March 30th

I cant take this anymore!

ahh.. im so stressed and im wishing things in my head i shouldnt be wishing! The baby is giving me SUCH a hard time! i totally did this to myself.. i was telling everyone Oh i have such a good baby! she never crys and she is such a good sleeper.. Blah Blah Blah! Well it backfired on me! Now she is so bad i dont know what to do with her and i get so mad at her i dont know what to do! i cant put her down anymore. She always went to be held even if she is sleeping and if she is in a deep sleep and i put her down she wakes up and starts to cry! i cant do anything anymore!!! the only time i get to myself now is at night when she is sleeping or when i take her away to my moms or something. All she does now is cry and cry and cry! and im not talking about little crys im talking, she crys so hard and loud -sometime she chokes because of it!! she fights her sleep ALOT i think 95% of the time she is crying and that is why! im so stressed! i wanna run away from eevrything and TIM... OMG he doesnt fucking help! and when he does help.. he doesnt have a fucking clue what to do and it pisses me off even more! well maybe if YOU WOULD HAVE FUCKING HELPED ME WHEN SHE 1ST CAME OUT YOU WOULD KNOW WHAT TO DO!!! retard! im really thinking about leaving him! for real.. i cant have him in mylife..Not like this atless! he makes me a bad parent! and on top of that.. he doesnt even seem like a parent, i didnt feel good yeserday right.. and i called him and was like will u come pick me up from my moms and take me home and watch the baby for like 2 hours while i sleep a little bit and he was like OMG U KNEW I WAS GONNA GO PLAY BASKETBALL WITH THE BOYS! and he was cussing me out.. and i started to cry and did he feel bad??? NOO HE DIDNT! and he was just really sick like last weekend and i took care of him and everything! spent my money on him.. (AND I NEVER HAVE MONEY BC I DONT WORK I TAKE CARE OF THE BABY) and he wanted to be ass to me when he was sick and plus i helped him and felt bad for him but when it comes to me...Oh noone cares! Bullshit.. total Bullshit!

I dont know what is wrong with me? i cant stand her right now! and i really dont like her.. as bad as that sounds! like i think about my friend that lost her baby and if she knew i was saying this she would be really upset! but its just how i feel and i dont wanna feel like this but i do and i have no idea what to do about it... im so stressed im really thinking about running away! just for a little bit..i need to get away! well im getting off her and going to take care of her.. tim is in my sisters room watching TV with her and my dad is taken care of the baby... FUNNY huh? im tired of Tim always getting a break AND NEVER HELPING! this is why we dont live together anymore!

Oh yeah,today i was helping my dad outside for a little bit while tim and the baby was sleeping.. i come back inside to get something and the baby is crying and i walk back into my room and she has a bruse and a fat lip! i guess she thru her head back onto tims shoulder! her face looks really bad and her lip now looks better! but he wasnt holding her neck and thats why it happen! im so pissed!!! god damn.. im a 1st mother and i HAVE NEVER taken care of a newborn and im good at it so dont fucking tell me its hard and ur new at it.. so was i and i didnt let shit happen to her!

I HATE FUCKING MEN/ASSHOLES<-- WAIT AINT ALL MEN ASSHOLES!=)

March 20th

Nothing really new today, So i was really sick in the morning the other day..Like i woke up dizzy and it was making me wanna throw up! ahh i hope im not pregnant again! How knows! but brooklynn slept until 7:45 the other day! she keep sleeping in later and later every night! i love it.. thank god for that! i need my sleep and she gives it to me.. i feel like sometimes she knows how mommy is and makes mommys life easier! lol ah i love her! anyways.. just wanted to write a little bit..

Oh yeah.. me and tim went and looked at that place and its really nice and BIG but we might get this one apartment bc my parents would rather us get a apartment bc where the other house is.. its not in a really good area! oh well.. i dont know what me and tim are gonna do! we just need are own place thats all i know! well im getting off here..

<3 Love

March 18th

So Sunday we went and got the babys picture taken! we spend $50.00 and we really didnt want to spend that much bc we are tryin to buy a house right now! but we spent $50 i knew we was going too! But oh well.. its worth it! They are really cute! hopefully i can upload them onto the computer and put them on here! ahh that would be great! anyways Last night the baby slept until 6:30.. i dont know what is up with her but i likee it! I LOVE how she sleeps in! omg the 1st couple of weeks were rough! i was getting up with her like every couple of hours! i would get so upset with her and i didnt mean to.. im just the kind of person that needs sleep to be nice lol--anyways she is being such a good girl.. and she is getting so big! sometime i just wanna cry bc how big she is getting ive had to get ruined of some of her clothes bc they are too small=( My little girl is gowning up so fast and i know its not gonna stop! Im really having a hard time losing my baby weight! i really havent lost alot.. at 1st i lost alot but after i was done breat feeding.. i gained it back! i cant really work out right now bc i have no job and the weather isnt that great and not warm at all.. when it starts to get warmer i will go on walks with her in her Pink Stroller that i bitched and complained about until i got it=) i just miss my old body! and its gonna be super hard to get it back.. plus i had a C-section so you know what they say!!

anyways, i wasnt gonna write about this but i figuered its my site and i can write whatever.. but here it goes.. I might be pregnant again!

I know i know i know!!! AHHH Right?? well see me and daddy didnt wait for 6weeks.. i guess we are just too horny! lol but we waited like 2 weeks lol anyways it got out of control and we didnt use anything so i dont know! it really has been bugging me bc the docter said i was suppost to start last week and never did!! and until i start i cant get on birth control-Which succks! but i got a Pregnancy test and took it like 2 days ago and it said i wasnt.. but here is the thing.. i also took a test with brooklynn around the same time..like 4-5weeks after it happend and it said i wasnt and i really was.. so i dont really trust it! i dont wanna go to the docters and have them test me bc im scared my docter is gonna look at me like im stupid or yell at me- I dont know what i would do if i am.. me and tim talked about it... i mean is abortion really right?? How could I? But i know i couldnt be giving this child or brooklynn a good life? I mean can something be so wrong but be so right at the same time? i have always been agaisnt abortion! but i never been put in this kind of situation! we really dont have the money for an abortion and i know we definitely dont have the money for another baby! Ahh why did i do this to myself..Im so confused and a little stressed by this whole or deal.

i need some advice!! please let me know what would you do? or even what Should i do

I'll keep you updated<3

March 14th

Okay so i know i havent wrote in like ages! but im back and i have TON of new pictures of the little one! i also have my labor story at the bottom if u wanna read it! but anyways! Motherhood is GREAT! i couldnt ask for a more prefect baby! She does have a mild case of colic but she is okay. She is just very gasy! but me and daddy have find a way to prevet her from getting to gasy! so she dont cry as much! anyways.. a couple days after she was born we had a little scare.. she stopped breathing.. so we took her to the hospital and they keeped her for like 3 days. Very stressful bc we had just came home from the hospital and we were going back. They told us that she had Acid reflex and thats why she didnt that. But they gave us meds for her and even since then she has been fine! She just wants to the docter on monday to get her two months shoots=( talk about a hard time... She cryed. and so did i , i just held her hand and told her it was gonna be already! but she was fine after that. They told us that she might get a fever from the shoots.. and the day after she did. But it wasnt high so thats good! She is starting to "try" to talk to u.. she trys to hard to say stuff.. She smiles LIKE CRAZZZY! the 1st time she said sometihng to me.. it really touched my heart! my heart felt so warm! i have video of it but when i find out how to put it on here i will...She is definitely a mommys girl..daddy really didnt know how to take care of her the 1st month but he is getting the hang of it now..But im the only one that really knows her! she definitely had a personality and i understand her. i know what is wrong(most of the time) and i know how to comfort her if she is upset or crying! daddy is kinda having a hard time with that. He is great with her! sometimes he doesnt know what is wrong and he freaks out.. I know right now as it stands i couldnt leave her alone with him... i know he would being calling me.. asking me how to do this or that lol.. he is silly! But she is definitely a mommys girl!! Omg the funniest and cutest thing... She has a favorite T.V show.. Micky Mouse Club House!!! OMGGGG funniest story ever! I let her watch it in the morning when she gets up.. well when it goes off she starts to cry and throw a fit.. So funny! so i know to have a bottle ready right after the show! so cute! she just talks to him and smiles...its so funny! im gonna get it on video one day! my mom took her one weekend and she called me saturday morning at 8:00am and was like the baby is crying and i dont know what is wrong. and i said well what was she doing and she was like watching TV and i was HAHAH what show and my mom was like micky mouse .. i was like Ohhhh yeah it went off didnt it. and she was like yeaah and i just laughed .. its funny how she had a personality now u know! crazy but thats about it with her. Im doing pretty good she sleeps thru the night.. which is sooo great!! she gets up at 5:30 to eat then goes back to bed.. but i get good sleep=) and i habe recoved well from the C-section! i hate the weight and body right now and its really hard to work out but im gonna have too! but im gonna get off here! she is being a little fussy butt!=)

I will update soon!

P.S i miss being pregnant! Not bc i dunt want her here but i really loved being pregnat! it was easy and my labor was cake!

Here are some NEW pictures of brooklynn!

RockStar Baby!

Sleeping in the car on our way to Florida!

Mommy's Little Buckeye

MY LABOR STORY!

i Had BrookLynn on 1/9/08 at 12:03pm- here is the story since everyone wants to know=)

I went into the hostpital at like 7:00 on the 8th... they started my labor right away when got there bc i was being induced...They started some strong stuff man.I had to get an I.V in my arm and OMG the woman totally messed up on it and she couldnt get the vein so she kept sticking me and omg it was sooooooooo painful!!!! i cryed so bad.so then she took it out and had someone else come in and do it and it went in but.anyways like 15-20 mins later i started to have really bad contractions... and let me say...Contractions arent any joke! So anyways i was having contractions and i was in pain for about 6-7 hours then at like 1:30 they come in and broke my water..at 1st nothing really came out but then when i got up to pee it went everywhere lol then i really started to have really bad pains- i had more back pain then anything! my mom and nurse said i was doing realllly good for me never having a kid before..anyways i couldnt stand the backpain anymore so i asked for an Epidural and like 20 mins later i got one... everyone says oh it doesnt hurt when they do that... but Oh boy does it! i couldnt hold still and they were getting pissed off at me but oh well.. so they got that going and it started to work right away! but you always here everyone say OH they are the best thing in the world.. well i think different! i hated it.. they said me sick.. i thru-up everywhere..and i couldnt feel anything...and i didnt like it..My legs felt like 200 pounds each and i couldnt move! i really hated it everytime i needed to move in my bed i would have to call the nurse! sure it took away the pain but i didnt like it..anyways i ended up going to sleep and i kept waking up and about 6:00am the docter came in and said if u havent dilated or thinned out by 9:00 then we are gonna take you C-Section...bc all night i was just 1cm and only 60% thinned...Sooo 9:00 rolls around and he comes in and checks me and guess what... NOTHING CHANGED!! SOo yeah i had to get a C-Section...watch at that point i didnt care..i wanted her out and i didnt like the Epidural what so ever! so at like 11:30 they took me back and i had my C-Section...They forgot about tim so he wasnt there for like the 1st 15 mins i was back there and they was working on me and then i asked them about him and they were like OH YEAH we have to get him! lol...soo he came in and about 20 mins later our beautiful babygurl was born at 12:03pm!!! she didnt cry when she came out and i was scared but she was just being a good baby and just didnt want to cry! Tim got to see her 1st and hold her 1st.. The 1st thing he said to me was "SHe is SO Pretty" and i just started to cry!!!! i couldnt stop crying! then he brought her over to me and he held her while they were putting me back together...then i started to feel sick and i turned my face to the side and throw-up EVERYWHERE!!! i also got the baby and tim but i didnt but i did throw up on one of the docters lol- So that is the story! it was so great i would so do it over again.. lol in like 5 years! but we got home from the hostpital today so tonight is our "real" night with her! Oh boy..this will be fun! she is such a good baby! i love her so much!!!! I really know what True love is! Oh yeah me and tim have been getting along soooo well!! he is doing everything for me and the baby! he is such a great father and we have gonna so much closer since the baby!

The 2nd night we were there she had to get some shots and we went with her and i held her hand and she cryed and then i cryed!!! i felt so bad for her! but she is a big girl and putted thru it... if u wanna know anything just let me know...*