My profile

My husband and I found out we were pregnant on June 26th. I had been really tired and then when the nausea kicked in I thought oh, pregnant???

I tried not to get my hopes up since almost exactly 2 yrs ago I was pregnant, only to end up having a miscarriage - blighted ovum - perhaps the cruelest joke mother nature ever invented. I decided to let things happen naturally and ended up only miscarrying after two more months. That loss devestated me and I lived month to month with the false hope that since my period didn't show up at exactly the minute I thought it would that I was pregnant. Finally I had written off being able to have children. Meanwhile my husband's family is multiplying at an alarming rate and it seemed every week at work brought the announcement of someone else's pregnancy bliss.

So, hesitantly I went to the same drug store where I purchased so many HPTs (to the point where I sincerely believed that the cashier recognized me and pitied me) and bought a 3 pack of tests (did I not say i was a pro at this), a sprite and a can of hot buffalo pringles. That should have been the biggest clue - extremely nauseous yet still craving buffalo chips. I got home, took the test and left the room, waiting for the bitter taste of disappointment to set in as soon as I dared to look at the result. Why so many pregnancy tests have to drive the childless status in like a stake thru our hearts by having the result be a minus sign, I will never understand. I finally got up the courage to go and look at the test. I couldn't believe my eyes. I called my husband and asked him when he would be home and then sat on our bed in shock, waiting for him to arrive. When he finally arrived I told him to go look in the bathroom. He looked at me a little odd, but did as I instructed. He was shocked to say the least. He is 5 years older than me and has felt the urge for children very strongly. Every time after my loss I would see how he lights up whenever he holds or plays with his nieces and nephews and it would hurt me so bad to not be able to provide a child for him. So, DH couldn't believe it and asked where the test instructions were. Lol. He declared the line was faint and insisted I take the other two tests. I took one later and showed him and then finally took the last one in the morning. He finally believed. We both did. But neither one of us wanted to get our hopes up. Again.

Two nights later I discovered I was spotting. Which is how it happened the first time. A horrible sense of deja vu filled me and I just kept telling myself I couldn't go thru this again. DH and I rushed to the ER where they announced I was having a "threatened miscarriage", and called in the OB ultrasound woman (she was on call and had to drive over an hour to get there as it was 1:00 in the morning). While performing the ultrasound, she wouldn't let me look at the monitor or tell me anything. Finally the doctor came in and announced it was "inconclusive" and to follow up with my doctor in 2 days. I was so heartbroken and so mad at them for not being able to give me anything other than "inconclusive". Now I have read and realize that any time a pregnant woman bleeds it is termed a "threatened miscarriage" by the unfeeling medical profession, but then I didn't have a clue. My husband spent the next 2 days googling and printing out stories of women who had similar issues and went on to have perfectly healthy children. At this point an odd sense of everything would be okay set in. I told DH I was still worried but believed everything would be okay. After going to my regular doctor, they did an ultrasound, found a heartbeat and declared I had implantation bleeding. What a relief! We were elated to say the least. It is the most amazing thing to see that little tiny being inside you with a heart beating so fast.

About 2 weeks later, I was at my parents house when I passed two small clots. I was again hysterical. My mother consoled me, called my doctor's office where they told me they couldn't do anything until Monday (this was a Friday night), my father told me he was sorry. Everyone thought this was the end. We went to the doctor and had another ultrasound only to discover baby was fine. The tech or doctor couldn't tell me why I passed clots, just assured me baby was doing good and growing well. Once again, I was relieved but still couldn't let myself be at ease with this pregnancy.

Since then I have had one more ultrasound - all pics are posted on my page here - and found out a little early that we are having a baby girl. We had a great tech who spent a good while with us and let us enjoy watching the baby jump around. She pointed out fluid in the baby's belly and told us that meant that the baby has begun to swallow. It's so amazing to have this little person growing inside you. I am still in shock and constantly worry that everything will be okay. Every time I get anything baby related I feel like I am jinxing myself. I am very grateful to have found this site and be able to share my stories and get reassurance and feedback from all you guys. I cannot wait to meet my little sweet pea!