need to vent

This topic contains 3 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  friendlymum1 3 months, 3 weeks ago.

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  • #10786733

    LillianLilac
    Participant

    I spent last couple of weeks crying and feeling sorry for myself. The reason of this is an argument with my husband’s parents. My husband’s mother was celebrating her birthday last month. We decided to tell about our intention to use services of surrogate mother. I thought they will support us and be by our side. But I was wrong. They were shocked when they heard about surrogacy. They told us that it is unnatural and that we had low morale standards. And of course they don’t forget to tell about religion, which in their opinion doesn’t allow even think about such things. I’ve never had good relationships with my dh mother. There was no support from her after we lost our baby. But I didn’t mind because my dh have been always supporting me. And that was enough for me. But this time I thought they will at least wish us luck. Because his mother talking about children 24/7. Later I’ve got to know that my dh mother had a private talk with him. As it turned out she told him that she thinks I’m the only one who wants to use surrogacy. She told him that I’m a bad influence and how woman can even think about such things. And at the final thing that was like a knife in my heart was she told him I’ve always been not the best choice. I was literally shocked and broken after her words. Now I really don’t know what to do and how to behave when his parents come to us or when we go to their house. I see how his mother looks at me. As if I did something terrible. As if I killed someone. Our relationships with his father have always been okay. Not the best one but he was always nice to me. But now he changed. I think that’s because my dh mother told him bad things about me. I feel so miserable. I feel so alone… My husband tells me he will talk to his parents and everything will be okay. But I feel kind of betrayed. As if I’m the worst person in the world who did something very bad. I really don’t know what to do. I think if we have our surrogacy the relationship between me and his parents will be even worse. I’m scared that they will make him leave me. I can’t say he’s a mama’s boy but she is his mother and she has really great skills in manipulating people. So I’m really lost and I have no idea what should I do.

    #10786735

    LillianLilac
    Participant

    Oh this post turned out to be huge… I’m sorry you have to read all these complaints. I should say that’s only tiny bit of the whole story… I just keep seeing the picture of his mom holding her hand on her chest and crying that she didn’t rise her son such a terrible person(making hints that I made him such a terrible person). I don’t even understand what she wants. How we’re supposed to have kids? When I tried to tell her about adoption she just changed the topic and continued to tell us how bad surrogacy is. So how we’re supposed to give your grandchild?? It seems to me that the only thing she wants is my husband to leave me and find another woman. I try not to think about this whole situation but… I just can’t stop thinking. I’m so sorry you have to read all this. I really wanted to make some positive post about my research on surrogacy. But I couldn’t do any research because of this argument. And I really don’t know if I should search…

    #10788496

    Inkedmom
    Participant

    You’re the one who’s supposed to have carried the child in your womb and you definitely have all the reasons to ask for or want a surrogacy because you, your, hubby and dear MIL know that you didn’t choose the abruption… no one does. It had been her call if it were about her child. It’s not even her son’s call either because he can’t replace you and volunteered to bear the child himself or he is not the one who’s missing out being the biological parent in this whole process. The first requirement for surrogacy needs a proof that nothing else can work or haven’t worked, so definitely you can stage it all if that’s what you MIL thinks. It’s a waste to not have a child and go on with self-pity all life when you can have it with some clinical help. Oh and don’t refrain from telling your MIL she is stuck in 12th Century maybe…. with her kind of perspective to surrogacy she shouldn’t also get an organ if she ever needs it. And please tell your hubby it’s a very personal decision that just concerns the both of you and no one else should have a say in it… if needed the entire thing stays confidential and coveted from the rest of the world including dear MIL.

    #10788526

    friendlymum1
    Participant

    Hi Lillian, how are you? I hope this message finds you in good spirits. I realize the current time seems very trying to you. It really is. But please, stay optimistic. See, the child is your husband and yours. No one else should have a say in the matter. Neither should they be able to disapprove or boss you around. If you wish to go for surrogacy, it is a decision that lies solely with you and your husband. Do not let others manipulate you into thinking otherwise. Moreover, if your husband does love you, which he surely does, he won’t leave you over such a thing. Just keep calm and hold your ground. Everything will work out perfectly. I have you in my prayers.

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