Father to be

This topic contains 80 replies, has 56 voices, and was last updated by  maryparrish 2 years, 4 months ago.

Viewing 15 posts - 61 through 75 (of 81 total)
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  • #6928743

    notready
    Member

    So, I talked to my boyfriend and it’s gotten better. Sometimes I still feel like he’s removed from this pregnancy, I see that he’s trying. I think I just needed to calmly explain how I feel. It helped alot.

    #6928744

    Bri
    Member

    2babys-under2 – I’m sorry you are going through this. I’m a SAHM too. I have a nearly two year old, lots of pets, and I’m pregnant with number two. I understand the same routine daily. I wonder if you can’t change it up. My husband doesn’t clean either but he does watch Kekoa when he’s home. He adores his son. But during the day. In the morning we’ll play and eat breakfast. Kekoa goes down for a nap at 12 every day. He knows this routine so there is no fight about it. He sleeps for two hours. That is my time, I shower or take a nap if I need to. I also will clean the things I can’t when he’s awake, such as toilets or anything using harsh chemicals. When he wakes up we try to do something fun together. We go to different parks. We’ll go to play groups. We go swimming. Just something. Something that will stimulate both of us. Is is possible to do that? You can go to meetup.com to find groups in your area. Just going to the grocery and talking to people. I guess my thought is. Yes, you need a shower, daily. It’s important to get dressed and leave the house whether it’s to run to the store or go for a walk. You need to leave the house. Get a routine down with your 1 year old if you don’t already. Once a set routine is in place then you can plan your day around it. Also, if the house isn’t spotless then who cares. Try to clean the important things daily, like the kitchen and family room. So what if there are clothes on the ground in your room. Lastly, talk to your husband about how you are feeling. I don’t mean yell or accuse. Let him know that you are frustrated on how YOUR life is going right now. That YOU need a change. Don’t accuse him of not helping out or being a bad dad cause it’ll just put him on a deffensive. See if he sympathetic to how you are feeling and suggests something. Oh, I know you have the little one on the way, but it does get easier as they grow. Kekoa is 22months and can happily play in his room while I fold clothes. I don’t have to have hawk eyes on him at all times like I did at 1.

    #6928745

    Bri
    Member

    No problem. I’ve gone through the same thing. It’s hard not being around people all the time. Plus, most of my old friends aren’t married and definately don’t have kids. Even at 30+ they are still hanging around bars til the wee hours of the morning. It’s just not my thing anymore. Things change but getting out is definately what did it for me. I needed to leave the house even just for a little while. And, once a month or so I leave my son with his Dad and go get a mani/pedi. It helps.

    #6928746

    Dayzahnise
    Member

    Amanda 2010-most men feel that way at the beginning. Is this his first? My husband was a little scared at first.First he was happy then he got scared and wouldn’t say anything, but when we went to the doctor to get the first scan and he heard the heart beat he couldn’t stop smiling. Just give him time.

    #6928747

    Officegirl
    Member

    Ahhh hello ladies and gents, haven’t been around for awhile last baby 18tmths now, just found out we are excepting another and then there was three. Was a bit of a shock really and I just told Dad and he was like nooooooooooo and then ‘ I am not sure if I am happy or not’ and ‘looks like I am going on holidays by myself this year’ I am a bit hurt by his reaction making me a little scared. Only about 4.5 weeks I guess he has a little time to adjust :/ . Anyone got any suggestions for a bit soother path and making this house a happy one again.

    #6928748

    affrikka
    Participant

    Hey everyone, well, my first pregnancy was unplanned and the father and I had a shotgun wedding within 6 weeks of finding out I was pregnant. (his parents were church goers and he was under pressure to bandaid over the issue and marry me). Anyway..he found it really hard to bond with our son and cope with being married to me..We had another 2 children soon after our first, but he was unhappy with each one. It turns out he was actually physically abusing our first born when he was in his first year (apparently squeezing him to get him to stop crying)..and I witnessed him over disciplining all our children during our 12 year marriage. This was the main cause of our arguments which often escalated to yelling and sometimes physical force towards me on his part. I also noticed over the years that he was always looking for excuses to never be around basically, and I raised our children almost entirely on my own. I often felt like I was ‘chasing’ my husband and constantly urging him to be more involved on a positive emotional level rather than just disciplining them. I was really worried particularly about our oldest son as there was no bond between him and his dad. I eventually divorced my husband and was amazed to date men who actually were interested in me and my children. I am now with a new man and we are 9 weeks pregnant. I certainly am not rushing into a marriage and am paranoid he will be the same as my ex…but so far so good..He asked to come to the Doc’s appointments, he hugs my tummy, he wants to go out and buy baby things already. This morning he kissed my foot when it was sticking out of the covers before he went to work. He makes dinner every night and is always asking if I’m ok. I think he might be in love with me and it actually scares me. I think he’s going to be a great dad.

    #6928749

    mandamay
    Member

    Hey Afrikka, well done you for finding a nice guy after what sounds like a very difficult time with your first husband. Good luck with your pregnancy, and thanks for sharing your story. 🙂

    #6928750

    BunintheOven
    Member

    Does anyone know of any good daddy websites? He’s completely clueless and I obviously can’t explain everything. Any ideas?

    #6928751

    Elsie1989
    Member

    wow, sarah i had something similar with my second child, the possible father told me that if i didnt get an abortion he wouldnt be with me , he called me down he left me, abandoned with no one he threw a microwave and a t.v at me, and he was just plain out mean , so it got to the point where i gave up i told him i would never consider choosing him over my baby and we seperated, i didnt talk to him for a full 7-8 months, theres a possible 2 men to be the father of my child and they both knew this apon my finding out i was pregnant, only 1 of them stepped up and took responsibility, now the second guy who told me to get hte abortion stepped in at 9 months cuz i told him hey im due in a month if u want to be here for the birth u can be, and he was he came down stayed with me and my bf (possible baby daddy) and watched his possible firstborn son be born, now my baby has the guys last name that was there for the pregnancy and didnt care if at all he just loved the baby from day one , and that man though we arent together is still involved in my sons life and is still determined that he is dad, the one that was abusive, loves this baby but is refusing to help in any way shape or form hasnt come to a single court case hasnt shown very myuch interest other then to flaunt him off to his new girlfriend or potential girlfriends and barely rarely sees him, he never had time for him and he doesnt have patients to father him, but when hes around him u can see the love, but hes messed up , so i distance him as much as possble, why not because im angry at the guy even though i am but my own feelings have no part in this, its because i dont want my son growing up thinking thats what love is, thinking thats what a father is, i dont want my son hurt because of my actions or the actions of others, (also the guy refuses to do any form of dna or even remotely give me his blood type so i can find out who the bio dad really is) so as far as im concerned my sons dad is my ex Milo, native boy whos last name my son has, a dad is someone whos going to be there, now he might change (ur husband) but i highly doubt it, if ur alredy showing and babys already moving nad he is not interested then ur marriage is going down hill, ur goingto have to choose ur husband or ur baby, because he will not only resent u but will resent ur child as well, he does not want kids which means right now ur trappig him in a lfie he doesnt want, i hope it changes for all of ur sakes when that baby is born but from experience, ur gonna have to let him go , otherwise ur child is going toget the blunt force of all that hurt and agany and ur childs not gonna end up knowing what a father is or what love truely is, all it will know is disfuntion, and to ur child ur who it learns from so if u stick around and go through it, ur child will do the same when its older or become the same way…

    #6928752

    1HawtMomma
    Participant

    bun dont worry..my husband was clueless too, he wouldnt even touch other people’s children…but when Jana was born, its like he naturally knew what to do…he would bathe her, feed her, heck he took care of her better than i did…thats how u know hes a good dad 🙂 and hopefully urs is great

    #6928753

    1HawtMomma
    Participant

    2 baby under 2…wow momma, sounds like ur going through a ruff time…im so sorry *hugzzz* it must be awfull being treated like that..theres a saying though, if the situation doesnt get bigger, it wont get smaller…so i say u need to sit down and have a talk with hubby..a serious one…lay down some rules..u need me time…if he doesnt want to help out…he needs to get out…and thats that.. hope things work out..

    #6928754

    hug0056
    Member

    Hi everyone, i am now 16 wks and overjoyed tho it has taken a while to come round to the idea of bein pregnant and doing this alone…. im 39 and mother of 2. My partner and i planned to marry and have 1 child as he dosent have any children. This year I miscarried in june at 9 wks, we were both deverstated. we said try again later in the year but i fell pg within 6 weeks. i told my partner our news and was not ready for what i heard…… im not ready 2 be a dad, i dont want it. a couple days later a text saying get rid of it i dont want it. he has not spoken to me since that was 3 months ago, he had ignored all my texts and calls so i gave up and concentrated on me and bubs.. i dont know if he will ever contact me but my heart says i shud let him know bout all thats going on, show him scan pic etc but im sure he can work it out when bubs is due and spose have to wait ans see if he will but im dreading having to see him again as i feel so angry with him for leaving me for being pregnant with his baby. Im ok to bring bubs up by myself as i have my family round me and they are all overjoyed bout a new baby x I feel sorry for him he is going to miss out on all the joy a new life brings.

    #6928755

    SaraMaree
    Member

    I have talked to a few people about the situation that I am in, but they all say just wait til he holds bub, then it will all change. I married my husband just this past weekend. I am currently 17 weeks pregnant. I am also diabetic, which makes me high risk and I miscarried at 8 weeks earlier this year. My husband DOES NOT want kids, at all, under any circumstances. He has made this more than clear. We almost didn’t get married because I refused to ‘do anything’ about the fact I was pregnant. Now I love kids and after miscarrying our first child, would never do anything to stop or harm this pregnancy. I see it as a gift and with my diabetes, I am not going to mess with the blessing that this little bub is to me. My husband was a ‘surrogate dad’ (i guess this is the best way to describe the situation) to one of his close single female friends a few years ago, he was there throughout the pregnancy and when the baby was born he was the sole care giver as the mum was VERY sick and couldn’t look after the baby. This is how I know that he won’t change his mind when he holds our bub, he has been there, experienced it all before and still hates the thought of being a dad. I guess it is made worse because he has been a father already and knows what is going to happen. And even though what he experienced with his friend was very extreme and chances are my birthing won’t be anywhere near as bad, that is all that he knows. But I need him now, I need him in the day to day to help me get through, and I desperately want him to be involved. But if I even mention that I am pregnant (even though it is physically obvious now), he shuts me out and our relationship is back on rocky ground again. I don’t know what I can do to help him deal with all this!

    #6928756

    TinaFreyer
    Member

    Well here I am 37 and pregnant very unexpected. The father and I have known each other for about 3 years but never had anything romantic. He happens to be my new brother in laws best friend. In fact thats how we got together. Him the Best Man me the Maid of Honor. He is not taking it very well in fact the last thing he said was he needed to process it because I refused a abortion. He knew I did not believe in them so I am surprised he is acting this way with me refusing. I guess I just wait and let him process.

    #6928757

    Silvia
    Member

    I see there isn’t really a lot of posts on this forum but i figured i’d leave my message and hope for some feedback: I am 13 weeks pregnant with my first and got pregnant the very first time we slept together. The father took it well at first but suddenly after my 8 week ultrasound his attitude changed drastically – suddenly out of nowhere he accused me of trapping him (eventhough i turned down his gunshot wedding proposal and hesitated moving in together) simply because I made the decision not to terminate the pregnancy…. he had always told me he wanted kids (he’s 34) and was ready to settle down and did not believe in abortion and he knew the OB issues i had in the past and my fear that i would never conceive… still he accused me of trapping him and then asked me for ‘time’ to process… its been a month and despite the fact i have kept him updated he appears indifferent… i know i can do this on my own and i am happy beyond measure that i am pregnant but his out-of-left-field indifference is disconcerning :-/ anyone have any advice??

Viewing 15 posts - 61 through 75 (of 81 total)

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