she's due on
March 20, 2008!
Our daughters name is...
Erin Kelly

We are starting over again considering how old the kids are. A bit scary! We did not plan this pregnancy though we never used birth control since 2003. We never prevented another pregnancy but being that it was 4 years we figured we just weren't going to conceive. In May we did ask the doctor to run tests on us to see for sure or not we could not get pregnant. He said we were fine...weird thing is we were like oh okay well then maybe we should close shop officially..snip snip....but we thought whatever it hasn't happened and I think we both just thought if it happened we would adjust. A little Russian Roulette. Well apparently on June 27th (the day of Rachel's death) we conceived this child.
~I would say that was a gift from God meant to be obvious with neon blinking lights~

We are struggling with it as I am very sick. I will be sick throughout. I was hospitalzed for 5 days for severe dehydration and ketones at 8 weeks. I have had 2 ER visits to rehydrate. I spent the first 14 weeks entirely in bed (except to barf, pee and shower). The last 3 weeks I have finally started to be able to care for myself and interact with the family a bit more. I have had it with all 5 pregnancies. But this one by far is the worse pregnancy of all.

I have hyperemesis gravidarium. (HG) is a severe form of nausea and vomiting in pregnancy. It is generally described as unrelenting, excessive pregnancy-related nausea and/or vomiting that prevents adequate intake of food and fluids.
It is typically associated with:

• loss of greater than 5% of pre-pregnancy body weight (usually over 10%)
• dehydration and
• production of ketones
• nutritional deficiencies
• metabolic imbalances
• difficulty with daily activities
• HG usually extends beyond the first trimester and may resolve by 21 weeks; however, it can last the entire pregnancy in less than half of these women.
• Complications of vomiting (e.g. gastric ulcers, esophageal bleeding, malnutrition, etc.) may also contribute to and worsen ongoing nausea.)
  

  Week 21

  I am still sick. I am so tired of the nausea. Everyday 24/7. Not throwing up anymore though. I lost 31 pounds in the first 17 weeks. As of 21 weeks I have gained 3 pounds. I am still counting the weeks to get past the sickness!!!! Our Ultrasound was 10/25 and its a GIRL.

December 2, 2007 week 24

I am still sick quite often. It really sucks!!!!!!! I am so tired of this. I am 24 1/2 weeks. I fight with depression as result. Especially with Christmas coming and still being like this. I am happy I am still pregnant with our daughter. Its a scary place to be after losing our last at 20 weeks. I keep praying she'll survive every time I worry.

December 4, 2007

I am not feeling well today! I just do not want to get up and do the things I should get done, like go to the grocery store or clean up the house. I hate being so warn out and restless at the same time. I need to do some Christmas shopping and all that, but I just don't know if I can do it. Some women are just going on full force with all this energy while I am dragging everyday and just want to sit around constantly. I do force myself to get out to run an errand here and there. Not good to sit in the house to much.

December 12, 2007

Urgh not having a good time being pregnant at all! I am miserable. I want to enjoy this time. This is suppose to be the best time...sickness should be gone (yeah Right!)...at 6 months you still aren't to huge to be miserable (big has nothing to do with it) ....RENEWED ENERGY (I WISH! I am so tired all day long) I am dragging! I want to have energy again. I want to feel good! I want my body back! At least after shes born I will know I am tired because I was awake feeding her at night. Right now it just stinks, since I am in bed everynight at least a good 8-11 hours: I should be getting enough sleep. Hope I will feel good soon.

December 15, 2007

I just watched my little 18 yr old sister push my nephew into the world early this morning. He is so sweet! It was an experience I have never viewed from that angle. Let me tell you it was very messy! I was pretty busy holding her head up coaching her through the pushing to get to nausious (remember I am still very sick ) from everything. But after wards the nurses were not cleaning up. They left the placenta laying around for a hour, All the towels that collect the fluids laying on the floor, etc...it was very difficult to remind myself its natural and I did not need to get even more nausious. Finally things got cleaned up. I learned 2 things that will be very important to my delivery- (which I let the nurses today know I will not tolerate) 1st it is a very exposed time deliverying a child, but there is no excuse for not covering up some of the woman to give her some dignity. My 18 yr sister was just spraled out for all to view with no sheets, gown above her chest, legs left spread open like a display for a hour after delivery so all could view. It was embarrassing. I have personally done this 4 times previously and have never seen such disregard to a woman's dignity. Then 2nd thing is things like the placenta and bloody fluid covered things can be cleaned up before the men that were out in the waiting room came in (my little 13 yr old brother and step dad) They did not have to see such personal stuff. If you have never seen a placenta it is really quite a view you could live without seeing. Anyways moral of the story is the nurses told me always let your nurses know your wishes when you go in about privacy etc...they get into there job and its mechanical for them, so they just don't think of what the average person thinks like. So think about what sort of things you would like on your delivery day to make it the best. Such as if you really only want your Mom and husband in the room at private times let that be known or they will just pull back the covers with no regard to who's in there. Thought I would share as it was a great experience, but I learned alot too. Have a good day ladies! I am not in a huge rush to give birth by the way. She can stay safely in there for the next 14 weeks. :)

December 20, 2007

I shopped all afternoon and got a little bit done. Its so lonely shopping alone. I just do not have any friends. I guess its my own fault as I have just buried myself in raising children and being a wife all these years. I started crying 2 times and caught myself before I made a fool out of myself. One saleman was so sweet. I was in the beauty supply looking at hair color. He walked over and said can I find you something? I said," oh I feel so ugly I have had my hair in a pony tail for 7 months and haven't wanted to put on any make up. I just want to look pretty again." Then the tearing up started. He said, "well lets get you fixed up then hunny. Tell me what do you want to do?" I told him I had not colored my hair since last May and the bottom is color and all the top was growth so he said okay this is what I want you to get. He said being pregnant he felt more comfortable with me using a demi permanent rather than a permanent color. Good advice I wouldn't have thought of. I was actually just slightly nausious today. This evening I needed to find something to keep myself busy as I get so restless in this pregnancy sitting around. I decided to make candy. I made homemade caramels and fudge. They are so good. The candy was really easy to make too. Its late (11:45pm) and my hubby is still at work so I am sitting here at the computer seeing if I can wait up for him to say hi. Today I think I just popped out. I LOOK HUGE. My belly is so LARGE! I notice everyone thats pregnant walking past me and say congrats when is your due date...but no one ever says anything to me about being pregnant. Maybe its just that I strike up conversations everywhere because I am so lonely for interaction with other people (especially those that I have something in common with). Its nice to talk to women on here, but not quite the same as in person. My husband is so busy as a manager of a major department store, he is gone at least 12 hours a day 6 days a week with Christmas hours. I long for adult interaction. I try to remember that he doesn't need me to talk his ear off when I see him since he has had a very long day. But sometimes I can't help it. I try to think about the storys I want to share and ask myself "does he care about what I have read on this site or about the problem I had with one of the kids?" Its like I have to have a filter value on so I don't over talk his ear off. I always say thats the kind of talk you should have a girlfriend for. Well I think that about covers how I am feeling. Baby is very active as always. Though no one feels her except me. My husband puts his hand on my tummy but never feels her. Shes not hyper active in the least bit, just stretches alot. With having a severely ADHD daughter and son I definitely can tell the difference in this pregnancy versus my first 2. 3rd baby was like this one. I never really felt 4th before she died. Well flutters but not kicking and stretching.

December 30, 2007

Wow I am not doing well right now. With kids home from school for Christmas break and the continuing sickness and absolute fatigue! I found out Thursday I am anemic which may be why I fall asleep most days within a hour of waking up. I stay in bed most days 11-12 hours a night but I never wake up refreshed! I have been struggling with depression throughout the pregnancy sometimes worse than others. Now appears to be one of the worse. I do not want to take any antidepressants because of the severe risks to the baby. I was on zoloft with our last child that died. There is no guarantee that she did not die from the meds. Doctor does not want me on them either which makes me even more turned off by them. Probally if he would have said hey you are okay taking them, I probally would have said ok. But he was like if you really want them I will prescribe them but I really am not comfortable with the risks. So I get to remain BLUE! I said if I felt like I wanted to end my life (which I have never felt) I would take them regardless. I do feel like I would like to hit the pause button on life though or go in a coma til the end of the pregnancy to end the pain. Depression really does hurt plus it hurts those around you. My husband feels so helpless! He does not know what to say with all my tears and sadness. I pray all day for Gods help. I was crying up a storm this morning into the afternoon today and I decided I would be staying in bed for the day. About then my Mom called and said she wanted to rescue me for a few hours. I said I really don't think I can I think I am staying in bed today. But I decided maybe that was a sign from God that I couldn't just give into the depression. I got out for a while, I was miserable company but I know I needed to escape the kids and the house for a few hours. I am feeling a little better tonight even though I am still very blue. I hope I wake up tomorrow feeling 100% better. Well thats whats happening in my life these days.

January 1, 2008