And it is...

Okay, here we go. I am new to this site and a little on the nervous side. NEVER in my life did I think I would go down this road again. I am 35, going on 36 in April. I thought I had left all this behind me. I started a new job and was on a road to a "different" life for me and my kids. I just lost my best friend in the whole world (and only real help) this past February. It was my mother. Since her passing, I was searching for myself while also filling her shoes in the family and taking care of her household and mine and my 78 year old father. I thought I knew where I was going in life when God decided to change it all. I found out in December that I was pregnant again... I cried!! I wasn't supposed to have any to begin with and I adopted a child 17 years ago. He is now 19 and serving in Iraq. I have a 10 year old daughter and a 12 year old son. I have had several miscarriages and 1 tubal pregnancy. Medically, the odds were totally against me having any more and I was fine with that as my marriage was pretty rocky to say the least. I work with handicapped pre-schoolers and I sooo love my job. I worked hard for years volunteering and working part time to get it. I really hope I don't have to give it all up now. Anyway, that is my story in short.. now here is my journey so far.

December, 2007 (5 weeks) - found out I was pregnant. Shocked is not the word.

January 2, 2008 (7 1/2 weeks) - went in for an ultrasound and CBC. They found that my levels were way too low to still be pregnant so they did an ultrasound to confirm a miscarriage. After an hour of thinking this, I had myself convinced it was for the best anyway. I was already settled with it. Not only did she find the baby and it's heartbeat, she found TWO heartbeats!! OMG.. TWINS!!! I actually asked her if they were mine. The shock didn't wear off any time soon.

January 23, 2008 (11 weeks) - I have been cramping and bleeding since Christmas so I was again expecting a miscarriage. We decided against the ultrasound as she checked for heartbeats and to my surprise, found them. Was strange to hear two different heatbeats. One was 153 and the other was 167. We agreed that there is nothing that can be done to stop a miscarriage until after I am 16 weeks.

Okay, so now we are February 20, 2008. I don't see the doctor again until March 5th for another ultrasound to see if there is one sac or two and run all sorts of tests. I am just over 15 weeks and these little ones are active. I haven't gained much weight and I am just barely showing. Funny thing is, I have never been sick with this pregnancy. No nausea, vomitting or anything. I have people questioning whether I am actually pregnant. Being a size 4 with a flat stomach...I have noticed the pooch and thickness and now the movement. Guess I am starting to slowly move out of the denial phase. Still in total SHOCK at having to do this all over again. Especially on my own this time without my Mom. Paternally, I get little to no help. So I guess I will have to rely on my children.

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I know I am late posting this. I went to the doctor last week on March 5th. Didn't get much in the way of new information. The heartrates were kind of low at first but then they started moving like crazy. Still too soon to tell on the old machine what they are. I go back April 9th and hope and pray to find more out and make sure they are where they should be (growth wise). I am just now starting to show and people are finally beginning to believe me...lol Like I would make this up. I am carrying in my back it seems because I feel them straight up and down and not much in the way of "out". But here is a video of the ultrasound and wanted to share it.

Update for April:

One of the blood tests that I took a month or so ago came back positive for open spine or spina bifida. I was worried but the doctor said not to as my age and having twins would trigger a false positive. So she referred me to a Maternal Fetal Specialist which I saw on April 8th. She basically told me that Twin A is not compatible with life as she has what is called Anencephaly. I was devastated!!! She immediately told me not to let my emotions get the best of me as I had the other healthy twin to think of. She referred me to a cardiologist as Twin B appeared to have an abnormal heart. I did the only thing I know to do and that is return to work to the handicapped children. I knew by keeping my mind on them and their smiling faces, it would keep me from falling apart. Plus Twin A has the part of the brain that allows her organs to function and her body to react to touch. So I play with her all the time to "steal" what time I can.

I then saw the Cardiologist on April 11th and he found that both babies have what appear to be perfect hearts. Thank God for this as if Twin B had a bad heart, the law and the Americans with Disabilities Act prevent me from donating Twin A's heart to save her or anyone. I forgot to mention, they are GIRLS. Both perfect in every way, just one is missing part of her brain and/or scalp. Below is a brief explaination of Anencephaly. So I ask for prayers for my little ones as God is sending me two angels. One to keep and one to return. I will bury her with my Mother. Words can not begin to describe how I feel right now. I have to just pray and make it as far as I can for Twin B. But I can not wait to hold my babies, however long of a time I have.

Definition

Anencephaly is a lethal birth defect characterized by the absence of all or part of the skull and scalp and malformation of the brain.

Description

Anencephaly is one of a group of malformations of the central nervous system collectively called neural tube defects. Anencephaly is readily apparent at birth because of the absence of the skull and scalp and exposure of the underlying brain. The condition is also called acrania (absence of the skull) and acephaly (absence of the head). In its most severe form, the entire skull and scalp are missing. In some cases, termed "meroacrania" or "meroanencephaly," a portion of the skull may be present. In most instances, anencephaly occurs as an isolated birth defect with the other organs and tissues of the body forming correctly. In approximately 10% of cases, other malformations coexist with anencephaly.

Demographics

Anencephaly occurs in all races and ethnic groups. The prevalence rates range from less than one in 10,000 births (European countries) to more than 10 per 10,000 births (Mexico, China).

Causes and symptoms

As an isolated defect, anencephaly appears to be caused by a combination of genetic factors and environmental influences that predispose to faulty formation of the nervous system. The specific genes and environmental insults that contribute to this multifactorial causation are not completely understood. It is known that nutritional insufficiency, specifically folic acid insufficiency, is one predisposing environmental factor, and that mutations of genes involved in folic acid metabolism are genetic risk factors. The recurrence risk after the birth of an infant with anencephaly is 3–5%. The recurrence may be anencephaly or another neural tube defect such as spina bifida.

Anencephaly is readily apparent at birth because of exposure of all or part of the brain. Not only is the brain malformed, but it is also damaged because of the absence of the overlying protective encasement.

Diagnosis

Anencephaly is diagnosed by observation. Prenatal diagnosis may be made by ultrasound examination after 12–14 weeks' gestation. Prenatal diagnosis of anencephaly can also be detected through maternal serum alpha-feto-protein screening. The level of alpha-fetoprotein in the maternal blood is elevated because of the leakage of this fetal protein into the amniotic fluid.

There are no treatments for anencephaly. A pregnant woman or couple expecting an anencephalic baby will need a sensitive and supportive health care team, and perhaps some additional psychological support as they face the inevitable death of their infant, usually before or shortly after birth.