DEC. 11 2007

Hey to all the mommy's to be! well, First off i want to say that I am excited about my pregnancy and nerves. I never even held a new born ar been around one. But, its a learning experience for me. My family aren't supportive at all and I work so much I don't have any female friends for support. And as for the father of my little angel is a loser. Now, A little about me Im 21. I was that girl that everybody said I wasn't going to make and I did and I work the job I have always wanted and have my place. Well, nature had other plans for me. I fell in love with a guy that lived in Chicago,IL. and I live In Va. We were so much in love that you couldn't get us off the phone if you paid us too. Well, he came to live with me and things where moving pretty fast and well i couldn't handle it so I asked him to give me space and go live with his sis in NYC. That way he would only be a few hours away and we can still see each other. Well, when he left I was relieved and to my surprise I didnt really tlk to him that much anymore. I began to see him for who he really was and well I just called if quits. But, I guess nature had other plans like I was saying and well I found out I was pregnant. Now, I know he was thinkin that this was me sayin we are back together and personally I didn't want anything to do with him. So I told him that its not about me and him being together but us workin together to support our child. Well, let me tell you im four and a half months pregnant. When I found out I was six weeks. the whole time that he was in NY he claimed he had a fulltime job to help me with the baby. Come to find out Im workin my butt off and he was lying to me every day sayin he was going to work when actuality he had a part time job workin only three days a week for eight dollars. Now you know I was mad it just added more stress towards my pregnancy and I havent been happy. I made him move down here with me so he can help me and be apart of this pregnancy. But, I dont feel he deserves to be a father. All he does is sit in my house eat my food and burn my electric.Im tryin so hard not to kick im out and just do this on my own. What should I do??????????? And do you think that since me and him arent married and Im the one doing everything that this baby has my last name? HELP Please I need advise!

Dec. 13, 2007

Ok so thanks ladies for your advise for my situation. So here is an update. He has been here going on two weeks and only one job has called him. Now I live dc metro va. So im by like everything millions of places to work. And as you know I make all the money and is working full time and giving him money to go out and find jobs. Come to find out to night that he hasn't been going to the jobs. You know what his excuse was? He didnt think they was hiring.I said how do you know if you never went to the story to begin with like you said you did. So not only are you not going to the places outlets malls wherever your wasting my money. So like a mother I had to take him to the places all day and shadow him and make sure he got appli. on the day that I have to go back to work. So ladies its not that im being mean to him I tried to help him and see what the ploblem is and even put myself in his situation and calls these jobs and pretend I have no experience and you know what they was even tryin to work with me give me a job. So he is just not trying. just lying to me agian. I have a fulltime job as a protection officer. While im help him out searching for him a benaficial job Im the one thats getting the calls back. So what am I suppose to do now? All he can say is i just want to make it right im sorry im sorry. Instead of being a man and taking resonsibility.

You know I said that I don't have family its true no mom and me and my dad aren't that close. But, I called my dad today and I was tellin him that I understand now how he felt raising me after I was takin from my mom. I gave him hell. I was doing everything that my babies father is doing to me to my dad. And I admitted to my dad he was always right and im am greatful for the person he raised me to be now.

So I ask myself I believe in God and that everyone you come across in your life you learn something from them or the other way around. And that God won't put things on more than I can bear. So im sitting here at work right not and you ladies are telling things I should do and im taking your advise and trying to put myself in his situation and Im asking God for help to just tell me what am I doing wrong, what am I suppose to learn form this, or was this man put into my life so I can help him be something and teach him things his mom didn't. Because, although I had a really terrible childhood. With my mom Abusing me mentally and physically. and being in foster care and moving wiht my dad when I was practically a teenager and I became so rebelious him my homw running away. My father is a very classy bright the most smartest man I know. He told me that I can't use my past as an excuse and have people feeling sorry for but to use it as a lesson. So I was held back in HS being moving to school to school they teach differently and so when I came up north the kids were more advance than me. But, I went to military school in Fl. and graduated at 16 went to college got my AA for criminal justice. now here I am making my life my place and job and money and I have a baby that im so greatful for And this dude that was so much like me when I was younger is just not getting it. So I don't know what God is tryin to teach me. All though I want to relieve my stress and let him go because we are not together ( just living together) He wont work. He keeps say he has a learning disability and he cant do it.

Now I know some of you are thinking how did I get myself in this situation. Well, When I met found out he was lying from the start. His name,age,job everything. So I was like dang I haven't been so happy since my first love four years ago. Man, we talked all day and night on the phone we slept on the phone. I would wake up and he would still be on the phone. Sickening, huh?lol. Well, he live in Chicago and I am in VA. So I told him to come visit for a week or to. Now get this, Him and his mother tried to play me. She knew that I was doing good for myself and that her son wasn't about nothing. He knew he was being fake and lying to me. He sold all his stuff (so he say) besides his funky clothes and bought a one way ticket I didnt tell to buy a one way ticket. His mother did and not only that she told him not to tell me until he got here that there was something wrong with him. That mentally he has a learning disability really bad that he never had a job. So she was pawning her son off on me. I didnt find out this until after the fact. Now im pregnant and when ever I yell at him or kick him out he runs to her lying on me sayin I put him out and they think im this evil B***CH and that im going to do it agian. And I did kick him out the first time for the simple fact that I didn't tell him to sell his stuff and be fake and move his behind here. So when I found out although I cared about him I let him go. So he moved with his Sis in NY. Thats when I found out i was preg. In Sept. and now he is here with agian. So I don't have a problem kickin him out. My angel deserves a mom and dad. But, He is just not getting any better. So see thats how it all came down til now. So the question still is do I be a single mother or deal with this lazy lying can't cook read write or clean stinky broke loser?

Dec. 14, 2007

Ok so I went to the doctor and I got to hear my babies heartbeat. It was amazing I couldnt help but have this cheezy smile on my face. If your wondering if loser came then yes. But, I told him to stay in the waiting room. He doesn't deserve to see or hear my baby. Well, anywho I get to find out the sex Jan. 02! im so excited. My baby will be fully developed the doc. said. Well, until next time! lata!

Dec. 16. 2007

You will not believe what I found out about my loser baby father. It was friday night and well I was in my bedroom and he was coming in there to go to sleep in my bed. I quickly told him that I didn't want him to sleep in the room with my anymore because he lied to me and we are not together. Well, he got mad and didnt really understand why I did what I did. So he came back into the room to talk. I said what I said about him lying to me about going out getting a job and how im giving him a another week to get job. Well, him being who he is he went back in the living room and got on the fun. So I went in there and was like you need to let me know right now what you are going to do. Are you going to stay or leave because he look like he was making plans to bail out the next day and fly back to chicago. So he said yeah im leaving tomorrow. I was like really? I said well, you can get out my house right now and I grab his bags and was putting them outside. He begged me to let him stay. So he called his mom back and in my face tellin her "she's kicking me out" . I knew he wasn't telling the truth to her. So i grabbed the phone because I never really spoke to her. I began to tell her how I told him before he go here that he needed to bust his ass and get a job. She was like and he is. I said no I don't know what he is tellin you but all last week he wasted his time and money by going to these malls and only doing two applications. She was like well, I didn't know that. So I told her yes I told him that he has another week to get a job or he can leave. Because, come to find out she was telling me that his sis in NYC doesn't want him back for the simple fact he wasn't doing shit. And I told her he is not going to do that here in my house. She began to understand why I told him what I told him. Because, He was making it seem like I was putting him in the street.

You will not believe what I find out. So me and his mother are one the phone talking about him. She asks so how did you guys meet. So I told her we met on myspace. I then began to tell her how from the jump he lied to me. He told me his name was MIke and he was 18. And for months im thing thats who he is. Then told me that he had a bestfriend named George that was 19 and had cancer of the kidney and lost all his hair thats why he was bald. So after a few months we fell in love like there was nothing coming between our love. He tells me that he had to take a trip to PR. because his pops was dying. So for like another month im thinking he is in PR with his dad to take care of him and be with him before he died. Then one day everything was great we it was a regular day we talked all day on the phone. That night he called me and lashed out and said its over. So im shocked and hurt at the same time because It was out of nowhere. He called me after a week and was like im sorry my dad died and I was hurt so I did what I did. So I felt bad because I was like dang maybe he doesn't know how to deal with his feelings and he was hurt that his dad passed. So im telling his mother all this and the whole time she is telling me that his father is very much alive and lives in NYC and george never been to PR. So she was admazed at all of that. So I told her that he then told me he wasn't really Mike that he was really his friend George. He fooled me so good becasue he was writing on mike page as if he was george and mike was writing on george page as if was mike. So agian she was shocked that her lied to my like that. So I remember him tellin me that george had cancer thats why he was bald. His mother told my that there is nothing wrong with him he never had cancer. Now you got to think what the hell is wrong with him why would someone lie like that.

She then told me about everything he said about me. She said that he told her I was pregnant and slept with him in her house. She was saying how she was pissed because she thought I was a tramp. I told her that how could I be pregnant when I never even met him. She then said that thats why she told him to come down here and thats why she got him a one way ticket because she thought I was pregnant. That if she would have known that he was lying that she wouldn't not have let him come down here and I wouldn't be going through what im going through because of his lies.

She told me that she didn't raise him that way and she couldn't understand why he was lying to me. It was kind of funny because he is sitting right next to me while I was telling her all his lies and she was telling me everything he told her. He knew he was caught and he started to put his clothes on and got his bags. I said where you going he said well I know you going to kick me out now. To be honest I felt bad for his mother. She was saying that she doesn't have money to be buying him a plane ticket. I told him how could you do that to your mother make her beg other people for money to fly you back to Chicago because your lying to me and thats why im putting you out. HE said im sorry I dont; know why I did what I did.

I called my father and told him the story an dmy dad being my dad was like Kick his ass out. That he is crazy how do you lie about everything cancer, your dad dying, your idenity. So what do guess think of this. I can't have my baby around him. Im afriad to leave my baby with him when my baby comes. To be honest im afriad of him. I know how to defend myself im am a security officer. But, I lock my bedroom door at night. Then I kick thinking he is going to lock me in and burn the place down because I found out the truth and now his mother and family see him for what he is. I want him out but then I keep thinking if when this baby comes im going to be out of work then how am I going to pay my rent and utilities. So I was thinking since I was helping him try try to get a job I actually found a few for myself. So I guess im going to have to get another job to save up money for two months rent and bills. Well, what do you ladies think of all of this?

Dec. 18, 2007

Ok so last night before I went to work I cooked a big dinner and he made his plate and I just paked my dinner to go for work. I laid down for a min then got ready for work. I went to work and I found then employment guide and found some jobs for him to get good jobs. Well, I called him woke him up and told him to meet me in the morning at the bus stop to get the bus transfer so we wont be wasting money. When I got there he wasn't there. He went in the house and for a second I didnt see him and I figured he must have went to the other bus stop. I went in the room to find all his bags gone. So I was in shocked because he didnt say anything. He made me believe he was going to go to these jobs. Well, I call him and of course he wasn't man enough to answer the phone. But, he text me and tells me its my fault he is gone that I was always on his ass about getting a job and after I talked to his mom and found out the he was lying I didnt really talk to him. So he couldn't handle that. So he called his mom and God knows told her what and she got him a ticket to chicago as I speak. So I tell him be a damn man and pick up the phone so he does then when Im talkin he hangs up on me. So reality just hit that Im a single mother with no family no friends knowone. I will be in the hospital by myself with a baby that I have know Idea how to even hold. im scared lonely and lost. And although he wasnt doing anything and I would have kicked him out if he didnt get a job. Its like the joke was on me. So now I have to figure out how to pay my electric. In going crazy like a chicken with his head cut off.

I haven't slept still looking for a job. IM praying I get rehired at my previous job. I hope they call back!

Dec. 20, 2007

well, its been two days since my baby's father bailed on me. I was talkin to this Person on the bus from work and asked about a Baptist church. So I looked up the church and im going to give them a try. I need to be in the church agian and I have to raise my baby in the church. Well, tomorrow is the big day. I have to go stop by head quarters and then to my new job site. Im nervious becasue I dont know if its one of those sites where I have to stand for hour a time. But, like the guy on the bus said if God didnt want me to have that job he wouldn't have given it to me. So pray that the hours work out good and that its a sit down post. well, wish me luck! im sleepy its 9 am and I just got home I have the headphones on my beely and playing classical music for the baby. After its finished im going to sleep.lol.

later that day

So I was seeing if my baby father was on line on myspace since he got back to chicago. And I don't believe how he been sitting his ass at home one line and he changed his children status from parent to someday. Like if he is try to just forget I have a baby. I cant wait til I start my new job so I can keep busy. But, I got something for him after this baby is born he is going to pay every last doctor bill. little does he know I got his SSN,lol. I figured he would leave. He will pay!

Dec. 23, 2007

Well, everyone I havent been on in a day or two. But, Friday that Job that I was talking about well I got there at the headquarteres not the actual site. Well, I pretty much had the job I got my uniform and everything then they asked me if I had a drivers lics. And well, I didnt get the job. Its not that I cant drive I can. But, its hard to go to the DMV if you dont have a valid car to take the dang test in. None of my co-workers have the time or they dont have insurance on there car. And my dad you just keeps sayin yeah you need you lics. But wont let me drive his car. So Im going to end up being 40 with no drivers lics. Man, What the heck am I suposse to do. That is like the key to my door that lics. If I had it I would be a cop, or have that job. But, I cant even do the job Im trained to do because I cant get the the freakin place. im stressed and im at work right now. Well, I hope everyone has a good Christmas. I will be here the whole week. And my job that work Im in this big building by myself. Did I mention how lonely I was. Not only when I go home but at work! How am I suppose to meet friends if theres no one around?

Jan. 2, 2008

Happy New year everybody. I just been really busy and havent had time to write anyone back. But I will. So I still havent heard from the father. But, the good news is