Hi, I am 31 years old and have had at least two miscarriages always in the first trimester.. My husband and I have been trying for many years to have a baby.

My Diary..

September-October- I started to feel really tired and have cramps often, I missed a period and my breasts were very sore. I refused to believe I could actually be pregnant after so many years trying and coming up empty. Finally my friend convinced me to take a home test. I took two home tests both came back positive!! I cant believe it!! I have forever wished to see those two lines!! This was a big shock to both of us. From the calculations on this site I was going on 7 weeks pregnant when I took the tests. I have to admit I am terrified of miscarrying again. I have not been to the doctor but am planning on going this week. I think the fear has held me back. I dont know if I could bare to hear bad news. I have always wanted a big family and it seemed that wish would never come true for me until now. I have yet to tell my family and only a few friends are aware, I am trying to hold out till I know for sure everything is ok and this will not be another let down. I am so excited and can't even begin to describe the joy I feel. I am crossing my fingers and hoping that this will in fact work out for us..

October 9th- I started to have brownish spots and had very bad cramps! I have a really bad feeling this is it! I am so scared and upset. I went to the hospital and after an entire day and evening in the emergancy. They assured me the bleeding was perfectly normal. But after blood tests.. they told me my pregnancy hormone levels were too low. They were showing I was only at 3 weeks, what is completely impossible! I am suppose to go back for a ultra sound the next day as they were very concerned.. I left the hospital in tears! I feel it inside this it, I am going back to get the ultra sound with all the hope in heart that there was some sort of mistake with my blood test.

October 10th - Had my ultra sound today and My pregnancy is over!!! I am suppose to be at 10 weeks. They told me the baby stopped growing at eight weeks and there is no heart beat. I have to go for a D &C tomorrow... I am so very upset by this news but after my D &C , they are setting me up with a ob-gyn to find out why this keeps happening to me.. I was told I can try again in three months.: ( I am so lost right now, and feel so horrible! I just cant stop crying!! It's like my worst nightmare has come true. I want to thank you all for your support!

October 12th- I didnt end up needing the D&C as I passed it on my own. The pains were terrible!!! I was up ALL night in such pain. It went on for hours. The devastation has kicked in! I feel so weak and just completely out of it!! I am physically and emotionally drained! I just don't know if I can keep doing this to myself. I have been trying to think on the positive side that there is always next time but i just dont know anymore.. Thanks for all your recent comments it really means the world to me.

October 19th- I am doing alittle better now, more positive. I am not crying as much and trying really hard to stay positive.I have a referral to see a ob-gyn so I am excited about that.. Hoping I can fix the problem and start trying again in three months...

November 5th- I went to see the ob-gyn on October 30th. She sat me down and asked me dozens of questions. She believes I have something called PCOS. This causes very infrequent ovulation. They did tons of blood work on me and told me if they call me back, then it could be more serious and she will need to put me on meds. If they dont call She said I am able to start trying again after my first period, and not have to wait three months. I am really wishing the phone will not ring!! She says I am fertile considering I was recently pregnant and she does not want to give me fertility drugs. She says alot of times these things just happen. So right now it's just the wait that is bothering me.. Even after all I have been threw I am now very excited to try again.. I want this so very bad and I have decided I will not give up.

November 6th- I got my dreaded call today, what was not so dreaded after all. All my blood work came back normal but my sugar was just one point over the boarder. She said it should be fine but I should follow up with my family doctor. That is great news.. I really needed some good news finally!! I dont have a family doctor there is a shortage here so I am on a waiting list. I might have thrown the sugar test off because I drank a hazelnut tea before I went in, as I was not told not to. Either way I am very happy.. First time in my life I am excited to get my period. heehee.. Then I will be able to start trying again.

November 11th- 14th- Still no sign of AF.. : ( I did some research on pcos, as the ob suggested. She did not tell me too much about it. I guess I looked in all the wrong places because I fell into a deep depression, as I read all these horror stories about it. I was so upset at the thought that I may never be able to have a child. I just cant bare the thought of that! My best friend was really there for me and knocked me out of it. I am so thankfull to have her!

November 19th- Finally AF has arrived.. I look at this as a new start.

November 27th- I am back on track a/f has come and gone, wow the cramps that came with it were terrible. I doing better and have printed out a calendar for my ovulation. We will see how this month goes..

November 28-December 6th- Doing the bding hoping to catch my ovulation

December 8th- Very weird today, I had some cramping and light spotting off and on all day.. This is not a good sign. A/F is not due for another week!!

December 10th- a/f has arrived early this month????

December 11th- ok there is no way this is a/f.. I dont know .. I am confused as to what is going on! Just brownish spotting. No flow just spotting.. Could this be implantation bleeding??

December 14th- Took a home test got a bfn!! I know it's early but wanted to try it out. The spotting has finally stopped.. Now the wait to be able to test or see a/f on Monday.

December 18th- I took a home test on sunday the 16th got a bfn again!! Still no sign of a/f.. This wait is driving me bonkers!! I am going to wait another day or two and test again, if a/f does not make an appearance. I am wondering if I am just late, or is it i am testing too soon.. I dunno.. I can only hope for a bfp!! That would sure make my christmas!!

December 20th- Well still no sign of a/f and took a test yesterday and got another bfn!!

December 28th- I have given up on testing as I keep getting bfn!! No a/f!!! I am guessing I didnt ovulate this month. I dont know anymore!! It's just starting to seem hopeless!! Decemeber 30th- A/F has finally made an appearance today.

January 10th- Doing lots of bding!! This is suppose to be my fertile time but then again my cycle is alittle crazy so who knows..

January 23- I just started a herbal supplement to aid in fertility. I am really hoping it works for me. I feel like I am coming to the end of my rope with this. I dont know what else to do.

February 2- a/f arrived today. Hoping I am getting back on track.

February 16- I have no idea when I ovulate so we are doing the bding every other day. I am really wishing this is my month. I am trying really hard not to stress over it. I figure I need to give the herbal pills time to do their stuff.. I have read some women have taken up to six months to get pregnant on them. So I am trying really hard to patient.

February 22- Well I have been pretty crampy off and on this week. I am not sure why. My a/f is not due for another week if i was on a 28 day cycle.. But who knows what cycle I am on. My last one was 34 days and the previous was 41 days. Been on the herbs for 4 weeks now. These cramps really feel like the ones I had when I was pregnant, but I really dont think that's what is going on because my breasts are not sore. I didnt feel cramps like this till i was about 5 weeks pregnant but my breasts were very sore from the start. I am not sure if it's a/f coming sooner or what is going on..

February 29- The camps have passed. They lasted about a week or so.

March 5th - a/f showed up today..

March 27th- I have purchased a clearblue fertility monitor. Sadly I have to wait until the beginning of my next cycle to start using it. I am on my 2ww but not very hopefull.

April 5th- A/F arrived today. My cycles are starting to get alittle shorter. I am hoping I am finally getting back on track so I can see a bfp.

April 11-12 just starting using my fertility monitor. So far no fertile days yet!

April 19- I was getting very discouraged at the fact I was still on one bar (low fertility) on my monitor. Today is day 14 of my cycle and I finally just went up to two bars (high fertility). What tells me, all this time I have been going by ovulation calendars and they were always off. My ovulation calendar says I should be ovulating today, yet my monitor tells me I am not and still have one bar on it to go to reach peak.

May4th- Just an update... Taking a break for a bit.. My new Cycle is to start this week.. The fertility monitor told me I didnt ovulate this month. So really discouraged...

May 7th-A/f Arrived