To see photos click on my Photos tab above. So much easier to upload them there then to use the other method! (I just discovered this and am feeling all technological.)

My Story...

Hi all, I'm 43 will likely be 44 by the time this little one comes. (My birthday is Sept 11 and the baby is due on Oct 4. I made a mistake entering my age in the homepage, and now can't correct it!) Am happily married to my soulmate. Last thing I expected was to find myself expecting. You see, I have an 18 year old son from a previous marriage who just graduated from high school and who will be starting college this fall. It took more than 5 years of fertility treatments for me to conceive him when I was in my early 20's. In my early 30's I began trying for another, after years of trying doctors finally told me that my chances of conceiving even WITH treatment were about as good as those of a woman who was on the pill or 1 in 1,000. I really didn't believe I could get pregnant, but lo and behold here I am!

When the news broke, we and our family and friends were shocked. More than shocked. To be honest, it is just now sinking in, just now that I am 7 mos. pregnant am I really accepting the fact that YES, I am having another baby. It has seemed so unreal to me. I guess there has been a part of me that was afraid, afraid something would happen. But now this little guy is making his presence known so much I can't ignore it anymore. Yes, little Arman will soon really be here. Hard to believe but true.

This pregnancy has been so different than my first when I was 25. I have been so much more tired. Just dead dog tired. In the first trimester, I bet I slept 20 hours a day some days. Now, I long for those early days, because sleep is becoming an issue. I now find it difficult to get to sleep. And when I do get to sleep, I never can stay down for more than a few hours at a time. But I suppose that is just nature's way of preparing me for the inevitable sleep deprivation to come.

I'd thought early on also that I wouldn't fear labor and delivery having been through it before, but now I find myself getting a bit fearful again. Seems my mind has done a good job of blocking out what went before and the old fears are right there. Hopefully it will be like riding a bike - lol.

Journal...

April 17, 2007 - STill dizzy but feeling ok overall. Baby Arman is now more than 23 pounds. He is a little chunk of love and sooooo cute. I wanna girl next. I have lost 34 pounds but wanna lose another 35 before trying to conceive again. I hope to do this by Arman's first birthday in September, or by my 45th birthday early in September. Either way, that is my goal and once I do that then it will be TTC for me. Way I got it figured, I am getting up there and need to give this one last shot before getting my tubes tied.

December 1, 2007 - OK get this, I was feeling so bad and having dizzy spells and just plain depressed. Had been to three doctors and no one could tell me what was wrong. Then this one doctor told me it was a vitamin deficiency and put me back on my prenatal vitamins. Within a few days I started to feel human again. Also, I had put a request on a prayer request website asking that the mystery be solved and that I start feeling well enough to take proper care of my little one. Lo, and behold it actually worked!!!! I am feeling so much better and when I made the connection between the prayer request and my feeling better, I had to pray a thank you prayer myself and cry a little bit. But now, even though Arman still is not sleeping all night and still has his colicky moments, I feel like I can handle it and that we are gonna not just survive, but thrive.

November 24, 2007 - I think I am finally heading out of the woods. Over Thanksgiving was able to get 10 hours of much needed sleep and am feeling much better. Amazing how sleep rejuvenates the mind and body. Also, cooking and eating balanced meal of Thanksgiving foods was also good nutritionally. No desserts for us. Just the turkey, fresh green beans, stuffing, rolls, and cranberry sauce. Nutritionally balanced for a Thanksgiving meal. I had not had the time to cook very well for the last two months so it was good to finally do that AND have enough for leftovers. Arman is now officially 2 months old and is growing like a weed. His colic has nearly completely disappeared and he is a great little sleeper, albeit during the day. Then he likes to stay awake until 2 am. But he makes up for it by sleeping in until afternoon with just a couple of feedings in between. Guess he is on Daddys schedule of the night shift.

October 25, 2007 - It has been a rough couple of weeks. Sleep has been quite limited and we have had a run of bad luck. First, off little Arman has been suffering from colic. All night! It is getting better but for a while there he was keeping us up all night long. My husband works the night shift so it was just me and the little one crying away, sometimes both of us. Took Arman to the doctor because he was having lots of crust and mucus around his eyes and turns out he has blocked tear ducts. We must massage them three to four times daily and use an ointment on his eyes. He has also been reacting badly to his formula. We have switched it three times and finally foudn that he can tolerate half Similac Sensitive, half Enfamil A.R. mixed. one prevents gas and fussiness the other combats spit up. Singly they dont work for him. But mixed they do, go figure. Have also had some family troubles. My mom is not doing well and it has made things even rougher. And then unbelievably we have also had 3 major repairs to our car this month alone. See what I mean about rotten luck. The only good thing you can say about this is that when it gets this bad all it can do is improve.

October 9, 2007 - What a difference a few days make. I did have an infection in the incision. Hospital acquired enterococcus foecalis! like a staph infection. It was serious. Had to have daily injections of rocepherin and the wound drained at the docs office for 5 days straight. Sucked! Very painful. Incision is now open and draining on its on. I almost went crazy from worry and lack of sleep. Breastfeeding was a nightmare. Then suddenly today, things fell into place. Arman has been totally breastfed today, save for only 2 oz of supplementing. (Awesome when you consider that at one point he was taking 4 oz 2 to three times per day!) And finally today, I slept when he did so I am feeling really good. Also finally drank enough fluid and ate 2 full meals.

September 28, 2007 - Wound is not healing well. Lots of pain and swelling. Have already been to the ER once was put on antibiotics. Swelling is extreme, but opted not to take lasiks because of breastfeeding. It began bleeding tonight and doctor will see me in the morning. Am worried about breastfeeding, baby doesn't seem to be getting milk. Or it could be all the meds i am on are in the breastmilk. He is lethargic sometimes. i am also pumping and supplementing with formula to keep his fluids up. When I don't take my pain meds i can barely function, when I do it makes him so sleepy. At this point, I am considering putting him on formula and pumping for the meds duration. Then hopefully we can concentrate on breastfeeding in earnest.

September 24, 2007 - Baby's BIRTHDAY!!! I entered the hospital at 6 am on Monday the 24th for induction because we were told that the baby was probably premature. Was placed on pitocin around 7 am. Doctor came to check me at 8 and I was only 2.5 cm dilated, not effaced and she described baby's position as in 'outer Siberia' or really high. At office visit 1 week prior had been told he was fully engaged. At 9 am, nurses broke my water, hurt like the dickens and they also inserted an internal scalp monitor. Contractions began in earnest. Was quite uncomfortable. By noon was dilated to 4 cm. Stayed there with little progression until 4 p.m. Opted for stadol shot for pain relief. It worked well and I slept from 4:30 to 6 or so. At this point we began seeing fetal distress on the monitor, his heartrate would drop precipitously after and even between contractions. At this point, I opted to go for the epidural, I just had a feeling where this was headed. Epidural was put in around 7:30 and we continued to see distress on the monitor. I began to be worried about Arman and how long he could take this. Amniotic fluid had been clear, but my contractions never organized. They were all in the back and we learned that Arman was in a face up position, hard to push out. Doctor came in at 8:45 and said we need to talk about doing an emergency a c-section. I said, let's have a c-section. After that everything went really fast and he was born at 9:14 p.m. When I heard him cry LOUD and STRONG I started to cry, then when they told me how much he weighed - 6 pounds, 9 ounces - I cried more, we had been told he was a tiny baby, possibly premature, but he wasn't! We were soooo relieved. When they first showed him to me all I kept saying was he had beautiful eyelashes. They were long and wet and full. I love him so much!

September 20, 2007 - At my last doctor's appt. I was told I need to be induced on Monday, Sept. 24. This came as a surprise, but is due to my gestational diabetes which I have been concerned about. My doctor is worried about the baby's growth and weight. He was only weighing at 4 lbs. 15 oz. at 35 weeks and should have been about 5 pounds, 8 oz. Since I did not gain much weight this past week again, she suggested the induction. I am scared but excited too. We are going to have a baby on Monday!!!! We have spent the past few days running around doing last minute preparations and getting things ready. Now we're just waiting. The non-stress test went well and I am 2 cm dilated, 0 station and my cervix is soft. Hopefully things will go quickly and smoothly with no complications. Can't wait to meet my little guy!

September 14, 2007 - I am at 37 weeks and 1 day and I am feeling it! My doctor called me today and said that she wants to perform a non-stress test on me next week. She said the baby will be on the small side and she wants to make sure everything will be ok. Also, she told me they would likely do another ultrasound to estimate size. Luckily though, she told me not to push myself to eat when I am NOT hungry. She said just to try to eat what I can, when I can. I had been so worried about the baby's size I was eating every three hours per the diabetic diet and sometimes felt like I was choking on food. I don't think I will ever look at food the same way after this. I used to sometimes overeat, but now I just want to be free to NOT eat. Check out the NEW pics of me in my pictures section. I really don't think I look all that much different from my 26 week shots, but then I HAVE only gained 3 pounds since then total, despite all the eating!

September 11, 2007 - Well today is my birthday, happy birthday to me! My hubby showed up from work this morning with roses, a balloon and a cake, even though he knows I should not have it because of my gestational diabetes. Well, maybe a little... He also sent me a really beautiful e-card with a very special message in it. He is so special! His main gift to me is a beautiful diamond ring (but because my fingers are sooooo swollen, it will have to wait until after the baby comes for sizing and my final selection), clothes, lavender bath stuff (my favorite) and also this face moisturizer I have been wanting. He never forgets ANYthing I tell him. Yesterday we preregistered at the hospital and had a doctors appt. too. She checked me and I am now 1cm dilated and she said she could feel the baby's head was right there. Not sure when that might mean for actual delivery but I sure feel ready. Just want to make sure that Arman is big enough. He was estimated at 4 lbs. 15 oz. last Tuesday so he needs to gain more. U/S tech said he can gain up to 1/2 pound a week, so now I am thinking he may come a week past his due date, just like his brother did. Amazing thing about that is that I have 3 very good friends ALL born on Oct. 11, so that would be really weird!

September 5, 2007 - Heading into the homestretch and FEELING it. I had a doctor's appointment today and my run of weight loss, with low/no gain has ended. I put on 6 pounds in the last 2 weeks! But I think it is either all baby or baby and water retention. My stomach looks and feels like it doesn't have anywhere else to go, but then today at my appt. doc said I still had a long way to go til delivery, so I guess it CAN stretch more. Shoot! I did NOT want to hear that. I am not dilated any and the baby is still high up. I am 6 days away from my 44th birthday, and I cannot believe it. I am getting anxious now. Was given the appt. to preregister at the hospital and to discuss pain management. I would prefer to deliver totally naturally but am willing to keep the idea of an epidural on the table. I am scared of the needle, of reacting to the meds and of getting one of those killer postpartum headaches. So we'll just have to see what happens.

July 24, 2007 - Had a doc appt. yesterday. I had lost 2 lbs. through following the diabetic diet and walking 2x a day. Feeling pretty good about that, especially since it feels like I am eating all the time on this diet. It is soooo much food! Way more than I was eating before. But apparently since it is in the right combination, my body more efficiently uses the food for energy rather than for storage. Blood sugar levels are more consistent on this regimen. At first, they were running really, really low and would then be quite high after I ate. Result? I felt so tired before, but now seem to have much more energy. Two months to go, but I wish it were sooner. Am in that OVER it kind of mood. Hopefully, I'll be distracted by mine and my husband's upcoming move to our new house. That should keep me busy!

July 19, 2007 - Get this, I was feeling so tired, weepy and out of control and guess what, I had low IRON count. Now am on iron supplements with vitamins and am feeling so much better. More energy, less confusion. This coupled with the diabetic diet and sugar level monitoring has made a real difference. I now feel like I might be able to last to the end after all. Anyhow, things are looking up. We begin prenatal classes in a week, i'll keep you posted.

July 11, 2007 - Well I can't believe it but i managed to keep my weight gain down to just 1 pound a week last month. Then i took that horrible GTT thing and failed it. Blood sugar at 1 hour was 162. They wanted to do the 3 hour test, but I was scared by the carb loading regimen required of me to do it, so I opted out. That's why yesterday I met with the GD counselor and was given my diet and glucometer and supplies. Test yesterday initially was 104 at 2 hours after eating. Then today, morning test was just 74 and 2 hours after breakfast tested at 96. I think these results are pretty good. indeed they seem a bit low to me since for breakfast I had one biscuit with 1/2 teaspoon of jam, 1 scrambled egg, and 4 oz. of skim milk. Then since my level had been so low before the breakfast, I had my snack just an hour later of 4 more oz. skim milk with a granola bar. It was less than 2 hours after that that I tested at 96. Good news though is that my depression and sleeplessness have lifted considerabley and I am finally able to start looking forward to Arman's arrival. I had just been in such a dark place.

July 3, 2007 - Tomorrow, I officially enter my 3rd trimester - according to my doctor-estimated due date, that is. But I feel like I may actually be further along than that, could be wrong of course, but you never know. Emotions are all over the place. Thank goodness for this site and for all the reading material available to women today to help explain what is HAPPENING. I was feeling like such a monster until I did some reading and realized hey, I am pretty normal with these mood swings, insomnia, and just general aches and pains and feeling totally fed-up and even my fears about the baby. So THAT actually made me feel better than I have in a couple of weeks. Last night went shopping with my mom for some baby things and am now into the whole nesting thing. Have chosen my nursery theme and am starting to build on that. I think hubby is freaking out a bit though he doesn't talk about it too much. He's more the quiet, brooding about it type. Give him a week and then he'll open up...

June 28, 2007 - Feeling better. Yesterday, I slept for 10 hours. Needed it! When I got up, I was feeling pretty perky and so I took a shower, did the whole hair and make up thing, even shaved me ole legs, I was feeling good. It did me good. Then hubby and I went and did a bit of shopping. My nesting instinct has definitely kicked in. I made the whole layette/nursery needs list and we headed out. I am finally interested in decorating a nursery for this baby. Didn't think it was ever going to hit! But I have decided on an ABC and animals theme with lots of bright colors - sky blue, orange, red. I like color! We're going to start out with a bassinet and then get the crib but I am going to go ahead and buy the bedding now. Also, we chose our stroller, car seat, basic bottles, and bathing stuff. I am not due until Oct but sure do feel as if it will be sooooooner!!!!

June 26, 2007 - I have been so depressed the past week. It has gotten to the point where I don't feel like eating and I really can't sleep. I called my doctor to see if anything can be done. She prescribed a mood stabilizing drug that I had taken a couple of years before but i am afraid to take anything while pregnant. I think I am going to call some mental health professionals to see about talk therapy. I gotta say that I am afraid of these symptoms. When I had my first I developed severe post-partum depression. It was really bad. I rarely talk about it because it just sounds so horrible and there is such a stigma attached to it. My own mom was ashamed that I had it. But I suppose it is good to share it to help any other moms out there.

June 18, 2007 - Had a scare last night. My baby is usually very active, but yesterday the activity level dropped alarmingly. I did the doctor advised thing of eating, drinking, lying on my left side and doing kick counts. When the count was only 3 in an hour, I got scared and called my doctor who advised me to head to Labor and Deliver. Once there they had trouble finding the baby's heartbeat. Sooooo scary. Finally they were able to locate it and after an hour on the monitors I got to go home. It was a real eye opener. Luckily, I was told that around this week the activity level can drop dramatically as the baby gets larger and has less room. Wish I had known about that sooner!

June 12, 2007 -- Had a doctor's appointment yesterday. BP was good and the baby's heartrate was 153. But my weight was up 11 pounds in less than a month! Shock, disappointment. Guess all that ice cream is catching up to me. Sooooooo tired too. Doc prescribed walking one mile a day and gave me some new vitamins. Hopefully that'll help.

June 7, 2007 -- This is my second pregnancy. My firstborn just graduated from high school - he's 18! I found out I was pregnant in February of this year while my husband and I were living in Iran. It was a complete SURPRISE! Especially as i had been told i would never conceive again after my first (I took Clomid to get pregnant with him.) So far this pregnancy has been completely different than my first. I have had much more morning sickness -- all day sickness, really! Have experienced extreme fatigue, headaches, which have thankfully stopped. I can't sleep at night and I have actually been craving, of all things, pickles and ice cream. How cliche! The cutest thing is that my hubby is having sympathetic pregnancy symptoms. He had nausea, fatigue, headaches, even leg cramps! I hate to think what will happen to him when I go into labor. Oh, well....