Domestic abuse

This topic contains 31 replies, has 21 voices, and was last updated by  Allynne7Jaime 3 years, 4 months ago.

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 32 total)
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  • #6768010

    i-am-pregnant
    Keymaster

    Why are pregnant women more likely to be a victim of domestic abuse?

    #6928287

    akmom78
    Participant

    I was in my abusive relationship for 9 years. We have 2 boys and I’m expecting my 3rd. Our relationship was bad from the start. It did get better when I got pregnant. Even though he was only physically abusive before I got pregnant I never realized the verbal and mental abuse that he did to me. We separated in April of 2008. We ended up getting back together at the end of summer and I moved back home. I ended up getting pregnant again and he was still bad with his paranoia and insecurity issues. He hit me when I was about 8 weeks pregnant and then choked me to the ground a week later. I left at that time. He’s going through counseling and I’ve been giving him the benefit of a doubt and went back just on the weekends with the boys. I finally had it because even though the physical abuse has stopped (for now) he is still emotionally, verbally, and mentally abusive. It’s not healthy for my children, myself, and my unborn child. We are living with my parents and I’m trying to get an apartment before I get too far along. The problem is that I am a homeowner and the housing I want, I don’t qualify because of that. They don’t accept homeowners even though I’ve been displaced due to domestic violence. It’s frusterating and when I take my 3 months maternity leave I’m stressing out how I’m going to make it financially. I don’t know where to go or what to do. Even though I have to deal with the worry of that from day to day, I know that getting my children and I out of the situation was the best thing I could have done.

    #6928288

    ItsChelle
    Member

    akmom78..sorry you went through that and that youre stressing as to what to do..but you did a good thing by getting you and your kids out of that lifestyle..(((hugs))) physical abuse may be bad, but emotional and verbal is just as bad.. it can really bring you down,give you low self esteem and you feel worthless..you end up losing who you are..i was with my ex for 10 yrs, married for 8..he did drugs,,without getting into the story, all i can say is i listened to his verbal and emotional abuse for 8 yrs too long. i got tired of being accused of things i wasnt doing..he was doing the wrong..im guilty of fighting with him in front of our girls..i regret that. but one day i had enough, his mind was screwed up,he wouldnt work,we had no money no insurance, staying at my moms,i said we need to get welfare help for the meantime..but he refused..he wanted us to wait it out til he got work which wasnt happening,kids needed to see doctors due to colds etc..so i did it without him, got help,insurance, money,a job, took care of my kids and said goodbye to him! our girls were getting older and i knew this was no life for them,he was going down and taking us with him..divorcing him was the biggest relief ever..my girls and i have had a better life since then. he is no where to be found,no child support, drugs and jail are his life. im remarried, happy, have a son now and my girls have a great stepdad….. you just gotta go for what you need to do and it will happen..

    #6928289

    akmom78
    Participant

    I just don’t know what’s wrong with me because even though it’s a relief to be away from him, the fact that he could be seeing someone else drives me crazy!! I think it would hurt so bad to see him with someone else. What if he treated her better than he treated me? But then again, I don’t think he’ll ever get over his insecurities and have a normal relationship. It’s so hard! I went by our house today to grab some more stuff to take to my storage unit and he wasn’t there. I see that my son’s stuff is getting moved into the garage. He has two other kids so I guess the older son is getting my kids’ stuff out of the house. So I texted him and told him I’d like to take their toys to the storage unit and I never heard back from him. And then I saw him at the bar at 2:00 this afternoon. Made a comment to him about that…never heard back. And so while he’s out and gone all day he leaves his 12 and 14 year old to fend for themselves. He doesn’t make them meals and they just have no supervision whatsoever!! I ask him what the kids do all day while he’s gone….once again, no response. I don’t want to call. I just don’t agree with his parenting. His other kids’ mom is a loser and hasn’t seen them in over 7 years (I raised them) and they hate me because of all the bad talking their dad did about me and now their dad is going out all the time drinking and leaving them to do whatever they want. His older son is probably going to turn out just like him and it scares the crap out of me!!

    #6928290

    ShaunaDear
    Member

    Hello ladies. Here’s my thing. I went out for the first time in a long time the other night with a friend. I came home at 2 (he gave me a curfew of 12). So I come in, he beats my ass ( he hits me on various parts of my body instead of my face so he still looks like a nice man in front of others) and throws my phone and breaks it .. This wakes up my kids and my son comes out of his room crying. I am trying to comfort him and calm my baby girl dows as well. He is shouting at me the whole time. So anyway, he comes home tonight and says he will take me to court for full custody of the kids so I can’t see them anymore and he will tell them what a horrible person I am so they won’t want anything to do with me. Also I am a SAHM and have been for almost 4 years now, . So, then he says the courts will be in his favor because he pays the bills and has a car. and also because everytime he has hit me, I never reported him to the cops. my oops! For some reason he thinks I will only be able to support them through help from the government and that they would rather give the kids to him rather than dish out cash to help me pay for them. I can get a job, house, car, anything they need. There has got to be a way to not let these kids go to this angry and vengeful of a person. Any ideas? Sorry this is so long. Just need Help 🙁

    #6928291

    Shauna: there is no way that they would ever go to this man! Children almost always go with the mother, and there is help out there to get you back on your feet. There are shelters for abused women. I hope you find what you need in order to leave this man for the safety of your children. They are obviously scared. Please end the vicious cycle by teaching your children it is never right to hurt someone. If you stay they may grow up to think it is okay. I hope what I have said does not hurt your feelings I am only trying to help. I will listen if you need to vent and try to sort things through. No one deserves to be abused. No one ever has the right to hurt you or your children. He is just threatening you with all of this because he knows that he wouldn’t get the children and you would and he is trying to scare you into staying.

    #6928292

    RobinG
    Member

    Well said ~ hugs ~ thing is abuse is ALSO about brainwashing. He will mess with your head by saying things that arent true because you may believe them and continue to stay out of fear that what he said its the truth. You NEED to report all the abuse, call the cops today! Dont wait anylonger. You are putting your life and your babies lives in danger. The courts will not give them to him unless you are found unfit. A mom who looses her children has a child who is abused by a person and she allows it to happen. They are often arrested for endangering the welfare of a child. Having come from an abusive relationship I can tell you it doesnt stop with the adult, eventually the abuser moves to the kids ~ your kids are not safe because by hurting the kids he can still control you. And the kids witnessing it ~ they are already being abused, emotionally and learning it is ok to abuse. He is lying to you, breaking you is what it is called to bring you down with fear. You need to find a shelter and call the cops and report file a report. Not filing a report is like condoning what he did ~ and I know you dont condone it ~ big hugs to you (((())))

    #6928293

    ShaunaDear
    Member

    I don’t even know where to start. A bit terrified.

    #6928294

    ShaunaDear
    Member

    Not of him, but of losing my babies. Thank you for all the great advice. I’ll see what I can do.. I need to be strong for my kids and myself. It’s time I do something about it. Thank you so much ladies. I’ll try and keep you posted on what is happening.

    #6928295

    RobinG
    Member

    Big hugs ~ we are here for you anytime ~ keep us posted. remember you can only loose your babies if you dont provide for their needs (that includes a safe home environment) ~ only moms who are deemed unfit have their kids taken away ~ judges dont give babies to dads because they make the money, own the home, pay for the bills. He it telling you things he ‘thinks’ are true when in fact it isnt ~ all he will get if visitation rights ~ if the courts dont know he is abusive he will get rights to see them and care for them without you there ~ the only way to prevent that is to file charges and show he is a danger to them as well as you. first step is get to a shelter, file charges and get a restraining order on him ((())) hugs

    #6928296

    HappyForest
    Member

    for all of those in an abusive relationship i would like to share what happened to my best friend last week—her bf is terrible and abusive to her. they have a 3 month old baby. they were having some drinks at their house and he got drunk and started beating and choking her so bad and for so long that the neighbors eventually called the police. when the cops got there they both got arrested and taken to jail. he got charged with battery and she got charged with NEGLECT. keeping your child in a home with an abusive father is NEGLECT and you CAN AND WILL GET YOUR CHILD TAKEN AWAY!!! please ladies leave your abusive me before you lose your baby or maybe your life!!! she is a good mother and now her baby is with her MIL 🙁 all bc she wouldnt leave her bf and now look what happened….

    #6928297

    mayrita
    Member

    Shaunadear: I hope you are okay (and the rest of you strong women as well). Please call this number: National Domestic Violence Hotline at (800) 799-7233 (it’s listed in this forum) and do everything you can to get yourself and your precious little ones away from this man! I do not speak from experience (I have a temper and would definitely do everything in my power to hurt my husband if he ever laid a finger on me – thank goodness though he is not abusive) but I do know many women close to me who have been and let me tell you that these men will TRY to use your children against you. Might even harm them to get back at you. I know it must be scary but you MUST follow through – for you and your children! It will make you a stronger person and your children will learn from you (not him). And always remember, YOU ARE NOT ALONE and THERE IS ALWAYS HELP. Lots of luck and I do hope you let go of this good-for-nothing! You and your children are in my prayers.

    -M

    #6928298

    RobinG
    Member

    Amen! So many loose their kids because they keep them in a dangerous situation..the charge is always endangering the welfare of a child. ((()))

    #6928299

    HappyForest
    Member

    ok i have an update on my friend- she got her baby back but now her and her family are in HIDING from the psycho ex. im not sure what all happened bc she coulnt talk much but please leave before this happens to you!! NOT A GOOD WAY FOR A BABY TO GROW UP1!!

    #6928300

    mayrita
    Member

    omg, happyforest! what a horrible way to live and have a child grow up. I hope your friend gets the help she needs. 🙁

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