us-n-kenzie-2's profile

us-n-kenzie-2
us-n-kenzie-2 has 42 days to go and is now in week 34
	Age: 31 Country: Private Province/region: Private City: Private Partner: Rob Children: Pregnant: Yes Due date: 29 Jun ,2008 Occupation:
	Online: More than 3 months ago Last updated: 74 days ago. Member since: 74 days
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This is the first 5 months of my pregnancy. Mostly complaining and whining and just not feeling well.

The page I am going to continue on is here:

http://i-am-pregnant.com/vip/us-n-kenzie

Please leave comments there. It is a happier place, anyway.

November 13th - We went to the Dr yesterday...got to have the first ultrasound. We are going back to the high risk Dr on Monday. I feel pretty good that it will go well. I am starting to get more and more excited about it now. Strange how just seeing that heart beat changes so much.

November 22nd - I am getting tired of being so sick! I was sick for the first seven months with my daughter and I am hoping it is not like that with this baby...even though I know it is worth it in the end. With my daughter I got sick whenever I ate and this time I get sick when I dont eat and I am tired of eating every two hours just to keep food in my stomach so I dont get sick. I have also been moodier with this pregnancy. I have been crying everyday and that is not like me at all..I feel like a big sissy wimp! LoL.

November 28 - We decided that when we find out what we are having we are going to let my daughter pick the final name from a list we supply her with. That way "she" gets to name the baby and I think she'll get a kick out of that. We are also going to tell her about my being pregnant next week after by appointment (if we hear the heartbeat) as I will be 10 weeks at that point.

November 29 - Okay, seriously with the throwing up now already. This is getting old. I want a fun pregnancy where I get to wake up and start my day without having to run to the bathroom or risk having to clean the carpets. There is something about the shower that makes me vomit. I have to get in the shower only when I have an empty stomach because I am most likely going to throw up when I get in there and stomach acid is easier than trying to get out in time. I want butterflies on my window sill like the people in the pregnancy test commercials. I want to spend a day without breaking into tears over other peoples pets, the snow that almost fell or being upset that my pants are getting tight. My mouth is creating as much saliva as a Saint Bernard and I live in fear of drooling if I dont pay enough attention.

November 30 - I had a TINY TINY bit of spotting overnight (okay, it was like a line of blood in a bit of mucusy discharge) and some cramping and a pain in my lower back. I called the Dr and was told I could go to the ER if I really wanted to, but by the time I got there, waited to be seen, got checked in, saw a Dr and then got to the ultrasound...I could wait until the office opens in the morning and go in there. So I am going to wait. I am a little nervous about it all. Not so much about the spotting as I am the pain in my lower back...I had this pain with all three of my miscarriages.

December 5 - Ultrasound came back fine. I am still spotting a little...actualy blood without the mucasy bit...Very odd as I did not have this with my daughter. Still moodier than I would like to be. I would like my husband to understand and be a little more supportive though. I just don't feel like he "get's it". I want him to understand and I want some serious TLC. I want him to do things that need to be done without me having to ask him to do them. I want him to bring me some juice without asking me if I want something to drink...I just want him to know. I dont know how I expect him to know, I just do. I want to be pampered is what I want. Just for a few days. Not even a few consecutive days...just a day at a time for a few days over the next few months. But I dont want to have to tell him to do these things...and if I want him to do them, I have to tell him to do them. We also told my daughter that she was going to have a baby sister or brother...She did not believe us. She called my mom for confirmation. LoL. Then we were out shopping and she was looking at clothes for the baby and I told her we could not buy anything yet since we do not know what it is going to be and she said "I wish we knew what we were having!"....It was very cute!!

December 8 - I am about as sick of throwing up as a person can be. Seriously. I am trying to be upbeat and happy and cheerful, but it is hard when I am sick and feel miserable all the time. We go in for the NT scan on the 18th...I am going to bring my 5 year old daughter so she can see the ultrasound. I think she'll enjoy that.

December 14 - Still throwing up and still tired of it. Today is Friday and I go in for the NT scan next Tuesday. I am not sure why I feel nervous about this other than I did not have this test done with my daughter. Maybe it feels weird because of that. My mood swings seem to be better, but I am down more than I was. My husband said something last night when I was playing around with him and my daughter that it was nice to see me smiling and happy for a change and that's when it really hit me how sad I must be. I dont feel like I am connecting with this child. I know it is early, but when I was pregnant with my daughter, it was instantaneous. But my ex-husband and I really tried to get pregnant with her. Maybe that is the difference since this was a surprise baby. There are times when I feel like I am never going to be connected to this child and I worry about what will happen when he/she is born. I keep thinking that maybe remaining pregnant was a mistake and then I instantly feel horrible for feeling that way. I dont know...I am sure it will all be fine once the baby is here and I can stop being sick and be back to my old self. When I go to the Drs on Tuesday I am going to ask for something for the nausea and vomiting. That may help my mood, too. I am also tired of the taste of nickels in my mouth...what is that about, anyway? I did not have a taste like I had been licking metal when I was pregnant with my daughter (and I swear if one more person says "every pregnancy is different" I will lose it). I also have black "flecky" stuff in my stomach acid vomit. It is gross.

December 16 - Yep, still sick. I did find slow melting popsicles at the grocery though...thats pretty cool. Other than salt, those seem to make me feel temporarily better. I created a page for my daughter, Mackenzie, on here. I kept meaning to, but never got around to it. I dont seem to be throwing up as much, but I still feel icky and nauseas most of the time. About the only time I feel good is the 1/2 hour when I first wake up and immediately after getting sick. I think this is so draining on me because it was not planned and I like to have my life planned and I like to stick by that plan. My plan was not to have any more children and I think the "surprise" of this all is overwhelming. Plus I am tired of being sick. And I would do almost anything for a GOOD 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep. I am going to ask the Dr for something to help me sleep when I go to my appt in 2 days. I can get to sleep ok, but I wake up constantly...like every hour or so I wake up for about 10 minutes. And if I do manage to sleep past the hour mark, someone will wake me up...either by calling to "see what I am doing" or by making noise. I just want some rest. I really truly just want some rest.

December 20 - NT scan went fine...1.1 was the number she came up with. They said my DS chances are 1/10,000...I can live with that. I am ecstatic about that actually. They also gave me something to make me not get sick so much...I think maybe it is working a TINY TINY bit. I still feel sick and I am still getting sick, but not 3-5 times a day anymore, so that is a plus. They wont give me anything to help me sleep though. They told me to take Tylenol PM. I took some tonight and it seemed to work. I got 5 hours uninterrupted. Thats the most sleep I have had in weeks! I go back on Dec 28 for a regular OB appt.

December 29 - Went back to the Dr yesterday. Set the 20week ultrasound for Feb 6th...We should get to find out what we are having then, too...assuming the baby cooperates. If not, I may just go and have a 3-D scan done to find out. I had a few days where I felt really well and was not sick and then this morning I got sick again.

December 30 - I hit 14 weeks tomorrow and enter into the 2nd trimester. I am starting to feel more at ease with the pregnancy. I think I have accepted it more and I am not feeling as "against it" as I was. I had been feeling very bad about it as I was excited one minute and distant the next since this was not planned. I am still sick (there were a few days I had not gotten sick and I mistakingly thought I passed up morning sickness, but it is back). I drank a Capri Sun this morning while getting ready for work and out of nowhere lost that into the sink. I am mostly wearing larger pants and maternity tops (or just plain big T-shirts) now as I am still not huge, but I am just uncomfortable in regular clothes. I have gained 4 pounds!! I know this is not earth shattering, by any means, but it is a lot to me. I am retaining water like a sponge, too. I can see it in my face (I am starting to resemble Mrs Puff from Spongebob Squarepants) and my wedding rings are not fitting as nice as they did before...my fingers look like sausages about to burst!! I have not been taking my prenatal vitamins, so I may try and remember to start to take them and see what happens...maybe, if anything, it will help my nails look nice because right now they look like a weed wacker got ahold of them.

January 4 - We are in the process of moving and I know I have done more than I should, so I am trying to make myself slow down a bit. I am still getting sick, but not as often. I am also having a funky little feeling...not sure what it is as I did not feel this with my daughter.

January 6 - I didn't get sick today and that makes me happy. There are more days now that I do not get sick than there are days I do get sick. I feel icky almost everyday, but as long as I am not making a mad dash to the bathroom, I am good. I still am getting the weird feeling...feels like really fast, but soft, muscle spasms. Don't know what they are as I never felt them with my last pregnancy.

January 8 - The last few days I have just felt mean. I really feel like I need to be mean. I dont know what it is. I am still really sore from moving and my daughter is still adjusting to the new house and having a hard time sleeping, which mean I am having a hard time sleeping. Someone on here gave me some advice and I am going to try that. I have been an OJ junkie!!! I have been going to McD in the AM and getting a large OJ and then getting individual bottled of it during the day...it is crazy!!

January 14 - I fell apart last night. I was not feeling well the last few days and since I work all day today, I went to the ER instead of trying to get into the Dr today. I have a yeast infection (Yea!) and have to take care of that. I still feel sad and finally broke down last night. We bought a light to put on the ceiling fan in our bedroom and my husband got the wrong light bulbs. I looked at the box and it is marked on it what kind is needed so I joked about it and he got all miffy and had an attitude and kept on like that until I picked up a pillow and blanket and went into the living room to sleep. My daughter must have heard me go out there cuz she called me and he told her that I was not in the room and to go to sleep and he came out to get me to come back to bed, which I did, but he had really hurt my feelings. I just wanted to go to sleep and he was trying to apologize, but I just wanted him to leave me alone after that. So I layed there and ignored him and did not look at him until he turned over and I could go to sleep. ARRGH!!!

January 17 - No, but really....anytime now would be a good time to stop throwing up. *Sigh* I am not getting sick as much, maybe every other day now, but it has been MONTHS! Enough already!! Now I have been getting a bizarre pain that is in my hips, lower bum and lower back. It hurts to get up from sitting or laying and if I stop walking, it hurts to start again. The pain has actually brought me to tears a few times. I go to the Dr in 5 days so I am going to talk about it then. My husband hung up the light that was previously discussed : ) . He has not been feeling well either, so we just ordered Chinese food for dinner last night...I Love Chinese Food!

January 22 - I went to the Dr today...she told me I have SPD (Symphysis Pubis Dysfunction). At least I have a name to go along with all this pain I have been having. The Dr also told me I could take the Triamcinolone again. I also lost one of the pounds that I had gained, so I am down to having had only gained 3 pounds. Dr mentioned that I should have gained more like 10. And here I was all happy I had only gained 3.

January 25 - I went to the hospital on the 23rd @ night. I started getting sick ater my Dr appt on the 22nd and stayed that way through the 23rd. I kept nothing down. I was actually throwing up foam! Gross, I know. So I called the Dr and they told me to go in. Well the nurse from hell put the IV in my arm...it hurt SO BAD! 3 hours later they tell me that they dont know know whats wrong with me and to take the anti nausea stuff and sent me home. I am still throwing up, but not as much...I just want to know why so much all of a sudden. What the heck is going on?! Thank I feel bad because, since this was a "surprise" baby, I am still not completely into this...I am trying - I really am, but I am having a hard time being as excited as I was with my daughter. And I feel bad for feeling so many bad things about this baby that is making me feel so horrible that I did not even try to have...I feel like a horrible person!!

January 31 - I wish I could connect to this pregnancy and I am just not. I was SO excited when I was pregnant with my daughter and I could not wait for her to be born, but this time I feel almost trapped. I dont know. I feel like I should be more excited about it and more into this. I almost feel resentment toward it. Everyone I talk to tells me it will get better, but I dont think they get it. I dont think I know of anyone who has felt like this. I feel so completely alone about it. I dont think I have ever been this sad for this long before. And I am doing good at hiding it from most people, but it gets harder and harder to hide it.

February 2 - We have finally found a crib and bed gear that we like. The crib and changing table are by Storkcraft and are the black Aspen model. The crib sheet set is by JoJo Designs and is the Animal Safari set. I have posted them both in the photos section. As for me...I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. It is like I am having a continuous out of body experience. I know I am me, but I don't feel like me and I am not able to function like me and I don't act like me. But I still look like me, so I must be me. This is just insane how I feel. I have never had depression issues or been sad for an unusually long amount of time or had a difficult time dealing with anything in my life...so why now? Why this?

February 8 - The baby is moving SOO much. I wish I could say it was cool and I loved every minute of it, but it kinda freaks me out. It is sort of gross. The kicks don't bother me as much as the rolling. Something with a foot that is only 1 inch long can kick SO hard. Everytime Rob tried to feel it kick today it would stop...ha ha ha. I still feel icky and sad. My Feb 6th ultrasound was cancelled and we rescheduled for the 20th. I am going to ask for some Effexor or something. Anything to make me feel better. I feel SO stressed and so overwhelmed it is unbelievable and I don't know what to do for it. I have never been one to get depressed for such a long amount of time so this is strange to me. I am still having those pesky panic attacks, too. 20 more weeks and it will all be over. I am just about halfway there. Since they won't let me go to the due date, then I suppose I am already halfway there. Also, I feel like my husband is not anymore excited than I am. He looks at the things that we need to look at (the cribs and bed things and what not) but he just has little to no input and seems to not really care. I am having a hard enough time getting into this and I think it would help if I thought for a second that he was into this. Yesterday I told him it was kicking and he put his hand on my stomach and I think that was the first time he showed any sort of excitement. Plus, a lot of the pesky things that I have been allowing to get to me, he blames himself for, so I think he may blame himself for me feeling so icky now (since it was his sperm and all). It bothers me that he is not showing any signs of excitement but I don't want to tell him that since he is already blaming himself for so much. When I ask him he just says he is scared. He has never held a baby or had much involvement with them so I understand, but his disconnection does not help me at all.

Week 20, Feb 16: I am almost through the 20th week. Somehow I thought i would feel better by now. I was doing better emotionally and then today...OMG!! I dont know what happened but I pulled my whole family into it. I had a hard time sleeping (as usual) and I think that may have had a little to do with it. Apparently, insomnia and pregnancy hormones DO NOT MIX!! I spent about four hours today crying. There are a few things that have been bothering me and I am sure that is what was the root of the problems today, but that is not how it manifested itself. I cried over an Easter Egg hunt i am going to take my daughter to on March 15th. I cried because I will be 32 on March 14th. I cried because we have an air hockey table that I want to move to the basement now, but there is furniture in the way, over a bookcase that I needed to move, over furniture that is not even mine, over furniture that I dont have but want. I cried because the cat was giving me a menacing look. Then I started over. My husband made the mistake of coming into the bedroom where he thought I was sleeping and he got pulled in. Then I called my stepfather and got him involved in the whole tear-capade. I Am A Freak!!Feb 17: Is it possible to have a favorite between your children? I look at my daughter and I wonder how on earth I am ever going to love another child as much as her. By this time in the pregnancy with her, I was already SO MUCH in love. But with this baby, I don't feel quite that way. I mean, I like it ok and I am getting more used to the idea and I think I have figured out why I am not seeming very happy about it (more to come on that in a few). But I dont have the overwhelming adoration for it that I had and still have, for my daughter. As for not being as happy or excited...my husband still seems "blah" about it and I talked to him today and he seemed to not know what I was talking about. Maybe he was afraid to be excited since I was not...btw, that is why I think I have not been more excited. I think I have felt bad being excited since I did not think he was. I feel like my life is a soap opera.Feb 20: Went to the Dr for the ultrasound and saw that it is a girl. I feel bad for saying it, but I feel better about the whole thing now. I know, horrible mommy...whatever....I'm having another girl!! Yay Me!!Feb 25: I have not updated in a couple of days so here goes...I am still sick off and on...mostly off though now. The last few days she has not been moving too much and I was kinda worried. She seems to be a little more active this morning, but still not like her normal acrobatics. I called the Dr yesterday and she said that at this stage she probably just turned around and is facing the back and I would not be able to feel that. She said not to be too worried about it. I did ask the Dr at my last appt for something to replace the Xanax that I was taking before I got pregnant and they won't unless I go through a whole thing with visiting a shrink and everything. So it looks like I am going to live this out drug free the best I can because I don't get giddee at the thought of visiting a preggo-shrink. We went shopping for some baby things over the last few days. Got some really cute clothes. If I ever get off my lazy butt I will post some pictures. That's about all I have for now.

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