My story. I am a 23 year old mother of one boy, Ben, who is just 4. I have been married for 5 years now to Eddie, a network engineer. (computer tech.) We live in Eastern Washington, not DC. We have recently added on and remodeled our 1933 craftsman style house. We have a golden retreiver named Jake who we got when Ben was just 11 months old. He is very tollerant of Ben and his constant pestering. We live within 25 miles of both our parents, grandparents, many cousins and countless extended family members, who are all so thrilled with our expansion. Overall, we are very excited to be expecting our second baby and are prepared to give them the very best upbringing possible. I am a stay at home mom and have no intention of changning that until my babies are in school. So that is me and my family. Leave me messages so that I can get to know you as well.

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8-29-2008 I have another dr appt later today. I am sure that they will do the whole check-up. I kinda hope that something is changing. Not that I want her out now but I would like to know that some of the pain is actually accomplishing something. Just 2.5 hours til I am scheduled so we will see. I gotta vent though. This whole week has been trying. Eddie had been short and irritable and irritating. I get that there is alot going on right now but lets not take it out on eachother. Last night he was being such a dictator to Ben. I get that you have to be a parent and tell them when and what to do but it was more than that. There was no benefit of the doubt that he would listen and obey with a request. It was straight to shouting at him to get it done and now or he was gonna get paddled. It was mean and aggresive and unnecessary. So I ask him why and he just says that he never listens so why waste my time asking. I would stop listening too if I were always being yelled at. And poor Ben thinks of him as the 'fun one' cuz I am so tired all the time and haven't been able to pick him up since like 5 months along. But he is gonna loose that title if he keeps it up. I get that the house project seems daunting and that his workload is increasing as one of the senior employees quit recently and that he is tired of my being hormonal and emotional and cranky. I am sick of myself so surely he is.He gets to a point where his stress comes to a head, he bursts and then he is 'ok' for a few days and it gets to build again. I am just so done with dealing with his crap all the time. He is tired, his back hurts, his stomach feels bad, he is stressed, his job is hard, he is hungry and wants to eat cake for dinner but he is sad cuz he has put on some weight. Ok really, this is not a competition cuz if it were, I win. I am tired, I am carrying a child on my front and my back hurts not to mention that my ribcage is inches bigger than normal and burns constantly, my belly is stretching and sore and upset pretty much 24/7, I am adding another child to my life and my workload is gonna more than double, I am stressed to the max but can't even help, I can't eat what and when I want it's just whenever the baby decides to move enough for me to fit food in there, and weight gain? Yeah, you could say that worries me. I am up 28 lbs (last I knew) and can tell that a portion of it is not baby related. I can see back chub as well as my belly. I am not a chubby girl, I never really have been so it is hard to think of that prospect. I am just sick of having to defend everything. Ben, myself and the house. Like if I don't he will just give up. How am I supposed to deal with that? I just keep telling him that in a little more than 2 weeks he will get a vacation. He won't be able to work in the house, he will be off work, and we will just be hanging out, relaxing and getting to know our new baby. I bet he gets bored even. I have a feeling he will spend alot of time on the internet 'surfing' for his usual news crap. But I hope that he spends time mostly with Ben so that he doesn't feel abandoned. Ben is my only child and has been for years, I love him more than I can ever say. So I can't stand the thought of him feeling like I love the new baby more as she will need my attention most for the first several weeks at least. And what if I always like him better? Or worse, if I like her better and do ignore him? Geez I never even thought if that! My parents did this to me so I am worried. I was 8.5 and knew that I had been replaced. He will surely remember life before Mckella and I want him to feel like it was a natural change that only made us bigger not more separate. I tell you what, these last few weeks are not for the weak of heart. It is tough what with all the ups and downs and uncertainty involved.

8-22-2008 I am sooo bored. I had a dr visit today. Only gained 1 lb so that is good. That gives me 21 or 28 depending on who you base your start weight off with. But still at least ten less than with Ben. I hope that the weight will fall off faster this time. I can always hope. Anyhow, I am not anemic, dialated, thinning, or dropped yet. Ben is going out to great-grandpas for the night to camp and make a fire and roast hot dogs and marshmellos. I hate them but he will have a blast. He wants to take Jake and have him sleep in the tent. While we are out there we are gonna get the wood stove. Tomorrow is the Deer Park shower. I am concerned that no one is gonna show seeing as it is short notice. But we will be at the park and have a bbq so even if it just 20 people it will be fun. Less stressful right? I am gonna head out to moms job to get my hair recolored and possibly a pedicure. I really need it as I can't even trim my nails anymore. After the salon, mom and I are gonna go to someone she works withs pool for a while then to the shower. I was thinking of hanging streamers and a few balloons to make it more festive but we will see if there is even time. So we found out that the NICU is totally secluded from the main halls. So when Eddie takes baby from surgery to the NICU, the people there won't even get to see her. They even have a separate elevator from the main one. That makes me less aprehensive about them being there for the surgery. And the dr was pretty sure that I would get to spend a little while with her before they have to take her away. So I won't have to wait as long in between. I have just 2 dr appt.s from now til the surgery and that makes it seem alot closer. That is good cuz for some reason this last couple weeks have really dragged on. Eddie has been a pill to deal with and keeps telling me he will 'try to be better' but that seems like an elusive goal at this time.

8-18-2008 So these hormones are gonna kill me. I think if one more person makes a rude comment on my size I will lose it. Not that they are meaning to be mean but it does wear on you to hear such negativity. You still around? Wow, you really popped! What! A month still, I thought you were due anyday. That baby needs to get out, you're huge. Is it twins? So anyday now, huh? I am so sick of it. And tonight I have the added stress of DH. He has been working really hard every spare minute to try and get the house done before baby gets here. It's great to see progress and while we have had a few minor setbacks, it has gone fairly smoothly. Until tonight. He wanted to call it quits right after he mudded just 2 corners but I encouraged him to maybe set the sink. It has been loose and wiggling around in the hole for months. So he set out to fix it. The drain has always leaked but only if you filled the basin. So all was progressing well until he had to move a part of the facet. We have lost all but 2 wrenches so he couldn't tighten it down right. Then he was freaking out that the copper tube that hooks to the water inlet was bent so much that it must be broken and would leak and we were gonna have to relplace it and it was gonna cost us $100 (That facet would be more like$250 but ok) and it was the end of the world. So he is yelling at Ben, who was sick and throwing up this morning and was just starting to get up and be himself. He was yelling at me for who knows what. He was determined to go to Walmart to buy wrenches to be able to do the job right. I am thinking that if we can't replace the facet then why would we go out and buy more tools? But there is no reasoning with him when he is like that. So he is off to the store. He askes if I want to go like I want to go out at 9:30 at night when I have been caring for my sick son and didn't even get a shower. Not to mention his wonderful attitude. All I want to do is relax but at the moment all I can think of to do is cry. We are seriously running out of time, and yet there is such a long time left. We are so busy and yet we never have anything to do. We have tons of money and yet I feel broke. I was feeling so much better today as far as having 4 weeks to wait but now I am back to feeling like crap. Like worthless, lazy, unorganized, undeserving loser with a big ol fat belly. I really don't want to leave the house especially feeling like I do. As if it isn't enough that strangers and extended family make me feel aweful, my sweet, dear little mamas boy calls me 'fat lady' last night. That makes me happy. Then to have the one person who is supposed to care about my feelings yelling at me cuz he can't find a stupid tool. It is just all to much for one day. Not to mention that I have been using all my 'spare' energy trying to keep up with the overwhelming mess that is our home. I am so done. I want my old life back. Prepregnancy, prechaos, pre-everything. Just Me and Ben and Eddie (the was he used to be) in our simple little house. I would even take an apartment at this point. Just to be that much more simplified. There is just way too much coming down now. And we have our Deer Park shower on Saturday and I don't even want it now. I don't want to see those people. I don't want to fake being happy and brush off all their stupid comments. I don't even care for the gifts. It is not worth it. I want to be left alone until after this baby is here and 2 months old. That way they can't see the post baby belly. That is a whole different stress. I can't even think of something that will make me feel better. Usually a day at the salon or shopping or a milky way bar or even just a simple shower can perk me up but this feels deeper. Like something that only Jehovah can repair. Like when the boys left us. I don't know. I hope tomorrow is better. For Bens sake if nothing else.

8-13-2008 More MIL troubles. Not huge but enough I though I should document it. So last friday she calls and wants to take ben out on saturday for a couple hours. Like I said before, he had plans with dad and friends. So she said she could take him that night and that left us a free evening to go out alone. So that was really cool. We ended up eating at the Catacombs (which btw is not that great) with some friends. When we stopped by to pick him up there was this weird guy working on a car right in front of their house. Like a teenage homeless looking guy. We just walked by and went in the house only to find Eddies delinquent sister in there. That loser guy was her new boyfriend. He is 18 and she is 23! Plus, they live outside and clear brush for money. But MIL is very aware that I don't like Ben around her and she neglected to mention that she would be there. So I was good and said nothing to her about it but grumped to dh a bit. So that was Friday night. Then on Sunday, Juliet (who has put together a small party for me) calls to tell me that MIL approached her to ask if sil happen to be in town the night of her party, could she come too. Luckily she told her to ask me as I was able to set the guest list. MIL knows good and well I would not want SIL there at all but told Juliet that she was sure I wouldn't mind. My thinking is that mil thought if she asked the homeowner/planner if one extra person could come and that I would be ok with it that Juliet would just believe her and say ok without eer telling me and then once they arrived, it would be too late to do anything about it. Clever and manipulative, huh? So I am very glad that Juliet and I crossed the SIL bridge and MIL bridge before that conversation went down. I had a dream that we were in the hospital after baby comes and we are all sitting peacefully and I am holding her. MIL comes over and looks and says how she is so cute. Then she says she looks just like SIL. (I can honestly say that is a slap in the face cuz she is ug-o) So I calmly look back at MIL and tell her that is the most insulting thing she has ever said and tell her to leave and I make her leave. Like she has to leave the room and can't come back in. It was awesome. I just loved that I was totally calm but honest and accomplished the seemingly impossible. I also was thinking that SIL and Eddies crazy grandma are both gonna want to visit us in the hospital (which makes me dread it) so I was thinking that maybe I could get them to come at the same time so kill 2 birds with one stone. And then after like a half hour and a couple pictures I can say that I need to nurse the baby and am really tired and would like them to leave. I even debated leaving pictures of them with my nurse so that she can actually tell them they need to go after a short time has passed. But I doubt they are quite that on top of things and that I will be organized enough to bring pictures. Too bad you can't pick your family. Both of ours are crazy. In one way or another.

8-8-2008 I had my ob visit today. Just a quick checkup. I am up 27lbs or 20 if you go based on the ob charts. I feel a little smaller this week than last. Like somehow I have more space or something. Ben said he thought me belly was getting smaller. Silly kid. Anyhow, I was looking and really I only have 4 weeks and 4 days more to wait. It seems like forever but if the rest of this goes as fast as this week has, it should be over soon enough. We have the shower for mead tomorrow and hospitality on sunday. I am excited to see how many people come. Aunt Diana has pioneer school the end of august and we have so much going on that she won't be able to plan the shower for Deer Park until after the baby is here. Fortunatly, Amanda is going to help plan it. I wanted it before she came and that was the only thing that I requested and they couldn't even get it together enough to work that out? It just seems like they don't care. But I am sure that hormones have some play in that. Grandpa called today and wanted us to bring Ben out in the AM so that he could camp out in the yard overnight and be back Sunday. But like I told MIL, we need more notice than half a day. Ben has plans with Eddie and Jordan and Travis down at the park. They are gonna have a ball. I am glad that the past month I only gained 3 lbs. over the past 2 weeks only 1lb. So I have been being more careful and watching the kind of things I am eating. Not to an extreme but I hate to think how much harder losing the weight will be this time around. Plus with the whole hernia not being repairable thing, I am worried that I will need to be much thinner in order for my body to look anything like before. But with work and good eating habits I am sure it will be ok. Plus, we are headed into winter so I will be able to hide my chub for a bit while I work on losing it. I saw a picture of me just before I got pregnant and I didn't realize I was that thin. It was happy and sad all at once. But at least I have a good thing to compare to as I try to acheive my prebaby shape. But back to the dr. I was called on tuesday because the dr they scheduled me with decided to take that day off. So my options were to move the date to the 16th of September or pick a new dr. So I opted for a new dr and he was willing to do it. It was ironic too as my appt today was with him not my regular dr. Must be that it was meant to be him rather than the first guy. I just really hope that there are no complications like blood loss or weird scarring or troubles with the baby. At least we are at the leading bloodless hosptital with the best NICU in the city if not the state.

7-29-2008 So this has been a long week. So last Tuesday our car was broken into and my bookbag and mp3 player were stolen. So we went on Wednesday to the claims office and they cut us a check for repairs and we replaced the window. Thursday we spent mostly running errands and cleaning up the glass. Friday I went out in service to make up for missing wednesday and was in pain the whole time. By mid morning I felt aweful and told eddie I needed him to take me to the er to get checked out as I was sure something was not right. So we spent from 1 o clock to 9 o clock in labor and delivery. They said I was dehydrated and had heartburn and did an u/s. Mckella weighs 4 lbs 2 oz. The fluid is low but still within normal. They were unable to fully diagnose the cause of my pain just put me on rest restriction for the next 3-4 days. So we did nothing Saturday until after 5 when MIL came and took Ben to a movie. We took advantage of the free time and went to eat at the Mustard seed. It was nice. The babys room is finished. Sunday we went to the meeting and I thought I could handle looking around for a replacement mp3 player but after going to Best buy, target and back to Best buy, I was worn out. I came home and took a nap. Monday I literally did nothing. We went nowhere as the car is in the body shop getting repaired. I did not even cook dinner. We had freezer pizza. Eddie said he would do all my work but aside from shuffling the dirty dishes into the washer and making piles of laundry, he was more tied up in remodel work. So lastnight he went to his folks for '5 minutes' and ended up being there an hour. When I asked what took so long he said that they needed help with wiring a plug but it still didn't work so he left. His mom told me that he offered to wire the plug and was insistent to get it working. So he basically lied to me. Nice right? So I let that go. So far today I am trying to catch a little house work up. I cleaned off the counters, did 2 loads of laundry, swept and mopped and picked up the loose things in the living room. Just that little work and I am exhausted. But it had to be done. The house was making me crazy. I sat down to fill in the calandar as we have 3 freinds getting married between now and September 20th. I realized that we really only have this Saturday and next free until after the baby comes. So our showers are gonna have to be on a Sunday afternoon most likely. That and I am a little bumed as I just noticed that my family hasn't even set a date for the baby shower. There are 7 weekends left and they are filling up fast. Do they not care? I know this is baby #2 but this is a girl and we are less than prepared for her. Even if it were a boy, shouldn't they want to get something for him? I would if the tables were turned. But it is likely just hormones. I called mom to see if she could poke around to see if there were plans in the works. So we will see.

7-18-2008 So yesterday I had an ob appt. That went fine aside from that Ben was making me nuts. He wanted to stand right in front of me where the dr. needs to be and then he wanted water so he asked the dr. like he was a waiter. He just wouldn't listen at all. I was so glad to get out of there. So for lunch we met up with eddie down town and had lunch. Pizza and soda. Ok so we went home and I crashed once Ben went to sleep. I slept until after Ed got home so he made dinner. Hamburger helper. All that sodium and salt added up to some very swollen hands and feet. Ben was mostly good for the remainder of the night and Eddie got some mud done in the house so that is great. This morning I got up and ready as we had plans with a friend of Bens and his mom. I realized that our house was a disaster after Ed cooked and did the mudding but had no time to deal with it right then. We went and got them and ran to Staples to get a few books spiral bound. Ben was pushing all the 'easy' buttons making them all talk at different times. Then taking all their gift cards and handing them out to the friend we were with. We were there like 15 minutes total and by the end I wanted to leave him there so that he could help clean up the mess he made. Of course I can't. Right? So we went to Target so I could get a new sprinkler as ours broke. And I promised Ben we would look for a Darth Vader (Dark Mater) shirt like the one at Baby Gap for $22.50. We found one that was good enough but I didn't let him know I bought it as his attitude hadn't improved at all. He was mouthing off and when I would scold him he would cover his ears or humm to himself to tune me out. I know that I am hormonal but come on! That would drive anyone nuts. So we finished up there ard headed out to let the kids play and hopefully get some of their energy out. We didn't want to bear the heat so we went to the mall so they could play and the kids play area they provide. That was good. We got to sit like 20 minutes before someone had to potty. We took off and found the bathroom, hit Jcpenney and went back to the play area. In JCP however, Ben was climbing on racks and hiding and wandering off and still not being attentive to what I was instructing him to do. Normally he is a very good boy especially when we go and do special things like this playdate. But today, I am starting to understand why parents put their kids in the closet. LOL. I would never do this but when Eddie got home I told him I was so irritated with Ben and had just spent the past hour trying to get the living room picked up and I really needed a break. So what does DH do? He lays down in the bedroom and takes a nap! How nic for him to be so free as to be able to nap whenever he is tired. I sure wish I could but I have to be a parent all the time. And if all this preschooler trouble wasn't enough MIL had been harassing me about the stupid baby shower again. She texted me last night that she was offended that I would not let her plan it and that she wants her mom to be there and how if I didn't want her to be involved I should just tell her so. Ok so my girl friend told me long ago that she was gonna plan a shower for me for just some of the random people that would be left out of the other 2 showers. Also that she wanted to be less traditional and rather than shower the baby, make it more for me. I thought that was great. So we compiled a list of 10 guests plus her and me. Just our moms, and 2 of MIL friends (who I know and would invite either way) and their daughters and just a couple of single friends. So even my grandma (who raised me) won't be there. It is 40% mid 40 year olds and 60% in their 20s. But it is still not good enough for MIL. And to top it off, DH still thinks I am a loon and doesn't see how manipulative she is being. And not just to me but also to my friend who took the shower on. Mil likes to say that she told me she wanted to plan it along time ago but I do not recall this. I think she is just mad cuz this won't be planned to her wishes. I can't help her as I like the way that it is being planned. I think it is really thoughtful to want to put the mom first for a change especially when I will have 2 large showers that will likely more than prepare us with what we need. But what can I say? What does she want me to say? Tell my friend that all her planning was nice but now I want MIL to take over and change it all? Not gonna happen. What is gonna happen is that we are not gonna tell her when the other showers are so that she can't ruin them. Or just forget to tell her the exact time, date and place that we are scheduled for the C/S. That was at least that can be pleasant. And this weekend (this is friday) WAS going to be the first one that we could get stuff done on our house. Eddie promised. So that is not gonna happen. He is gonna help a friend move and another freind drive to a whole different town to pick up 35 boxes and drive all the way back home, sort and redeliver them to where they belong. So our weekend is shot. So much for getting anything done. We have not set up the crib, moved the beds in bens room so that I could try to set it up on my own, nothing. We have no where to even put this baby and he can't seem to understand why I am freaking out. There are 8 weekends left before she comes and the one right before we have to be out of town all day both days. That leaves 7. Plus the 2 baby showers that will be hours long and if Ben can be there it will most likely be a family style gathering where the men are in one room and the ladies in another. So that leaves 5. Then this weekend has been stolen. That leaves 4. 4 weekends (minus Saturday am and Sunday from 1-3 for church) to get sooo much done on the house plus prepare for the baby. Even without the baby this wouldn't be enough time. We have drywall, mud, tape, some flooting, painting, tons and tons of trim, and we have to find someplace to store all the tools we have aquired throughout this process. That may mean cleaning out the basement which is going to be at least a weekend in itself. I will be amazed if I am not gray haired before this is over. To top it all off, DH is being no support. Even the other way, he is crabby and constantly barking at Ben for not listening. Well duh! I say , "I need a break" and he hears, "This is a good time if you need a nap, dear." So I just wonder where he gets it. NOT!

3/31/2008 Ben is a better. That cold stuck around a long time it seems. We bumped him into a twin bed this weekend. He was waking up several times a night and would beg to sleep in our bed cuz it is so comfy. He says that his bed is the most comfortable bed ever. He was happy that the bed we bought is a bunk bed. It is just set up as one now and if the baby is a girl it can be 2 twins and if it's a boy then stacked to be bunk. So he got his wish. Now that I am 4 months along and feel better, everyone keeps asking if it is a boy or girl and I have to tell them that I have another month before they will tell me. They act like it is forever but hello, I am the one with a nongendered child growing inside. It is going slowly for me as well. Most likely even more so. I think I felt the baby move last night. It felt like he did a flip but there were no noticable movements after so I can't be 100% sure. With Ben, I woke up from a nap and he was in there moving around. I think that was why I woke up. But there were no doubts with him and I am just that sure. I am hoping to be sure soon. My ob said that second timers can feel the baby move at around 16 weeks. So anytime. Hooray!

3/26/2008 Ben caught a cold. Poor guy has been coughing and stuffy for 4 days now. I am wondering how long he will nap today because his cold medicine was needing to be taken right at nap time and he requested the nightime stuff. I obliged cuz I guess it tastes better. So that was 2 hours and 45 minutes ago. He can sleep for 3 hours easy being sick so we'll see but I would like him to sleep at a normal time tonight. It was like midnight last night and I get sicker as the night goes on. The night before last was aweful cuz Eddie fell asleep with the tv on and I kept waking up and asking him to turn it off as he had the remote. He would say ok but crash without doing so and by 3am I was up and feeling so nauseated. I was a little ticked off cuz he was fine but that dumb tv kept me up all night. My sleep is all messed up. Up till 11-12, sleeping till 10am and trying to get a nap in when Ben naps. Even without the nap I am up late. So idunno what to do. At least I don't have trouble falling alseep anymore. If it is late enough I just zonk out. And I can still sleep on my stomach so yay. I hated having to sleep on my side with Ben when I got big. I know this one will be the same. I think I may have found the beds for my babies. It is a bunk bed set that can be sepatated into 2 twin beds. So even if it is a girl, They have a bed and neither one can complain that the other one is better cuz they are totally identical. Plus they are relatively inexpensive and don't require a box spring. My Belly is getting pretty noticable. No more wearing my strech jeans, I'm all maternity, but the shirts look silly still. Akward.

3/16/2008 I read in my pregnancy journal that it is possible to tell what the gender is at this stage in the pregnancy. So I really think that it may be a boy. My mil is et again getting on my nerves. We got the new car and now our entire family is fighting over the old one. We decided that no one is gonna get it. I am so mad too cuz she is just trying to irritate me. Why ask what we want the baby to be if you are just gonna say you want it to be the opposite? I just wanna smack her. And it's not just her. There are other people that do the same thing. Why? If we only have the room for 2 kids to share a room then why wish for a child that can only share a room for a short time? At some point that would mean us moving out of the house that we are just getting to the end of remodeling. I would hate that. It just makes me so crazy. And my dh has been soooo cranky. With us mostly but I am sure at work too. I finally felt better enough on monday that I cleaned out our room and bens and got us all reorganized. We'll see how long it lasts though. I have even made dinner all this week and he is still crabby. He told Ben that he was not gonna be so mean anymore and I hope that he can stick to it.

3/12/2008 So I had my u/s yesterday and I thought I was 11 weeks 5 days and they dated me at 11 weeks 6 days so I am right. But they take c-section babies a week early so my dd is September 15, 2008. Assuming that works out with the doctor I choose to preform the operation. Eddie went out of town today and will get back Friday. Not sure what I am gonna do. I usually freak clean the house out of boredom but I am so tired still that I don't want to wear myself out so that I get sick. I am getting better with the m/s thing but am not totally better. Can eat a bit better but still get it when I go too much. Ben is fighting some bug. Last friday we went out and he was fine until right after his nap he spiked a 102* fever. Some tylenol and it broke and he was fine all Saturday and Sunday. Monday he was fine all day til after dinner he spiked a 103* fever. Again some tylenol and he was fine and all day today and yesterday he is fine. Tired but not feverish. I tried to get him to drink some emergen-C but he said it tasted bad. I just hate when he gets sick. I wish I could keep him from it but there is nothing that we can do.

3/4/2008 I eat rolaids like m&m's. Ha ha ha. Just recently the whole heartburn thing got going. Was really hoping that since I had m/s that the heartburn would take a vacation. But no I got a 2 for 1 deal with this baby. Had a night that I could not sleep til 5am when Eddie got up to go to work. So I was sick all the following day. It was lousy. And Ben is super hyper so that makes it super fun. I have found that cottage cheese is a good choice for me to not get sick on. We had stew one night then lasagna and I had the worst heartburn. But duh, right? So in 2 days I will be at the 3 month mark so yay. Past the worry phase and hopefully the sick phase too. I have yet to throw up but sure had to fight it alot. Sad for Ben as he has no ability to understand m/s. Well, I keep going and hope to be better soon. Am excited to welcome our baby home as well. Tick tock.

2/28/2008 I love the mornings. It's around 3 o'clock that I dread. That is when the sick hits. And the tired. I have started to get my energy back just the last couple days but still only in the mornings. It makes cooking dinner nearly unbearable. Just thinking about the smells makes me want to gag. I have decided that I like our new XL luxury wagon. (mini van) It is sure nice to not have to open the doors for ben or worry about closing them. I did not know that you are expected to cook your lunch meat before you eat it? Even though it is precooked. You can cool it back off but they still want you to be sure it is fully cooked. Weird. Although, hot toasted sandwiches can be super good sometimes to I guess that would be a way to get your lunch without having to wait for it to totally cool. Funny how research changes so frequently.

2/25/2008 I had my first real ob appt today. I got to hear the heart beat. 140 bpm. It took a little time to find it but they got it. Some women feel this great sense of closeness and reality when they hear that sound but I felt assured than I am pregnant but that is all. I have always felt a closeness and sense of realness mostly due to the m/s. But is that weird? Anyhow, we bought a car today. Well actually a mini-van but same thing. We got a chevy uplander with the dvd player. Ben is pretty happy about that feature. He has been watching Shrek 1. It is surprisingly quiet on the highway and the heater works great. Hope that is an indicator of how the ac works cuz that is every bit as important. We are heat wimps. Oh man! I just realized that I have to figure out something for dinner and I need to get groceries. Bummer. I bet Eddie is having an awesome day in his 'new' car. He inherited my 01 protege. More than a 10 year jump from him work car.

2/21/2008 Had a 3 day run of not being sick. That ended yesterday. I got stuck in a van with ben, a crazy 5 year old boy, his 2 year old sister, their mom and another woman and her 16 year old son. Very overstimulated and tired. So maybe my m/s is related to me being overly tired? Good thought. Got a craving for chicken and dumplings but all I have is cream of mushroom soup. Hope it's ok. My d/h has been so wonderful. He has done the dishes almost entirely alone since the sickness hit, so like 2.5 weeks! I can't stand the smell of the food that is left on the dishes. I will just say that the house smells like trash and he will take care of it all the same night. I certainly can't complain. I still want to smack his mom but that has nothing to do with him. I hope that I feel better in the morning. I wanna go do something fun tomorrow. I am so irritable though so having anyone come along is iffy. They have to be able to deal with my highs and lows. We will see how I feel in the morning. That is a good indicator of the rest of the day.

2/17/2008 Eddie is cooking dinner tonight. Yay! Hamburger helper but still a nice thing to do. I bought some of those 'preggy pops' from motherhood to see how they would help and for the most part they seem to. Last night I felt a little off after we ate but that seems to be the case most nights. Possibly I just wear out and can't fight the sick anymore. I also got a pair of the secret belly fit jeans. They are super comfy. I got a skirt that is the same way and it could be a little longer since it is silk and tends to hike up when I sit but I still think it was a great investment. The sales lady says that you are to be able to wear them the entire pregnancy no matter how huge you get. So in that sense it is a good buy cuz with my first I had to get like 2 pairs of larger pants and 3-4 larger shirts to accompany my belly. It so hung out. And not in a good way. Plus it was winter and the underside of my belly would get cold. Not to mention I worked up til 7 days before my EDD. He was like 12 days late but I couldn't help that.

2/15/2008 Well, tonight is the stupid family dinner that Eddies mom has put together. Nice that I can't have a family dinner this weekend but that she can, huh? Oh man, last night, I made cookie bars with Ben and we brought them to our bible study group. I was too green to eat any but knew I would have some for today so no big deal. But, another woman brought homemade cherry cheeese cake. So I was really dying to have some so she sent me a piece home with me! So I have this amazing dessert in my fridge and still don't think I could stomach it. I'm kok but certainly don't want to get to the yucky place. Sunday and Monday I was really bad. Tuesday I was feeling great. Wednesday I felt fine all morning but after I got home I was wiped out and didn't cook so Eddie brought home KFC so I became sick. Thursday I was borderline but I started the day with scrambled eggs that didn't sound good so they sat hard. And thus far today I feel fine. Seems that my diet has everything to do with it. The less sugar and more protein the better. Did you know that Special K cereal has 7g of protein per serving! So that is what I had this morning and hope that is enough so work. It is much easier than almonds and yogurt and cheese.

2/14/2008 How annoying is it for me to want a boy but every one we know is like 'well I want you to have a girl'! I'm like 'are you gonna raise it? No, then shut up.' Anyhow, I just got news that one of our friends on this site has lost her baby at 9 weeks. Terrible. I feel like a dork for complaining about being sick when this dear woman would give anything to be blessed with this sickness. So a day of contemplation for me. Our living room and office are totally torn apart to do the flooring. We got like 4 sections done last night but the prep work is what takes forever so it should go much faster from here. It is so nice to see it all coming together. The doctors say today is day 1 of week 11 bit for me and by my caculations it's day 1 of week 9 but so close to being 1/3 through. It will be awesome to have that assurance that this baby isn't going anywhere. I have no risks but hearing all the stories of these other women who are just as healthy and young as I am and still loose their babies. I knew nothing of risks or possibilities with my first, blissfully unaware. But knowledge can also bring on undue worry and anxiety. So for today, I will try and leave that alone. Been having the weirdest dreams. Like nothing I have ever experienced. Vivid and really bizarre. But better than the leg cramps that I had with Ben. I'd wake up with the worse charlie horses in my calves. From lack of calcium I'm told. Who knows. Well, I think today, Ben and I will make some cookies and try and enjoy to the full the last days of just he and I. I loook forward to the new baby but I know that it will be a major adjustment for him. I, to this day, have strong feelings agaist my brother for the way my parents mishandled things after fis birth. But I was 8 and that is TOO far apart. In my opinion. Well off I go to prep for cookies. Hope I continue to feel good. The eggs I forced down are sitting hard. We'll see.

2/13/2008 So I am mostly better but tired today. The whole protein thing seems to do the trick. But I went out and about and washed my car so I guess I am rightfully tired. I am already showing a little bit and what ever I wear seems to hide it well enough that people say I don't show at all. But seriously, I have a bump. Like belly button down I'm either bloated or all my insides are being displaced into that area. And I have stretchy-crampy pains. It's weird. But so much more tollerable than m/s. Eddie is gonna have help tonight on the flooring. Here's hoping that it goes well and he isn't all crabby cuz 'whatever' isn't ready. He can be like that. Just freak out over something really menial. Then he will feel bad later and say sorry. But that's why I'm hoping this doesn't occur. I'm too overwhelmed. Which is strange. I'm not usually like that. Hormones.

2/12/2008 Ben is 4! My tiny baby is a four year old boy. It's a crazy thing to think of. I feel better thus far today. The message I got last night about eating a lot of protein and frequently seems to help. I am also less tired today so perhaps I was actually fighting a bug. Hope so. I can't imagine dealing with this m/s for very long. Mostly cuz it doesn't go away at noon. It's like all day sickness. So a better day. I ate a luna bar, glass of milk and 1 tbsp. almond butter this morning and for snack had a yogurt and banana. Not sure what to do about dinner but i'm thinking mashed potatoes and chicken . I guess white things are more appealing to me now. Probably mental as the flu diet consists of white or clear foods. But whatever it takes to keep me free of nausea, right? Called my uncle maynard to tell them the news. He said the same thing that everyone says. 'It will be good for ben.' Apparently people will support your decision to only have one but really think it is better to have 2. Ben is regressing in some aspects as of late. He has gone back to #2 staining his undies and sleeping with us at night. Not sure why. Maybe he feels a change already. I guess I have been more distracted with the m/s and figuring out how to tell people. Have cut way back on my internet time. I use the laptop so that I can be in the same room with him but I was spending like 2 hours a day on it. Mostly researching baby stuff but still. He can's possibly understand why mommy is ignoring him now. If that is how he sees it, you know? Hope that too is a phase and he gets over it soon. Good thing we still have his training pants. Sure helps.

2/11/2008 So we finally told. The fortune cookies were such a funny thing.. It really took them all like 5 minutes to pin it together. They just thought that the restaurant was obsessed with babies. THen wehn they got it, like a couple minutes later, my friend juliet was like,"okay, it's me!" She was joking but just thought she would take advantage of the situation cuz she missed that it was me. THen she was dying laughing and so excited she wanted to get pregnant too. It would be really fun if our kids could grow up together. We'll see. Anyhow, I have been so sick. I got the seabands and they work about 50% of the time. I don't know what is up cuz last time I had no sickness unless I smelled anykind of smoke, (bbq, hickory, cigarrets, or even bbq chips) mint, and bathroom smells. I really miss my husband and want to cry. Which is stupid cuz he is only at work and I am such an independant, non-cryer. Hormones. Hope it's not twins! We told Ben last night. He was so hyper. He was informed that I had a baby in my tummy and he said, "My God!". It was so funny. Then he was adament that it was a girl and a boy. Of course I would freak out. But how much love would that bring into our little house. Still would wig out. Seems like the only thing that keeps this icky feeling of m/s away is eating small cold fruits . Mandarins, grapes, bananas and sometimes cheese. We ate some white rice, some grapes, mandarins, 2 mushrooms, a pudding, and a pickle. I am hoping to eat a pot pie for dinner. Last night we went to applebees and I was so muck sicker than normal. It was terrible. And the bands did nothing for me. I have been resting alot and am worried that Ben will feel abandoned for the baby. I am in the living room and talking to him and helping him when he needs it but I aam usually so involved with him. Hope that the and of trimester 1 brings relief from this yucky feeling.

2/6/2008 I had a thought this morning that we could set up a party for my son at chuck e cheese (which we have been meaning to do anyhow) and have the family 'stop by' and tell them there. Sound ok? I just can't seem to find anything that was as ideal as the housewarming idea. Stupid mil messing up my plans. And I'm really moody to boot! Just ask my husband...So it's like 8 hours later and I am gonna try and make fortune cookies with obvious clues in them and give them to a local chinese food place and have them give those to our family. If I can make them it should be really funny. The reaction time and their faces will be priceless. Too bad they don't do the cookies before the meal. Maybe we can even get the hostess to video tape it from an inconspicuous place. That would be great. We looked at having them special made cuz there are places that offer that but then they are all the same, you have to order 50 and it takes longer than this weekend. Then we could go out to my grandparents and give them their cookies and show them the tape. My grandma had surgery on her shoulder today so she may still be a little out of it this weekend but I am running out of ways to hide my bulge and excuses for my tired, cranky, sick and secretive self. Plus, who are we kidding, I am dying to tell. We go to church 3x per week and it is super hard not to tell those wonderful friends that you make there. I have told one friend as our 1st borns are the same age and I asked her what she thought of my symptoms. I knew she could keep a secret and it's been like 3 weeks since I had a BFP. But this keeping it to ourselves thing is almost taking all the fun out of it. Like having all our family and friends revel in it with us makes it better. And since we have one already and have been married 5 years and have a house we own, everyone should be happy for us this time around. I really hope cuz another bad reaction from my parents would be too much. Last time through, they totally wigged out and were like in tears. Not the happy kind. And when I had some cramping at like 20 weeks, my mom came with me to the ob appt and as we were in the waiting room she told me that it wouldn't be the worst thing is I lost this baby. That's terrible right? Even if in some cases it is true you never say it. And it wasn't true. I was at least married. And it isn't like we were homeless, we had an apartment and bought our house when I was 7 months along. And we were the happiest couple. Still in the honeymoon phase but happy none-the-less. We are still happy; less infatuation and more substantially. Well, tomorrow is the cookie bake off so I'll let you know how it goes. Keep your hopes up for me. I may need it. I forgot to mention that I bought the seabands that a few have mentioned for m/s. They seem to work ok for me but the little knobby things hurt after a couple hours. Am I wearing them too long? Or not in the right place? I am a small frame so it isn't like they are too tight. It is likely just me. Also, I get to go in to have a filling redone with the idea it could turn into a root canal. I am waiting until early march in hopes that some of the neausea goes away enough that I can tollerate a crew of hands and hardware in my mouth for an hour. Plus all the saliva I will produce and have to swallow. Eww. Ok then, off to bed. I have been sleeping great lately. Even though hubby had a nasty cough. I sleep for the baby right? ha ha ha! ;-)

2/5/2008 So I'm near through week 7 and still a secret. I am really doubting that we will be done this weekend. So I don't know what to do. I am having a tough time hiding. My clothes mostly fit but they certainly don't hide anything. A lot of thick sweaters and coats. Good thing it's winter. I am feeing pretty sick this week. I can only eat certain things and if I get too hungry I get very naseated. But probably due to the huge 7 week growth spurt. I really feel like everybody knows and they are just being polite and waiting for us to tell them. It is putting me in a really fowl mood too. Bummer for my son and DH. Hoping that once we tell our family and friends that I will feel much better. And hoping they are surprised. So my dad has the 23 off all day so everyone but my mil can be there. She is being such a spoil sport. She won't even try to compromise. I would move it to this weekend but we can't be done in time. Her sister is coming in to town the next weekend and will be here for 3 weekends. So that pushes us out to March 8th and we have a wedding to go to. I'll be half a week away from my second trimester. That is just too long. I'll be huge by then. I don't know what to do. Tell them all individually? Suck it up and let her seclude herself? But I really want my FIL to be part of it and she won't let him come. This is just absolutely ridiculous.

2/2-2008 My little boy is gonna be 4 in ten days. Aww. I am so tired today. I had the first ob appt yesterday. All your information and stuff. Not super exciting. Also, they are going to use my last AF to determine my EDD but there are 4 weeks in between my cycle and conception. So I think that's weird. The nurse was like, "just don't be surprised if you measure small and they move your dates when you get your ultrasound." So whatever. Still no officcial DD. So, my parents are coming over for dinner and that is always interesting. My brother who is 15 (16 in april) is the equivalent of a 5th grader. He can drive but refuses to even walk (hypethetically) next door to the gas station to get himself a soda. So he sits home doing his 'online' school and ends up spending the majority of his time downloading games. We are 8 years apart and at 10 I was responsible for caring for him, diapers and stuff. By 12 I was his care taker 9.5 hours a day and 5-6 days a week. The summers were aweful and even when my folks were home he would end up pawned off on me. My friends that would come over hated having to watch him with me. To this day, they remind me of how lame that was of my parents. All I was to them was a live in baby sitter. Funny though that out of all 3 kids, I am the one that has come the furthers. Grown, happily married, homeowner, growing family, financially secure and a golden retriever to top it off. We have zero debt minus the one car and house. So I'd say we're a sucessful family. So perhaps all their burdens made me a stronger individual. Hmmm? Eddie is getting the finishing touches done on his 'super computer'. He is so excited. He compares his computer to a womans 2 carat ring. So I guess I would be aglow too. But I currently have my very own special glow from within. I am having a tough time hiding this. Not so much from weight, but it is uncomfortable to 'hold it on'. So before I was always conscience of my belly and keeping it flat but now I can't stand to contract the muscles just for vanity. Hope that everyone thinks it's winter weight. LOL. Not long now. BTW, mil's sister is coming into town the very weekend of our dinner and she wants us to postpone another month to te first of march. No way can I hide that long. People are already starting to wonder. I am a slim girl and usually dress fitted and so on but I have been doing the frumpy thing for a month now. If we wait too much longer, no one will be surprised. So that leaves 1 week to get the house done. I dunno if it can happen.

1/31/2008 So hooray! week 7. My mil tried to guess last night whether I was pg or not. Steal our thunder why don'tcha. Geez. I told her that we didn't want more kids and that I thought everybody knew that. It's true too cuz we HAVE 2 and I figure that is plenty. So I have to try and look extra skinny the next couple times we see them. I am only 135 to start with and I haven't gained any weight as of yet. Sweets are just repulsive to me. So all I can manage to eat are meats and vegies and protienish type foods. When I force a cookie or cake, I feel all queezy. I know, poor me. When half of preggers get crazy intense m/s. But that is all i get. Coffee to is like super bitter. Cocoa is all I can tolerate. But I am excited. Tomorrow I am meeting with a lady from out of town to buy her maclaren bounce chair. It's the only one that folds up to be portable. Plus it's blue and I have a feeling I have a boy on the way. (Cross my fingers) Those are 85$ new so I am getting an amazing deal. I still can't believe how amazing our bodies are. Creating a life and this week he grows from 4-5 mm to 11-13mm! That's facinating. I was thinking of hurrying to tell our family cuz mil guessed it but I really wanna wait so that she possibly forgets. 3 weekends is a long time. Maybe she will think it was much longer ago or something. We'll see. Well, g2g. more later.

1/30/2008 So the way I figure it this is the last day of week 6 and tomorrow will begin week 7. What I can't figure out is why day 43 would be week 6? 42 days is 6 full weeks so 43 should be day one of week 7. Anyway I have a beef with my mil to share. So we decided like the day we found out we were expecting that we were going to share this news (tentative on the house being done) on February 16. So this is under the disguise of a housewarming gathering. My in laws stopped by to pick something up and I figured I would let them know that we were shooting for that weekend to have been done and get the family together. She wigs out because that is the weekend that her sister is visiting. She isn't welcome in our home because cuz she is into spiritism. So my mil says that if her sister can't come then she won't be there either. Seriously? Who is that obnoxious? She did the same thing at our wedding rehearsal. I had only those that were involved in the ceremony. Bridal party, parents, the speaker and the coordinator. Well she drags along her friend and her 2 kids (whom I had never met before) and throws a fit that if they can't come then she won't be there either. I was so ticked! I was unable to win that one cuz we had a short time to use the hall and we were wasting it on her stipidity. So she just won't get to be there this time. I really don't give a crap this time. She will miss out on a major family moment and it will be her own dumb fault. I just want to yell at her but she has that manipulative ability to make me sound like the one out of line. I'm sorry but I don't want that kind of negative influence around my son, my family and me and my tiny one. That was the decision that eddie and I made together. She is just being a jerk.

1/28/2008 6 weeks prego. Wow did we have some weekend! We drove out 25 miles to visit with my grandparents and for eddie to fix their computer. (he is in the IT/network field) So it starts to snow even before we left town. We go anyway. I don't know if you watched the news or if it even hit other places but our area got non-stop snow for like 30 hours with a total accumulation of more that 14"! Needless to say we stayed over because we were stuck in the driveway. We had no fresh clothes, toothbrush, medications or even my sons security puppy. It wasn't too bad. We slept on an air mattress in the living room as the spare room was full of stuff. They use wood heat and we were only 2 feet from it so we cooked all night. Plus sleeping in jeans isn't what I call comfortable. We finally got out (after getting stuck) at 10:15pm. It was insane. We drove 40 mph the whole way home and stopped to get milk cuz there is no way I'm leaving the house for anything today. The roads are still not plowed. We got home after midnight. After we gave ben a bath, and had a shower ourselves, it was closer to 1am before we got laid down for the night. So how was your weekend? Ha ha ha! Altho, I didn't have anything to help me get to sleep (sleepytime tea or otc sleep aid. I checked, it's a B rating like tylenol) and I went right out on that air mattress. It was a bit later when the sleepy time arguement between my boy and man woke me and I was up for an hour. But still slept on my own. And when we got home I slept easily too. It was great. I go through phases where I have trouble and other times when I am so sleepy. I found out just this morning that we have total coverage for my pregnancy. Including optical and dental. It is such a relief cuz our deductibles are super high and I have a planned c-section so that is crazy expensive. So this is a good day. and we get our tax return on friday and Eddie is getting to purchase his dream computer. It's not been upgraded since before we were married in January of 2003! That's a long time in technology years. So I am very excited for him. Ok well, That was my weekend. Crazy, right?

1/23/2008 4 weeks 6days prego. I am loving this. I had slight quisiness with my first but only 4 specific smells. This time around I have cramps alot due to cycts in my ovaries. But otherwise I feel ok. I have just gotten a cold but that would have come anyhow. I decided that I am going with the medium of the 2 EDD that I have found until my ultrasound in march. Ok so I had the worst time sleeping last night. It was like 3 am before I finally dosed off. I was tired and sleepy, just couldn't get myself to sleep. I took a Lorazepam that was prescribed for panic attacks. This morning I found out that they have a D rating as far as medications during pregnancy. So no more of that. I found out that one otc sleep aid gets a B so thats like tylenol. So I guess that is what I will take from now on. When I need to that is. My husband is gonna try to get us up earlier and get us to turn in earlier to try and see if that helps. We are 11pm to 9 am sleepers. My brain is dead so I am gonna get back to the real world.

1/22/2008 So my husband had to show me how to work this whole 'blog' thing. Guess I can't spare any more brain cells huh? We are, among other things, remodeling our 1933 house. So busy to say the least. Today we finished my sons room. He is moved in but hasn't had closet doors for like 3 months. I am more excited than he is. Duh! So we have planned to tell our family about the baby at a "housewarming" party on February 16th. My son is 3 now but will be 4 by then and we are eager to tell him about his new sibling. He is constantly refering to his brother and sister. They are imaginary but the fact that he wants it to be real is evident. We want to tape the whole thing before we tell our family. Like right before so that he doesn't blow it. So we were thinking about breaking the news in a prayer before the meal. Something along the lines of, "Please strengthen us and help us as we prepare to welcome a new member into the family". How does that sound? It will be interesting to see who all was paying attention. Funny if no one notices. Guess we should have a plan B like a suggestive cake or cutsie tee that spells it our for them. So 3 weeks and 3 days til we can tell people. Tentative on our house getting finished. Just some paint, trim, flooring and a whole lot of clean up. We should get to texture the walls in the dining room this weekend. That is the last room left. I am the painter of the family. We did a Cars theme in my sons room. Just like on the Disney website or idea cards at the hardware stores. He picked it months ago, we get it all done and he then changes his mind. To what you may ask? The little mermaid! Yeah, so no more princesses on ice for him. Unless we have a girl. I would love to have a boy though. I'll love either, but my son (Ben) is dying for bunk beds and a boy and girl should only share a room for so long, you know. We shall see. So I have an ultrasound scheduled for march 11 to determine my EDD. Somewhere between Sept. 13 and 26th. Not sure. So yeah. I was thinking earlier today that Fleura Lee would be a pretty girls name. (don't steal it if you live in WA) My grandmothers middle name is Lee and since our last name begins with L it would make it roll. And fleur is french(?) for flower. Well, got 36 weeks to figure it out.