11-9-2007: My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for over two years now. This is my second pregnancy and although I was seeing a fertility doctor, the one month I was off the mediciations I somehow landed myself pregnant!

Today I am 16 weeks pregnant and on pins and needles, trying to get through this second trimester. Weeks 14-18 are my "personal danger zone" since that is when things starting going bad with my first pregnancy... I lost my son at just under 18 weeks when my water broke. The doctors think that my womb was just unfit (for whatever reason) and I had a big bleed at 14 weeks, followed by a huge hemotoma (blood clot) seen by ultrasound at 16 weeks... by 17 weeks I developed a subclinical infection and it was too late to save the baby.

This pregnancy has been different in a lot of ways from my first one. My stomach/intestines are much better behaved (I have IBS, which has been remarkably tame this time around... the first time it was torture!!!). I had horrid morning sickness up until 13 weeks, and then it all but disappeared. Although I got through 14 weeks without a "big bleed," I was diagnosed with a cervical polyp at 11 weeks and the darn thing causes me to spot every 1-2 weeks, which scares the begeezes out of me. So far so good though. I have had 10 ultrasounds so far and each one gives us nothing but good news.

At my 16 week ultrasound we got a peek between the baby's legs... didn't see anything but we can't conclusively say boy or girl yet. My next ultrasound is November 26 and I am counting the days!

11-21-2007: Today marks the longest I have ever been pregnant. I'm happy & sad at the same time, and nervous for what the furute holds! Tomorrow my little one will get to have Thanksgiving-by-proxy, something my first son just missed out on. I am planning on stuffing my face with turkey and fixings for sure!!!

11-30-2007: We found out this week that the baby is a GIRL! I can finally stop calling her an "it." She is kicking me pretty regularly, about 2-3x a day I can feel her jamming away in there. I never expected to be able to feel her so soon... she was so strong last week that even my husband could feel her kicking from the outside. :o)

12-08-2007: I had some slight spotting today; mostly my "normal" discharge with some maroon/pink mixed in. I took it easy this morning, and then went out for a few hours and have had nothing since. Darn polyp and sensitive cervix! Before this I had made it 12 days without a spotting incident. Our little girl was kicking today, telling me she is okay. This morning I actually felt a kick/punch combo, 'cause they were coming from opposite sides of my tummy!

12-19-2007: I was in the hospital Monday-Tuesday because I started bleeding bright red. It wasn't a whole lot, filled my pantyliner all at once and then stopped, but it just flowed out and was very warm. An active bleed. The hospital did an u/s, monitored for contractions (only BH thank goodness!), and did an internal exam. I wasn't dialated and the doctor could see the polyp bleeding and he said my cervix was red/purple and angry-looking. All my tests and bloodwork came back fine. The baby's heartbeat was monitored every 4 hours and I stayed overnight in the hospital, but it was worth it for peace of mind. We are home now and counting the days until our next ultrasound (January 9). Oh BTW our baby is still a girl as of Monday's ultrasound. ;o)

01-04-2008: Had some spotting today. Started off marroon and then within a few hours changed to brown. There wasn't much so I still went to work for a few hours. When I got home a lot more brown stuff came out; I went to bed (literally) and took a nap LOL. The baby was squirming and bumping a lot so that made me feel better. I also brought home the laptop so that if this happens again I can stay home from work and work off the computer from bed.

01-21-2008: Today is my first official day of doctor-prescribed bed rest. I had to go to the hosptial Friday because I spotted red for three straight days and it didn't seem to be healing up. My polyp actually didn't look too bad but I was having too many BH contractions for the doctor's liking. I was put on IV fluids and given a shot to stop them. Now I have three months (I hope) of rest and am under orders to drink a glass of water every hour!

02-03-2008: On Monday, January 28 my little girl entered the world via emergency c-section at 8:56am. She was only 27 weeks, 5 days gestation but came out crying and using those teeny-tiny lungs!

THE BIRTH STORY

I woke up at 5:30am when my water broke. The gush of fluid was huge but painless. I spent about 5 seconds in a total panic, then somehow gathered my wits about me and leaned over to tell my husband, "Get up! My water broke! We need to go!" My husband was dressed and across the room before I even got all the words out of my mouth. He was in as much of a panic as me, but it later turns out he had no idea our little girl could still be alive.... so it's even more of a miracle that he was able to function and get us to where we needed to be. I called the doctor and told him I was on the way to the hospital. I wasn't in any pain.... yet. We were in the car 5 minutes later; three blocks down the road the contractions started. I told my husband, "I feel pressure, like she is trying to come out. She can't! We need to get to the hospital so they can save her!!!" This was when my husband first realized our daughter still had a chance. He drove faster, but it still wasn't fast enough for me (my contractions were getting worse and I was trying with all my might to "hold her in"). We spotted a police car up the road and I yelled to my husband to pull over next to them and get help; I wasn't going to make it to the hospital (my OB's hospital is 30-40 minutes away). I started yelling at the police officers "We're not going to make it!" They must have thought I was insane!!! My husband quickly explained the situation and I called my doctor back; he said to go to the nearest hospital. The police called an ambulance and I told them that it wasn't going to be fast enough! (LOL I can't believe that I was screaming so much at the police!!). Three minutes later the ambulance showed up, and three minutes after that I was in the hospital. My contractions were two minutes apart, but as soon as I was wheeled into the ER they stopped! I knew my little girl was still alive because she started kicking me in the ambulance. Her heart rate was strong and in the 150s; they gave me a steroid shot and did an ultrasound. She scored really low on her ultrasound because she wasn't doing her breathing excercises, which is a sign of fetal distress. The doctors immediately decided to get her out with a c-section.

I got a spinal (which took FOREVER to numb me) and they had to cut my uterus vertically to get her out... she was not only breech but jammed in on one side of my womb. The first thing I remember about her was hearing her cry; I was amazed because I didn't think her lungs were developed enough to do so. She sounded like a little kitty cat meowing. The doctors announced that she was 2 lbs, 1 oz and I remember thinking, thank GOD she is over 2 lbs, it gives her a better chance at survival. Apparently at this point I yelled out that she needed to be Christened right away LOL. They then wrapped her up and wheeled her over for my husband and I to see while they were stitching me up. I was actually inverted a bit on the OR table and couldn't see her under all those blankets, but my husband assured me she was in there. She went from an APGAR score of 2 to a score of 9 ten minutes after birth. She has an amazing strength that I already look up to.

The next day I got the news that my placenta was infected with Group B streptococcus. This is the same infection that caused my water to break with my son at just under 18 weeks gestation and killed him; an infection that several doctors assured me was highly unlikey to happen again. I must have the world's crappiest womb because tons of women has group B strep in their vagina naturally, but it STAYS there. Mine likes to enter the uterus where it doesn't belong, and the doctors have no idea why.

02-04-2008: I uploaded some photos of Paige! I love the extreme close-up for some reason LOL... probably because she usually has her jaundice goggles on and I usually can't see her precious little face. This weekend I got to hold her for the first time, it was the most wonderful feeling. And to think that I was worried about not having mom instincts; Paige is blowing me away with the feelings I have for her. My husband got to change her diaper (can he keep that job? LOL) and lift her up when they were changing her bedsheets. It was the best weekend ever!

02-07-2008: Happy Chinese New Year! Both my husband and I were born under this year's animal, the Rat, and were thinking we were going to be a 3-Rat family; Paige decided she wanted her own Zodiac animal though with her early arrival.... so she was born in the Year of the Pig. Paige herself is doing wonderful! She is now 2 ounces over her birth weight and being fed 16 mL of milk every 4 hours. I am only pumping about 50 mL of milk every day so she had to go on donor breastmilk... preemies can't take formula and I am failing miserably at pumping! I am still trying; they say to pump every 2 hours but that is ridiculous with a preemie in the hospital; if I have a choice of holding my daughter for 1-2 hours while she tube-feeds or pumping, of course I am going to hold my daughter!!! My one nipple is very sore too and I have to pump on the lowest setting, which is not helping. I still have a few days until the lactation specialist will start to worry about me though. Back to Paige... she came off the respirator 6 days ago, then was on the CPAP for a few days, and now graduated to the nasal cannula (tiny nose tubes). Her oxygen levels are mostly at normal room-level, but she tends to "drift" 1-2x a day and they bump up her oxygen percentage a few points; then they slowly ween her back down to room levels. They will keep doing this to test her and get her lungs used to normal breathing. She has so many fewer wires now she almost looks naked to me LOL. I'll post more photos tonight. One fun thing is that I changed my first diaper EVER yesterday!!! I was so nervous because 1) I had never changed a diaper and 2) Paige is so tiny I am afraid of hurting her. Well, when the nurse and I unfastened that diaper HOLY MOLY what a poopy mess. Who knew someone so small could poop so much? I think I did a pretty good job and am ready for my next change. :o)

02-12-2008: Well, yesterday I officially gave up breastfeeding. I cried all weekend; every time I pumped I would get only fractions of an ounce out, and at this point post-pregnancy I should be getting 2-4 ounces per pumping session. Paige is eating 28 mL/ feeding, 6 times a day now, and I am still only making 50 mL TOTAL a day; so I can feed her once. The rest has been donor breastmilk. I called the lactation specialist today, and you know it is bad when even she gave me little hope. She said it might be a combination of stress and my infertility issues, and the only advice she could offer me was to drink some herbal tea. I asked if the tea would realistically make my milk production go up 10x (which is where I need to be) and she said no. :o(

So yeah, I cried all day yesterday and then got out my sportsbra to bind up my breasts. Even with so little milk coming out they are hurting a lot and swollen. I hate my body!

Paige, on the other hand, is doing excellent. She is flirting with breating room-quality oxygen (21%). She has mastered breathing 23% oxygen, but every time they try to lower her to 21% she has a few episodes where her blood-oxygen level will drop below the acceptable level. The doctor called today and said that she will go back and forth between 21-23% until she "learns" to breath and oxygenate her blood correctly. Go Paige!

02-16-2008: Paige is off the nasal cannula and breathing on her own now! Amazing for someone so tiny (she is the equivalent of 30 weeks, 3 days gestation today). She might have to go back and forth between cannula and not, but for today it's her lungs doing EVERYTHING. Paige weighs 2 pounds, 6 ounces and has been holding that weight all week. The doctor isn't worried about her lack of progress in the weight-gaining yet; it takes a lot of calories to breath on your own!

02-23-2008: Paige is back on the nasal cannula, but breathing room-quality air. She was having more "episodes" where her blood-oxygen level was dipping, even when she was taking breaths. She was found to be anemic and so had a blood transfusion yesterday; hopefully this will make it easier for her to oxygenate her blood. Paige is finally stringing together several days in a row of weight-gain; she is 2 pounds, 9 ounces now! Her tube feedings are going well and maybe... just maybe... she might be ready to try a bottle by the end of next week!!!

02-25-2008: Paige is four weeks old today! I can't believe that she has been here so long already. I was just reading my fellow "weekers" page (31 weeks) and most of them will have NINE more weeks of pregnancy to experience. My pregnancy ended so abruptly and unexpectedly. I felt huge at the time (I had gained about 20 pounds) but I never looked huge; I never even purchased pregnancy clothes (with the single exception of a "nice" outfit I wore once, out to dinner when I was 18 weeks pregnant). Right now I am at home, my belly small with no kicks in there, yet there is no baby in the house to hug and hold and fuss over. I know that I am very lucky that my little Paige is alive and well, but I miss her so much when I come home and she is still in the hospital.

02-28-2008: Paige is ONE MONTH old today! And, even more cause for celebration.... she now weighs THREE POUNDS! Woo-hoo! Just a few more ounces and she can try to stay at room temperature air, and wear clothes on a daily basis (not just during dress-up with Mommy and Daddy). The nasal cannula came off earlier this week, and she was breathing diffuse oxygen in her isolette for a few days, but today, another big accomplishment.... breathing room-air all on her own again! You can do it Paige!!!

03-03-2008: Paige weighs 3 pounds, 2 ounces today, so she is over a pound more than when she was born, hooray! She is still doing well on the breathing front and taking in air all by herself. Now for her next challenge.... feeding by mouth. The nurse said that they usually start bottle-feeding preemies at 34 weeks (and this is done very slowly, just a few mililiters for 1 or 2 of the 6 daily feedings... the rest is done with the feeding tube). Paige is 32 weeks, 5 days but is giving her nurses "signals" that she wants to try to eat by mouth now. She keeps getting cranky and wanting to suck on her binky, and when we kangaroo I swear she starts to root! The nurse said that maybe tomorrow I can try to get her to suckle while she is fed through the tube. Even though I have no milk, they said it will be good practice and Paige will start to associate sucking with eating. We'll see!

03-04-2008: So much happened today! Paige has been taken off her daily dose of caffeine. She has been breathing so well the doctors don't think she needs it anymore. She also "graduated" to the next biggest sized diaper (which is too big for her, really, but she is making SO MUCH poop that she keeps leaking from the smaller diapers LOL). Paige looks like a little sumo wrestler in her big diaper. But the big news for today is that Paige is wearing clothes! And I changed her into her outfit all by myself (a big accomplishment for me). When I left her she was still in her isolette, but the temperature was turned down and she was wearing pajamas and swaddled in a blanket. I hope to find her the same way tomorrow morning! Oh, and as for her weight.... Paige is 3 pounds, 4 ounces now.

03-05-2008: Paige is really on a roll. She took her first bottle today. The doctor said he usually waits until babies are 34-35 weeks gestation to try a bottle, but he thought Paige was ready. And boy was she! She was very bewildered at first when she realized that MILK came out of the nipple, but that only lasted a few minutes. Soon she had her eyes closed, and was really working that bottle!!! She drank 27mL out of 45mL total. That is AWESOME for a first try!!! The nurse even made Paige a sign for her bulletin board to commemorate the occassion. The rest of the feeding was given through her feeding tube by gravity-flow.

Paige mantained her body temperature all last night and today. She also gained another ounce and now weighs 3 pounds, 5 ounces. Oh, and her pulse-ox monitor is gone now; one less wire attached to her. :o)

Here's something funny (and disturbing). I got the hospital bill for giving birth to Paige... this is just for the 5 days I was in the hosptial and includes the c-section, follow-up care and some of Paige's first treatments (I think; I see "respiratory" listed on there).... $126,650. Wow. Thank goodness for insurance (as crappy as mine is I only paid $170 of that).

03-09-2008: Paige weighs 3 pounds, 10 ounces today. After her sloooooow start, she continues to gain weight steadily. And she is up to two bottle-feeding attempts per day. Paige has not been able to match her first-day feat, but today she drank 13mL at the first feed and 16mL at the second. Not too shabby. Some of the bigger preemies that are rooming with her only take 10-12mL at some feedings. So far Daddy and I have been able to do all the bottle feeding... if I can wake up early enough tomorrow, I can try to keep that streak alive. Yeah, I'm a little insecure about the nurses being able to outdo Mom and Dad in giving Paige her bottle LOL.

03-10-2008: So bummed. Not only did I not get to bottle-feed Paige today, but she didn't get any bottles at all because of a miscommunication with the nurses paired with an eye exam. Babies in the special care nursery have to wait four hours to be fed after an eye exam because it stresses them out so much. I was scheduled to bottle-feed Paige at 9pm but that's when the eye doctor showed up! The good news is that she hasn't developed ROP (retinopathy of prematurity, an eye disorder common to preemies) yet; next eye exam is in two weeks. More good news is that Paige weighed 3 pounds, 12 ounces today. She is STORMING towards the four-pound mark!!!

03-17-2008: Happy St. Patrick's Day! Saturday was my baby shower and it was great. A TON of people showed up and I was totally shocked at the turnout. Practically everyone from my workplace, my family, my college buddies.... wow. I wanted to spend all my time with everyone and it went by so fast! Paige got a HUGE waredrobe, even some preemie clothes that she can wear now in the hospital. She's going to be stylin' in there.

Paige weighs 4 pounds, 5 ounces now. She is packing on the weight and even had to go to the "low-calorie" formula LOL. She is being offered a bottle at every feed now (52mL), sometimes she drinks the whole thing and other times she just goes to sleep. Both Dad and the nurses have had success in giving her a whole bottle, but the most she ever drank for me was 27mL on her first bottle. She just wants to go to sleep when I hold her!!!

03-20-2008: I'm getting better at bottle-feeding Paige. She has taken 42mL, 38mL and 40mL the last three times I have fed her. I'm finally pulling in better numbers than the nurses! Her feeds have been increased to 57mL per bottle. Paige weighs 4.5 pounds now (4 pounds, 8 ounces) and looks like a real fatty to me LOL. Her gestational age is 35 weeks, 2 days now so technically she is a little behind for her "age;" however, development occurs slower outside the womb so this is to be expected.

03-23-2008: HAPPY EASTER!!! Paige is having a great weekend. Friday night she drank the WHOLE BOTTLE for me. First full bottle with Mommy, yay! Then 8 hours later she drank another full bottle for Daddy! Then Saturday morning she drank 50/58mL for me. I could have cried. Dare I dream of her coming home next weekend....????

My sister got Paige an incredibly cute Easter dress. Pictures are posted. :o)

03-26-2008: GREAT NEWS this morning... it's 5:00am and my husband just got home from visiting Paige (he works the late shift) and her feeding tube is OUT! She drank all her bottles today!!! She might be coming home this weekend! I told hubby to get the car seat ready, that is her next test!!! (preemies, especially ones that have had past breathing problems, sometimes aren't able to handle the seated postion of a car seat. The hosptial does a "car seat test" where they sit the preemie in the seat and monitor her for 1.5 hours to make sure she can travel safely... if she fails they let you take her home in something called a "car bed")

03-28-2008: Paige is two months old today. And she now weighs 5 pounds even. AND SHE IS SLEEPING AT HOME, IN HER CRIB, IN HER NURSERY!

Yep, today was the big day. It went by so fast! The visit at the hospital was almost unreal: we arrived, fed Paige while we watched a car seat video, talked to the doctor for about 10 minutes, signed a few papers, and next thing I knew Paige was sitting in our car in her car seat, out like a light. She slept the whole way home and into the house and everything, even the dogs barking didn't phase her! LOL She downed her first at-home bottle soon after and then it was right back to sleep for her. I'll post some photos of the big event later tonight.

Since Paige is home now, I guess this effectively ends my "pregnancy phase." I'll try using the blog feature from now on, sharing thoughts and stories about my little girl and life in general.