Please no harsh or rude comments.
I was seeing this guy and things were going well. Until I told him I was late. He was shocked because we were safe a lot of the times. He said I`m fine and that he didn`t think I was pregnant. I told him that I`m never late and that I had an appointment that Monday. After that conversation I didn`t hear from him for a couple of weeks. I was texting him after my appointments and I told him I would keep him updated. One day after one of my appointments he finally text me back and that`s when he came clean. He told me that he`s married and he wants nothing to do with the baby. I was blown away! I wasn`t expecting him to say that. I thought he needed some time to take everything in but I never thought he was married. I had looked out for all the signs they say you should look out for to see if a man is married or not and there weren`t any signs. I didn`t over look anything either. Now I`m pregnant and I`m not sure what to do. He wanted me to get an abortion but I told him that I couldn`t get an abortion and now he`s ignoring me again. He said hes open to adoption or abortion. He doesnt want to be involved in the adoption process at all. I already have a LO and I can`t picture myself giving my child up for adoption. I don`t want to ruin his family and I definitely don`t expect him to leave her for me! I didn`t even know about her! I just want him to do what is right for our child. It hurts me to know that he`s over there being a good dad to his children but he wants nothing to do with this child. Apart of me feels like I don`t have the place to feel hurt by that because they were already there but I can`t help how I feel. I upset with him that he lied to me for so long and lead me on. This is exactly why I stayed single for so long because I didn`t want to end up in a relationship where I was lied to. I want to keep the baby raise the baby. I want him to be invovled in the child`s life. He just wants this to go away because he doesn`t want to ruin the fake picture of his life that he has. Any advice?
I’m a single mom of 4. Children are a blessing from the Lord. None are by mistake. Don’t try to force him because you can’t and you will only frustrate yourself. Have your baby and if he don’t come around financially, take him to court. The baby will be good with or without him because you will be a good mom. I’m sure his wife knows he’s a piece of shit. He just proved it physically.
I think it’s totally your decision whether you want to keep the baby and be a single mom… that’s a tough thing though and wish you all the love and luck that you’ll need over the years to come. Even legally you’re the only one entitled to take the call, so stay strong and clear headed. Adoption doesn’t make sense to me TBH. It’ll be like you avoid abortion as your conscious doesn’t allow you but abandon the child later which is so not correct and would be quite mean actually. And considering it’s an old post I presume you’re happy with your toddler now and things are sorted. Also, it’s best not to expect much from the father perspective either … sounds like douche bag anyway. Hope you’re not seeing the guy any more, because he simply doesn’t deserve any of it… a cheater is always a repeater… he cheated on his wife there’s absolutely no trustworthiness and then he decided to either abort or abandon his baby. You didn’t know but I guess he was discreet knowing exactly what he is doing…..Can’t get more pathetic than this. Yes, considering you have an LO already the second one will mean more responsibility and often life is hard trying to juggle all of it all by yourself. Stay strong, you did the right thing and you’ll definitely sail through, don’t worry!
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Hello Sweetheart, the father may have made his decision. I’m in a similar situation my friend at work when i told her the baby daddy blocked me i think. She laughed and told me he may be able to block you but he can not block the state. I laughed so incredibly true i thought. I have a twelve year old son who is the joy to my whole family’s life. He has had very little involvement with his father due to me protecting him from him for he stole my first child from me. My son, He is the best man I know. You can do it without a man. Maybe this baby is the a boy he may be the only one you ever need or want.
I can understand your situation with respect to the portion about just finding out about the guy you are/were seeing is married. I’ve been down that road before, and I sympathize with you. On many respects, I was fortunate I did not become pregnant. It was not too long after I found out about his situation that I could no longer handle the situation and ended it.
After you bought up the (potential) pregnancy to him, it definitely smarten him up quite a bit (i.e. he came clean with you). He’s also very clear with you with respect to his intentions regarding the situation itself. He does not want anything to do with the pregnancy or the baby itself.
I cannot tell you what to do other than this. Whatever you decided, you have to think not only about yourself but the long-term effects on the child involved. There will be little if no help from the baby’s father. The child’s self-worth will be affect. They will feel that part of them are missing because they do not know about their father’s side. Most importantly, would you have the financial and emotional support to do raise the child yourself? Whatever you decide, I wish you the best of luck.
You do what you want! If you want to keep this baby then keep it! You could never deal with the emotional turmoil adoption would cause if you doubt being able to go through with it. Besides, this was his fault that he made life changing decisions so he shouldn’t expect you to help him sweep it all under the rug. He chose to cheat, lie, and take the risk of having another child (no matter how careful) and he should have to face the consequences. If he doesn’t want the child that’s sad but you can do it yourself, life has a way of working itself out. If you really needed the financial help you could sue him for child support and he will be legally obligated to help you. I really hope it all works out for you and please don’t let him pressure you into making a decision you will forever regret…whatever you decide must be your choice. Good luck!
I was in this same situation 15 years ago. The minute I found out I was pregnant, he came clean that he was married and his wife was pregnant, too! You’re absolutely right, he only wants the abortion or adoption to save face, not because it’s the right choice for you and that baby. Your body, your choice. It all comes out in the end, anyways. He wants to be a jerk? Fine. Let him ignore you. His wife will find out when she gets the papers ordering child support and he’s got to do a paternity test. His choice whether he tells her or not before hand. But completely up to you whether or not you keep the baby. I did. My son’s dad has 3 other kids with his wife (whom he’s still with) and basically ignores my son other than paying child support. His wife and I get along, actually, now that she knows it was never my intention to ruin their marriage. Just be prepared for her to be angry and hurt, and that she may take it out on you, even though it’s not your fault. Just be honest with her, and she’ll see eventually exactly what a snake he is.
I am raising a child who has never had any involvement with his father. He’s a happy, well adjusted kid who knows no different. If I were in your shoes, I would forget the father even exists, focus entirely on your children and if he comes around (which might well happen) then I wouldn’t stand in his way, but I wouldn’t force it. It sounds like he’s a dishonest turd, and is probably shitting himself right now…
His wife should be made aware of his cheating, and you have every right to child support. I’d keep things as civil as possible, but consider contacting an attorney about getting child support legally from him. Don’t let him try to say he’ll send you money; get it on the books legally so he can’t screw you over!
Im so sorry your going through this,you are doing the right thing by not having an abortion…its not your fault or the babys that he is a piece of scum.Ill be blunt with you…Go find yourself a lawyer and persue child support! Both you and the baby will need this and he needs to face what he has done.I feel sorry for his wife and I understand what she will go through as I have been cheated on in a relationship with children as well,but she NEEDS to know who she is married to.Its worse to be kept in the dark then to know the truth and find out later on that you have wasted even MORE time with the wrong person! You will be doing her an favour by letting her know.If he cheated on her with you then he may have others on the side or continue his ways with someone else.I wish you the best of luck with your new little one!
I would take it to an Attorney, let them be the ones to inform the wife, and its not you splitting apart his family, HE DID THAT! If i were his wife i would want to know so i could kick him to the curb, also i would feel horrible knowing he has another child out there that he is trying to basically brush under the rug, i would want him to have to face the music.
I cannot imagine going thru what you are dealing with right now. what a schmuck for not telling you the truth. definitely have the baby, its not the babies fault or yours for what he did and I am sure you would regret aborting the baby. plus that would be an easy off for him. I agree that a lawyer is the best bet. let them inform his wife of what kind of dirt she is married to. and at least in the end you get a beautiful gift from this whole thing. it wasn’t you who did anything wrong its him and I don’t believe you or the child should have to pay for that. make him pay child support and you enjoy the baby. things happen for a reason, may not know why but it truly does. best of luck dear I will be thinking or you
Please don’t get rid of the baby. I’m not in your situation and hope I will never be. So I don’t really know your emotional feelings about all of this. But I can imagine that you are hurt etc. But please, your baby is ‘n little girl or little boy, please don’t take life away from the little beautiful person he/she is going to become one day. I also feel the same as the other ladies, contact a laywer, let them handle the child support. You did not know he was married so it is not you who is hurting his family. He did that all by himself. He knew what he was up to. Please keep well!
Oh the Doc, the IVF and all wasn’t enough of the rant for marketing…. now the spell caster. Doesn’t anyone here have some realistic answer than trying to sell their brands? If spellcasters could solve it all then we would have had more of them than Doctors, there wouldn’t have been wars and divorces. It’s not about approving your method… it’s about bullshitting…. trying to shove a ad. in from of a real life situation. well I guess you need to improvise make it sound real then.