far... My boyfriend felt the baby punch for the first time. He has been very active. I wish I wasn't so sick all the time so I could enjoy the pregnancy more.

Tuesday, March 11th

After trying 2 different prescriptions for nausea with no success, I've seemed to have found some relief with maximum strength pepcid ac recommended by my doctor. Not to sound too gross, but whenever I vomited it wasn't food but rather acidic yellow stuff. So the pepcid helped with that. Thought I'd share since this is a common problem during pregnancy. Now, I still get sick but its about 80% better.

Friday, March 14th

Wedsday night there was some cervical pain and spotting. I think I may have put too much pressure on my cerclage. For fear of being unecessarily admitted, I decided to wait till my appointment at docs monday. I bought a monitor to listen to babys heartbeat. I couldnt hear it but my boyfriend did. I still feel fetal movements, but not as strong, often. as if the baby moved further deeper (towards my middle/back). We prayed about it. We'll find out Monday.

March 18th

Did ultrasound and baby is 2.3 lbs! real good at this point they usually weigh just under 2lbs. Total weight gain for me is about 13lbs at 6 1/2 mos. Tech took a 3d ultrsound picture and he is so cute! I think he has my nose and his daddy's lips. awww..

April 9th

My fiance/ baby's father was arrested Apr 4th 12:05 am. If he has to do his full time, he won't be out until July which is after the baby is due. I'm 29 weeks, in my 7th month, on bedrest, heartbroken and alone. There will be a hearing to see if he is eligible for early release... anyone who reads this, please pray he will be able to make it to the delivery. This is my first and I don't want to be alone.

Pregnancy survey

About you

Name:Staar

Age: 28

Height: 5 `8

About the father

Name: Emanuel

Age: 28

Height: 5'7

Are you still together? Of course

About your pregnancy

Is this your first pregnancy?: Yes

When did you find out?: 2nd week of october

Was it planned? No, but we both said we wanted one and it happened!

What was your first reaction?: A little confused..Afterall, I made it this far in life without getting pregnant... I couldn't believe it

Who was there when you found out? Emanuel, my boyfriend. His exact words when I told him that I was pregnant and not going anywhere were "That's what I wanted!"

Who was the first person you told?: My friends U, k, and S

What were your parents reaction?: I'm 7 months and they still don't know. They are racist and my man is of a different race. Not sure if I'll ever tell them since I don't want my child to grow up in ignorance. I live far from them and don't see them much anyway.

How far along were you?: 5 weeks is when I found out

What was your first symptom?: Sleepy and tired a lot

Do you know the sex?: Yes, its a BOY!

If so do you have names?: Emanuel Deshaun, after his father. Emanuel means God is with us and Deshaun means God is gracious. Pretty neat huh!

How many weight have you gained?: In 6 months, 10lbs. The first 8 were during my first month when I had a big appetite. Since then, I've been sick

Do you have strech marks?: Very light ones that were there prior to pregnancy due to rapid weight gain/loss...(hope they don't get red or dark)

Have you heard the heartbeat?: Yes, it's strong and beautiful. Usually around 150 beats per min.

About the birth

Are you keeping the baby?: Yes, he is a blessing

Home or hospital birth?: Hospital

Natural or medicated?: Load me up medicated!

Who will be in the delivery room with you?: My man and best friend Kim

Will you breastfeed?: A little. I don't want to be the only one with the responsibility of feeding him